CHAPTER 6: Forbidden Fruit
Kallian felt her eyelids droop the moment they stepped into the inn. All of them were battle weary, bloodied, and more than a little impatient. Thanks to Morrigan's potions, the wounds weren't as painful as they should be. However, walking up the blasted hill wasn't exactly a stroll through the garden either. Her ligaments were overstretched and she had gashes everywhere on her body.
The attack on Redcliffe village had been overwhelming, with more than a few waves of Darkspawn descending on them relentlessly. Not one of her companions had been spared- Alistair was sporting a lot of nasty gashes himself, as magic could only do so much. They had all taken the salve Morrigan had handed out. That would have to be enough.
Even Sten, indomitable as he was, had broken the bones in his left forearm from one of the skeletons. Leliana had also taken some hits- which was inevitable, since Chantry robes provided no protection from damage. It had taken most of Morrigan's energy to shield the sister- which she didn't hesitate to complain about. Kallian resolved to gather some more coins to buy the woman armour when they had the opportunity.
For now, she turned bleary eyes to the innkeeper, who was smiling broadly.
"Ah! Heroes of Redcliffe, welcome! Come to spend the night, I suppose?"
"Yes. Have you room for five people?"
"Well," he said, looking at Talon dubiously. "Maybe your dog could stay with the stablemaster, but for five people, certainly! Though two of you would need to share a room."
Kallian nodded reluctantly. Considering the size of Sten and Morrigan's incontestable preference for solitude, it was likely this would be herself. Kallian usually preferred to be alone, but today all she could think about was collapsing on a bed. After the rough travels and sleeping on the hard, cold ground, Kallian was grateful for this change.
Morrigan sighed and approached her, lips twisted uncomfortably. She opened her mouth but the elf forestalled her with a hand.
"Yes, I'll share with Leliana," she sighed in resignation.
The witch regarded her a moment before nodding. "I… appreciate this."
Kallian grunted in response, having hardly the strength to talk.
Alistair looked at her in concern. "You alright, Kallian?"
"I'm fine, just tired."
The innkeeper walked up the stairs, leading them to their rooms. "I'm sorry we don't have individual rooms for you all. The folks from Lothering have been migrating here a lot lately. We're a mite short of candles as well but I promise you a good breakfast in the morning."
"Oh, good," said Alistair eagerly.
They reached the upper level and the portly innkeeper handed them the keys.
"Right, so these three rooms are yours," he said, gesturing at Alistair, Sten and Morrigan. He turned to the elf and lay sister. "And this is yours." The man smiled widely at them all. "Goodnight everyone, I'm sure we'll all be sleeping soundly tonight. I'll be downstairs if you need me."
Kallian raised the key to the lock and tried to insert it. She fumbled, hands slow and awkward from fatigue. She growled in frustration.
"Here, I can do that for you," said the Orlesian.
The elf handed her the key and Leliana opened the door.
As soon as they entered, Kallian made straight for the bed and lay face down.
The other woman tutted. "… you should at least take your armour off."
"Later," she replied, voice muffled.
"It's bad for your circulation. It's too heavy." She paused for a moment. "I'll do it for you."
At that, Kallian panicked and hissed, lifting her head. "I can do it myself… just give me a few seconds."
"I don't think you'll be getting up any time soon. Come on, stop being such a baby," Leliana said with a small smile.
Kallian flushed indignantly.
A baby! She scoffed, but didn't have the strength to protest as the other woman started disassembling her armour. First the shoulder guards and then the breastplate…
"Maker!" exclaimed Leliana.
"What?" Kallian asked, frowning.
"You… no wonder you were in such a poor state," said the sister in disapproval. "Here, we need to get a salve-"
"I'm fine," said the elf quickly. "It's nothing."
"Kallian, you have so many wounds…"
The Warden sat up, sighing. "I'll... I'll do it myself."
Leliana looked at her dubiously. "Are you sure you can reach that far?"
"I just need a mirror and-"
"Don't be silly," said the sister, already moving to fetch the salve.
"Hey-"
But she was out the door to visit Morrigan. Kallian grimaced- the witch wouldn't take kindly to being disturbed. As she waited, though, she didn't hear Morrigan's snappy voice travelling down the corridor. In fact, it was completely silent.
