The next day when Cat's alarm woke her up, she felt something pressing on her mind, or her heart. For a second, before she came to her senses, she didn't know what it was. But then, thinking back of last night, she remembered. She remembered Kara's eyes, her pink lips, her warming presence; then she remembered how she said she would stop thinking about it.
She was too scared to move forward, to tell her what she felt. So instead, she chose the path which was perhaps the more painful one. She would stay away from Kara. They would interact only if it was work-related. She'd stop looking at her; she'd stop noticing her, thinking about her.
She'd push down and lock away any feelings.
It was definitely going to be harder than she could ever think.
When she arrived at work, she walked past Kara's desk, and without stopping she said, "Kiera, in my office."
She'd repeated what she was going to tell her about a dozen times. Every time she went over her speech, tears started gathering in her eyes, blocking her vision. She knew this wasn't what her heart wanted, but rather what it must know and follow.
Once she settled in her massive chair and Kara was in front of her, looking tired and somewhat miserable, she went soft for a second. She really didn't want to hurt Kara, and by the way she looked at her last night, she would get hurt. She wanted good things for the both of them and now she started doubting her plan. When Kara's saddened eyes were fixed on her, it's like she couldn't say anything anymore. Kara knew what was coming.
But she gathered whatever power she had. "Kiera, I think we should… we should leave this relationship strictly professional." It sounded way harsher than when she thought it. "I think that things have gone out of hand, out of our control. I take the blame, because I let myself… be taken away. I should've focused on the work, and I did. But somewhere along the path I let you in my life in a way I hadn't planned. And I don't think it'd be… safe for either of us to admit what this is really about. It's not your fault, at all; I just don't want you to get hurt in… whatever this could be. I think we should just… focus on our work from now on." Her eyes roamed everywhere around the room but on Kara. And when they did land on her, she felt her heart break; Kara didn't contain her tears, she let them fall on her pale cheeks. All Cat wanted to do was wipe them and tell her she didn't mean all those things, but sadly, she did. Felling she couldn't keep it together anymore, she said, "That… that's all."
Kara didn't say anything; she just nodded and walked out of her office, her boots more audible than ever on the floors, the sound ringing in Cat's ears. She walked out on the balcony, where she finally let out all the tears, where no one would see her and where she could finally put aside all the lies she'd just told Kara. She really didn't want to stay away from her; with time, she realized she couldn't. That she needed to see her to feel good; safe. And that was what she feared. That once she was done with this job, Kara would go on with her life and Cat would be left behind, brokenhearted. Well, either way, that's what she was now. And she really started doubting herself; did I really do the good thing?
Harder than ever, the day passed and the pain advanced, forcing her to think a lot whether she did the right thing or not. Every time she thought of it, the answer was simple; yes, she did good, because this way she would distance herself form Kara, being able to live without having her by her side all day.
But then… but then as she dug deeper, trying to discover a deeper layer of her problem, she realized that she didn't just have her by her side; she chose her. She chose her talented, dedicated and deserving assistant from a sea of people who obviously didn't deserve to be there. And then she chose her to be the one who she'd share her very personal information with, she chose her to be the one who she'd truly open up to. And all of that had to be for a reason.
She must've felt so open, so inquisitive with her for a reason. She refused to believe otherwise. She didn't really believe in faith or such, or at least she didn't pay enough attention to them, but it really seemed like they met for a reason. It couldn't possibly end there.
Strictly professional... That's bullshit.
The problem wasn't that she couldn't possibly live without her; it was that she didn't want to.
Her train of thoughts was interrupted by her ringing phone. It was Carter.
"Hi, mom, how are you doing?" he asked with his happy voice.
She really felt comforted to hear her son's voice; it was calming, sort of reassuring.
She did her best to sound like she wasn't breaking inside. "Hey there, buddy. I'm good, and you?"
"I was doing some homework and I was just wondering… you know you told me Adam wrote you… and I wanted to know whether we'd go meet him or not. I… I really want to."
Adam… she had totally forgot about Adam with all the Kara that's been going on.
"Yes, yes, we'll go meet with him. In fact, why don't I call him now and ask him?"
"Yes, that'd be great! Well, you know, call me back," Carter said.
Cat laughed a little and then realized she was supposed to call her son with whom she hasn't talked to in a long, long time. She felt her heartbeat going up like crazy again, and with shaky hands she opened up the letter she had received from him. His phone number lay at the bottom of the page.
As she typed the number in her phone and she called him. She didn't want to wait any longer; she knew it'd be worse if she'd overthink… like Kara said.
"Hello?" Adam's voice was masculine, virile. Cat didn't seem to find hers for a second.
