Chapter Six
"Broken Mirrors"
2016.05.19
I can no longer stand mirrors. Whenever I look at one, I feel as if the me in there is mocking the flesh and blood standing before it. I simply seem to be unable of getting the illusion of it laughing at my weakness and pointing out all of my imperfections out of my head.
"Look at what you have been reduced to." I could hear a voice whisper in my head, every time I glanced at any reflective surface.
And today something in me finally snapped. I simply had enough of those voices and insulting looks, henceI broke every fucking mirror in my possession.
I did it right after waking up this morning. I just could not bare the thought of having to start another day while staring at my reflection in the mirror of the closet door, which stood right across the room from my bed.
So, while the alarm on my phone was still ringing, I threw the said object at it.
I have no idea how I managed to throw the device that hard, but the mirror shards were flying in every direction. The dark blue carpeting of my room was covered in the shards and the morning sun rays hit them just at the right angle to make it seem as if it had snowed in the room.
Those sharp snowflakes shone so beautifully that I could not help myself but be mesmerized at how breathtaking, yet violent they looked. I felt so calmed by this sight that I wanted to do it once more, just to feel the satisfaction when making it snow again.
While paying no attention to the small sharp objects bearing themselves into my feet, I got out of the bed and walked all the way over to the French windows of my bedroom. Drawing the heavy grey curtains shut, I made the room get engulfed by darkness, preventing the said shards from gleaming again.
The only other mirror which belonged to me was in my personal bathroom, thereforeI wasted no time making my way across my bedroom and into there. That mirror I smashed using a soap dish made of rock, which had been lying on the edge of the bathroom sink.
Infuriated by the fact that I could still make out my reflection in it, I continued to hit the mirror over and over again, until the numerous webs of cracks turned it into nothing more than a mosaic. But that was not enough for me. There still were so many mirrors in this fucking huge house, ridiculing me whenever I glimpsed at them.
So, I exited the bathroom, stepping on even bigger shards than the ones my bedroom was littered with. However, just like before, I felt no pain as they pierced my skin, even though I could clearly see the trail of blood I was leaving on the white tiled bathroom floor behind me.
I could hear my parents banging on the door of my bedroom, their terrified voices calling out to me. Someone was fidgeting with the lock, missing the keyhole more than once due to the overwhelming feeling of urgency.
Feeling the need to hide, I stood in the doorway of my bathroom, weighing all of my options. I closed my eyes, trying to make the cogs spinning in my head turn faster.
The best option would have been to try and barricade myself in the bathroom, but there was no way I would have lasted there only did the door itself have no lock, but there also were no heavy objects I could push in front of the mentioned door.
Like a deer caught in the headlights, I continued to stand there frozen and waited for the dreaded door to open.
The sound of key finally being popped into the lock resonated in my ears.
One spin.
Two spins.
The sound of the door opening was the last thing I heard, before peeling my eyelids open.
First, I saw my mother and father's worried faces as they rushed towards me.
And only then I saw Mey-Rin. She was holding the small silver coloured key in her trembling hands.
As my mother pressed me into herself, holding onto me for dear life, I also noticed the small cuts covering my hands. At that moment, I no longer felt like a mad man with the only purpose of destroying every single mirror in the house, but I was so very painfully aware that all three other people standing in this room thought of me as insane.
The polyphonic ringtone of an old Nokia phone awoke me from my slumber. It was coming from another room and I, unable to resist the overpowering feeling of curiosity, got up from my bed to check if the door separating me from it was locked. Unfortunately, the door did not budge open when I tried to open it.
Shortly, the ringing stopped and was replaced by soft whispering. Even though it was loud enough to be heard from the other side of the door, regretfully it also was quiet enough for me to be unable to make out a single word of what was said.
Disappointed, I returned to the bed and woke up again only when the sunlight had filled the room. I could swear that I only slept for two or three hours at most, and as a result, I was feeling worse than the death itself. On top of that, I was also dying to use the toilet, thus I started furiously knocking on the door.
I must have interrupted something that Sebastian was doing – probably an important conversation he was having, as I see no other reason why he would have walked away – because I heard the footsteps going further away from the door until finally another door closed shut.
Not being able to do anything about Sebastian ignoring me, I sat down on the floor and leaned my head against the door. Only when I was on the verge of sleep, did the door open, causing my skull to loudly thud against the ground.
"What did you want?" The man towering over me inquired.
After I shamefully admitted my need to go to the bathroom, Sebastian let me through without making any fuss at all. However, he did stand right outside the said room as I was taking care of my business.
