Chapter Seven:
my talk with the devil
-He who took away her childhood, her virginity, her sense of safety and fairness in the world"
― anonymous
"Cat I really wish you'd talk to me." my mother says, as she gathers my laundry. "One second you love pink, and then you're wearing stuff like this." She says as she picks up one of my chokers.
I glare at her, and take the choker from her hand.
She cocked an eyebrow, her face tense. "What happened to you?"
"Nothing mom." I shrugged. Why did it matter anyways? It wasn't like she could do anything. No one can do anything.
She placed the laundry basket on the floor, and sat down on my bed next to me. Her face was red, and she was staring at me questioningly. "Caterina, baby, I can see it in your eyes that you're hurting. Sweetie what happened?"
"Mom I'm telling you nothing happened!" I groaned, throwing my head back. "Can't you just drop it and go?"
She paused, hurt crept onto her face. "Why do you always do this?"
"Why do you act like you care?"I shoot back, anger racing through my body. "You honestly think talking to you is going to help me? I'll be dammed If it doesn't make me even worse."
She never cared. Ever. The whole "Your brother is sick, and we don't have money" is complete bullshit. She's never home! She's always out with her friends, or getting her hair and nails done.
It's almost as If she waited for something bad to happen to me, to actually care, more like pretend she does. I don't know if she's doing this for sympathy, or something other crazy shit.
"You're grounded." she screamed, storming towards my TV and unplugging it. "Give me your phone."
"No."
Her eyes widened. She was furious. "Test me Caterina. Do it. If you think you hate me now, you have a whole lot coming.'
I threw my phone towards her and turned away.
"You're a very rude girl." She said sadly. "You have a cold heart."
::
Hours passed, and I needed my phone. After what happened to me, I just need to make sure I have it at all times. In case something happens to me again. I don't want to get hurt again.
I slowly began to walk down the hall to my brothers room.
He was looking out the window, but he was holding something that looked strange. My eyes widened, when I notice it was one of my dad's cooking knives.
"Ty what are you doing with that?"
"I see you pway with it sometwimes, I just wanted to be happy like the way you are after you mwake yourself bweed."
He said slowly, as he turned around.
My hands flew to my mouth at the sight. He was bleeding everywhere. His neck had a long red line going across it, and his cheek, and arms were all cut up.
What had I done? I did this to him. I'm a monster. I'm just like them.
"No Ty, you shouldn't do this. Ever! Ty please don't ever do this again!"
"Catty?"
"What's wrong Ty!?" I screamed, running to him.
"I-I don't feel too good." and then he dropped to the ground.
What I had done to my brother hurt like nothing I've ever known. I was frozen. I didn't even realize my mom had run in, hearing the commotion and called 911. I didn't realize until was being pushed out of the way, so that they could lift him onto a gurney.
I didn't even realize he had seen every time. He saw what I did to myself, and now he was doing it.
My little brother, the only thing that gave me hope was on his way to the Hospital because of me.
My talk with the devil was now sooner than I though.
::
I'll never forget the first glimpse of my brother on his hospital bed. I know he was my brother, but it didn't feel that way. he had tubes running into his nose. His lips were white, and his skin was pale. The doctor said he had lost too much blood.
I look at my brother and see a little boy that can barely move, and breathe. The machines keeping him alive were beginning to annoy me, their stupid beeps. Maybe he would be better dying, maybe he's in too pain and he'd just rather die.
I leaned over him, looking directly at his face. His eyes fluttered open, and he smiled.
"Why are you crwying Catty?" He managed out. " I don't want you to be sad."
My eyes swelled up, and the tears began to fall. " I'm crying because I don't want to lose you."
"I dwont want to either Catty." He said, as a tear fell from his cheek.
"Then Don't." I cried. " Please don't."
"Never bwig sister." He said, and he coughed. "Never."
And in that moment the world stopped, and the only thing I could hear was the sound of his flatline.
I imagine me and brother three years ago, happy and smiling. It is so peaceful and it feels almost unreal, but then he starts to dissappear and reality sinks in.
I killed my brother.
A/N- I have a website now. It's sites dot google dot com slash site slash officialryadoll slash home . Subscribe to it please! Don't forger to review and vote on my profile! Love you all and Thanks for The Feedback!
~RIP to all of those who passed in the Connecticut shooting.~
