A Time Once Lost
By Perfect Solider 01
Chapter 7 – Link: Resolve
She had dismissed me, sent me away, out of her grasp.
The heavy thought rolled around my head with the rhythm of Epona's beating hooves, never ceasing to disappear or transform into any logical explanation. Everything I had been looking forward to in this new journey had been smashed and thrown back in my face. The hopeful dream I had had of living side by side with the princess was broken, every feeling revolting to contemplate. I had ridden with such anticipation, but now I returned dejected and forsaken.
The border of Faron Woods approached on the horizon and I slowed Epona down to a walk. My destination was presenting itself to me, but the overhanging clouds of the evening sky certainly did not give the most welcome impression. I turned around in my saddle, gazing back at the crumbled castle spires, imagining that I could see Zelda's manor in-between the mountains from where I sat. I wondered whether she would have looked back across the plains when she ascended back to her retreat, but thought it unlikely. Up there she could become detached from reality; she could live without any regret of her actions and continue peacefully, blissfully unaware of the hardship the survivors were left behind with.
I sighed and continued onwards. I would have felt angry towards her, but every ounce of it had been wasted already, and now nothing remained but a cold numbness that exhausted every attempt to feel anything at all.
As I recalled our partings over the years, each one of them had been for a purpose. We had seen each other off with a smile, but now she would not be there when I returned. I had been banished. Every bond we had shared was gone, torn apart by our foolishness. They felt beyond our reach to recover, and we would have to be content in our idiocy.
But I knew these mistakes could not end like this. With every step closer to Ordon I felt more and more on the verge of turning Epona around and racing back to the castle, hoping to catch up to Zelda before she entered into the mountains. I had every inclination to do it, but a voice stopped me in my tracks.
"Link!" she cried, "You've come back!"
I turned my head slowly to face the voice I knew so well, and saw Ilia standing there with a basket in her hands. It was full of small red fruits, and small pink stains marked her clothes. She immediately put it down and ran towards me. I smiled, happy to see the first friendly face I had seen in days. Her eyes had lit up and her lips curled upwards, unable to suppress her happiness.
"Link, I can't believe you've come home! Where did you go? Why are you back so soon?"
"I've done my job now," I said, sliding off Epona's saddle. My feet landed on the soft grass, and I was suddenly aware of how much I had missed the feeling of the earth beneath my boots.
"Are you really coming home?"
"I think so." I smiled again, picked up her basket and balanced it on Epona's saddle. Taking the reins, I walked home to Ordon with Ilia.
"You never sent me that letter, Link," she teased.
"I travel before it," I said. "I was sent back unexpectedly. I'm sure it will arrive in a day or two."
"What did you have to do?"
I sighed. "I had to return something to someone."
"That's it?" She laughed. "You're so mysterious, Link. You never tell anyone anything. There must have been more than that, right?" I shook my head and she laughed again. "What did you have to give back?"
"Something I've had for a long time, something very special that was given to me. But it was not mine to keep. All they wanted was that item back. That was all."
"All right, all right. You win, mystery man," she said mockingly. "It's nice to have you back again." A blushing smile graced her lips as she averted her eyes. I smiled back, but dreaded every step that brought me closer to Ordon.
We carried on and Ilia eventually started talking about other things, dropping the subject of my return entirely. Sometimes I was grateful for her prudence and her inability to pry secrets, but other times I wished I were able to unburden myself of all those things I had sworn to silence.
We crossed the bridge and reached the spring of Ordona. Seeing the small fairies hover lazily over the shimmering rose waters of the sunset, thoughts of Navi suddenly clung to my heart, making it regret all that wasted time I had spent searching for her.
"Ilia," I said. "I need to ask you something important."
We both stopped, the quiet hum of the spring rushing around us. "Yes, Link?"
"What would you do if - " I paused and looked away, gazing sadly at the fairies. "If someone you loved disappeared and then turned up seven years later, having been under your nose the entire time… what would you do?"
Her eyes were wide. I knew the question had shocked her, but I needed an answer from someone other than myself.
"I-I don't know, Link."
"Please, Ilia. Tell me what you would do."
"I would…I would feel very angry, and hurt." She fiddled with her hands, not looking at my face. "I…I would want to know why they hadn't come back sooner…Why, Link?"
"I just needed to know."
"Link, please tell me what's wrong."
"It's…nothing."
"Come on, Link. Something that specific is hardly 'nothing'."
"It happened a long time ago."
"Was this the person you went to see? To give something back to? This is not something happening seven years ago, Link. This is clearly happening right now!" She was raising her voice, the pain of being lied to plainly visible in her eyes. "Tell me what you're hiding! Why can't you trust me?"
"I do trust you, Ilia. There are just - " I stopped. "It's difficult."
"Stop it, Link. I don't want to be talking with you like this."
