"Mother, I agreed to these occasional dinners with the clear understanding that you would not pry into my personal life unless I am foolish enough to volunteer something."

"Brian, I merely asked what happened with your young man." Joanie protested.

As he pinched the bridge of his nose, Brian definitely felt a headache coming on. "Could you… not call him that."

"Fine." Joanie struggled to remember. "J…ason? No…Jeremy..."

"Justin." Brian gave up. "His name is Justin. Although, what it matters to you, I can't fathom. I told you – we don't see each other anymore."

"And I simply asked what happened." Joanie persisted.

"Jesus - I was too old for him, okay?" Brian finally snapped. "And I fuck around too much. Are you happy now?" They were both aware that more than a few heads in the restaurant had turned their way. Fuck it, he didn't care. He did, however, lower his voice. "Justin decided he'd had enough of both and he left. End of story."

To Brian's amazement, Joanie did not remark on his outburst. "How 'too old' are you?"

"Twelve years."

"I see." Joanie commented. "And which one of you does it bother?"

He hesitated. "Me, I guess."

She looked down at her plate and speared some lettuce. "Is that what led to the other thing that made him leave?"

"Not really… I've always been like that." Mothers – apparently even bad ones, never lose that ability to trick you into something you don't want to do. He could not believe he was having this fucking conversation. It was surreal to say the least and he'd best soon put a stop to it. If he didn't, their little détente would be over before it was well begun. "Look – this isn't something I really want to discuss with you."

"I don't understand why." Joanie objected. "If it doesn't bother me, why should it bother you?"

"I doubt even straight guys discuss their sex lives with their mothers." Brian assured her. "It's a guy thing, not a gay thing. Okay?"

"All right." She shook her head and continued eating. "If you say so."

"Emphatically."

"Fine, I'll drop it on one condition." How had he forgotten how fucking persistent she could be? He raised an eyebrow in inquiry.

"If when you pick me up from Church Thursday night, you'll come in for a moment."

"You have got to be kidding me." Brian was incredulous. "I thought you wanted us to get along? Now you want me to burst into flames?"

"Very droll, dear." She pretended to be annoyed, but was fighting off a smile. "No, I want to prove to the ladies in my group that I'm not making you up. Now I can tell them all about your upcoming trip to France, too. " She put down her fork and picked up her napkin. "And I'm sure that Reverend Tom would like a chance to meet you again. He's been very supportive of our spending time together."

"You don't say." Inwardly, Brian had a good laugh at himself. His inability to make his relationship with Justin work, had left him so pathetic that he was now trying to make one work with his mother. And in his case, that was as bad as it sounded, but in a different way. He knew he couldn't refuse her, however, and was glad that she had silly personal details, to gossip over with her cronies. It seemed to make her a lot happier. "Fine ." He agreed. "… but only for a minute."

xx-xx

"Mom, I just think it's a good idea." Justin had finally called home and broken the news that he wouldn't be back until the end of the summer. "I wouldn't even be able to get a job at home now anyway." He reminded her. "Over here I am at least selling enough sketches to finance my trip for now."

"But Justin, what about school?" Jennifer inquired.

"What about it? It's not like I have to do anything to get ready for it. I'll order my supplies online and have them sent to you until I work out where I'm staying."

"You can stay here, of course." His mother jumped at the chance to have him where she could so easily keep an eye on him – and make sure he was happy. "I'd love to have you."

He doubted he'd be back for school at all, never mind living with his mom while attending, but it was better to get her used to this in stages. "We'll worry about that when I get home, okay?"

"Justin, I don't know even know where you are right now. Are you still in Italy?"

"No, Spain - on the Mediterranean side. It's really beautiful." Well, it was the truth. The part he left out was that his home base was now Montpellier and he had simply driven across the border to the beach for the day, with Andrew and his roommate Cal. They had located a beach where Andrew could look at all the bikini-clad bimbos he wanted, while Cal and Justin could find eye candy too. Mainly they just wanted to get out of town for a little while.

"Spain – oh be careful about the water, Justin." Jennifer warned. "It's not the same as some of the other places you've been. It's a little more…back to basics."