Leliana returned with the salve and opened the small box.
"Lie down," said the sister.
Kallian blushed furiously in the dark of the room. She hoped it wasn't visible.
You can't be serious…
She stiffened, blood pounding in her ears. Even the burning pain from her wounds were dulled by the sheer panic she was feeling right now. This was dangerous. The woman was dangerous.
But the sister made a noise of frustration and pushed the elf down by force. Kallian had no choice but to obey, swallowing heavily. She focussed her eyes on the door, feeling like a wild animal cornered by hunters.
Leliana lifted the bloodied shirt and tutted. Kallian lay there as stiff as wood, trying not to jump as soft fingers spread the salve on her wounds. There were even places she hadn't realized were injured- most likely due to the effects of the potion. She hissed and jerked away involuntarily at a particular spot on the shoulder blade.
"Sorry," said the sister, dabbing more gently. It didn't help. It really didn't help… all it did was fan the fire in Kallian, making her sweat and curse inwardly. Maker, she had been right to distance herself from her. She silently urged the woman to hurry up- she couldn't take it any longer.
At last, Leliana finished spreading the ointment and snapped the box shut.
"There," she said. "Now that wasn't so bad, was it?"
Kallian felt like a child being scolded. She pulled her shirt down and sat up, still unnerved.
"Thank you," she said hoarsely.
"You didn't have to do that, you know," said Leliana.
"Do what?"
"Take on all those Darkspawn yourself."
The Warden hesitated. "Chantry robes aren't for fighting in, in case you hadn't realized."
The sister laughed softly. "I suppose not… but I didn't imagine there would be so many Darkspawn."
"Well, we can get armour for you next time. You'll need it," said the elf, climbing into her bed. It was risky to talk anymore.
Leliana moved over to her pack to take out her nightclothes. Kallian averted her eyes and lay on the bed in her tunic and pants. Her eyelids were soon drooping again.
"Aren't you going to change?"
The Warden's eyes snapped open.
She looked over at Leliana, who was sitting up on the cot. The elf looked up at the ceiling again.
"No," she said flatly.
"Oh…" said the sister awkwardly. There was a pause before she moved to lie down.
The elf lay there frozen, warring with herself inside. But she realized she had probably been a bit rude.
"I lost my pack at Ostagar," said Kallian.
Leliana seemed to jump at her voice. She hadn't expected a reply.
"There wasn't much I had anyway."
"I see…" said the other girl. "I have spare clothes if you-"
"Er, no. That's alright."
"Are you sure? I could-"
"No, really. I hate dresses."
At this, Leliana burst out laughing.
"You hate dresses? Well… I mean, I suppose being a Warden and such, it's not convenient but…"
Kallian grimaced. "I never liked them. I only wore them for my father's sake."
"But you would look wonderful in a dress."
The elf resisted the urge to gag. "Maker, you sound like Shianni." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. She clamped her mouth shut.
"Who is that?" asked Leliana.
Kallian didn't respond immediately and the chantry sister seemed to give up after a while. The elf wrestled with her mind in the darkness before she spoke.
"She was my cousin," she replied quietly.
"Oh… what was she like?"
Kallian's chest constricted. "She was… one of a kind," she said, remembering her cousin's feisty nature. "She never let anyone order her around. But it was all tough talk," she said, smirking to herself. "She chickened out everytime we did pranks."
"You seem to have been very close to her," said the sister, catching the expression in the dim moonlight.
"Mm. I was. Urgh… but I never shared her interest in clothes."
"But isn't that what all girls talk about?"
Kallian grimaced. "Not all. Besides, what about weapons and wrestling? Playing soldiers around the neighbourhood? How can dresses be better than that?"
Leliana giggled. "But what about shoes?"
"Shoes?" asked the elf incredulously.
"Yes!" said the sister emphatically. "They are so pretty! Oh, I do love a pair of nice Orlesian shoes. Not like the ones here in Ferelden. So dreadful."
Kallian snorted. "Shoes are there to keep your feet dry."
"Ah, but some say that good shoes can take one to high places."
"Good shoes are practical ones," said the elf stubbornly.
