Chapter Seven
Things got weird after that night. Ashlee changed her name, but kept her natural hair color and got her lip pierced and she hates needles. Dougie talked her into it. I started to get really stressed about school which never happens and let Ash give me a massage for the first time. Worst of all Tom was being shady. Every time I talked to him he said Fletch was driving them crazy with all the promoting they were doing. They were doing interviews, performances and photo shoots. Tom explained he spent all of his free time sleeping because of the hours he was working. I tried to set up a day so we could go to lunch but he was too busy working on the next album. I didn't let it bother me at first but when one week turned into three it stated to hurt.
I was home early from work on Friday night. My manager could tell my mind wasn't on work and sent me home to get some rest. I sat at my computer and hoped that Tom would message or call me. Ashlee wasn't home so the house was quiet until I heard the front door close. I went to see who it was. I heard two voices laughing one belonged to Ash but the other I wasn't sure about. I went to the living room to see Ash with Dougie.
"Hey, I thought you were at work," Ash said when she saw me.
"John let me go early. I wasn't feeling good. Where did you guys go?"
"We went to that comedy club on 46th. It was pretty funny,"
I had to ask one question, "Did Tom go with you?"
Dougie looked at Ashlee. "No, he went out with Danny and Harry."
I know the look on my face saddened although I tried not to frown. "Oh," I said quietly. "Well, I'm going to be. Night." I turned to go back to my room. And I heard Ash and Doug say 'night' just as low.
I sat in front of my computer again staring at the picture of all six of us taken at the club. Tom had his arm around me, both of us smiling widely. Dougie was making a face and Ash had her tongue hanging out of her mouth. Danny and Harry were holding their drinks up. We were an odd bunch, but somehow we all fit together.
I opened my myspace and the song on my page started to play. Tears stung my eyes. I had uploaded, 'Kiss Me Fool,' after we wrote it and I, unconsciously, forgot about it. It reminded me of him and he wasn't being his usual Tom. He hurt me, he lied to me. He said things were okay. Well obviously they aren't.
I got up from my desk and grabbed my music notebook off my nightstand. All the thoughts running through my head were perfect for a song and I didn't need any help on it this time. This was my song just for him. The lyrics just poured out of me like a waterfall along with my tears. I was hurt and I so didn't want this to happen but it did. Every word I wrote down I felt from the heart. I cried the whole time until I came up with the finished version.
So what if I came clean
And told you all you mean to me
So what if I meant every word I said
Baby don't let it go to your head
So what if I write your name
Cuz your always on my brain
In a heart, I paint it crimson red
Baby don't let it go to your head
Don't be getting any big ideas
Let me make it clear
Just cuz I cant go on
Just cuz I die when you're gone
Just cuz I think of you in bed
Don't let it go to your head
If I looked in your eyes
One too, too many times
And memorized every word you said
Don't let it go to your head
So what if I want to kiss
From your toes up to your lips
It don't mean that you've had me yet
You're gonna be good I bet
I'm the one who's in control here
Let me make it clear
I recorded the song and put my heart into the performance as much as I put into the song. I saved the file and sent it as an attachment to him. I wanted him to know how I felt and this is how I felt. I was angry with him and hurt by him. Something I thought I would never be.
