Chapter Seven

(Song in this chapter is "Tough to Be a God" – with one alteration – from the movie "The Road to El Dorado".)

Emily gave Flynn and Tulio colorful robes with matching feathered headdresses. "Now, put these on," she commanded, "You must look presentable for the feast! Your public's waiting." They began stripping off their clothes, and the other girls and I stared at them wide-eyed. I could even feel my mouth drop open slightly at the sight of their muscles.

"Do you mind?" Tulio asked looking at us.

"No," Meg said shaking her head, her eyes on Flynn. Danny gave us a meaningful look and it suddenly clicked. "Oh! Oh! Oh!" We all gave nervous chuckles as we walked backwards to the door.

"Right," I said clearing my throat, heat creeping up into my face, but I couldn't tear my eyes away, "Uh, excuse us." My hand fumbled for the knob behind me, but I managed to get it open. Meg and I ducked out of the room, and Emily followed us.

"Bye," she said winking at them before shutting the door. She turned to Meg and me and smiled. "Okay, I'll show you girls down into the ball room. Eee! This is going to be so much fun!" she exclaimed leading us down the staircase.

On our way down, we passed by tons of doors with shrunken heads, most of which said, "Do not disturb."

The farther away we got from the tower room, the dizzier I began to feel. I leaned against the wall for support as I blacked out….


Siren blinked and was confused to find herself in some sort of stone building, and she was right behind a woman wearing purple and a zombie bride in a corridor. Where the hell am I and how the hell did I get here? she wondered staring around her. The two women before her kept on walking through the hall, and she decided to follow them so that she may find out where she was.

"This is going to be so much fun!" Emily exclaimed glancing back at the girls, "Meg, Aralyne, you will surely enjoy the parties tonight and tomorrow night!"

"Parties?" Siren inquired staring at the zombie with her scarlet eyes.

Emily just nodded, but said nothing more. They eventually made it to their destination.

Down in the ball room were hundreds of different monsters going about their business and Siren stared at them in wonder. Now this is my kind of get together, she thought with a slight smirk. In one corner stood a skeleton mariachi band playing Spanish music as Dracula went around passing out little pamphlets.

"Take an itinerary," he said giving one to Siren, who stared down at it in confusion, "I have personally designed a spectacular schedule of events, all leading to my daughter's birthday extravaganza tomorrow after the Gods' ceremony."

"Sir, sir, sir!" cried out a suit of armor running towards Dracula. He stopped and saluted to the vampire. "We have an urgent plumbing issue."

"Plumbing?" inquired Dracula, "On it. Mr. Ghouligan!"

A zombie dressed as a maintenance worker slowly made his way to Dracula and the suit of armor groaning.

"There's a clogged toilet in room 348," the suit of armor explained to the zombie. Then a giant hairy monster nearby roared and shrugged its shoulders. Siren looked up at him impressed. Perhaps she could find some use of these monsters.

"It's okay. We all get stomach aches, Mr. Bigfoot," said Dracula with a smile. Mr. Ghouligan, the zombie looked down at his plunger in despair.

Suddenly about a dozen or so puppies burst through the front doors of the castle, and ran around the ball room creating a raucous.

"Hey, kids, reel it in," said a male wolf coming into the building with a pregnant female wolf beside him, "You're only supposed to make Mom and Dad miserable." A werewolf or the Big Bad Wolf? Siren thought eyeing the wolves.

One wolf puppy was biting on Dracula's cape, and the vampire said lifting up his cape, the puppy still clinging to it, "Now, now, is that any way to behave? This is a hotel, not a cemetery."

"Sorry, Uncle Drac," the puppy said around the cape. Dracula released the cape, and puppy ran off.

"Drac! How are ya?" the male wolf inquired as he and his wife made their way to the vampire.

"Wayne, my old friend!" Dracula exclaimed in delight.

"Couldn't wait for this weekend," said Wayne the werewolf, "Always great to be out of the shadows for a couple of days."

"The family looks beautiful," said Dracula, "Let me just clean up their filth. Housekeeping!"

Witches on broomsticks suddenly appeared flying around the ballroom. With their magic, they cleaned up every little mess the werewolf puppies had created.

Siren, Emily, and Meg then watched some of the puppies scamper towards the front doors where a couple of zombies were bringing in tons of boxes. A zombie tripped over a puppy, and sent his box flying. A head suddenly rolled out of it, and Dracula caught it. Siren watched on in fascination.

"Frankie, my boy!" cried Dracula with a smile, "Look at you! Still traveling by mail, Mr. Cheapo, huh?"

"It's not a money thing," the Frankenstein head said in exasperation, "I have a plane phobia, okay? I mean, at any moment, those engines could catch…."

"Fire!" Wayne the werewolf finished for him, "Yeah, yeah. Fire bad. We know." Dracula suddenly frowned and shoved Frankie's head into Wayne's arms before running off.

"Augustus, Porridge Head, come on!" he cried to a couple of zombies who were trying to set Frankie's body pieces in order, "Does that look like Frankenstein's head?"

What really caught Siren's attention was Dracula's cape rising on its own accord. Apparently she wasn't the only one to see this because Wayne said, "Hey, Drac, buddy, what's going on with your cape there?"

"What do you mean?" Dracula inquired before jumping and screaming as if he had been poked. "Who pinched me?"

A pair of glasses floated in the air, and shook as a new voice spoke. "Guilty. You're irresistible."

"Yes, very amusing, Invisible Man," said Dracula with sarcasm. Invisible Man, huh? That can seriously come in handy, Siren contemplated. "Hello. Great to see you." Dracula, Wayne, and Frankie all started to laugh.

"Never gets old," said the Invisible Man before taking off his glasses and slapping the vampire. Dracula then tried to hit the Invisible Man, but apparently missed. "Miss me." With each strike, the Invisible Man said, "Missed me, missed me, missed me."

"Okay, you win," said Dracula reaching into his cape and pulling something out, "Hold this bacon."

"Why am I holding bacon?" inquired the Invisible Man, but then he was attacked by the werewolf puppies. Siren had to hold back a laugh. How she loved to see others in pain! "No! Get 'em off!"

There was, yet, another commotion over at the front doors. A great amount of sand blew into the ballroom, before turning into a fat mummy.

"Here comes the party!" the mummy shouted out sliding down a sand pile and stopping before Dracula.

"Hello, Murray!" cried out Dracula.

"Drac, what's up, buddy?" said Murray the Mummy as he tried giving Dracula a hug, but the vampire dodged.

"The sand, Murray, the sand!" Dracula said in irritation, "Always with the sand."

"Cute," Meg mused, causing Siren to turn and watch the werewolf puppies slide down the sand pile.

"Wolfie! Wanda! Frank!" said Murray to the other monsters. He took Frankie's head from Wayne and screamed at it. Frankie then screamed back. "I love this guy!" the mummy said hugging the head, "He always bringing it full tilt. You're looking skinny, too. Now that you're just a head."

Frankie chuckled before answering, "Okay, you'll pay for that."

A zombie then took Frankie's head and placed it where Frankenstein's head was supposed to be. Idiotic zombies, Siren thought rolling her eyes at them.

"So what's up, Drac?" Murray inquired heading towards Dracula, "The hotel is looking off the hook."

Frankie moved over to Wayne and Wanda and said, "Hey, guys, watch this." His face screwed up in concentration as he turned to look to the side. Siren followed his gaze to see Frankenstein's lower body lying on the floor with a couple of puppies jumping on his butt. The lower half of the body suddenly stood up and snuck up behind Murray.

"By the way, you were right about those directions," Murray was saying to Dracula.

"Oh, good, good," said Dracula.

Murray continued, "Yeah, I took the Tigris through the Nile, and there was absolutely no traffic."

Frankie's lower body suddenly farted, letting out a green noxious gas. Murray looked mortified, and Dracula looked disgusted. Even Siren scrunched up her nose, repulsed.

