A/N: Haven't published in a while, I ran out of ideas. I hope this one is good. So forgives mes, kay? )
Forest Level Seven:
Happy Family Planning and Talking
But if I'm over Kurosaki-kun, then why does it still hurt that I can't be with him?
Rejection hurts.
I know but…
Pain is pain.
No, it is not.
Really?
Yes.
Maybe your not seeing out of normal eyes, Kaede.
I don't want to seem to important but I'm not really all that normal.
How so?
I'm just different from everyone else, in a better way.
You've gotten more confident in yourself.
He he, You think?
Yes. Soon enough… there won't be any need for me.
Kurosaki-kun didn't try to avoid me. He hovered around wherever I went (Renji-sama was doing it too.). It felt good, maybe I fell into a happier place, where I didn't have to worry about anything. I remember what he said in the ambulance. I don't know why but I felt I was responsible for Kaede. She was always defenseless. She was like a little sister. I smiled a little. I want to be Kurosaki-kun's defenseless little sister, so he can protect me from evil.
Even if he'll never love me, being able to listen to be around him is enough. But I feel sort of…trivial. Loving Kurosaki-kun gave me the energy to go though the day. Can it do that even though were just "friends"? Sigh. I don't think it so. That's why I've been feeling so down, maybe if Ayu-chan was here she would have made me feel better and told me there are other boys out there just for me. And I could have spent the whole night crying with her than by myself.
I should stop moping around the place like the living dead (You know what I mean.), and be more useful to everyone. Lately, I've only caused trouble for Renji-sama, Byakuya-kun, Ukitake-kun and even Kurosaki-kun. But even though all that I still only feel sorry for myself. I'm being useless again, I was ridiculous for thinking I was helping anyone. I couldn't do anything right. Even when I meant good I'd do bad. I'm just hopeless.
The first step to "Rejection Recovery" (Or ironically R&R as Renji-sama puts it) is to get away from anything that reminds you that person. Renji-sama said I should list them.
Things I Should Avoid:
1.) Karakura Town
2.) Orange Things.
3.) Lakes.
4.) Hospitals and ambulances
5.) Court of Pure Souls
Renji-sama had a hard time figuring out what an ambulance was but I told him that he didn't need to worry about it. All I could think of was, This is nice. This is really, really nice. Renji-sama doesn't even know that Kurosaki-kun broke my heart, but when I asked him how to mend a broken heart, he told me how to fix those type of hearts without asking questions. I didn't know how to thank him so I started crying. I know I'm being a nuisance but guess I'm so emotionally unstable, I couldn't bring myself to stop.
"K-Kaede…" Renji-sama hesitated to put his arms around me. "If being in The Court of Pure Souls is breaking your heart, then we'll go to Rokungai. Far, far into Rokungai."
"Renji…-sama." I didn't know if I should return the hug. But I did anyway.
He held me a little tighter. "Let's go into the forest. There are no towns, orange items, hospitals or Court of Pure Souls. We'll avoid any lakes we see."
I have never seen Renji-sama act this way. He seemed so worried about me. I couldn't help but hate myself for thinking this was creepy. "Mmm. Okay."
I heard him smile. "I'll see you tomorrow, Kaede."
I can't sleep. I was so busy thinking how fun it would be camping with Renji-sama that I didn't think about the consequences. Before, I got Renji-sama in trouble with Byakuya-kun, I don't want it to happen again. (Byakuya-kun already hates me). But…I couldn't tell Renji-sama I didn't want to go, he's trying really hard to help me. Sigh, I just need someone to talk to. Someone kind, polite, and would listen no matter what (That's not Renji-sama).
I decided I would go to Ukitake-kun's barrack. Ukitake-kun helped me put a lot, I basically owe him my life. I wasn't even thinking when I left sixth squad base. So, as you may guess, I was completely lost in the middle of a place that looks like a giant, circular maze (I saw the map). At first, I decided to go north, it always leads somewhere. But what would I do then, the other squads might get mad for waking them so late at night. What am I to do?
"H-hey, girlie…you lost?" I was so into my thoughts I hadn't noticed the man. I looked around to see where I was. Let's see, Eleven…That rings a bell.
"Y-yes." I know I shouldn't talk to strangers, but these are comrades, right?
He chuckled a little. "Do ya' nud shum help?" It doesn't take a genius to spot the beer bottle and tell this guy was drunk.
I was taught myself what to do in this situation. Try to leave casually without conflict (Rule #56 of KBBoP Kaede's Big Book of Protection). "No, I think I can get it." I smile, "I can't learn anything without doing it myself." I think I set this one up for myself.
"Y-you rully cun't, cun you?" He said taking a clumsy step forward, spilling what was left of his alcoholic drink of me. "Hod you luck it uf I tught you sum syuff?" He said chuckling. "You arr a cyute un."
I shook my head. "N-no thank you."
"Ooh. You arr so polite." He stepped forward, and reached out to me. "Dun be so bash--"
Someone suddenly bashed him over the head. "Damn drunks," he turned to me, "You okay?"
"Ikkaku-kun!" I smiled, "I'm so glad! Thank you."
"W-whoa, Kaede-chan…I didn't think you were a person who enjoyed the nightlife."
I ignored his comment. "Um, Ikkaku-kun, do you know where Ukitake-kun's squad base is?"
"Ukitake-taicho?" Ikkaku-kun looked at me, "They couldn't. I thought she liked Renji, wow, she's impressive. Two at once." He mumbled to himself. (I didn't need to hear it.)
"It's not like that. I just have an important message for him, that's all."
He looked ay me and smiled like he didn't believe me. "Right, well, this way."
Once I got to Ukitake-kun's door, I noticed tat Ukitake-kun has to be asleep, plus I reek of beer (I didn't drink any though!). But, I'm really feeling horrible inside (Plus I get depressed at random times I'm sure it's not my…lady's time.) I need him. I knocked on his door gently. He instantly answer.
"Kaede-chan? What's wrong? You smell of alcohol." He looked at me, "You enjoy the nightlife?"
I shook my head. "No, I wanted to talk." I look at him, "Is that okay?"
"It's not a problem, come in." He said moving out of the door way.
"Thank you." His room wasn't any different than when I first came. The bed looked like someone had just gotten out of it (Kind of obvious.)
"What did you need to talk about?" He said as he handed me a towel to keep warm and motioned for me to sit with him.
I hugged him because I didn't want to look him in the face or let him see me cry. "Well…" I didn't know how to start, so I should tell him the whole story. "There was this boy name Kurosaki Ichigo-kun…"
10 minutes later.
"I see." Ukitake-kun put his arms around me. "You're being very courageous about his." Somehow listening to Ukitake-kun say this made it true. His voice was load and quiet, strong and frail. Cheery yet wise. It was amazing. I wished mine could be like his (except for girls). "Now, we should sleep, it's very late."
"Mmm. Okay."
He fixed up his bed then pulled back the cover, "You sleep here, it's too late for you to go back by yourself."
"N-no, what about yourself?"
He laughed. "I have an extra futon."
"Then I'll use that!"
"No, no." He grabbed me and gently put me to my knees. I got into bed as Ukitake-kun got his extra futon. For a sickly man, he sure is strong.
After few minutes the lights were off and we were supposes to be asleep. But I couldn't get the question out of my mind.
"What's the nightlife?"
