I'm writing a song all about you

a true song as real as my tears

But you've no need to fear it

'cause no one will hear it

Cause sad songs and waltzes aren't selling this year

~Sad Songs and Waltzes-Willie Nelson


Don't own Twilight, and I never will.

For this chapter, we've got a lot of language, a little violence, not so much sexin' this go around...


Firstly, I'd like to say many thanks to Luv'n Cullen for her constant support, good advice and suggestions, and her convincing me this story doesn't suck.

Secondly, I know it has been forever since I updated. Fortunately/Unfortunately (However you want to look at it) I worked my ass off this semester and didn't get the grade I needed to get back in the nursing program. FML. BUT it means I can update sooner. I'm open to all criticism but seriously this has been the worst week I've had in a really long time. So if you hate this chapter and need to express yourself do it nicely please lol. I can't take much more. But if you want to make me feel better you can leave me happy, nice comments.

Thirdly, thank you for reading, recommending, leaving comments and just being patient with me. I read all comments and it literally makes my day to see a notification in my e-mail that says somebody added my story as a favorite or put me on author alert.


Chapter 7- Sad Songs and Waltzes

~EPOV~

If I had ever stopped and took the fucking time to picture what Alice's parents might look like, it would have been spot fucking on what I saw today. Short. Her dad was a short, stocky guy with a deep voice but didn't say a lot. Not that people talked to me much anyways, especially when they didn't know me. Her mom, though, was just fucking like her; little and hyper. Only, she was nice to me. She invited me in, and even told me to come back and fucking see her again. I knew it was eating the little pixie up, too, and it was fucking hilarious. I guess she didn't know Edward Cullen could be a charming motherfucker if he wanted to be.

Bella's dad seemed to like me, too. He even wondered if I was her fucking boyfriend. Jesus that would be…I don't know if I could do that after that fucking bitch Jessica. Bella's reaction kind of threw me off, too. She blushed and almost looked fucking mad or embarrassed at the thought. I didn't want to dwell on what her reaction meant because I didn't really want to fucking give this up just yet. It was surprisingly nice to have a girl other than fucking Rosalie to talk to. And you couldn't really say you were talking to her, 'cause she would just fucking roll her eyes or spat off something bitchy to me most of the time, except if I really needed her, which wasn't often.

I don't know what it is with these bitches, but they can't stand me. Rosalie and I have a fucking mutual dislike. It's no skin off my back that she thinks I'm a cocky asshole, and she doesn't care that I think she's a bitch. It's just how we are. We get along that way. But Alice, I had never done a fucking thing to her. We almost got along when I first met her, but then a while back, she just started trying to pick fucking fights and being hateful towards me, so I just acted the same way.

I had met Jasper's mom once before. She came out to a show in Montana about a year and half ago, but she's a nurse and fucking works all the time, so she can't come out that often. Plus, she has a little farm with animals and shit that she's got to take care of. She's a nice fucking woman, seriously. She reminds me a lot of my mother. She's real calm and gentle natured like Jazz and has the same light brown hair. He looks more like his dad, though, which has to fucking drive her nuts, considering she divorced his ass to escape him. Poor woman's got a son that looks dead fucking on him.

Her house was decorated in some kind of fucking country western theme. It was the complete opposite of my mother's contemporary style. Jasper's mom had all kinds of barn stars and iron horseshoe-looking stuff hanging up on the walls. She had antique oil lamps and a lot of crocheted things sitting around on the tables. She had fucking brown shag carpet too. I swear to God I haven't seen shag since I went with my mom to look at a house she wanted to redesign. I had to have been seven then. It was completely fucking comfortable in there, though. It made me want to curl up in the worn leather recliner and fall asleep.

Jasper's mom took us on a tour of the rest of her little farm. It wasn't really big enough to call a farm, but I guess in Forks it was the closet fucking thing to one. She had a barn where she kept a few animals. She showed us her chicken coop and her garden. It didn't look like it was doing too fucking good, though, but I wasn't going to say anything. All the goddamn rain was probably drowning the plants.

We had just walked back in the house when my phone rang. It was Bella. I knew it when I heard the ringtone. I couldn't hear a goddamn Weezer song anymore without thinking of her, so I just fucking set it as her ringtone.

"Bella?" I answered.

"Hey, yea, it's me," she said. I don't know what it was about this fucking girl, but everything she did made my goddamn dick twitch. She was sexy as hell in twenty different fucking ways, and right now her voice was giving me a raging blue steeler.

I couldn't think of a fucking reason she would call me, though. What if she just called to fucking talk while she was visiting her dad? Would that be fucking weird? "Wanna come pick me up?" she said.

I wasn't exactly expecting that. "Aren't you having a good time with your dad?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "I was, but he got a call and had to leave, so I was wondering if you would come get me." She waited for my answer and I guarun-fucking-tee you she was biting her lip. I had to shake the image of her fucking teeth pressing into her pouty bottom lip because I was standing here in the middle of the fucking living room in front of Jasper and his mom. I don't think Jazz would invite me back if I pitched a fucking tent for his mom.

"Uh…that shouldn't be a problem. Sure, I'll come get you." I looked at Jazz for confirmation and he nodded. I guess he figured that would happen. "I'm on my way." I hung up the phone and Jasper handed me the keys.

"Edward, was that Bella?" Jasper's mom asked in her sugary sweet twang.

"Yes, m'am," I nodded. I liked her, so I tried to be as fucking polite as I could be.

"Shoot, I guess Charlie had to work again." She shook her head "Well, she can come right on over here and help me get started on lunch," she winked at Jasper.

He laughed. "Better Bells than Alice."

"Ain't that the truth, son? I love your Alice to death, but she ain't got a domestic bone in her little body," she chuckled.

I felt like I needed to fucking defend Bella in some way, but I had never actually eaten anything she made. The only time I knew of her cooking she fucking burnt her hand and the lasagna. I must have looked angry or some shit because Jasper's mom patted me on the shoulder. "I'm just teasing ya. Your woman's alright in the kitchen."

I smiled and nodded at her before I realized what she said. "Wait. She's not my woman."

"No? Maybe one of these days, then." She winked. "Might be a mother's intuition talking, but you sure was in a hurry to get off that phone and go get her." She raised her eyebrows at me. I just stared at her, fucking slack jawed. Was I really in that big of a fucking hurry to go get her?

The thought of a girlfriend made my anxiety level hit the roof. This was fine. What Bella and I had was fine. It was a no strings attached kind of fucking thing. There wouldn't be any coming home and finding her fucking some other guy. Goddamn, the thought of her with another guy could just about send me over the fucking edge anyways, let alone catching them together. I'd kill the motherfucker. If that Mike Newton thought I didn't see what the fuck he was doing, he's crazy. I couldn't help it. I saw his overly touchy hug, and I heard him ask her out. I could almost hear the disgusting fucking things he wanted to do to her. I just did the first thing that came to my mind, besides fuck up his face, stick my tongue half way down her goddamn throat, just so he knew he couldn't have her. What the fuck was I even talking about? It's not like she was mine. I just needed to go get Bella and stop thinking about weird fucking situations.

I drove the five miles in Jazz's truck to her dad's house. This was one of the smallest fucking towns I had ever been to. It was nothing compared to Chicago. The whole fucking town was smaller than my grandmother's subdivision. I wondered if Bella had ever been to Chicago, or past the Western states for that matter. This was completely fucking me. Fuck a girl and not know a thing about her. Usually it didn't bother me to do this to bitches, but Bella wasn't a bitch, and I could feel the fucking guilt creeping in. Besides that, though, I was actually interested in her, which really hadn't happened since Jessica and that worried me. I guess it was ok to be interested in her, though. We could be like secret friends that fucked occasionally. That's a pretty twisted fucking way to look at it, but I don't know how else to describe it.

When I got out of the truck, I lit a cigarette and ran my hand through my hair. My stomach was having that weird pang again, so I figured a cigarette would calm me down some, hopefully. I knocked on the door and casually leaned against the frame. It was worth the fucking wait when she finally answered the door. She had changed clothes and taken a shower and smelled like strawberries. I fucking loved that smell. "Thanks for coming to get me," she said, leaning in and kissing me on the lips. I could get used to this secret friend thing. She tasted like cherries. It made me feel bad for smoking right before she kissed me. I probably tasted like a fucking ashtray.

"No problem," I shrugged, putting my cigarette out on the bottom of my boot. "You ready to go?" I asked. She nodded.

She didn't say much on the way over, which I assumed was just her usual fucking way because she didn't' really talk on the drive from Seattle to here, either. Every few minutes she would glance at me and smile. She rolled down the window and stuck her arm out, letting it bounce in the wind. Fuck me if this girl didn't look hot as hell doing the simplest of things. She rested her head back on the seat and the wind blew through her hair, sending her fucking strawberry scent over me. I wanted to bury my fucking face in her hair. It was clean and sweet and Bella, the way a woman should smell. I just hoped we could make it back to fucking Jazz's house before I lost control and found some back road to pull off on. Her smell was just fucking overwhelming.

By some fucking miracle, we pulled into the driveway still clothed. It's just a damn good thing that was a five mile trip 'cause any further and we'd have put that fucking tail bed to some use. She started up the walkway ahead of me, never fucking glancing back. She was good at this secretive game. You'd have never known she kissed me less than 10 minutes ago with the way she played it. She walked on inside not bothering to knock, but this was probably like her second fucking home or something. She didn't need to.

"Lord, Bella, I'm glad you're here. I need help with lunch 'for Alice shows up and tries to help me!" Jasper's mom hugged her and they both laughed. "Let's go have girl talk in the kitchen while these boy's do their thing." She put her arm around Bella's shoulder and led her into the kitchen.

"We'll be outside mom. Holler if you need anything," Jasper said as they disappeared into the kitchen. He grabbed his hat from the hanger and tossed me mine. I swear he got 10 times more fucking country when he was around his mom. It was kind of funny. I wondered if I changed any when I got around my family. My parents live on the outskirts of Chicago, out in the country a little ways. We never quite got to the point where I said Chic-ayh-go instead of Chi-ca-go. I know hanging out with Jasper and some of these other guys had me picking up their fucking twang, though.

We walked a little ways towards the back of the farm and stopped, looking out over the pond. I took the opportunity to light up a fucking cigarette since I didn't get to finish my last one. I blew smoke rings as we both stared out over the land and towards the trees.

"So how are you and Bells doing?" Jasper asked.

I nodded. "Alright." It's not like we were a fucking couple or anything, but I guess in Jasper's eyes, what we were doing was the closest thing to being one.

"Just out of curiosity," he said adjusting his hat. "How long are you all going to keep this a secret?"

"Uh…well," I said, putting the cigarette between my lips and removing my hat to run my fingers through my hair. "I'm not too fucking sure, actually. I think she's just fucking scared of what Alice will think. I'm not scared of her, but I don't want her fucking mad at Bella or anything."

He nodded and was silent for a moment. "Has Bella told you about her last relationship, yet?" he asked, staring into the water.

I shook my head, "No."

He bent down and picked up a rock tossing it into his hand a few times. "Like I said before, it's not my place to say nothing." I watched as he threw the rock causing it to skip over the water. "I will tell you this, though; it took her a long time to open up and when she did she got hurt… in several ways. Just give her time, Edward. She may just be scared of herself and not so much of Alice."

I took a drag off my cigarette and let his words sink in. How the fuck was she hurt? Maybe, we weren't too fucking far off from each other. If her ex was anything like Jessica, then maybe we were two peas in a big fucked up pod. It sure cut me to the fucking quick when Jessica did that, not that I would admit it to anybody.

He cleared his throat, "As for Ali, do you know why she's not your biggest fan?"

"Could it be my colorful language and charming fucking personality?" I asked sarcastically.

"After that night at the bar when you took Bella home, I asked her what had gotten in to her. My Alice is a little spit fire, but she normally doesn't do stuff like that. Guess what she told me she saw you doing?" He bent down and picked up another rock.

I had no fucking idea. I quickly replayed the nights in my mind when Alice came to the shows. I mainly steered clear of her 'cause it was just too fucking awkward to watch her and Jasper all lovingly staring into each other's eyes and shit, and I definitely didn't go to the hotel room those nights. I didn't do drugs, so it's not like she saw me snort a line of coke or anything. "No fucking clue," I said.

"Well, apparently sometime in April she saw you and one of the barrel racers b b in the back of a horse trailer screwing like rabbits, and uh…doing something else," he laughed, blushing a little bit and sending the rock skipping over the water. "I guess it just shocked her, ya know. Now every time she see's you, I guess she thinks of that."

I tried to remember that night. April….April? Oh fuck, I dropped my cigarette and ground it into the dirt. I barely remember that fucking night. My mother had called me after the show and said she had fucking bumped into Jessica's parents. They were going on and on about how fucking much they loved her new boyfriend and how Jessica had thought he was the one. I went to the bar and got so fucking shit-faced on Johnny Walker Red I don't know how I even walked to a goddamn horse trailer let alone got my dick to function to fuck some girl. I didn't drink because Jessica was happy and in love; I drank because I couldn't be. The bitch had almost fucking ruined me. I put my heart and soul on the line for her and she just shrugged it off.

It wasn't just fucking in a horse trailer that had Alice so bent out of shape, though. The bitch I was fucking got off on breath play. She called it erotic asphyxiation or some shit like that. I was drunk and thought, 'what the fuck, why not,' which goes to show you how fucking stupid me and that girl were. No wonder Alice didn't fucking like me or wanted her best friend to have anything to do with me. I'm sure I looked like a real fucking winner, not only with my pants around my ankles, but choking some goddamn girl while I banged the shit of her, too.

"Shit, I remember that night…vaguely," I said, shaking my head. It wasn't the first time alcohol mixed with self-pity had caused me to do something I wasn't entirely proud of.

"Well, I just didn't want you thinking she was being bitchy for no reason. Alice ain't like that; she normally likes everybody," he shrugged.

For the first time in a long time, I felt like maybe I should explain myself for something that I had done. Maybe because it was Bella's best friend who had caught me in such a bad fucking scene and was obviously looking out for her friend's best interests, or maybe because I just didn't want to be associated with shit like that anymore; I wasn't sure, but I might have to apologize in the future, or at least not call her a bitch from now on. That might work.

My phone vibrated. It was a text from Bella.

I think Jazz's mom is on to us ;)

I laughed to myself and texted her back. The woman was very observant.

I think your fucking right.

It really wouldn't be half fucking bad to have someone besides Jazz in on our secret. I hated that it had to be a secret. It had been such a long time since I found a girl that didn't deserve or ask for a fuck and duck, and now I had to hide her. Don't get me fucking wrong, sneaking around was sort of a turn on, but it got, and would further get, fucking annoying. Maybe if I made things a little less fucking hostile between Alice and me, Bella would feel more comfortable with other people knowing. Fuck, I don't know. I guess it wouldn't fucking kill me to be nice to the little midget once in a while.

After a while, Jasper went to pick up Alice, and I sat in the living room flipping through the fucking channels. It was nice not really having to do anything. If we weren't driving to a show, we were getting ready for one or taking care of the horses. Or we were fucking waiting, which was a thousand times worse. Every once in a while it was just nice to relax and watch mindless fucking television. I started watching Wheel of Fortune and couldn't help but yell at the people that were playing. "No, you dumbass, D's already been guessed."

I heard a giggle and turned to see Bella covering her mouth with her hand. "Something funny?" I cocked an eyebrow.

"They can't hear you. You know that, right?" she giggled. "Here," she said walking over and holding out a glass to me.

"What is it?" I asked, smelling it.

"It's sun tea. Jasper's mom made it. It's a southern thing," she said winking at me. "I had never had it till she made it for us years ago, but it's really good. Thought you might be thirsty," she shrugged.

"Oh yeah," I took a sip of it. "It's fucking great. Thanks for bringing it to me."

She turned to leave. "You can…uh…stay and sit with me if you want. Watch these dumb fuckers on t.v. lose."

She bit her lip, "Well…I want to but…Alice will be here soon, and I should probably get back and help Jasper's mom finish up. Take a rain check?" I nodded. I had made up my mind. I was being nice to Alice even if it meant I would have to bite my goddamn tongue in half. If it would make Bella more comfortable, I would do it.

As if on fucking cue, Jasper walked in the front door with Alice bouncing behind him, and Bella disappeared into the kitchen. Jaspers mom came out drying her hands with a dish towel.

"Well, hey there Alice. 'Bout time you got here," Jaspers mom said smiling, walking over and giving her a hug.

"Hey, momma. You need some help in the kitchen?" she asked.

I snorted. Shit, I was supposed to be nice to her. She shot me a mean glance, and I just turned my fucking head and ignored it. I could do this shit.

"Oh, uh…sure honey. We could always use an extra set of hands," she said, looking a little red-faced from the anxiety that was likely to cause her.

A few minutes later, we heard a fucking dish break and somebody yelled "shit!" Jasper looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "Mine or yours?" he asked.

"Ten fucking bucks say's it's yours," I laughed.

"You're on."

What the fuck did I just say? Did I actually just brand Bella as fucking "mine?" It was terrifying but exciting at the same time.

Jasper's mom poked her head around the kitchen door. "Jazz can you get the first aid kit in the bathroom. We've got a bleeder in here."

"Who's bleeding?" he asked, getting up from the recliner.

"Bella," she said, disappearing back into the kitchen.

"Goddamn it," I said, reaching into my back pocket for my wallet.

He laughed. "Keep it. I bet Alice caused it."

After a while the girls came out bringing lunch, and fuck me if that wasn't the best looking food that I had seen since fucking Christmas. It was completely down home southern cooking too, which was fucking funny since we were about as north as you could get in the states. Jasper's mom and, well…Bella had gone all out; chicken and dumplings, mashed potatoes, the fucking real kind, deviled eggs, green beans, biscuits, and even a fucking blackberry cobbler. Food isn't normally my thing. That's more Emmett's territory, but I was about to have a literal goddamn orgasm from it. I was sick of fucking take out and fast food.

I noticed Bella had several band aides on her arms. When she caught me staring she shot me a look that said "Don't even fucking ask," so I focused on spooning some more fucking food on my plate.

"So, how come these are so fu-…uh, yellow?" I asked, poking my chicken and dumplings with my fork. I hadn't heard Jasper's mom swear, so I was trying to watch my mouth around her. "You put food coloring in it or something?"

Jasper chuckled. "It just means their fresh," his mom said smiling.

"So what does that mean?" I eyed Jasper, looking back to his mom. "Like it was never frozen or something?"

I heard Alice huff and ignored her.

"It means," Jasper said, "that it was alive this morning and now were eatin' it." He smiled taking a drink of this tea.

"Huh." I thought about it a second. I never hunted or any of that shit, and I sure as fuck never killed my own food. I wasn't really sure how I felt about it but didn't feel too fucking negative because I still ate it. "Well, it's really good," I said, shoveling another bite in my mouth.

After lunch, we offered to help clean up, but she fucking waived us off and told us to go have fun. I just wanted to fucking sleep, though, after eating all that food. Fuck fun. But when the girls said they wanted to swim when we got back, I perked up a little and so did my dick. Even though I had already seen Bella naked and knew exactly what she looked like under her jeans and t-shirt, it didn't mean that I would be any less turned on if she had a couple fucking pieces of fabric covering her up.

We all went to change. The thought of Bella naked in her tent just ten feet from mine was driving me fucking crazy. I wanted to be in there, "helping" her. When did I become so fucking horny? Ok, well I've always been like that but, fuck, I can usually keep my cock in line. I couldn't explain it exactly. Maybe it was the "secret lovers" thing that made this weird relationship we had going on so intense. Maybe it was just her.

I remember when I first fucking saw a picture of her. It was when I had just started riding with Jazz. I hadn't even met Alice yet. He had just got back from Ocean City. He and the girls had driven down for a few days, and when he came back, he had a bunch of fucking pictures of their trip on his computer. He was letting me and Emmett look through them. I was just barley looking because they were of the ocean, and I'd seen the fucking ocean before. One picture caught my eye, though. It was sunset and there was this girl, long brown hair down on one side of her face, which had gotten a little too much sun. She was looking out at the ocean and didn't even know Jasper had taken the picture. She was fucking beautiful, and it made me a little jealous actually that she was with Jasper. Later I found out though that it wasn't Alice; it was Bella.

I was fucking relieved even though I didn't know Bella and probably never would. It just made me feel better knowing she wasn't fucking Jasper. It was kind of odd that I fucked her this morning, though, and would hopefully do it again tonight.

I didn't bother taking my shirt off. I just slipped off my jeans and pulled my trunks on. I forgot my fucking shoes in Emmett's Jeep. I just had my boots. I bet I looked really fucking cool wearing swim trunks and Justin boots together. I grabbed my phone, sunglasses, and cigarettes from my bag and walked out of the tent the same time Bella did. She looked me over and saw my fucking boots and laughed. "Nice," she said.

I cocked an eyebrow. She was wearing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. "How am I supposed to see your tits with all those clothes on?"

She blushed. I fucking loved that blush.

She opened her mouth to say something but didn't get the chance. "What do you think Bells?" Alice came and stood in front of Bella in a red two piece bathing suit (if you could call it that) that had Texas printed across the ass. She turned around and shook her ass at Bella.

"Does Jasper like it?" she asked.

"Of course I do," he said, coming up behind Alice and wrapping a towel around her. He winked at us. "They ot'ta make the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders wear these." I rolled my eyes. This whole keep my mouth shut thing was going to be fucking harder than I thought.

Jasper called it a swimming hole but it looked more like a lake to me. It was actually pretty fucking nice out there. It had a pebbly beach and clear water. Our ponds back home in Chicago always had fucking scum in them. Not that we swam in ponds or anything because my parents were members of the country club. I personally thought it was a little too fucking cold to be swimming, but I wasn't going to be a pussy and not swim.

I set the fishing poles down and bags of bait and tackle. I'm no fucking fisherman, but when I saw Bella with the pole in the store and Jasper and Alice with theirs, I had to get one, too. I couldn't be the only motherfucker not doing it. Even though it seemed to me that jacking off would be a better use of my time.

I lit a cigarette and watched as Alice and Jasper splashed around in the water. I was really surprised to see Alice so into the whole fucking nature thing. Sleeping in a tent, fishing, and now swimming in a 'swimming hole'.

"You coming in?" Bella asked.

I nodded. "In a minute."

"Okay," she said smiling. She kicked off her shoes and unbuttoned her pants. I couldn't help but raise an appreciative fucking eyebrow when she stepped out of her shorts. Her shirt covered the bottom part of her bathing suit which gave the illusion she didn't have any fucking bottom on since all I could see was her legs. Goddamn erection. This was going to be the day from hell. I could tell already. She pulled her shirt off and tossed it at my feet. Fuck me. It was black with white polka dots and was so tight, her fucking tits were about to bust out of the top. I ran my hand through my hair and pulled. It would be so easy to reach out and run my hand over the fucking swell, or better yet, just rip the goddamn thing off and fuck her right here on the beach.

She turned and sauntered towards the water. Before I realized what I was doing, I was right fucking behind her, cigarette still burning, and shirt and boots still on. She was knee deep in the water when she turned around. "Edward," she laughed. "What are you doing?"

"I…don't know?" I shook my head. I looked down to see the tips of my boots in the water. What the fuck was I doing?

"You don't know?" She cocked an eyebrow and smiled mischievously. She leaned down and before it could register with me what she was doing, she fucking splashed me…and not just a baby splash. She fucking soaked my ass.

"You fucking splashed me?" I said, taking my wet and limp cigarette from my mouth. She shrugged and bit her lip. I shook my head and she began backing up deeper into the water. "You got my cigarette wet. Girl, you're gonna get it now," I said, pulling off my boots and walking into the water after her.

"Edward," she warned, with her hands up in front of her. "Don't do it!" I shook my head and kept walking towards her as she was backing away. "C'mon, I won't do it anymore. Smoking is bad for you anyways."

"Okay," I nodded. "I won't splash you."

"Really?" she said.

"Fuck no," I laughed and splashed her, completely drenching her face and hair. The little bit of makeup she did have on was now smudged up around her eyes and running down her cheeks. She was still fucking hot, though.

She wiped the water from her face, further smearing her makeup. "Alright, were even!" she said, laughing. "Are you happy now?"

"Almost," I said, wading over to her. I cupped her cheek with only the intentions of cleaning the smudged fucking makeup off her face. When I looked at her, though, and our eyes met, it was like somebody threw a fucking 220-volt plug into the lake. My chest swelled and my whole body tingled, but I couldn't fucking pull away from her to save my life. I had felt this before but not quite so intense, and all I knew was I was in fucking trouble.

I noticed she wasn't looking at me anymore but over my shoulder. I turned to see what she was staring at. Alice and Jasper were watching us. I dropped my hand from Bella's face and stepped back. Fucking great. I was racking my brain trying to come up with something to say to get my ass out of this mess with both Bella and Alice. Alice just kept staring at me. Jasper was looking at anything but. I didn't know what to fucking say…that I was fucking Bella and I was afraid I might be in…love with her? Love. Fuck that. I didn't have to say anything, though, because there was a splash of water, and I looked up to see Alice dripping wet.

"Bella!" Alice yelled and took off through the water after her.

I just stood there, stunned as fuck about the several things that had just happened. Was Alice really so easily distracted that she couldn't see what was going on between Bella and me? What the fuck was going on between us? I knew what I felt, and whether I fucking wanted to feel it or not, it was there…with goddamn bells on. Regardless of it, though, she hadn't made the first move to tell me that this was anything other than a sexual fling for her. It had only been two weeks for fuck's sake. I wasn't sure what the fuck I was going to do about it. What if she did want something more? Could I even do that? Jesus Christ, I was working myself into a panic attack. I needed a fucking cigarette.

"Edward…are you alright?" Jasper asked, breaking my inner hysteria.

"Uh…yeah," I said, running my hand through my hair and patting down my soaked pockets for cigarettes, remembering I put them in the bag with the tackle, thank fucking God. "I'm fine," I said, walking towards the shore "I just need a minute."

"Well, I'll just leave you with your thoughts then," he winked and started walking down the bank towards the girls. Fucking perceptive Jasper, I guess he thought this was fucking hilarious. He probably planned this shit.

I sorted through the bag, found my cigarettes, and lit one. I needed to talk to someone about this. I went over the list of the people I knew in my head. Mom and dad were out first and foremost. I mean, they have kept their marriage together for fucking ever it seemed like, but I just couldn't talk about this to them, not after Jessica. I couldn't talk to Alice, obviously. Jasper maybe, but he's too close to the situation, and I really didn't want my ass kicked if Bella freaked out on me. Emmett I could possibly talk to, but I sort of needed a fucking girl's advice. There was really only one person left who had the same attitude and emotional stability as me. Fucking Rosalie Hale. I needed to talk to her.

I'd known Rose for a while and, though the majority of the time we didn't get along, I knew she would help me out if I ever needed her to, and she wasn't a gossiping bitch, either. She'd keep whatever I said in confidence. It was probably one of her better fucking qualities. I'd talk to her when I got back next week or call later. I would just try and ignore what I felt a few minutes ago. Maybe it was just all that fucking food I ate making me have a weird feeling or some shit. Love. No fucking way.

I wasn't going to fucking think about it anymore. I threw my cigarette and grabbed the fishing pole and all the shit that came with it. I was going to fish and not even fucking think about Bella. Okay, that wasn't going to work because she was probably still running from Alice on the other side of the lake by now, but I would fucking try. I found a tree to sit under and started attaching the bobber and sinkers. Then tied the fucking hook in a knot and baited it. I seriously doubted that there were going to be any fish in this general area because of all the fucking splashing we had just done, but I didn't care, I cast out anyways. I just needed something to focus on that didn't scare the shit out of me.

I leaned my head back against the hard trunk and closed my eyes, but all I could see was Bella. Her fucking smile and the way she bites her bottom lip. How fucking sexy she looked in the truck with the windows down, the wind blowing her sweet strawberry scent to me. I smiled to myself. If I had followed through with my first instinct today, I would have pulled over on an old road somewhere and fucked her in the tail bed. If we couldn't make it into the back of the truck I would have threw her in the backseat and made her scream my fucking name. Shit, we'd have to fucking do that and soon.

"Hey," she flopped down beside. "Getting any bites?"

I jumped. I was so engrossed in my dirty thoughts, I didn't fucking hear her come up. She was out of breath from all the running and leaned her head back against the tree.

I was opening my mouth to answer when I noticed her knee was scraped up. "What happened to your knee?" I asked.

"I fell when Alice was chasing me." I narrowed my eyes at her. Alice just better be fucking glad she was a girl. "No, it's funny really. So as I'm running, I trip over this tree limb. Alice didn't see me fall, and she ended up tripping over me."

"That's funny I guess," I said, even though I didn't think it was that fucking funny.

"That's not the funny part. When she fell her bathing suit top ripped in the front and now her boobs are completely hanging out," she said, laughing.

I laughed too. It would be pretty funny to see Alice panic stricken because she popped out of her ridiculously tight bathing suit and her fucking tits were on display.

"Can I fish with you?" she asked.

"Sure," I shrugged. "Let me fix your pole for you."

"Edward," she rolled her eyes. "Thanks, but I know how to tackle and bait my own fishing pole."

So much for not thinking about the 'L' word. Why did she have to be the only fucking girl I have ever met that wasn't afraid to put a worm on a hook? Don't ask me why, but I found that to be really fucking sexy.

I reeled back in since the pole had been out for probably 10 minutes without so much as a fucking bite. My goddamn hook was gone. "What the fuck?" I yelled. "I double knotted this shit!"

"Here," she took my line and started wrapping around a hook about a dozen different fucking ways. "You can't just double knot it Edward."

She handed it back to me and smiled."Uni-knot. That fish better have a knife if he wants that hook off."

"How'd you learn to do all that?" I asked. "Most girls are clueless about this kind of stuff." Actually, I was pretty fucking clueless, too.

She shrugged as she attached the bobber. "My dad likes to fish and he used to take me when he got time. Alice and I fished a lot growing up, too, before boys and makeup and all that shit. I still don't like putting the worms on the hook, though." She grabbed a leaf and picked up the worm with it. She made a face as she threaded it up and around the hook. "Poor slimy bastard," she said. For some reason, I think I liked her using a leaf better than her fingers.

She sat back down beside me and cast out.

"Edward," she sighed. "Where do you see yourself in ten years?"

The question took me off guard. "Fuck…" I ran my hands through my hair. "I don't know."

"Ok, well, where do you see yourself five years from now?" she asked, sitting her pole down and turning towards me.

Where did I see myself in five years? Shit, where did I see myself in one? The fucking rodeo was just so unpredictable. I could be gored by a goddamn bull tomorrow or trampled by a horse and be a vegetable the rest of my life. I couldn't just give it up, though, not yet. The idea of a nine to five desk job made me want to fucking puke, and I couldn't exactly see myself married with 2.5 kids and a golden retriever.

"I guess doing the same thing I am now…including my fuck buddy," I winked. Fuck, why did I say that? I immediately regretted referring to her as a goddamn 'fuck buddy'. I ran my hand through my hair. "Ugh, you know what I mean." She wasn't a fuck buddy and I knew it, though I wanted to convince myself otherwise.

She was quiet for a moment, and I looked over at her to try and figure out what the fuck she was thinking since she always kept me guessing. She was chewing on her bottom lip and playing with blades of grass. I was afraid maybe I had really fucking hurt her feelings or something. "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I asked, trying to break the awkwardness I had just created.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I only asked because I thought I would have had more to show at twenty-two. I mean Alice has Jasper, and she'll get accepted into her fashion school soon and probably end up in fucking New York. You and Jasper are completely successful doing the whole rodeo thing. I just thought I would have at least decided on a career by now."

"I'm sorry," she looked up at me. "I didn't mean to vent. I'm thinking too much," she smiled.

"Don't be sorry," I shook my head. "Bella, none of us have fucking shit figured out either. Well maybe Jazz does, but I sure as fuck don't and I'm older than you. Emmett doesn't know his ass from his elbow and Rose just wanted to get away from her fucking dad. We're all just kind of floating in the fucking wind here."

She nodded and smiled. "We're still young. We've got loads of fucking time. I do like the idea of Bella the editor wearing pencil skirts, though," I said with a smirk. Actually, I'm not sure I liked that idea anymore. If she bent over and some mother fucker looked at her I'd probably beat the hell out of him.

This time I heard somebody walking up behind us. "Ya'll havin' any luck?" Jasper asked, squatting down next to us.

"Hell no," I said sitting my pole down. "Those damn girls scared all the fish away," I said with a wink.

Bella laughed, "Excuse me? If I do recall, you were involved in the splashing too, Edward."

"Whatever you say baby," I said, chuckling.

"Bells, can Alice wear your shirt? I can't fix her top and I've got her squattin' in the bushes so nobody sees her."

I laughed. I couldn't help it, which made Bella laugh too. "It is pretty dang funny," Jasper chuckled, shaking his head. "I wasn't the biggest fan of that bathing suit anyways. It's a little to revealing, especially now."

"Sure, she can wear it," Bella said, nodding her head in the direction of our abandoned clothes.

When Jasper came back, Alice was trailing behind him a little red faced. I couldn't tell if it was from all the running or if she was pissed because she couldn't fucking swim anymore in her hoochie suit. Either way, I didn't give a fuck, except that we all ended up going back to the campsite. I was surprisingly enjoying my fucking time fishing, personally.

The evening went by pretty smoothly. Bella and I sat on opposite sides of the fire, as to not draw anymore fucking attention to ourselves. I hated this feeling I had. It was like an itch in my throat. I wanted to fucking sit next to her, but a dozen different reasons were holding me back. I had done my fucking part today and hadn't done or said one nasty thing to Alice. Hopefully, Bella would see that I was trying at least.

After Alice and Jasper had gone to bed, I thought maybe I would pull out the charming motherfucker in me and put him to good use. I grabbed a blanket from my tent and walked over to the fire where she was sitting. "Bella, you wanna go for a walk with me?" I asked, holding out my hand for her to take. The light from the flames danced across her face making her look peaceful. It was almost a shame for her to leave when she looked so fucking beautiful sitting there.

"Sure," she said, taking my hand. "What's with the blanket?"

"Uh…I thought we could look at the stars," I shrugged.

"Stars, huh? Sure you aren't just trying to get in my pants," she teased.

"Bella, I'm fucking shocked. I would never try to get in your pants." I said mock indignation. "Besides, it's not always like that with me." She eyed me skeptically. "Alright, well I'd never say no to you probably, but it's not my intention to fuck you on this cold hard ground tonight with mosquitoes biting my ass…unless you wanted me too, of course," I added, flashing a half grin.

She licked her lips. "We'll see."

You would think that with it being late at night that it would be kind of creepy, what with all the bears and wolves and shit out here, but it was peaceful, really, and quiet. We walked across the meadow and over to the lake, hand in hand. I couldn't remember the last time I had actually held hands with a girl, probably in high school with my whore of an ex-girlfriend.

I walked over to the edge and spread out the blanket. We had been pretty fucking lucky today, weather wise. It hadn't rained once, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky, making it easy for all the fucking stars to shine through. I sat down on the blanket and motioned for Bella to join me.

"I love it out here," she said, looking up into the sky. "You forget about how pretty the little things are when you live in the city, like the stars or lightning bugs."

I was silent as she stared off into the sky. She was so fucking beautiful it made my goddamn heart hurt. How could I have let this happen? Where was my fucking red flag that said "too close to the girl, dumbass? Back away!" Sure wasn't when I had my dick in her and was being my usual careless fucking self.

"There's the little and big dipper," she said, laying her head on my shoulder gesturing towards the twinkling lights. "And that's Virgo, my birth sign." She pointed towards the western sky.

I had no idea what I was looking at. It just looked like a bunch of fucking stars to me. "What the fuck am I looking at here, Bella?"

She giggled. "Newton's sell astronomy maps for tourists. I looked at them a lot over the years, which is how I know all this shit. I'm not some sort of astronomy buff or anything." She took my hand and traced the outline of the constellation. Her hand was small and warm and all I could think about was how smooth it was and how her fingers were only half the size of mine, but how it was a perfect fit all the same.

I leaned us both back on the blanket and she laid her head on my arm. This was not Edward fucking Cullen's style at all, but for some reason, it was with her. It just seemed right. She fit against me perfectly, in more than one fucking way. I needed Rose's advice on what I should do. I couldn't trust my gut instinct anymore.

We were both quite for a while, lost in our own thoughts.

"Have you ever been in love Edward?" she asked, looking up into the sky.

I laid there for a second and thought back to my first love, if you could call it that. "Once," I said. "Or at least I thought I was. Turned out she was a whore." She just nodded but something in her expression told me she could relate. "What about you?"

It took her a moment to answer, too, like she was thinking it over. "Me too. Funny how people you once loved can turn into douche bags and whores so quickly."

I chuckled at her comment. "So, you wanna tell me about the douche bag?" I asked. I was pretty fucking curious, actually, since Jazz had brought it up more than once.

"If you tell me about the whore first," she countered, sitting up on her elbow.

It wasn't a story I was fucking dying to share, but I really wanted to know what was so fucked up about her last relationship. "Well, I dated this girl for a few years. Thought it was love. We even tried the long distance thing after high school. I came home to Chicago to surprise her one day, though, and she was fucking somebody else…literally, fucking somebody else on her parents couch."

"You have got to be fucking kidding me? She cheated on you?" She giggled.

"Why is that fucking funny?" I asked. I was starting to get a little defensive. This was my least fucking favorite thing to talk about and she was laughing at me.

"No, don't get mad," she said. "I'm just floored at how stupid the bitch was to cheat on somebody as hot and good in bed as you." She winked.

"Oh," I ran my hand through my hair. Way to jump the gun there Cullen. Wait. Hot and good in bed?

"So does this whore have a name?" She inquired.

"Jessica." I replied. I hated saying her name. It was worse than any fucking curse word in my book.

"Well, Jessica doesn't know what she's missing," she smiled. "You did let her ride longer than eight seconds right?" she said with a grin.

I rolled my eyes. "What about you? Tell me about the douche bag." I said, turning over on my side and propping myself up with my elbow.

She sat up and took a deep breath. "Jesus…this is kind of embarrassing." She looked at me out of the corner of her eye.

"You don't have to be embarrassed around me. Fuck, having your girlfriend cheat on you is pretty goddamn embarrassing," I said.

"Well, I've got one better." She stopped and bit her lip before continuing. "We were friends pretty much our entire lives. His dad, Billy, and my dad are best friends, so we used to run around in our underwear together and play house. He tried to get me to go out with him forever, but it wasn't until about a year ago, though, that I finally gave in and decided to date him. At first everything was going great. He just liked to drink. I mean, we all like to party, but he could just take it to another level."

She was obviously fucking uncomfortable. I couldn't see her blush with just the light from the stars, but I knew she was. She ran her hand through her hair and laughed nervously. "So one night, Alice and I were going to a movie and for some reason I had to have the sweater that I left at his apartment. We stopped by and I went up stairs to get it. I knew he wasn't there. He had mentioned going out with his friends or something. Anyways, I used my key to get in, found my sweater and was walking out of the bedroom when the front door opened." She shook her head and took a deep breath. "He walked in with some skanky bitch hanging off of him, obviously drunk. So I asked him 'Who the fuck is that?' and he told me not to worry about it. I don't remember much of it because I was so mad, but I do remember that the girl walked out, we started screaming at each other for what seemed like forever, and then he hit me."

I could feel my fucking blood boiling as I squeezed my hands into fists. "What's the motherfucker's name?" I asked between clinched teeth. I needed a name. I would track the piece of fucking shit down and break his goddamn neck.

"Jacob…Jake, whatever." She said.

"Jacob what?"

"Edward it doesn't matter-"

"To fuck it doesn't matter Bella. I'll teach him to fucking hit my-a woman." I ran my hands through my hair and pulled. I had done this so much lately I was surprised my fucking hair wasn't falling out. Bella was quiet as I pulled out a cigarette and lit it. I took a long soothing drag. "What his name?" I asked again after I calmed down minutely.

She sighed. "Jacob Black." I nodded, that's all I needed. "But Edward, look. Don't do anything stupid, OK? Believe me, that night when I went back to the car and Alice saw me, after I begged her not to go up there or call the cops, she called Jasper. I don't know where he was, but he got to our apartment six hours later with bandaged hands. Apparently he beat the living shit out of…Jake. I haven't seen him since that night. Alice and Jasper went and got my stuff, and I didn't tell my dad because I didn't want it to mess up his friendship with Billy."

I remembered that night. Jasper had left before he even went out and performed. He told me to ride with Emmett because he had to take care of some family business. I needed to remember to thank Jazz the next fucking time I saw him and figure out what this Jake motherfucker looked like. But as far as I was concerned, anyone with the name Jacob Black was getting his ass kicked until I was for sure I had gotten the right one. I sat there for a minute thinking about where this asshole might live and how I might accidently bump into him soon. I didn't realize I was completely ignoring Bella in the process.

"Shit, I shouldn't have told you that. You probably think I'm some stupid, helpless pity-case now." She hid her face in her hands.

"Bella, I don't think that at all." I tossed my cigarette and took her wrists, pulling her hands away from her face. I cupped her chin and pulled her face up to look at mine. "I would never fucking think that about you. You're not helpless or pitiful, and you're certainly not stupid. You're the ultimate girl. I've seen you get on a fucking mechanical bull drunker than hell." She gave me a pointed look. "You can bait your own hook even!" She giggled. "If anybody is fucking stupid, it's that bastard that lost the best thing he'd ever fucking have because he drowned his ass in alcohol and couldn't keep his dick in his pants."

"Thank you," she said giving me a warm smile. "You know, Edward Cullen, you put up a good front, but I don't think you're the asshole you let people think you are," she added, bumping my shoulder with hers.

"Just don't fucking tell anybody," I said.

"Look," she pointed towards the sky. "Shooting star. You have to make a wish, Edward."

"You make it," I said.

She closed her eyes and scrunched up her nose like she was fucking concentrating on something. I had to fight back a laugh, but it was fucking cute at the same time.

"Ok, done!" She smiled.

"So are we going to stay out here all goddamn night and be tick food or do you want to go back to the tent and see if you can go longer than 8 seconds?" I waggled my eyebrows.

"Race ya!" she said, jumping up and taking off running.

"Fuck Bella, don't run," I said, grabbing the blanket and following after her. "You'll break your fucking leg and I'll have to carry your ass.


A/N

How bout I just say update soon?

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone! Have a safe and happy time where ever you go. I'll try and get out my mini depression from school, and update faster haha!