"You're kidding me?" said Dracula, "Right in my ballroom?"

"Drac, I swear, man," said Murray trying to clear up the situation, "I don't run like that."

"Housekeeping!" Dracula shouted, and the witches returned to soak up the gas, and expel it into the fireplace. The fire turned green, and blew a witch backwards passed Murray, and a female mummy.

"I was not the cause of that," Murray, explained to the female mummy, but she gave him a disgusted look and walked away.

"The gods are ready," said a spider dropping down from the ceiling.

Dracula then called out to the crowd, "Okay, friends, I am so glad you are here to celebrate. A feast for the gods, and another birthday for my sweet little Mavis! The fun starts now!"

Before Siren could find out who the gods were, she blacked out….


I blinked and found myself in a giant room filled with monsters. I didn't recall how I got there, but everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, including Meg and Emily. Now feeling a bit more relaxed around the monsters, I accepted a goblet of wine from a witch and right as I was taking a sip, Flynn, Tulio, and Danny arrived, the "gods" wearing their robes. Seeing their bare torsos, particularly Tulio's, I choked on my wine, and stared like an idiot.

Dracula turned to the skeleton mariachi band and said, "Big smile. Like you mean it," then gestured for them to start playing. When the music started, Tulio and Flynn grinned at each other and started to dance with Danny hovering at their side in his Phantom form. Tulio then began to sing:

"I hardly think I'm qualified

To come across all sanctified

I just don't cut it with the cherubim"

Flynn then slapped Tulio's back and took up the next part of the song as all of the monsters bowed to them.

"Tulio, what are you talking about?

There again they're on their knees

Being worshiped is a breeze

Which rather suits us in

The interim"

Tulio danced by me, took my glass of wine, and swigged it down as he winked at me and continued singing.

"Interim, interim

It's me and him

Oh, my God!"

He and Flynn then sang the next line together as the monsters began to dance.

"It's tough to be a god"

Flynn jumped onto Altivo's back and rode the horse around the ball room as he sang.

"Tread where mortals have not trod"

Danny flew around the ball room, and sang the next line with a smirk.

"Be deified when really you're a sham"

Singing the next part, Tulio grabbed my hand and twirled me around, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Be an object of devotion

Be the subject of psalms"

Flynn sang the next part as he danced around some witches.

"It's a rather touching notion

All those prayers and those salaams"

Tulio took over once more, as he released me and went to run around the crowd.

"And who am I to bridle

If I'm forced to be an idol

If they say that I'm a god

That's what I am"

Danny landed beside Meg and me, singing the next part, as he eyed the monsters warily.

"What's more if we don't comply

With the locals' wishes

I can see us being sacrificed

Or stuffed"

"You have a point there. Very good thinking," Tulio said nodding in our direction. Flynn just grinned as if he had the solution to the problem and sang:

"So let's be gods

The perks are great

Hotel Transylvania on our plates

Local feelings should not

Be rebuffed"

Tulio smiled back at his friend and sang the next bit.

"Never rebuffed

I never rebuff a local feeling

No, my friend"

Flynn and Tulio climbed onto a pillar and jumped into the collection of monsters, crowd surfing and singing together.

"It's tough to be a god

But if you get the people's nod

Count your blessings

Yeah, keep 'em sweet

That's our advice

Be a symbol of perfection"

Tulio laughed as he sang the next line.

"Be a legend"

He and Flynn returned to being a duet.

"Be a cult

Take their praise

Take a collection

As the multitudes exalt"

Flynn sang the next line alone as he and Tulio were set back on their feet.

"Don a supernatural habit"

Tulio took up the next sentence as he and Flynn ran towards Meg and me.

"We'd be crazy not to grab it"

They sang another duet, Flynn grabbing Meg, and Tulio grabbing me. They began to twirl us around.

"So sign on two new gods

For paradise

Par-a-dise"

"You two are out of your minds," I hissed into Tulio's ear when the song had ended.