We stood awkwardly for a moment. Then I started forward, walking into the fairy pool. The water seeped into my boots, filling them with their cool, soothing flow. I held out my hand and one of the fairies rested on the glove of my gauntlet.
"A long time ago, I had a fairy, Ilia. Her name was Navi. I lost her seven years ago and went searching for her, but never found her. When I came back to Hyrule I found Ordon instead. You know from then onwards I lived and grew up in this village."
She nodded hesitantly, silently stepping forwards to join me in the spring.
"But in going to search for Navi, I had to say goodbye to someone else, the dearest friend I had ever known. They gave me their most treasured possession as a sign of our friendship, and I swore that I would return it to them when I returned. But I never went back to them, and now, after seven years our paths have crossed again. They were very upset with me, and now I've come home because they don't want to see me any more."
"Link…"
"There you are, Ilia. That is my secret. Do with it what you will." The fairy leapt off my fingers, its warmth gradually disappearing as my hand grew cold in the brisk evening air. "We should return to the village. It will be dark soon."
Ilia followed quietly and we barely smiled at each other when we reached my house. I handed her the basket of fruit and climbed my ladder, looking back at her as she went around the corner into the village. I thought I saw a thin trail of tears sparkle in the pale moonlight, but it was so fleeting that I could not be certain. I closed the door and flung myself on my bed.
Why had I not gone back to the castle? It all seemed so foolish now. It should have been the first thing I had done, but why hadn't I? I pondered the unanswerable question for a long time until eventually my eyes gave way to sleep. As I slept, Zelda's face haunted my every move as I crept through the dream world. She was smiling one minute then close to tears the next. She ran toward me and then stopped, her figure gradually becoming smaller and smaller, disappearing into the distance.
Everything was blue and white, the same landscape of the skyline that had somehow supported us both the day Zelda turned back time, the day I realised that I loved her.
Suddenly she was in front of me again in the time it took to blink an eyelid. But it wasn't the same. She pushed the Ocarina of Time into my hands, wishing me well on my journey, our childhood farewell playing out inside our adult bodies. Her hands were warm, her eyes dashed with unshed tears, her cheeks red and embarrassed. I enveloped her fingers in my hands, trapping them against the ocarina as I held them in mid-air. We gazed at each other softly, neither of us knowing what to say.
I smiled gently, easing my grip on her hands that immediately returned to her chest, clasping each other almost in prayer. I received the instrument and brushed away her unshed tears with my thumb, my fingers resting on the curve of her smooth jaw-line. She leant into an embrace, her arms wrapt tightly around my back. I stroked her golden hair, never wanting to let her go or the moment to end.
Zelda pulled back, our faces so close that she was all I could see, taste and feel. Every one of my senses felt heightened, as though I existed on the euphoria of our delicate, tender feelings which neither of us knew how to express. Every breath felt like a gentle breeze fresh with the wind's purity; every caress left a numb trail in its wake.
"Promise me you will return, Link." Her voice was melodic but melancholy, as though it was about to shatter into the sobs which I could feel about to burst inside her small body.
"I will never leave you, Zelda." I pulled her close again, her body almost seeming to disappear against me as I held her tightly and shut my eyes
Even though I could taste her scent, and feel the rise and fall of her chest, every inch of her body pressing against me, when I opened my eyes she was gone. I was left with an empty imprint that was invisible to see, but which kept pushing against my skin. I was left alone in that endless sky.
I awoke from my dream, still conscious of Zelda's ghost hugging the clothes that I had fallen asleep in.
Sighing, I thought to myself that that was how it should have been; time should never have been reversed, and we should have said farewell as adults, a pair in mutual understanding and affection. I had left one friend to find another, but I now realised that I should never have chosen them over the other.
Navi had left of her own accord, her task of guiding me having been completed. My own selfish need for a companion had outshone everything else, Zelda included, but everything I had wanted had always been there in front of me. I had been chasing a child's dream, a folly of my own ignorance.
Liberation set me alight. I could not undo the pain I had inflicted, but the overwhelming feeling of repentance urged me to leap off my bed, scramble out of my house, down the ladder and up onto Epona's saddle. We cantered away together, leaving once more with a resolve more fierce than any I had felt before. Impulse and instinct drove me forwards, and I would never cease until the empty space against my skin was full of Zelda's embrace.
AN: Apologies for the lateness of this chapter. Everything seemed to happen all at once these past couple of weeks. But here we are, finally. I really enjoyed writing this chapter, so I hope that everyone liked it as much as I did! Thanks to everyone who reviewed last time, and thanks to all the new-comers too! Please keep up the great support and review again. I'm really looking forward to writing the next chapter, but unfortunately I feel this story drawing to a close soon. But let's not dwell on that thought...
Until the next chapter - Perfect Soldier 01
