A/N: Woah! A new chapter! How long has it been? TOO long oh my god I am so sorry! Anyways, its my intention to finish this now and end this hiatus thing lmao I hope you're okay since you've been waiting so long ):


It had been four months since Kanda's death and Mei was still struggling with her Innocence. Sometimes at night, she woke up screaming, because she heard him calling for her. Everyone thought that she had lost it. She even stopped talking to Lenalee. She wanted so badly to search for Kanda. She shivered. She was on standby until her Innocence could synchronize again. How many times had she been in the infirmary for trying to force the Innocence? She'd lost count. Hevlaska had refused and she was not allowed to do it again until she found a resolve. But her only wish was to find Kanda. She curled up in her bed when she heard someone arguing outside. She hissed and went out to yell at them, when she found Lenalee and Lavi almost yelling at each other. The second they saw Mei they both shut their mouths and looked like they were hiding something. Lenalee had never been good with secrets. "Could you please just shut it?" Mei was going to threat them with Aiden when she remembered she didn't have him. How annoying.

"Sorr..Sorry Mei! We're leaving right NOW.. yes.. leaving.. On a mission.. without you. Just.. Me, Allen and Lenalee!" Lavi stumbled over his own words and sounded nervous and got a hit from Lenalee who also hissed "shut up" to him. A mission?

"Ignore what he just said Mei.. He's.. Just being stupid.." Lenalee also looked very nervous, and Mei's instincts told her to react. "Just shut up", she left the hallway and went to look for Kumoi. This was too suspicious to be a normal mission.

She found him hiding in one of the never used cleaning cabinets.
"Hiding from your work, I see?" Kumoi jumped when Mei's voice ringed. "Hell.. Hello Mei!" He smiled nervously and dragged her into the cabinet he had remodeled to his own playground. "Don't tell anyone that I'm here!"

"Only if you tell me which mission Lavi, Allen and Lenalee are going to, and why they're acting like stupid fucking rabbits, arguing in front of my room!" She gave him a firm look, which made him sweat.
"I.. I can't, Mei! It's top secret!" Mei smiled.
"Alright, then I guess there's nothing wrong with me yelling where you are in the hallway? I know Reever is looking for you right now", she smiled cleverly. Kumoi couldn't deny that this girl knew how to play her cards right.

He placed his glasses correctly on his nose and gave her a serious look. "I don't want you to react on this.. But.. We heard rumors from a certain Finder. He was once on a mission with you.. And.. with Kanda.. He was in a town that was suspected to contain Innocence, and was sent to investigate. But before he could report to us, he met a man with an Exorcist coat. He asked him if he was sent from Headquarters, but the young man hissed at him and asked what the nonsense about Headquarters were. He was sure he could recognize the boy, but the boy didn't knew any of it.. He have a strongly suspicion that it is… that it's.. Kanda.." Kumoi lowered his head. He didn't feel like looking at Mei's face. "Kan..Kanda!?" She ran out of the closet, and Kumoi knew where she was running to.

"Hevlaska! I need you to try and synchronize me with Aiden again!" Mei was trying to catch her breath because she had been running all the way to the lowest part of Headquarters to get there. She had to reach Lenalee and company before they left.

"What is your resolve?" Hevlaska asked. "I want to find Kanda. FUCKING NOW!" Mei yelled at Hevlaska, still a bit exhausted, with her arms leaning on legs.

"Mei, we both know that your Innocence isn't going to find that resolve satisfying. You have to think beyond your own desires. What would you Innocence want?" Mei was pissed. "Aiden wants to slay demons and I want to find Kanda! And we're both perfectly find with that!"

Hevlaska sighed. "I cannot force your Innocence into you. You know what happens every time we try.."

Mei fell to her knees, trying to stop the tears. They were itching to get out from her eyelids. She had kept it all inside for far too long. Damn it, what a stupid time to be crying, she silently cursed to herself.
"I want to fight.. Hevlaska.. For once in my life I actually WANT that Innocence.. I'm designed to fight. I have no further existence if I cannot fight. If Kanda is really out there.. I am ready to force Aiden into me until I die! I am ready to give up my life for Aiden..AIDEN SURE AS HELL DIDN'T SAVE MY LEG TO STOP ME" Mei sobbed and screamed at the same time, if only Aiden would listen to her this time.

Hevlaska sighed and brought up the Innocence and made it into sword. It was against Hevlaska's politics to do this, but Mei looked determined, and maybe Aiden would be able to see it now. She grabbed Aiden and whispered.
"Aiden, activate". She could feel a strong pain emerge in her arm. She screamed. "AIDEN ACTIVATE!" She yelled once again and everything turned white.
Before she could relax properly she once again felt the pain emerge and arched her back in pain. This was nothing like the pain she had experienced before. This was different.. She could not feel her body being crushed and bones break. She felt like all her energy was leaving her body, and all the numbness that had been eroding her the past months disappearing and her heart aching. No, this was nothing like a pain she had experienced. This was like torture. She screamed and tried to relax her muscles but they weren't acting on her will. She coughed up some blood and heard it hit the floor with a splat. Her head was being pushed together as if in a vacuum and her eyes widened. Was this the end? She couldn't think straight. All she wanted was to fight with Aiden and find Kanda. This was not a time for her Innocence to go against her.
She knew nothing but to fight. She would be lost without her Innocence. She would no longer have a purpose in life. What would become of her if she no longer were an exorcist? Would she cease to exist? More blood scattered out on the floor and she lost consciousness.

