Ch.7
Author's Note: I encourage you to open the following you tube link in another window during the section I have indicated.
(The editing tool wouldn't allow me to paste the link directly, so simply type in you tube into your browser with the following text after .com/watch?v=hGRhu_SK_eY
Disclaimer: Song lyrics are from Permanent December by Miley Cyrus. Song itself and lyrics are property of their respective owners.
August 11th, 2017
He pulled open the wooden door excited to see his three girls. As he stepped into the front entryway and closed the door behind him, his ears were filled with the excited giggles of his daughters and the loud beat of a teenage pop song. He smiled to himself trying to imagine exactly what they were up to. He quietly crept towards the living room, which was not a difficult feat due to the volume of the music.
As he approached the doorway of the living room, he soon saw his wife and two daughters singing into plastic microphones facing the stereo, backs towards him. He held back watching the scene it front of him. As Katie jumped up and down strumming a plastic guitar in pink plastic high heels, leather bomber jacket, and feather boa, Hannah sang into a microphone wearing leather gloves, sequined mini-skirt, and blue plastic heels. Michaela was in the middle plastic microphone in hand, wearing blue and pink clip- in hair extensions and pink plastic sunglasses, carrying the other two through the melody of the song.
Though they had the music blaring from the stereo, he could still make out her beautiful voice above all else. He continued to watch from a distance charmed by her sweet-sounding voice and the sparkling faces of his daughters.
Open the video and start it at 1:16. ; )
"….'Cause I don't let 'em through
'Cause I'm saying all my lovin' for someone and it's you… "
Michaela sang out as Hannah repeated her, both pointing to the other on the word 'you'. She then turned to Katie extending her free hand forward. Katie accepted it, and she twirled her around in a circle with Hannah looking on with a smile. All three girls continued to sing, as he remained hidden in the shadows of the hallway.
"'Cause baby now I realize that I was wrong
When I said I didn't need you, so
Miss you bad, so now I'm comin' home
So you better leave the light on
Wait for me and just leave the light on…"
He watched as she broke out dance moves truly becoming an animated pop star. As she circled her hips back and forth one hand tightly gripping the microphone the other extended up in the air, Hannah followed mirroring her mother's movements.
"It's been like a permanent December
So much colder than I can remember
When I get you back
This time I swear that I won't…"
She shut her eyes tight clearly playing her role as rock star incredibly well, and he could no longer contain his laughter. Katie soon glanced in his direction, and he motioned for her to stay silent. Upon hearing Katie's giggles, Hannah turned her gaze to Sully as well. He signaled for her to remain quiet, as he crept up behind an unsuspecting Michaela.
"Won't ever let you go
Won't let you go, no
Won't let you go, go, go, go
Won't let you go, no…"
"Go, go, go, go no, no, no, no…" she sang before opening her eyes to look at Hannah. She soon realized Hannah was having a hard time controlling a fit of giggles, and she quickly turned to see what her daughter was staring at. As she abruptly turned around, she saw him imitating her dance moves from seconds before using his fist as a microphone.
She turned bright red before grabbing the remote and switching the stereo off. He continued his version of her pop star dance moves until the room was filled with silence.
"How long have you been standing there?" she said letting a giggle escape her lips.
"Oh, just long enough ta hear that you're saving all of your love for Hannah, and that someone better leave the light on 'cause you're comin' home," he said with a playful grin.
"Oh, and it's been like a permanent December," he finished singing out the last line in a pitch similar to the one she had used only moments before.
"I don't sound like that!" she cried as she slapped him playfully on the shoulder.
The girls erupted in laughter as he glared back at her playfully.
"Oh, I think ya do," he taunted. "What do you girls think? Did I sound like Mommy?" he said with a laugh.
"No, Mommy can sing much better than you can," Hannah said with a smile.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. But I didn't know your Mommy was such a rock star. Maybe we should take her somewhere tonight where she can perform this amazing routine for other people to watch," he responded with an ornery look.
