Gandalf snuck into Galadriel's laboratory (where she invented all her potions) and walked over to the "Potion's Cabinet."
Opening it he searched for the one he wanted. Finding the vial he was looking for, he grabbed it.
"Ah. Temporary Insanity. Wait . . . DAMN!!! Empty!" Gandalf mumbled. "Why the heck does she keep an empty vial?"
Hmmm. What now?
Gandalf skimmed the names of the other potions.
Sickness -- Warning: Violent flu-like symptoms for up to two months.
Neutering -- Warning: Temporary impotency for up to six months.
Male pregnancy?
Gandalf pushed that one back a bit.
Truth potion. Hmmm. That one could prove interesting later.
Makes wizards less eccentric potion.
"Hey!" Gandalf protested.
Temporary size reduction of male...
"WHAT???!!!!!"
Wincing, Gandalf pushed that potion aside. Nobody deserved THAT!!!
After a few moments of debate, Gandalf narrowed the choices down to two. Neutering and sickness.
Stroking his beard thoughtfully, Gandalf did eeny-meeny miney-moe.
Actually that's as far as he got before he heard someone coming.
Panicking, he reached in and grabbed a vial and skidaddled.
Just in time too. Because a mere 5 seconds after Gandalf got out the side door (does Lothlorien have side doors), Galadriel walked in the main door.
Seeing the door to her "Potion's Cabinet" open she went over to check it out. Checking all the vials she sighed.
One was missing. One that shouldn't be in just anyone's possession. This was not good.
Yes, one potion was missing.
Unfortunately, it wasn't the neutering or sickness potion as Gandalf had intended.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Luckily, a couple of days later, there was a party.
When, where and why we're not going to tell you because YOU'RE not invited.
So there!
Okay I'll get back to the story.
Chuckling evilly, Gandalf opened a bottle of fine, expensive burgundy and filled several wineglasses while doing a mental tally of who he wanted revenge on.
He came up with 12, not realizing he'd counted Legolas, Haldir, and Pippin twice. So, he pulled the vial out of his pocket and put a little in each of the 12 glasses.
Now, to make sure the spiked wine got to the right people, he delivered it himself, pretending to be all forgiving and like he wanted to make amends.
If the recipients of the glasses had had any brains whatsoever they would have known not to take anything Gandalf offered.
As he handed Pippin his glass of wine Gandalf realized he'd made 3 too many spiked drinks. Muttering to himself in ancient languages that had been forgotten early in the second age, he made his way toward the kitchen to dispose of the 3 extra glasses.
Unfortunately, he was waylaid by Lord Celeborn halfway there and pulled into an utterly fascinating conversation about how to make Mirkwood cookies.
(I seriously have the recipe but have never made them).
Anyway, as Gandalf got into the conversation he set the tray with the remaining 3 glasses of doctored wine down, not noticing when a serving girl picked it up to finish serving the wine.
"Anyway, the recipe supposedly makes 3.5 dozen cookies, but you know how that never happens. I'm lucky if I get 2 dozen out of one batch," Celeborn was saying.
Gandalf nodded, "I can see why you decided not to make them for this shindig. It would've taken a full week." He didn't mention that he'd often seen Galadriel snitch cookie dough and that was probably the reason Celeborn only got 2 dozen out of a 3.5 dozen recipe. "Anyway, hate to run but a wizard's work is never done you know."
Celeborn nodded and strolled off to find another interested listener. (In a crowd where everyone is either drunk or in the process of getting drunk good luck!)
Gandalf turned to pick up his tray. A tray that was now missing, and swore in the black speech.
That was not so good.
Opening it he searched for the one he wanted. Finding the vial he was looking for, he grabbed it.
"Ah. Temporary Insanity. Wait . . . DAMN!!! Empty!" Gandalf mumbled. "Why the heck does she keep an empty vial?"
Hmmm. What now?
Gandalf skimmed the names of the other potions.
Sickness -- Warning: Violent flu-like symptoms for up to two months.
Neutering -- Warning: Temporary impotency for up to six months.
Male pregnancy?
Gandalf pushed that one back a bit.
Truth potion. Hmmm. That one could prove interesting later.
Makes wizards less eccentric potion.
"Hey!" Gandalf protested.
Temporary size reduction of male...
"WHAT???!!!!!"
Wincing, Gandalf pushed that potion aside. Nobody deserved THAT!!!
After a few moments of debate, Gandalf narrowed the choices down to two. Neutering and sickness.
Stroking his beard thoughtfully, Gandalf did eeny-meeny miney-moe.
Actually that's as far as he got before he heard someone coming.
Panicking, he reached in and grabbed a vial and skidaddled.
Just in time too. Because a mere 5 seconds after Gandalf got out the side door (does Lothlorien have side doors), Galadriel walked in the main door.
Seeing the door to her "Potion's Cabinet" open she went over to check it out. Checking all the vials she sighed.
One was missing. One that shouldn't be in just anyone's possession. This was not good.
Yes, one potion was missing.
Unfortunately, it wasn't the neutering or sickness potion as Gandalf had intended.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Luckily, a couple of days later, there was a party.
When, where and why we're not going to tell you because YOU'RE not invited.
So there!
Okay I'll get back to the story.
Chuckling evilly, Gandalf opened a bottle of fine, expensive burgundy and filled several wineglasses while doing a mental tally of who he wanted revenge on.
He came up with 12, not realizing he'd counted Legolas, Haldir, and Pippin twice. So, he pulled the vial out of his pocket and put a little in each of the 12 glasses.
Now, to make sure the spiked wine got to the right people, he delivered it himself, pretending to be all forgiving and like he wanted to make amends.
If the recipients of the glasses had had any brains whatsoever they would have known not to take anything Gandalf offered.
As he handed Pippin his glass of wine Gandalf realized he'd made 3 too many spiked drinks. Muttering to himself in ancient languages that had been forgotten early in the second age, he made his way toward the kitchen to dispose of the 3 extra glasses.
Unfortunately, he was waylaid by Lord Celeborn halfway there and pulled into an utterly fascinating conversation about how to make Mirkwood cookies.
(I seriously have the recipe but have never made them).
Anyway, as Gandalf got into the conversation he set the tray with the remaining 3 glasses of doctored wine down, not noticing when a serving girl picked it up to finish serving the wine.
"Anyway, the recipe supposedly makes 3.5 dozen cookies, but you know how that never happens. I'm lucky if I get 2 dozen out of one batch," Celeborn was saying.
Gandalf nodded, "I can see why you decided not to make them for this shindig. It would've taken a full week." He didn't mention that he'd often seen Galadriel snitch cookie dough and that was probably the reason Celeborn only got 2 dozen out of a 3.5 dozen recipe. "Anyway, hate to run but a wizard's work is never done you know."
Celeborn nodded and strolled off to find another interested listener. (In a crowd where everyone is either drunk or in the process of getting drunk good luck!)
Gandalf turned to pick up his tray. A tray that was now missing, and swore in the black speech.
That was not so good.