She saw the smile on Leliana's face in the darkness. "But good shoes can be practical and nice to look at."
"There are no shoes like that."
"How do you know?"
Kallian threw her hands up in the air. "Never mind. In this, we can agree to disagree."
Leliana chuckled. "Fair enough." She paused. "Then who did you play with if Shianni didn't join you?"
Kallian's eyes glinted in the darkness. "Soris- my other cousin. We ran around with some boys in the neighbourhood, wielding sticks and makeshift shields. It was good fun," she said, grinning. Alarm bells rang in some peripheral part of her mind- Maker, this woman was making her spill out her history at a startling rate. Kallian cleared her throat.
"But enough about me, what about you? What's a beautiful person like you doing in the chantry?"
Fenedhis lasa! Did I just say that?
In her haste to change the subject, that errant part of her mind had spoken.
But Leliana didn't seem to notice. She laughed. "You flatter me. There are no beautiful women in the cloisters, you think? Oh, you would be wrong."
Thank the Maker, thought Kallian, sweating. Then she recalled the coy way Leliana had talked with Alistair. Of course, she would never imagine I-
"There are many lovely young initiates in the Lothering cloister," she was saying. "All of them chaste and virtuous. Ah, it added to their mystique."
"And why is that?"
"Because then…" the sister began, slightly confused she would ask. "Then they would be forbidden. And forbidden fruit is the sweeter, no?"
"Oh, right," said Kallian, blushing.
And what about your fruit?
Her blush deepened at this unvoiced question. She tried to suppress these ridiculous urges.
But with each effort to push it down, her mind seemed to rebel against her. She remembered shaking hands with Leliana to apologize that morning and the dramatic effect that it had on her. The dazzling smile on her face back in the camp, the way the fire lit up her features…
Damn it. This is a sh- a human I'm thinking about!
Friend or not… she was a human. A female human. She couldn't forget that.
So soft hearted, dav'henan. Hard on the outside, soft on the inside.
She couldn't let this in. She had to protect herself.
Kallian shut her eyes tightly, trying to let the darkness swallow the images in her head. She could hear her mother's voice from years ago- so clearly it was like she was in the room with her.
They were down in the basement again and Kallian revisited the emotions she had forgotten. Her mother looked at her with mixed empathy and sternness.
"Kallian… you know this cannot be."
The elf stared down at the ground silently.
"Your father will…"
"He'll what?" said Kallian, eyes flashing. "Never look me in the eye again?"
"No. But he will not take it well."
Kallian shook her head.
"It is the right thing to do, emm'asha. For your happiness."
"How will this make me happy?"
Adaia sighed, looking weary. "You will have a husband to provide for you the rest of your life. And you will live in comfort."
"What about choice?"
The elf took her daughter's hands in hers. "I want you to have a future, da'vhenan. If you pursue this relationship with Arissa… the elvhen will not approve."
"I can't change what I feel!"
"Feelings can fade over time. Kallian… you must do this for yourself. It is your duty."
The younger elf hung her head and dropped her hands to her side. For a while, she stood there motionless and Adaia gazed at her in concern.
Then…
"Ma nuvenin."
Her mother relaxed and gave her an encouraging smile, nodding.
"It will be difficult, but remember that it will be harder if you continue this," she said. Adaia shook her head. "I would if I could, change how it is among our people. But marriage is something you cannot sacrifice, my child."
"I understand."
"Then go, end things now before it is too late."
Kallian left the room with heavy footsteps, hating what she was about to do…
"Kallian?"
The Warden didn't reply, still trying to battle the acid rising up in her at the memory. She had to fight, she had to keep the promise she had made to her mother. For her family's sake. For the honour of the Tabris name.
"I'm going to sleep," the elf said roughly, turning to face the wall.
She felt Leliana's eyes burn into her in the darkness. The woman would have surely heard the change in her voice... but Kallian didn't care. More accurately, she couldn't care.
"Of course. Goodnight, Kallian."
So that was just additional stuff to explain the conflict in Kallian right now. Hope you're all enjoying the story- reviews are all welcome, tell me what you like or don't like. Always look forward to hearing your thoughts on it. This was a memory that was referred to back in the Honeymoon chapter of the other fanfic- I wonder if anyone realized this