"Yeah!" both Hannah and Katie cried in excitement.
Michaela glared at him in return before responding, "No, my rock star moves are just for you girls and no one else. But I think we should get your Daddy back for spying on us."
"I think you're right," Hannah replied with a smile. "You always tell us not to spy on you guys."
"That's right," Michaela answered with a mischievous smile.
"Hey, I wasn't spyin'. I was just watchin'," he returned.
"I think…" she began as she inched closer towards Sully. "…We should tackle him!" she cried before pushing him backward onto the couch and climbing on top of him.
Both of the girls quickly followed screaming in delight as he tried to fight them off.
"Hey, this ain't fair, it's three against one!" he cried.
While Michaela and Katie kept him pinned to the couch, Hannah ran to his side and stole the baseball cap from his head.
"Hannah, come on at least leave my hat alone!" he said as she placed the cap on her head and smiled down at him.
"I think we should tickle him to pieces now," Michaela said to Katie receiving a very eager nod in reply.
"No, don't!" he cried through a fit of laughter. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" he exclaimed while trying to fend off their on coming attack.
"Hang on girls," she said through laughter. "Did you hear that? He's begging for mercy here."
"Yes, I'm scared of you three. If ya spare me, I will take you guys ta dinner at that hamburger place you girls love so much," he said with a charming smile.
"Yay!" both girls cried in unison.
"Go wash all that makeup off and grab your shoes and we'll go now," he requested and both girls took off at lighting speed towards the bathroom.
"You goin' ta let me go?" he asked as Michaela continued to pin him down to the couch.
"I don't know," she said with a smirk.
"Well just ta let you know I found your rock star imitation incredibly sexy. And I love the pink and blue," he said as he ran his fingers through her hair.
"Sexy, huh?" she said with a smile completely aware of the game to which he was playing.
"You bet," he returned.
"What was sexy about it?"
"The way ya moved those amazing hips of yours," he explained as he moved his hands gently up onto her hips. "And the way you make my little girls admire ya so much."
She smiled in returned charmed by his words and his sensual touch. Then, she gently rose to her feet allowing him the chance to sit upright on the couch. She quickly joined him sitting closely beside him as he slipped his arm around her.
"Where did ya get that CD anyway? Isn't it like years and years old?" he questioned.
"Hmm it's like seven I think. I bought it and the rock star dress up stuff at a garage sale Charlotte and I stopped off at on our lunch break," she explained.
"Miley Cyrus, really?" he teased.
"I couldn't help it. I knew the girls would love it."
"No, I'm not talking about the girls liking it. I'm talking about you knowin' all the words," he said with a grin.
Her cheeks turned a familiar shade of red upon hearing his words, and his smile grew even bigger in response.
"I don't have a legitimate excuse for that one," she returned after unsuccessfully racking her brain for one.
"Not one that I will buy anyway is more like it," he returned. "Sometimes you're too cute for your own good," he said utterly charmed by her.
"And sometimes you're too ornery for your own good," she said as she leaned in to kiss him deeply.
He felt his heart soar as her soft lips embraced his own. His ears were soon filled with the sound of flip-flops scampering through the hallway.
"Let's go!" he heard them cry as she pulled back from his lips softly. She winked at him before grabbing her purse from the counter and pulling the colored clip-in hairpieces from her long locks. After tossing the pink sunglasses on the counter, she joined the girls in the doorway. He soon stood from the couch and led the way towards the garage.
August 16th, 2017
She stared at the inky black numbers on the dashboard, as she tried to blink back cloudy tears. She could feel them threatening to spill over at any moment and taking in a shaky breath, she tried desperately to keep them at bay. The task soon proved impossible, and the tears she had held in the bottom of her lids spilled down her cheeks. As the burning tears over took her eyes, dark black mascara ran down her cheeks. She swiped her hands across her cheeks furiously, as the liquid sadness continued to pour from her eyelids. She could feel the chocking sob deep in her throat, and she tried desperately to gain some composure. After sucking in air deeply, she stepped out of the car and made her way across the parking lot.