"Adam? This is Cat… Grant," she said, finding that her voice was fairly stable.
"Oh… well, hello Cat," he said and Cat could hear him smile.
"So if you're still interested… or if the invitation still stands…" This is so stupid, of course it still stands, he came here to meet you for Heaven's sake. "We'd like to meet you; me and Carter."
"That's great. Then should we meet at… I don't know, Noonan's?"
"Yes, yes, I really like that place. Have you visited National City before?"
"Not until now; but I've had some time on my hands, so I've been around town, yes," he said and he just sounded so… grown-up, Cat couldn't believe.
She glanced at her clock; it was almost 11 pm.
"How about lunch today, then?" Cat asked. She was truly eager.
"Yes, sounds perfect. We'll meet there, then, Cat," he said.
"Great then!"
She wouldn't expect him to call her 'mom' or anything close, but it was still slightly weird to be called 'Cat' by someone who is, after all, your son.
She called Carter to let him know that they would meet and he sounded almost as excited as he was after he had spent the day with Kara.
As she settled back in her chair to work some more until she'd go to pick up Carter she remembered that Kara used to work there, at Noonan's, before landing this job. She had her resume memorized.
She looked up at Kara's desk to find her typing and talking on the phone, doing her job. She looked so… ordinary, like nothing had happened, like she hadn't told her anything heart-breaking.
She shook her head and started working. Work would always take her mind off anything. She knew this was her true passion the moment she realized she could work for hours and not get tired or bored, or not let herself interrupted by anything.
Adam was the cost of this. All it took was her to give him up so that she can do what she truly loved.
Those two hours she had planned of working flew by and as she got out through her glass doors, she said, "Kiera, I'm going out for lunch. Don't call me unless there are any emergencies."
She didn't double-think what she was going to tell her, so she too was surprised of how rough that just sounded. But she didn't think much into it either. She did say 'strictly professional', two words she now hated, so she was just… acting the way she did on Kara's first days. Except she now had feelings for her; much better, she thought, sarcastically.
Half an hour later she was standing outside Noonan's with Carter next to her; he was 12 and almost as tall as her.
"Are you nervous?" he suddenly asked her. She was; she really was.
"A bit, but we're going to get to know him, we'll talk and hopefully we'll keep on talking after that."
"Well, you sound nervous; come on, there's nothing to be afraid of. Except if he's like, a murdered or so," Carter said and it made Cat laugh; just what she needed.
"Let's go," she said, as she pushed the doors of the restaurant. Then she realized something. "Wait, how do we know who he is?"
"Oh, I looked him up on Facebook," Carter said casually.
"You have a Facebook account?!" She might've said it a bit too loud.
"You do," he shot back. "There he is," he said and started walking towards a tall, brown haired boy who stood up and looked at them. He was handsome, hearty looking.
"Hi," he said as soon as they reached the table.
Carter didn't really hesitate; he hugged him almost the second they got there. Adam seemed a bit surprised at first, but then he hugged him back, laughing. "You must be Carter. Nice to meet you buddy," he said after they pulled back.
"He's a hugger," Cat said as they sat down.
"I see. Well, lucky for you Carter, I like hugs too," he said.
They boys laughed and Cat noted the first thing he learned about him. Her boys were both huggers.
"Did you order yet?" Cat asked, smiling kindly.
"No, I waited for you," he said and waved at a waitress to bring them their menus.
The waitress was tall, with blonde hair. Are you kidding me? Cat asked herself. All she needed was the glasses and she was a close second to Kara. She could really picture her working here. Polite and kind as she is; the costumers' favorite employee.
She shook her head. Focus on your boys.
"So Adam, you finished high-school this year?" she asked, starting the conversation.
"Yeah, I'm heading to college next year," he said.
"Whoa, college… what major?" Carter asked curiously.
"I really like writing, so I'm heading for a journalism future, actually," he said, looking back at a surprised Cat.
"Oh… that's great to hear," Cat replied eagerly.
"Yeah, I guess… like mother like son, right?"
Cat laughed, a bit nervously, but she was genuinely happy to hear so. Meanwhile the waitress stopped by to take their orders.
"And you Carter? Do you have any passions so far?" Adam asked, engaging in the talk, after the nice, blonde waitress left.
He was a conversationalist. He liked talking, being interested in people.
"I really love reading, and in school I'm not a big fan of anything that involves calculus or formulas. Besides, our teacher is mean to me. He really doesn't like me," he said, pouting.
"He might not like them, but he still studies a lot," Cat said proudly. "He's an over-achiever. Like me," she said, running her hand through his curls.
"That makes three of us, then," Adam said as the waitress came with their drinks.