"Mom – I've been drinking nothing but bottled water the whole trip." Justin told her. "I'm being incredibly paranoid, I promise - okay?" It was true; and in fact, it was his reason for being so misleading considering his whereabouts. He had visions of his mother getting on a plane, coming over and dragging him home when he finally announced that he wasn't returning.

"Have fun too, of course." His mother told him. "I can't wait to hear about everything when you get back. Although the emails are nice too."

"I try to get to it once in awhile Mom, but those Internet cafes always have long lines and they charge you a mint for more than five minutes. I'm sorry that they're short."

"As long as I know you're alive and well, honey." Jennifer explained. "You can tell me the details when you get home."

"OK." Justin was getting anxious to go. The last bit about difficulty with emails was a bit on the embellished side since Fiona had a computer and said he could use it anytime. "Listen Mom – I should go. There are people waiting for me." Also true - Andrew and Cal were waiting …at the bar across the street, having supper.

"All right." Jennifer gave up on answers and was just happy he called at all. "Let me know your new flight information when you have it."

"I will."

"I love you, Justin."

"Me too." He responded. "Give Molly a kiss for me, OK? Bye Mom."

He hung up and tried not to feel too guilty, as he rejoined the guys at the table. He was glad he didn't know them all that well. He wasn't likely to be subjected to a bunch of difficult questions about his phone call and why he now looked so depressed. But he could fix that. "Hey, you guys – what say we get out of here soon? I wouldn't mind making it back in time to hit Martin's Bar before the clubs."

xx-xx

Brian had decided that with all the traveling he'd been doing lately, that maybe it was time to have a look at his will. He'd made one out years ago, when he first got the loft and the job with Ryder. It was pretty simple, as legal documents went; he didn't have much at the time, and there were not many he'd been interested in leaving things to.

Now, however, it occurred to him that he had a lot more to leave and a lot more people counting on him. Although he often said he could have done without the latter, that wasn't strictly true - though it did complicate his life considerably. And while he was under no illusions as to how much weeping would be done on his behalf, he knew that his financial support, at least, might be missed if anything were to happen to him.

So earlier this week, he had met with his lawyer and given the document a complete overhaul, as well as appointed a new executor. It had been a tedious experience and, frankly, a little on the morbid side, but he was glad it was finished. Now all he had to do was give someone a copy. He gave a perfunctory knock and pushed open the door in front of him.

"Well…to what do I owe this dubious pleasure?"

"I'm thrilled to see you too, Mel." Brian responded with his usual lack of enthusiasm. "But I need to take care of a little legal business."

"What happened to that guy I referred you to after the harassment suit?" Melanie inquired.

"Davidson? Yeah, I called him. He's good." Brian told her.

"Then what do you need me for?"

"With all the bullshit traveling I've been doing, it occurred to me that maybe my will was out of date and I thought I should leave you with a copy."

"Let me guess…" Melanie laughed. "You're leaving all your worldly possessions to me."

"In a manner of speaking." Brian sat down and handed her the envelope, which she opened. "Since I've made you executor."

"What?" Melanie looked up from the thick document. "Why?"

Brian struggled with how to respond to that, since he liked to avoid saying anything nice to Melanie whenever possible. So he tried to find a way around telling her that it was because he knew she was a fair person, and that he respected her. "Consider it my way of continuing to hassle you from beyond the grave." Was as close as he got. "Look, let's not make this a big deal, OK?"

"Brian…I…" Melanie wasn't sure how to respond to this. She flipped through the document, glancing at names here and there and she recognized most of them. There was a large insurance policy specifically for his mother and sister. A significant chunk of change, along with various personal effects went to Michael Deb, and Vic, as well as to Lindsay. Gus had a huge trust fund that had been started at his birth and which received a sizable portion of Brian's overall insurance policy. There were some lesser amounts for other people, and an IRA account for Justin, as well as... "You're leaving the loft and contents to Justin?"

"Yes." Brian said briskly. "Do I need to offer you an official retainer in order to invoke the whole lawyer/client privilege?"

"What?" Melanie looked up. "No…I just…I'm surprised."

"Well, I didn't come to see what you thought of how I divvy everything up… just if you would administer it." Brian informed her and smiled. "And hey… now it's in your best interest to stick with Linds and Gus – they'll have all the money."

She scowled. "Like I need your incentives, asshole."

"So it's okay?" He asked. "You'll do it?"

She rolled her eyes. "Since you already had it drawn up, and at least you'll have to die before it becomes something I have to deal with – sure, why not."

"Thanks." Brian nodded. "I…appreciate it."

"Wow – that must've hurt."

"A little, if you must know."

"I bet." Mel seemed to be considering something. "Actually… your dropping by now couldn't have been better timing. There's something kind of important I want to talk to you about, but not here. Do you have time?"

"I have another hour or so, why?" Brian asked. "And why not here?"

"Frankly, because you're likely to freak out and I don't want my boss to hear you." She admitted as she stood up and grabbed her purse. "It'll make me look bad, and unlike some people, I haven't made partner yet. So unless you're willing to die in order to ensure your son goes to college…let's go out for coffee."

"Fine, but you're buying."

They left Melanie's building and walked half way down the block to a cafe. On the way, they'd managed to stick to Gus for the interim conversation. That, surprisingly, was a topic that introduced a minimum of sniping. Once they had settled and finished chatting about Gus' latest act of brilliance, Brian brought things back to the matter at hand.

"Ok, here we are – completely out of earshot of anyone who can influence your career in any way…" Brian spread his hand to indicate the empty booth. "So – what's so likely to piss me off?"

Melanie took a deep breath she hoped he didn't notice. "I need to talk to you about Justin."

Brian just started at her, tongue in cheek for a moment. "Now I know you know better than to lecture me about things that are none of your business."

"Trust me, I wouldn't bother." Melanie assured him, meeting his stare. "No, as much as it pains me, I need your… advice."

"About Justin?" Brian inquired, somewhat intrigued. "To hear you guys tell it, I don't know anything about the kid."

"I doubt anyone said that." Melanie disagreed. "I imagine that it was more along the lines of you not knowing what to do with that knowledge. Now, can I ask you about this or not?"

"I am, as they say, all ears."

Melanie went on. "You remember that civil suit we filed against Chris Hobbs, right?"

"I assumed nothing came of it." Brian hadn't really assumed anything of the sort. What he had done was block it out completely since he couldn't think about anything connected to that event without feeling sick.

"Well, to make a long story short, there was a lot of haggling done and they dragged it out forever. Basically, his lawyer didn't want it to go to trial since a jury is less likely to be soft on Hobbs, but they didn't want to cough up the settlement I asked for, either."

"What makes you so sure you'd get money out of a jury, when the fucking judge didn't see fit to punish the bastard?" Despite his resolve not to get upset about this topic, it was unavoidable.

Melanie had not missed Brian's whole body tense at the mention of anything connected with that night, and surprisingly, she found herself wishing she could spare him this, but she didn't know who else to talk to. "Civil cases are different since the burden of proof is often less. Also, everyday people of a jury, at least one I'd pass, can be a lot less politically motivated than a judge. There are things we know now, too; that we were unaware of at the time of the sentencing. Things that show longer term disabilities for Justin that Hobbs should be held accountable for and that also translate more easily into dollar amount compensation."

"Justin is not fucking disabled." Brian snapped. "And I would love to know how it's easy to put a dollar amount on fighting his way from being labeled that, along with months of nightmares and God knows what else. This is bullshit!"

"Hey!" Melanie interrupted. "I know that – okay. It is the worst kind of bullshit, but it is my job to make sure that Justin has to deal with a minimum of it. That means that I have to wade through it instead, and I don't need you to add to the pile. I love the kid too, you know."

Brian let go of his defensive posture and dropped his gaze to his coffee. "I'm sorry."

Melanie wasn't sure which surprised her more, the fact that he hadn't refuted the implication that he loved Justin, or that he'd apologized for the first time in…ever. She doubted he had done either consciously and decided to forge ahead while he was temporarily contrite. "Anyway, here's the thing: they finally settled. We have tentatively been able to agree on an amount and basically they can have a cheque cut by next week."

Brian looked back up. "And the problem with that is…?"

"Justin's absence."

Brian was glad he wasn't having another one of those 'I know where Justin is and you don't' conversations. He'd had about all he could take of feeling like an idiot in front of people who hate him. "Last I heard, Europe had faxes. He can sign and send it back. It's not a big deal."

"That's not it." Melanie explained. "With the paperwork he already authorized, technically I can sign this agreement on his behalf and deposit the money to his account."

Brian simply looked at her, waiting for her to get to the point.

"The issue is that Jennifer isn't sure it's a good idea for Justin to have the money right now."

Brian was confused. "Why not?"

"She's worried about him." Melanie tried to explain it. "Obviously you know his Dad finally anted up for the family's traditional Europe trip, but it was only a month's worth of expenses. She's afraid if he gets this money now…he won't be back for awhile."

"Then how has he stayed there this long? It's already been over a month." As he asked, Brian was almost grateful that Ethan had tipped him off about this, or by dinnertime the entire gang would have been aware of his ignorance on the matter. Lawyer/client privilege probably went only so far and that would be too juicy for Mel to keep to herself.

"Actually, I spoke to Jennifer again just before you dropped by." Melanie told him. "Apparently he's managed by selling a lot of his drawings and doing some odd jobs here and there. He called her today and said he's not coming back until the end of summer now."

Brian felt a twinge at all this news about Justin's life…a life that Brian was no longer part of. "So he extended his holiday – so what? It's not as though he doesn't deserve one and if he's working for it, why should anybody hassle him?"

"I'd agree with you except for the fact that Jennifer's worried he won't come back at all, and I can't say I'm not a little concerned too."

"What makes you think that?" He asked, not sure that he wanted to know.

"He's… not the same kid, Brian." Melanie ventured. "We barely saw him after…well, you know, after. And before you tear my head off, I am not blaming you or trying to pick a fight, I'm just saying - I'm not sure where his head is. His mother wonders if maybe lack of funds won't eventually force him home and she's concerned about giving him the means to stay away indefinitely."

Brian was quiet while he digested all this. "Is it legal for you to stall it?"

Melanie shrugged. "Pretty much. I could claim that I wanted him to go over the documents in my presence before we agree – buy a little more time. Although Justin and I did agreed on a compensation range he was happy with, and this falls into it, so I also have authorization to go ahead. It's basically more of a judgment call."

"I see." Brian acknowledged with his first smile of the day. "So, let me make sure I understand this. You are coming to me…for help with a moral dilemma? Thanks Mel – I needed a good laugh."

"Shut up asshole." Melanie shook her head. "Don't think the irony doesn't make me nauseous, but you're… close to him, and I was hoping you might be helpful in figuring out what's in his best interest."

Brian sobered again. "I don't know, Mel. It's not like I spent a lot of time with him before he left, you know."

Melanie sighed. "I realize that – I just…I have no idea what the right thing to do is and ultimately it's going to rest on my conscience, whatever it is."

"Does Jennifer know you're talking to me about it?"

"Yeah – she thought it couldn't hurt. She actually volunteered to do it herself, but I decided I like her too much to subject her to that."

Ah yes – they were getting back on familiar ground now. Insults were a comfort. "Oh really? Does Linds know about this fondness? I may be gay but even I know Jennifer Taylor is hot. Not planning a conversion are you?"

"Could you not be a prick, for just two more minutes?"

"According to you I'm always a prick."

"Fine, I give up."

"Look, Mel…" Brian got serious again for a moment, as requested. "I don't know that I'm in a position to say what's best for Justin right now. I'll…I'll think about it, okay? I'll call you about it, or email you from the road. All right?"

"Fine." Melanie sighed. It would have to do – God knows she was fresh out of good ideas. And despite what he might profess, she knew Brian really cared for Justin and would probably give the matter serious thought. That was all she could reasonably expect. "When do you go, again?"

"Saturday." He reminded her. "I take it you don't mind if I stop by and visit my son before I leave?"

"Could I stop you?" Melanie ruefully asked, but not without a small smile. "Our son would prefer Friday night, if you don't mind. And Lindsay is likely to feed you, if you arrive by six."

"Not that thing with all the garlic again, I hope?" Brian inquired as they got up to walk outside. "On second thought, that ought to ensure me a seat alone in First Class."

xx-xx

"Well, how did she take it, then?" Fiona asked.

"Not great." Justin admitted. "She mostly pretended that it was fine but it was obvious she's worried."

"Naturally." Fiona exclaimed. "And you mustn't begrudge her the worrying of it. Every mother has that right."

"Fee, you don't even have kids."