"Sully," Daniel whispered his name, and he quickly looked up from the blueprint on his desk. There she was standing a few feet in front of him. Her face was paler than he had ever seen it, and her eyes were glazed over with a blank stare. With tears of sorrow spilling from her eyes, she wrapped one hand tightly around her body the other reaching up to loosely clutch her bottom lip.
His heart literally dropped to the bottom of his stomach. He knew something was terribly wrong… He had felt that way for the last two hours. His heart had ached in an unexplainable way, and now he knew why. She was in pain, and by the looks of it dire pain at that. He stood completely speechless for a few moments as she glanced down at the floor then back to his eyes. He watched as she brought her hand slightly up and swept it across her face brushing tears from her cheeks. His brain suddenly jolted him out shock, and he ran to her side pulling her into his arms.
"Michaela, what's wrong? What happened?" he cried the anxiety and urgency in his tone evident.
When she still stared towards the spot he had been standing moments before, his panic only increased.
"Michaela, are the girls all right? Did something happen ta them?" he cried in fear.
She shook her head 'no' very slightly, but she still seemed a thousand miles away.
"No? They're okay? Michaela, I need an answer. Are they okay?" he questioned.
She nodded her head 'yes' a little more powerfully than before. His heartbeat slowed slightly, as some of his panic dissipated knowing Michaela and the girls were all right.
"Oh, God did something happen ta Becca or Edmund?" he asked.
She shook her head 'no' again, but still remained completely distant and aloof.
"Michaela, you've gotta talk to me here. What the heck is goin' on? I can't keep guessin' like this. You have ta tell me what's happened," he pleaded frantically as he clutched her tighter in his arms.
Then, it hit him like a knife to the heart. No, it can't be… His brain struggled to comprehend what he had just realized as the two sat in silence.
"Something happened to the baby, didn't it?" he cried taking in a gasping breath.
She broke into choking sobs as her knees gave out from under her, and she felt to the floor. He immediately bent down beside her, pulling her to her feet and leading her outside. Once outside he sat down on a concrete bench and pulled her deeply into his arms. Wrapping one arm around her while the other cradled her head, he gently asked, "Honey what happened?"
"Or do ya not even know?" he questioned desperately needing answers.
She swallowed hard and sat up slightly, looking into his eyes.
"Is our baby still alive?" he prompted pretty sure he knew the answer already, but knowing she needed a push.
"Yes…" she whispered.
"Oh, thank God!" he cried releasing the breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding.
"Then, sweetheart what's wrong? I know you're panicked here, but I can't help ya if you don't talk ta me," he said softly.
"I received a phone call this morning… about the MSAFP test results," she began.
"The what?" he asked in confusion.
"It's a standard blood test used in screening for the possibility of several severe birth defects in a developing fetus," she explained completely detached.
When she spoke in clinical terms, she could remove herself from the situation. It was so much easier to tell him as a physician than as his wife.
"Okay what did they find?" he asked already aware it was nothing good.
"They found abnormally high levels of alpha-fetoprotein. High levels indicate that the fetus has a neural tube defect," she recited almost as if she was reading it from a textbook.
He looked at her intensely, searching her face for answers. He hated when she answered him in such a clinical and detached tone, but if this was the only way she could muster the strength to share this terrible news then he would deal with it one way or another.
"It means there is a rather high chance that our baby has a neural tube defect such as spina bifida or anencephaly."
He stared at her in shock as the words fell from her lips. She stared off into the distance with such a far away look in her eyes. He knew he had lost Michaela long ago. He was merely sitting with Dr. Quinn at the moment, but he would deal with that after he had the answers he knew Michaela couldn't provide.
"Anenceph- what?" he responded.
"It's a condition characterized by an underdeveloped brain and an incomplete skull. It's a severe and usually fatal brain abnormality," she explained her voice still devoid of emotion.