Everything was going pretty well, with Adam and Carter asking questions back and forth, Cat learning more and more about her older son. The three of them were fairly similar, as both Cat and Adam had their passion in writing, Adam and Carter found their topic of discussion in talking about books.
"And I hear CatCO is going strong," he said after talking about their passions.
Cat gulped, nodding stiffly, but keeping her smile. "Yeah, it's going pretty well. I have an amazing team by my side, very faithful and hardworking."
"Oh, Adam, you should meet with her assistant once. She's the best," Carter said, getting enthusiastic again.
"Yeah, I met up with her for about a few seconds when I had to give her the letter," Adam said.
"Oh, you did?" Cat asked, surprised.
"Well, she's your assistant. Isn't she the one who picks up your packages and parcels?"
"Right, of course, yes," Cat said, laughing perhaps a bit too much.
Both of her sons looked slightly confused at their mother.
"Are you… okay, mom?" Carter asked.
"Yes, just fine," she said. "It's complicated…" Cat added finally, when she saw her answer still wasn't satisfying the youngsters.
Adam suddenly smiled, widening his eyes. "You're… you're into her," he said.
"What? No! I'm not into her," Cat said, suddenly embarrassed.
She took a sip of her drink to conceal her blush, but it was unsuccessful. Adam continued with the truth.
"Yes, you are. Look, it's fine, I'm all for the community and all," Adam said, his eyes reassuring.
"So you're actually into girls? That's why you never stayed with any of our fathers?" Carter asked with his innocent, curious eyes Cat couldn't resist to tell the truth.
"Well, your fathers weren't really there for me when I needed them," Cat said. "And she's different. I… I think I might be feeling something for this girl," Cat said at last. She didn't think; she knew. But she didn't want to make it the big deal it is.
"And I take it it's not going very well," Adam said.
Cat looked down, vulnerable. "No, it's not."
"But why?" Carter asked, saddened. "When we hung out she told me you were the best boss and that you were really great and understanding and kind."
Kind? Cat almost laughed at the thought. If anyone was kind, that was Kara.
Cat placed her arm over Carter's shoulders. "It's more than just being a good boss, Carter. People, they sometimes just can't… be together, no matter how much they want to."
As she looked back at Adam, she realized the statement was actually working for their case too. No matter how much she would've wanted to raise him, she had chosen her passion.
"That's not always true," her oldest said. "If those two people really want it, anything can be made to work out. You think, you try to find solutions and it'll work out eventually," he continued, sending a subliminal message. At first Cat thought they were red flags. But then he smiled. "Anything can work out if we want it to."
Cat felt her eyes tear up, and she didn't stop them. Whenever they would fall, she would know they were happy tears; because she finally came at peace with all her regrets and bad thoughts about leaving Adam. She'd never forget it; but she would forgive herself.
She reached out and held his hand, showing her smile to both of her boys.
"Listen, I think you should… you should tell her. Tell her and go from there," Adam said. "It worked out for me."
They all laughed. Adam continued. "Besides, she seemed really nice. I mean in those three seconds we talked, but still. First impressions matter."
"She really is nice," Carter said.
"I think Carter may be a bigger fan of her than I am," Cat said and laughed.
"I'm just saying. You know what I told you, mom… I told you she's a keeper," Carter said and Cat was perplexed.
"Wait, you…"
"No, I didn't know you like her. I just realized she really is one, in every way."
"Right…" Cat said, suspiciously.
"Look, no matter what you chose, we'll both have your back," Adam encouraged her.
"Yes, definitely; I mean Opal City isn't that far, you can come more often, right?" Carter asked, his good spirits popping up again.
"I can, and I will come more often," he said. "Besides, if turns out to break your heart or such, we'll take care of her," he said protectively.
Cat widened her eyes. "Okay, no, stop, no need for violence," she said. Besides, she's Supergirl, she could take us all out in a few seconds, she thought. "If she does break my heart, I will handle her myself. I'm still her boss."
"Oh, you are one tough boss, I assume," Adam joked.
"She is," Carter whispered to his brother.
They carried on, talking and laughing, finding out more about each other.
When they parted they promised they would keep in touch, call and meet anytime they could.
All problems could be fixed if we just look into them, try to figure out solutions and work our way out of the maze. The key is simply to not give up because that means we don't believe in ourselves enough. If we don't give up, better things will come our way.
Cat knew she shouldn't have given up on Adam, even if she couldn't raise him. She should've visited him, called him, be interested in him.
Because she found out she had two boys she could always rely on from now on and it felt nicer than she could've ever imagined.
And Adam managed to convince her she should and would try to approach Kara. She didn't know how she'd react after all of this, but she was sure of one thing; she knew Kara was worth it trying.