"Aye, but I've helped raise more than you've had blinks." She asserted.

"Whatever." Justin laughed. "I didn't need the guilt trip. She'll get over it when she sees nothing bad happens to me and that I can make some money over here."

Fee simply nodded. There was no point in telling him that no mother was ever likely to get over the worrying of a child. No matter how old they got. And she wasn't so foolish as to believe Justin didn't warrant a little worrying, but there was no point in saying so. "On to the rest of your day, then – did you have a good time?"

"It was nice." Justin told her. "I'd like to take a day trip somewhere other than the beach next time though. I was starting to feel like I'd gotten a little too much sun at the end."

"Ah, you're some Irish for certain then. There's few of us with skin that can abide much sun." Fiona laughed at him. "You don't look as though you're too much of a lobster, though."

"No, I was covered in SPF one billion." He made a face. "It was more of a headachy thing. Remind me to take a hat the next time."

"That I will." She nodded "Now then, what'll it be for brunch?"

"Mmm…what country are we today?"

"Marc was inspired by your trip." She explained. "Today we are Spain."

"Oh man, I ate that last night!" Justin laughed. "I guess the Spanish omelet would be good."

"Done." She said. "I think I'll have the same." She turned and bellowed. "Andrew! Two Spanish Omelets and mind you don't get that long hair in it or I'll cut it myself." She waged an ongoing war with Andrew over his hair. Naturally, he kept it in a neat ponytail and it got nowhere near the food, but she was always after him to cut it. Said he had cheekbones to be shown off and that hair did them no justice.

"God, have you been yelling like that all morning?"

"What of it?"

"Andrew must be ready to kill you." Justin told her. "We took him out drinking with us last night, since Martin's had half-price night for dykes. He got completely, slobberingly drunk and I wasn't much better. But I didn't have to get up at nine to come to work, and I slept off most of my hangover."

"Don't be tellin' me he tried to convert the lesbians again."

"He has this theory that they're really all bi-sexual and he might actually stand a chance."

"But he doesn't think that gay men are bi?"

"Nope." Justin shook his head. "Andy's Australian - he's only interested in theories that leave a higher percentage of women available for him."

"Ah." Fiona understood. "What are your plans for the day, Luv?"

"I think I'm going back to the church. There was a sort of gargoyle holding up one of the angels on the outside, that I think today's lighting might really help me capture. It sort of suits the mood. It's an ominous looking thing to have on a church."

"I know the very one." Fiona agreed. "And it's odd to be sure. If you've a mind to see strangeness in a church, you must get to Rennes Le Chateau one of these days." Fiona nodded her head. "Consecrated in the 11th century it was, and full of mystery about the Knights Templar. Doesn't it have a devil holding up the blessed entry font."

"How bizarre."

"Worse yet," She continued. "Over the doorway in Latin it says: This place is terrible."

"What a weird thing to say about a church." Justin was intrigued. "Tell me about it."

xx-xx

"Fucking figures." Brian thought to himself as he waited. "Fetish night at Babylon and I'm stuck in this terrible place." He'd always hated it. Even as a child, when his mother had dragged both he and his sister, while his father slept off his hangover.

Tonight he had come in to make nice as agreed and, after doing so, was asked if he would mind waiting for just a few minutes while she went downstairs to check on some silliness for one of her committees. He had no choice, of course. This was why he was uncertain that spending more time with his mother was a good thing – she could still make him do stuff. He sat down resignedly in a pew and settled in to wait in the now quiet church.

He thought about what he'd do after he took his mother home. He really should go see Mikey. It's not that he didn't want to; actually he missed his best-friend's company. It's just…he wasn't really keen to be around people who could read him very well. The fact of the matter was that he was not in the mood for this trip. He felt the need to finally sit at home and lick his wounds for a while.

He had to accept that Justin had clearly gone on without him just fine. And although he hadn't really left him for Ethan, it didn't make him any less gone. Brian tried to be glad for the kid and was amazed that Craig had sprung for the trip.

If Justin was gallivanting all over Europe, he must be fine. He'd just realized what Brian always knew: The world could be his, but it was unlikely to happen with Brian Kinney by his side. And Justin deserved the world.

"Let me guess…" A voice from behind interrupted his thoughts. "You've been abandoned for last minute discussions of Saturday's Bazaar."