"Severe and usually fatal brain abnormality…" Her words echoed through his head as his heart literally fell to the floor. He now understood and felt ever ounce of pain she walked into his office with. His heart ached, as he knew there was still more she had to tell him.
"And what's spina bifida?" he managed to utter knowing the answer would probably pierce the already open wound.
"It's a spinal column defect that occurs when the spinal cord doesn't close properly. It can cause a portion of the spinal cord and the surrounding structures to develop outside the body."
"So, our baby…It will be born with one or both of those defects?" he uttered in complete and total shock.
"No one is certain of that yet. Other factors such as miscalculation of fetal age can throw off the levels of AFP," she answered.
"So, what do we do now? How do we know for sure?" he questioned his heart racing at lightening speed.
"They have to do an amniocentesis," she replied.
"Another test?" he wondered in uncertainty.
"Yes…" she replied softly.
"When can they run it? Can we go into the hospital now?" he questioned as his panic grew.
"No, James has appointments all day. And Allison, who would be the specialist to perform the test anyway, is booked today as well," she explained as tears began to fall down her cheeks once again.
"Well, ya know them personally don't you? Call in a favor. I'm sure they would understand," he stated.
She shrugged her shoulders gently as the cascading tears became more uncontrollable by the second.
"Honey, can I call them? Ya know this is just going ta eat you up until we know something one way or another," he expressed gently.
"Even if they ran the test today, they wouldn't have the results for four to five days at the earliest. The test has to be sent to a laboratory for analysis," she explained through chocking sobs.
"Well, if ya have them run it today, then you will know one day sooner. Call them. I bet they would both work a little later ta help ya out."
"Truthfully, I don't even know if I want the results," she sobbed as he pulled her in close cradling her head against his chest.
"Yes, ya do. We have ta know what we are dealin' with here. It's too late for you ta simply ignore it. Now that we know this is a real possibility here, we have ta know for sure."
"It's more than a possibility, Sully. High levels of AFP strongly indicate a severe birth defect," she regretfully stated once again.
"You said that blood test isn't always accurate," he responded.
"No, it's not always accurate. But one of the major factors that produces a false positive is a miscalculation in fetal age. Sully, I'm one hundred percent sure we know the exact age of the baby," she replied.
"Yeah, but that can't be the only thing that could throw a test like that out of whack, or they wouldn't have this amnio-whatever test."
"What are we going to do if it's true?" she whispered as she placed her hand gently across her abdomen. "What if this baby isn't healthy?" she sobbed.
"Don't think like that. I know it's hard not to, but ya have ta stay positive right now. Even if this baby isn't healthy, at least it's still alive Michaela," he said softly.
Tears fell from her eyes at an even more violent pace upon hearing his words. Her heart ached at the realization in front of her. She was once again forced to face the road that may be ahead. And it looked to be a very dark and unhappy one at that.
"Shhh come on, it's okay," he whispered calmly.
"It's never going to be okay again. Never…" she cried in anguish.
"Shhh," he soothed as he held her close.
As he sat holding his distraught wife in his arms, he began to pray with all of his heart that their baby would be born healthy, and that God would give Michaela and him the strength to deal with the pain that may be headed their way.
He glanced over at her again, only to see the severe despair behind her normally sparkling eyes. He wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her that this was simply a bad dream, but he knew it wasn't. The truth of the matter being they still had no idea what they would soon be facing. He held on tightly to the small piece of hope that they still had left. This test could come back negative proving their worries unfounded. But there was also the possibility that this deep seeded fear would become reality. He honestly felt like he was living in a dream world. From the minute she had stepped into his office this morning, none of this had seemed real.
Thank God they agreed to meet with us this evening, he thought to himself. He couldn't imagine the pain of waiting another day or even several days to simply run the test. As it was now they would still be faced with waiting several days for the results. He knew the days would pass slowly and agonizingly, but he also knew that they couldn't give up hope. If he had learned anything in life it was to never give up hope. He gave her hand a tight squeeze trying to reassure her if only slightly. He wanted more than anything to talk to her, but he knew she wanted to remain silent, lost within a world of haunting thoughts.