We ate breakfast silently that day. The few words which we said to each other were limited to the weather and other mundane things. Following that, we did not talk, or even look at each other, but for some reason, it just seemed so usual.
Once I and Sebastian were done with the first meal of our day, the red-eyed man disappeared and I was confined to the tiny bedroom. Everything was just like the previous day, and the day before that day, and so on.
Well, at least I had books. Lots of books. Though they were not my particular style of read, at least it was something to occupy my mind with, during otherwise distraction free time, which I had plenty of every single day.
After few days though, I did start feeling the need of talking to someone. Not just exchanging few words about such trivial things as the weather, which I did not even get to feel for myself. During one of the dinners, Sebastian and I shared I mentioned to Sebastian one of the books I had read in that tiny room, due to this particular sensation.
At first, he was reluctant to delve deeper into an otherwise superficial conversation, but at the end, he gave in. I think the glass of red wine he was having along with his dinner helped him with overcoming that hurdle a lot.
That was the breaking point. After that dinner – due to my great efforts and stubbornness – we began to get closer. If I dare say so myself, due to my extremely submissive behaviour towards him – which followed the said dinner –, I even gained some of the older man's trust. Given, it was not a lot and easily breakable, but it still was a huge achievement for me.
As the days went by, I started gaining more and more freedom. At first, the crimson eyed man would only let me roam the rooms unsupervised if he went down to a convenience store or a kiosk for a few minutes, to buy such things as cigarettes. Later, however, he would leave the door of the tiny room unlocked even if he went somewhere further away, for as long as few hours.
Though, of course, he did not leave any communication devices behind. I found this out the very first time I gained this freedom while searching for the old Nokia which I heard ring few days prior. However, during this great search, I did find something a lot better.
In the other bedroom – the one in which Sebastian stayed – the man kept his drug supply. They were in one of the drawers of the nightstand placed next to the double bed made from dark wood.
After finding it, I decided not to ever take anything from there. Eventually, though, I could not stop myself from taking small amounts, hoping that Sebastian would never notice that something was missing.
That, along with the drugs Sebastian was giving me himself, I was no longer sober throughout the day. Though I did like the feeling, there was one downside to it. I could no longer concentrate enough to read a single book from the still huge pile lying on the floor of the room which I was staying in. It was a real bummer, as I grew to like those books and not being able to read them made me feel as if I had lost a small, yet still significant part of me.
By all means, I should not have expected to get away with that forever. Eventually, Sebastian did notice the missing drugs. And, of course, he became furious.
Truthfully speaking, I did not even have an idea of how I managed to hide it from him for that long.
The only thing I remember from that day is the enraged man jumping me, dragging me out of the tiny bedroom – which had already become my own – and shutting the door behind us.
After that everything got violent. Very violent. And as a result, my memories beyond there get patchy. Though it was not the only reason, as the drugs, which I had consumed that day, helped my amnesia greatly too.
After this whole ordeal was over, I awoke still in the living room. My body was covered in bruises and I loudly moaned out in pain, but Sebastian – who was smoking next to an open window – did not even spare me as much as a glance.
"You know, it was your choice." The crimson eyed man stated calmly after few minutes passed, though he was still facing the window.
I was afraid. I was so mortifyingly afraid of losing his trust, of losing the freedom I had earned and the illusion of safety I had built for myself. But most of all I was terrified of being forced to say goodbye to his gifts.
So I apologized. I could bare few bruises on my body. Especially with most of the wounds, which I received all those weeks ago, about to finish healing.
"I'll give you just one more chance." Sebastian said as if finally affected by my pleas. "But you will have to prove yourself, I don't want to be betrayed again."
And as the man continued to puff out smoke, I agreed. Without even inquiring about the said request I decided to do it. No matter what it was. This fantasy, which I had created for myself, was far more precious than anything else in my miserable life.
AN: So, surprise surprise, I'm updating early! Very early for that matter. Well, it just so happens that I started getting a lot of interesting ideas for other fanfics recently, and now I want to wrap this one up as soon as I can.
However, this does not mean that I will be cutting down on chapters (as my plan always was to end it in 8~9 chapters) or that I will work any less on them, just that I will be posting the new chapters in real time and my update schedule will get really messy. And though I will certainly not manage to finish Weeping Skies this month, towards the end of June it will most likely come to an end.
Well, that's that, but is anyone watching Eurovision tonight? If so, do you have any favourite songs? As I always only watch the finals I have no idea what to expect. I feel as last year was a bit disappointing, so I hope this year the songs are better.
Positive and negative comments are welcome.