"Bazaar… bizarre. Something like that."

Reverend Tom sat in the pew in front of Brian and turned to face him. "So…I'm not the only one missing fetish night."

Brian snorted. "I'm pretty sure I don't want to know what yours is, Rev."

"I'm not as wild as I look" The man laughed. "You're mother tells me you've been spending a little time together."

"Hmmm." Brian nodded. "I'm still trying to figure out why."

"Because you're a much better person than you'd like to be thought, is my guess."

"Rev, please don't tell me you're a psychology major – I hate those guys."

"Tom – and no, just a minor in it." He smiled. "I hate those guys too, but I didn't discover that until second year, when I switched to Computer Science."

"So why this gig? I mean, you're a bright guy – how do you end up working for God instead of Microsoft or something."

"God's benefits package was better." Tom laughed. "I can't explain it to you, Brian. It just completes me in a way that does not lend itself to words. I like to think that I help people, that I make a difference for some of them and for whatever reason, being needed fills a need in me."

"It's never been my experience that being needed is a desirable thing." Brian said. "Need tends to be followed around by other words like expectation and disappointment."

"So which do you do most of: the expecting or the disappointing?"

"Until lately, usually the latter."

"Ah." Tom nodded. "And that's the way you prefer it?"

"Let's just say I'm used to it." Brian informed him ruefully.

"Well, you're not disappointing your mother these days at least." Tom told him. "She sings your praises every time I see her. If I didn't know better I'd suspect she was trying to set us up."

Brian laughed. "Don't let her find out or she probably will."

"Listen Brian, I…" Tom was unsure how to explain himself. "I'm aware of how hypocritical I must seem to you, and given your troubles with your mother - I feel badly about it."

"Don't." Brian told him. "Your sexual preference isn't any of your flock's concern; unless, of course, you're fucking the sheep."

Tom rolled his eyes but laughed. "Actually, I feel a little jealous of you for not having to hide anymore."

"Frankly, I don't think it's made much difference." Brian told him. "If anything, it makes her more curious about my life."

"So, she's accepted your being gay?"

"Not exactly ready to march with PFLAG, but the stuff she asks!" Brian practically shuddered at the topics his mother seemed to think it was all right to introduce to their conversation. Jesus, and he hadn't even broken the news about Gus yet, although he had decided he would when he got back.

"Driving you nuts, huh?" Tom guessed.

"That is an understatement." Brian assured him. "How does she know how to press every fucking button I have?!"

"Ah, that's easy." Tom explained. "She installed most of them."

Brian laughed openly. He actually didn't hate this guy. Too bad he'd already fucked him – he'd never done it in a church.

"Brian, about your mother…just give her some time to realize you won't disappear and she'll probably settle down on the excessive prying."

Brian shrugged. One could hope.

Tom continued. "As for expectations and disappointments…well I don't have any specific advice for that."

"Don't worry – I didn't come here for counseling services."

"That's okay." Tom smiled. "They're free with the price of admission."

Brian noticed his mother coming up the stairs at the back and stood to go meet her by the door. As he did, Tom spoke again.

"I'll give you my overall, standard, good for all occasions advice." Tom offered.

"And that is?" Brian cocked his head.

"When you're unsure what to do – just do what feels natural."

"This sounds suspiciously like X-rated advice."

"What I mean is…your first instinct is usually the right one. You should go with it more often without analyzing it to death." Tom tried to explain. "God will usually give you signs and if you follow them, you can pretty much just go along for the ride without having to work too hard at it."

"You aren't, by any chance, advocating a basic 'go with the flow' type attitude, are you?" Brian could not believe this.

"More or less, I suppose." Tom considered it and nodded. "Yes.

"Well, not to disparage your professional guidance," Brian said as he began to walk away. " But I got very nearly the same advice from a tarot reading transvestite."

"Marilyn?" Tom exclaimed. "Isn't she great!"

xx-xx

V ~ The Hierophant: This card represents organizations, groups and structures. It's about tradition and ritual, the established way of doing things.

In a reading: You come up against the powers that be, whether corporate, religious or family. This clash of belief systems helps you clarify your own position. A counselor offers unorthodox advice that makes you nuts. Ultimately you make your own decision and find a way to incorporate your ideas into the established structure.