"Hey," the young brunette spoke softly upon entering the room, making direct eye contact with Michaela.
"Well, I know I don't have to explain this to you, but…" she said turning towards Sully. "I'm sure you might be interested to know what exactly this test entails."
He nodded in response, and she quickly continued.
"I'm Allison by the way, and you must be the famous Sully. It's so nice to finally meet you," she stated with a friendly smile.
He extended his hand forward stating, "Yeah, it's great ta meet you as well. Thank you so much for doing this for us. I really appreciate it. I understand your family must be at home waitin' for ya."
"Yes, they are, but in all honesty they would be more than understanding given the situation. I wouldn't want to wait any longer than absolutely necessary either," she said flashing a small smile in Michaela's direction.
Michaela quickly reciprocated the gesture before gazing off into the distance once again.
"Michaela?" she questioned becoming slightly concerned.
"She's been like this all afternoon. It's like she's completely removed herself from the planet," he explained sadly.
She sighed softly before saying, "I guess it's just her way of dealing with this news. I think the best thing you can do for her is just be around and offer support, which I can see you are doing already."
"I'm assuming she prepared for the test accordingly?" she questioned.
Sully knew why she had directed the question at him specifically rather than Michaela. She, too, realized Michaela wasn't really in an emotional state to answer any questions.
"What?" he returned. But before she had a chance to answer, his mind immediately flashed back to earlier in the afternoon. "Oh, ya mean did she drink a ton of water?"
"In a manner of speaking," she replied.
"Oh, then yeah as far as I know she's set there."
Michaela nodded upon hearing his words, though her eyes remained glazed over.
"All right, I'm going to give you a quick rundown of what this test involves. I know Michaela is fully aware of this information, but it may be beneficial for you to know as well," Allison explained.
He nodded in response urging her to continue.
"Well to begin with I'm going to use ultrasound to find a pocket of amniotic fluid that is a safe distance from both your baby and the placenta. Once I've pinpointed a safe spot, I'm going to insert a long hollow needle through her abdomen and uterus into the amniotic sac."
"Could you accidently stick the baby?" he questioned in concern.
"It's extremely unlikely. But in the event that it does occur, the baby will withdraw immediately just as you would if you were pricked. But to be entirely honest with you I have performed this procedure many many times, and I have never had that occur," she responded.
Once again he merely nodded in response content with this explanation.
"The needle will withdraw a small amount of fluid, less than an ounce. Her body will then naturally replace the fluid that has been taken. Do you have any other questions?" she asked.
"No," he said softly turning his gaze towards Michaela.
"Michaela," Allison began. "I need you to answer a few questions for me. I know you understand that I need your verbal confirmation in order to perform this test."
She nodded slightly in response and Allison continued.
"You understand that you may experience cramping, pinching, or pressure during the procedure?"
"Yes," she answered softly.
"And you are aware there is a small risk of miscarriage as a result of amniocentesis?"
"Yes."
"Miscarriage?" he jumped in clearly alarmed.
"Yes, there is a very slight risk. The loss rate from the procedure is as low as 1 out of every 350. I personally have never had a patient miscarry from the procedure. But I still have to make sure I've informed you of the small risk."
He nodded in agreement knowing he had no other choice. It was highly unsettling to him that there was even a slight risk, but he knew they had no other choice. They both desperately needed to know the truth.
"You can opt to have a local anesthetic, but as I am sure you are aware some say the pain from the anesthetic injection is worse than the amnio itself. The choice is ultimately yours."
They sat in silence for a few moments before he shattered it asking, "Michaela, do you want the anesthetic?"
Allison had left the question in an open-ended form, and he knew she needed a simple 'yes' or 'no' question.
"No," she answered firmly.
"Are you sure?" he reiterated as the thought of an enormous needle penetrating his abdomen gave him the chills.
"Yes," she confirmed again.
"Can I hold her hand?" he asked Allison gently.
"Of course," she replied with a smile.
"Michaela, I know you are aware of the odds of false positive MSAFP test results just as I am. But I have to tell you there is still hope here. We don't know anything for sure yet. There is still a good chance that you have a healthy baby girl or boy inside of you right this very minute," she expressed sincerely.
She smiled slightly in Allison's direction but still remained silent. He had never seen her emotionally shut down like this, and he had to admit it scared him. And this was merely her reaction to the possibility of her child having a birth defect. He couldn't, nor did he want to try, to imagine her reaction if this horrible outcome was indeed reality.
As she lay down on the examination table and Allison began to use a transducer to find a pocket of amniotic fluid, he began to rub gentle circles with his thumb across her palm. She tried intensely to calm herself down, knowing that stressing herself out in this manner wasn't good for her child in the least. However, it was so difficult to concentrate on anything else but the outcome she was dreading with all of her heart. She felt deeply guilty even feeling this way, but deep down inside she wondered if this was somehow her punishment for wanting another child. She could have simply been happy with the two perfectly healthy little girls she already had. After all she knew what blessings from God they were, especially Katie, after the truly difficult time she had conceiving her. But no you had to beg for another... She tried to force her thoughts away from this dark hole, but it was so hard to prevent it from engulfing her completely. Forcing herself to focus on something, anything, else she turned her head slightly to the left her gaze resting on his bright blue eyes. At least she knew that no matter the outcome, she would always have him.
She was quickly brought out of her thoughts, as Allison repeated herself again. "Okay, I'm going to insert the needle now. Are you ready?" she questioned again.
She nodded softly as she braced herself hoping she wouldn't feel any dramatic pain. She knew some women claimed it felt slightly worse than getting blood drawn. However, others claimed it was quite painful.
As the needle pierced her skin, she calmed down somewhat as it simply felt like receiving a shot. But as soon as the needle pierced her uterus, she clenched her teeth tightly and gripped his hand harder as the pain seized her.
"Michaela, are you alright?" he asked worried by the look across her face and the increased strength of her grasp on his hand.
"Yeah," she answered through clenched teeth.
"What does it feel like?" he asked in curiosity not stopping to consider it may be too difficult for her to respond.
"Like a very strong painful cramp," she stammered.
"Alright," Allison said softly as she removed the needle. "Now I'm going to double check the baby's heartbeat, and you two will be set to go."
"Well, your baby's heartbeat is normal," she replied with a smile. "Before I let you go, I want to let you know you may experience dizziness, nausea, a rapid heartbeat, or cramping, all of which is normal. However, if you experience abdominal pain, fever, spotting, or leaking amniotic fluid let us know immediately. You can call myself or James, even at home Michaela. I hope you know you are so much more than just a patient to us," she spoke gently placing her hand over Michaela's.
"I know," she returned softly.
"And I know how painful this has been for the two of you. This is never a test I enjoy performing. Though after viewing the ultrasound, I can tell you the sex of the baby if you wish."
He looked towards Michaela for confirmation, knowing he definitely wanted to know the answer.
"Do you want ta know?" he said softly.
She smiled genuinely for the first time since early that morning.
"Yes," she replied simply.
"Yeah, we wanna know," he spoke softly to Allison.
"It's a boy," she said with a smile.
"You sure?" he questioned excitedly.
"Yes, I'm fairly sure. But the results from the amniocentesis will confirm it without a doubt."
"Wow, we're having a boy," he whispered as he looked over to see the silent tears running softly down her cheeks.
He pulled her in closely against his chest as the excitement of this news pulsed through his body. Although he was thrilled beyond belief to hear that he had a son, he still couldn't shake the feeling deep inside that wondered whether or not he would be healthy. The same thoughts swirled through Michaela's head as she wondered whether or not her life really was simply too good to be true.