Mei woke up with a shock. Her body was aching and she was dizzy. When she looked around she recognized the scenery. The matron appeared.
"Mei, how many times have I told you not to synchronize without an resolve? I know I'm just a mere head nurse, but even I know what's going on down there, when you end up here!" She handed Mei a glass of water.
"But Matron, you don't understand.. I actually want the Innocence with me. I need it. I have to find Kanda!"

The Matron's eyes widened at her statement, and she then fell to the chair beside Mei.
"Mei, there's something I want you to understand. Just because they have a clue, that there is a possibility that they have found Kanda, they can't even be sure; and for you to go out in battle in your state. You haven't fought for what looks like 6 months, and your mind is constantly somewhere else. What if you get distracted and you actually die this time?" The matron look worried, but Mei clicked her tongue at her, and got up from the bed. She was definitely not in the mood for speeches. And just because she haven't fought for 6 months didn't mean she had forgot her techniques?
"I'll find Kumoi and tell him I'm fine"

Normally it was the Matron's job to discharge people from the hospital wing, but she wasn't sick, she was just dizzy after the synchronization, so the matron let her leave without any objections.

After she had confirmed to Kumoi that she was all right, she was finally allowed to go to the dining hall to get something to eat.
"Mei, my lovely one! Where have you been all this time? You haven't eaten much of my food!" Jerry appeared at the stall, with a concerned face.
"What does it matter to you?" She snapped at him, and ordered something to eat. Her appetite was as non-existing as Kanda's, but she couldn't understand how that man could only eat soba. Every time she kissed him after dinner, she could always taste the leftovers, and the taste of soba wasn't exactly captivating.

She saw a free table and sat down, and the demonic aura she was giving kept Finders and exorcist away from her. She didn't want to be down there, and she hated it when people made small talks with her, maybe the hatred for small talks had something to do with her lack of social skills, but she didn't care. That was what she liked about Kanda, neither of them expected there to be small talk when they were together. She remembered one time actually sitting and eating with Kanda, but that was many years ago now.

"Tiedoll, why do you always draw?" Mei looked innocently at Tiedoll's drawing, leaning a bit over him, so she could see it clearly. Daysia laughed while playing football with his bell, and Kanda was cleaning his sword. They probably thought it was a stupid question.

"Mei, it's because I don't want to forget. Don't you think the nature is beautiful?" He smiled, and Mei looked away, a little embarrassed. Being the only girl exorcist in this group, she felt stupid.
"Well, it's not ugly, I suppose.." She corrected her skirt and started looking around.
Tiedoll laughed and messed with her hair.

"We travel all over the world, Mei, you are one of the lucky ones who gets to experience what we call the Planet Earth…"

Oh God, I have started a speech again, Mei thought to herself, smiling at the old man who was still talking about the beauty of everything, before she threw a stone at Kanda, so he would flinch.

Which he definitely did, and that stopped Tiedoll's speech. But instead of the speech, a fight between Mei and Kanda had started. Daysia took Kanda's site, and started cheering for him. They started kicking and picking at each other, and Mei smashed her hand into Kanda's face several times to keep him away, and if she was lucky, then maybe, she could break his nose. It would be a great vision.

Unfortunately for her luck wasn't with her, and she was the one ending up with a sprained wrist. She blamed Kanda for everything, and the other way around. Tiedoll had learned to ignore their arguments, but of course he had to stop them when it came to fighting.

"You are not serious, are you?" Kumoi looked surprised at Leverrier, who just nodded.
"It have been six months since the accident, and it's been four months since Kanda's disappearing, she's somewhat mental stable now – I mean, if you haven't told her about the new investigation about him?" Leverrier smiled devilishly. Kumoi couldn't believe his own ears.
"Of.. Of course I haven't"
He would rather lie than tell Leverrier the truth. Of course he could get fired because of the decision he made, but it didn't matter. He would get fired no matter if he lied or not. Mei was not supposed to know about the new investigation of Kanda's returning.

"Can you get her now? Because then we can start right away, I want to know more about the leg of hers" Leverrier drank the last drops of his tea and stood up.
"She hates me as much as Lenalee does, so I think it would be best if you got her, and send her to the science division" he left the room, where Kumoi stood, torn apart with clenched fists. Should he get her, or tell Leverrier that she was nowhere to be found, and sent her off? No, he couldn't send her away, she didn't have her Innocence, and if The Earl indeed was targeting her, it would be too dangerous, and the risk of losing another exorcist was simply too great.

He went to her room, but she was not there. After looking around in headquarters, he arrived at the dining hall, where he spotted her in the corner alone.
"Mei! You have to go to the science division!" He tried his best to smile and make it sound like it was just a check-up or some news about her Innocence.
"What do they want me?" Mei asked the question Kumoi had hoped he wasn't going to get.
"Who knows? I was just told to get you down there!" He sent her off, and sighed. He hated acting like this, when there was something so serious going on. He watched her as she strolled down the hallway towards the science division. If she had known what was going to happen, she would have sliced Kumoi's neck and run off.


A/N: Thank you for reading! Next chapter will be up as soon as I have proofread it and fixed the mistakes! And I am sorry for minor grammar mistakes, I do not have a beta reader! C-: