Chapter Seven: Truth and Lies

On the plus side, they finally found the creek. Sodia had nearly dropped to her knees with relief when she heard the trickled water, because at last their days of wandering aimlessly had come to an end. This creek would lead them out, and hopefully soon. It had been over a week since they first left the creek, and Flynn's condition rapidly deteriorated. They'd stopped for the night now, and Sodia had managed to scavenge from edible roots to tide herself over. She couldn't find anything suitable for Flynn to eat, which didn't seem to bother him because he had no appetite at all.

She poked the dying fire with a stick, knowing she'd have to put it out soon. They only had one barrier left and she was saving it for an emergency. Light and smoke would attract monsters in the night, and though the creates of Egothor Forest weren't' typically too much trouble they could be dangerous if they attacked without warning while she slept.

Flynn groaned and she shot her head up. She'd thought he'd fallen asleep again, but he must have woken up.

"'M late for work," Flynn muttered, staring at the darkening branches above his head. He started trying to get up, planting his hand on the ground and pushing up. He gasped when that strained his sprained wrist and fell back down. "Ouch, dammit!"

"Lie down, sir," Sodia said quickly. "Just lie down."

"Can't. Late for work. I have to… finish those papers."

He started sitting up again, but Sodia was at his side before he got far grabbed his shoulders, pushing him to the ground as gently as she could. "You don't need to go to work, sir," she said as firmly as she could. "You are not in Zaphias."

He blinked at her and stared with half-lidded eyes for nearly thirty seconds. "I'm… not?"

She shook her head. "No. We are in Egothor Forest. We were ambushed and you were injured. Your leg is broken and you can't walk."

"…Oh. Right. Yeah, that's what happened. Ok."

He nodded passively and Sodia scooted away from him, trying to remain calm. This was the fifth time this evening they'd had almost this exact same conversation.

"Why're we in Eg'thor F'rest?" His speech was slurred, almost like he were drunk, even though Sodia could hardly imagine Flynn getting drunk.

Sodia closed her eyes and sighed for a second. When she opened them, she tried to keep her voice calm. "We were investigating the Hoplon blastia cannon based on a tip from Mimula Cumore. It was a trap. She sent assassins to ambush us."

"What a bitch."

Sodia hung her head and chewed on her lip. "Yes, sir." His fever had not gone down. In fact, it had grow progressively hotter until pressing her hand to his forehead was like picking up armour that had been left in the sun all afternoon. He was pale and clammy, with cracked lips and spots covering his torso. His abdomen was swollen while his chest shrunk so she could almost see his ribs. His sunken face was constantly tired and since yesterday evening, it had become a steadily rare task to find him in a lucid state. Most of the time he was either sleeping or delirious.

"Sod'a… mind me when get to Za… Zaph… capital, I needa check the vents."

Sodia frowned. "Er… I beg your pardon, sir?"

"Gotta check 'em. Maybe they're broke. An' then the thing witha danny-lions…"

"You're not making any sense, sir."

He turned to her and glared, frustrated that she didn't understand him. "My office is bad an' it needs clean but I can't do it 'cause I'm in a f'rest."

Sodia stared at him blankly, and his frustration turned into agitation. He rambled something else, but Sodia couldn't even figure out what he was trying to say. With an angry sigh, Flynn lay back and glared at the treetops. A stream of unintelligible rambling poured out of his mouth. Sometimes picked out a word, like "apple gels" or "Lady Estellise" or "desk", but couldn't figure out what he was possibly trying to say. Flynn seemed to have forgotten he was even trying to talk to her and happily rambled to the trees.

Sodia rested her chin on her knees and tried not to cry. She had never felt so alone in the woods before. Even when Flynn was asleep, she at least had the comfort of knowing she could wake him up at any time and he would be there. Now, though, the Flynn she'd come to so heavily depend on was gone. He wasn't napping, he had left the building and she never knew when he'd come back. She was truly alone out here, with only a delirious shell of the commandant for company. There was nothing she could do for him, and he was dying.

He fingers tightened around her knees as the word shot through her head. Dying. She hadn't even let herself think it, but she couldn't ignore it any longer. This was not a simple cold he just had to get over or a quick stomach flu. For over a week his symptoms had been worsening and now all he could do was lie there with the hottest fever she had ever seen and waste away. She was certain now that if he didn't get treatment soon, he would die. Sodia felt so helpless sitting here, watching him have a garbled conversation with a tree. She had no way of knowing if he'd even return to lucidity this time. It was entirely possibly she'd already lost her last chance to talk to him when he still had control over his mind, and that thought terrified her. There was still so much she needed to tell him, but there wasn't a point in telling him anything in this state. Flynn might die without her ever having a chance to tell him the truth about Zaude. She didn't know if she could live with herself if she never got a chance to get closure for that.

She had to take a deep breath through her nose to quell rising tears. She had never imagined she might be frightened of Flynn, but seeing him, the man she respected above all else, lying so close and yet knowing his mind was impossibly far away, was the most terrifying thing she'd ever experience. The shadows seemed so much darker, and the night so much colder.

A sudden clarity in Flynn's voice caught her attention. "Sodia… why'm I outside? I wanna sleep in bed. Le's go inside."

Sodia had to hold back a sob. "You can't go inside, sir. You are not in Zaphias."

"W…what? Where'm I?"

"We are in Egothor Forest."

"Oh… Right…"

She rubbed her eyes with her palms. You'll get through this, Sodia. You both will. She'd found the creek, hadn't she? She just had to follow that to get out. If they followed the creek straight, it would probably take at least three days of walking to leave the forest, and then another two or three to get to Aurnion. Could Flynn last another week? He was going to have to, because she would never forgive herself if he died in her care.


Flynn groggily opened his eyes. Through the trees, the sky was a dim blue. Probably almost nightfall. It took him a few seconds to remember where he was, but the constant pounding of his leg reminded him. For all he knew, he could have been asleep for weeks. After a deep yawn, he managed to prop himself on his elbow and find Sodia preparing dinner. A skinned squirrel roasted over the fire on a stick planted in the dirt, and a pot boiled fresh water from the creek.

"Mm… Sodia, what day is it?" Keeping himself upright took a lot of energy and speaking was difficult. His mouth tasted awful and he hoped those berries Sodia had found were for him. He didn't like the idea of putting food in his stomach, but at least they'd freshen his mouth.

Sodia gasped. "Oh! Commandant, it's so good to see you up. It's been three days since you were last… fully conscious."

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You've been… rather out of it for the past few days, sir."

He had fuzzy memories of being awake and rambling about nonsense. Damn, he must have made a fool of himself. His elbow shook from the exertion of keeping himself upright, so he let himself slump back down. "I'm sorry. That must have alarmed you."

"You don't need to apologize. It wasn't you." She poured a handful of berries into a cup and began mashing them into a pulp. "Are you feeling any better, sir?"

Flynn pondered this for a moment, and then tiredly shook his head. "Honestly, no." He had the strength of a rag doll and the war between being freezing and burning up left him exhausted. He didn't know how much longer he'd be able to keep fighting this. The infection on his side didn't feel any better, and this illness was only going to get worse.

"Here, sir." She passed him the cup with berries. "You've hardly eaten in days."

He didn't feel hungry at all, but a glance at his skinny arm warned that if he didn't start eating soon he was going to wind up dangerously malnourished. He forced the entire thing down his throat in one go. The berries were bitter and he nearly gagged, but at least it was food. Sodia took the cup back from him and he briefly stretched his arms above his head, before the strength to lift them ran out and they fell to the ground. "I'm going to have to do a lot of training to get back into condition when I get back to Zaphias."

Sodia didn't respond. The unsaid 'assuming you survive to get out of the woods' hung in the air.

Flynn met Sodia's eyes. "Sodia… I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

"You are clearly not fine." She glared at her knees. "Your illness is worsening and I don't know how I can help you."

"Focus on doing everything you can to get us out of here." And, because Flynn knew just as well as Sodia did that his condition was serious and possibly terminal, he added, "You've done everything you could have. I'd have been dead a week ago if you weren't here. You did nothing wrong." If he died, the last thing he wanted was for Sodia to blame herself. He'd spent the last few days out of his mind, and he had no guarantee that he'd be able to hold onto lucidity for this long again. If there was anything he needed to say to Sodia, he should do it now, just in case.

When Sodia raised her eyes, tears glistened, threatening to fall. "I… thank you, sir."

"It'll be alright. I know you won't give up our dream to reform the empire. I trust you to carry it through, even if… if I'm not there."

She vigorously rubbed her eyes and sniffed. "Sir, please, don't talk like that. I - I don't deserve that kind of loyalty."

"Of course you do. You're my most trusted subordinate. I really mean it, Sodia. I trust you to carry our vision forward because I know you want it just as strongly as I do."

Sodia shook her head. "No, sir. I don't deserve your trust."

Flynn frowned, not sure what that tone in her voice was. Hesitantly, he asked, "What do you mean?"

Sodia took a deep breath and rubbed the last tears from her eyes. "Sir… I… this is something I should have told you a long time ago. I've been meaning to tell you for a while, but it never seemed like the right now. But now… if this is my last chance to talk to you when you're lucid… you deserve to know the truth about Zaude."

His frown deepened. "Zaude…? What in the world does that have to do with anything?"

"It's about what happened to Yuri Lowell when he fell from Zaude. You see… neither of us ever told you the full story of what transpired."

"What are you talking about?"

Sodia swallowed hard. She fidgeted, clenched and unclenched her hands, and glanced around the campsite to look at everything but him. "Yuri… Yuri Lowell did not simply fall from the shockwave of the blastia crashing. He fell because… because I… I stabbed him, sir."

He stared at her, certain he'd misheard due to fever. "E-excuse me? Did you say…?"

"You heard correctly, sir."

He didn't know what to say. He was still half-certain she was going to laugh and say it was a bad joke, even though such a joke was completely out of character for her. All he could do was slowly say, "...Explain."

"On the day of Alexei's death, I followed Lady Estellise and her companions to the top of the shrine to assist her. I arrived too late to be of help, for when I arrived Alexei had just been killed. I saw Yuri Lowell standing alone on the edge of the shrine, separated from the rest by the dust and debris from the crashed blastia. In that moment, I… I saw my chance to get him out of the way. I stabbed him, and he stumbled off the edge."

The world was surreal. What she said couldn't be true, but Sodia would never lie about something like this. He didn't know what to say, or even what to think. He manage to get partially upright again and gaped at her. All he could think to say was, "…Why?"

Sodia hung her head. "Anything I say would be an excuse, sir."

He took a shaky breath. "I don't care; I want to know. Why? Why would you try to kill my best friend?"

"I thought he was a dangerous influence on your, sir. I misinterpreted the situation and thought both that he was a criminal who'd continually escaped justice, and also that his presence was corruptive to your ideals."

"'Misinterpreted'?" Flynn said breathlessly. He shook with exertion from staying upright but he wasn't ready to lie down again. "You attempted to murder a civilian based on a misinterpretation?"

"I recognize that it was a poor decision. Even if Yuri was as bad as I had made him out to be, that still gives me no right to take his punishment into my own hands. I was wrong, sir. I misjudged Yuri Lowell, I misjudged your relationship with him, and I misjudged you. I am… so ashamed of my actions." She couldn't meet his eyes.

"Well, you damn well should be!" he snapped. He could barely believe what he was hearing. He trusted Sodia. The only people he considered himself closer to were Lady Estellise and Yuri. How could she? She'd stood by his side and watched his fear and pain over losing Yuri, for weeks, and done nothing, even though she was solely responsible for putting him in that position. He had come agonizingly close to losing his best friend, and he had his other close friend to thank for it. "What are you even talking about? Corrupting me? In what way would Yuri being around 'corrupt' me?"

"It was so stupid." Her voice was like liquid misery and guilt oozing out of her mouth. "I…I idolized you, sir. When I saw you with Yuri, I thought you were different. You seemed less… less you. You went along with his unlawful exploits and I saw how your resolve shook after conversations with him. You seemed like a different person, and I was afraid that it meant he was tarnishing you."

Flynn felt sick. He was sick, and horribly so, but now he wanted to throw up. It was like being seasick, but instead of waves rocking the world it was a horrifying truth. "That's… I wasn't a different person! Yuri is my best friend; of course I'm going to act differently toward him than I would another knight!" If they'd had this conversation at any other time, he probably would have been able to stay calm. As it was, his tolerance level was lower than the level of his health and he had no energy to spare holding in his fury.

"I know, sir. I know. I've realized that by now. I cannot apologize enough for the awful thing I did."

"No, you can't." His strength ran out and he collapsed onto his back. He paused to pant for breath and then said, "You tried to murder my best friend." What was more, apparently Yuri has decided not to tell him about this, either, so he was also guilty of lying to him. Did Lady Estellise know? He couldn't deal with this stress. He already felt like shit, and now he had this massive betrayal to deal with. All he wanted to do was lie in bed, eat soup, and nap until his fever dropped below 100 at the very least. Now he had to figure out how mad he should be with Yuri, and even more importantly, what he was supposed to do with Sodia. Forgive her? Discharge her? Arrest her and charge her for attempted murder? How could he put her in prison when she was one of his best friends?! Yes, but her near-victim was Yuri.

Damn everything, he couldn't think about this. "Why are you telling me this now?"

"I thought you deserved to know."

"Yes, I do." That came out more angry than he'd intended. "But why now? I deserved to know six months ago!"

"It just… it never seemed like a good time to tell you."

"But now does?! I can't…" he paused to take a breath and wondered when he'd run out of strength to even yell. He felt silly enough shouting at the sky because he couldn't sit up enough to face her. He seethed, "Don't you think I have enough to deal with?"

"Well… yes, sir," she said softly. "But I thought… I thought it might be my last chance. You deserved to know before you… died."

"Don't give me that. What am I supposed to do with this information if I die? You just want to feel better about yourself by telling the truth and are afraid I'll die before you have a chance to seek forgiveness."

Sodia gaped at him, and Flynn almost felt apologetic for speaking so harshly. Almost. He had very little pity to spare for her, and that decreased every time he remembered how painful Yuri's absence had been.

"Sir… I know I have no right to beg your forgiveness."

"You're right. You don't." He was glad he couldn't sit upright now, because he didn't even want to look at her.

"I will accept whatever punishment you see fit."

"Yeah. Right." Don't remind him he had to figure out what to do about her. Deciding her punishment was his responsibility, but he didn't even know where to start. He sighed heavily. "I can't think about this now. I'll figure this out when we get back to Zaphias."

"Yes, sir," she mumbled.

Flynn tried to ignore her for the rest of the evening. He closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep, but all he could picture were hundreds of variations of how the event at Zaude might have gone. What must Yuri have thought? How much pain had she put him through? As his subordinate, Sodia's actions were at least partially his responsibility. His own knight - someone he'd trusted with his life - had tried to kill Yuri. It was like he'd betrayed Yuri himself. Another terrifying thought struck him - had Yuri thought Flynn had ordered Sodia's actions? No, he couldn't have. He and Yuri had their disagreements, but certainly Yuri would never consider that Flynn had actually ordered his death.

…But what if? What if he had, even for a split second? What if he saw Sodia running at him with a knife and thought 'Flynn's sent his knight after me!' Things had certainly been more tense than usual between them during that adventure. He had to stop thinking about this, because it was just too horrible to consider.

He shivered and opened his eyes again because sleep wasn't coming to him. His whole body was miserable and he wished Sodia had never told him the truth. It would have been so much nicer to die without knowing he'd been betrayed. No… I can't die here… not like this. It was too stupid. The commandant of the Knights could not die from a stupid infection picked up in a creek. He imagined how satisfied Mimula would be if he kicked the bucket out here and it filled him with rage. It mingled with the rage at Sodia, and burned so hot it threatened to worsen his fever.

Something moved out of the corner of his eye and his head fell to the side. He didn't see anything now, but he was certain there had been something. He stared into the dark shadows of the trees, trying to find any sign of movement, but they were as still as Sodia sitting across from him.

He kept staring, until five minutes had passed and he realized he couldn't remember what he was looking for anymore. What was… the shadow! Dammit, why had he forgotten that? With rising dread, he realized he was slipping into delirium again. Not now! He had just seen evidence of something in the trees; he had to stay alert. He took deep breaths and tried to hold onto his sanity. He clung to his fury at Sodia, because it was a current, pressing memory and emotion he could use to grip the moment. Anger at Sodia rose through him, and he stared into the woods on high alert.

You are Flynn Scifo. You're in Egothor Forest. Sodia tried to murder Yuri and there's a monster in the woods. He repeated it over and over to maintain his grip on reality. What if he was never able to grab hold of lucidity again? What if his body finally gave out after days of extreme fever when he was still delirious? What if this was his last chance to think clearly as himself and he wasted it on hating Sodia?

He hadn't actually given dying serious thought before now. He'd known it was a possibility, but now that he was here, clinging to his mind and unsure if he'd ever be himself again if he let it slip away, he was terrified. Even if his body held out for another week, did it really matter if he spent it delirious? If it wasn't him… he might be as good as dead in less than a minute. He had never been both so close to and totally unable to prevent his own death before. He desperately didn't want to die, and especially not like this. He was supposed to die on his feet, doing his job and defending his people - not shivering on the ground, too weak to even sit up. He could almost feel his mind slipping away like someone had poured oil into his ears. He was losing his mind but he was too sick to fight back.

All fears flew out of his mind when movement caught his eye and his head jerked around to find what was stalking them. The longer he stared, the less certain he was he'd actually seen anything. That didn't stop his skin from prickling from the unnerving sensation of being watched. That might just be the cold sweat covering his body. Did a branch just crack like something had stepped on it, or was it just his imagination? Sodia hadn't reacted, but then she still seemed deeply engrossed in her own thoughts. Flynn's certainty that something was out there, creeping up on them and just waiting for a chance to strike, waxed and waned with his grip on reality.

You are Flynn Scifo. You're in Egothor Forest. Wait… why was he in Egothor Forest? He should be back in Zaphias. He had paperwork to finish… what was that?! There was something in the trees!

No, stop, shut up! If he had the strength to punch himself in the face, he would. There's nothing out there; you're hallucinating.

Yeah, that made sense… except he couldn't think of a reason that he would be hallucinating. He was sick, wasn't he? How had he gotten sick? His muscles stiffened with fear as he realized he didn't know where he was. It was dark… there were trees… why was he outside!?

In a panic, he asked Sodia what was going on, but instead of telling him she said, "Uh… pardon, sir?"

Frustrated, he asked again.

"Sir, I… I'm not sure what you're saying."

Why wouldn't she answer? This must be why he was so inexplicably furious with her. Wait, no, there was something else…

It wouldn't come to him. Concentrating was so difficult and made his head even more sore than it already was. He didn't know why he was in a forest or when he had gotten him, but there was definitely something wrong. He glanced around the trees, searching for clues, and his heart stopped when he saw something walking toward him. A shadow form, vaguely humanoid but the proportions were all off. It crept through the trees, until he managed to shout and flail his arms to get Sodia's attention. She couldn't understand what he was saying for some reason, but he needed to tell her they were under attack.

"What?!" Sodia leapt to her feet. "Commandant, what is it?!"

He gestured madly to the trees, but when he looked back, the figure was gone. He stared in confusion, but the sudden absence of what he'd been so certain he'd seen just freaked him out more. There had been a shadowy figure there… but then, he couldn't even remember his name, so what did he know?