Ash Ketchum and Gary Oak's Bogus Adventure

Obviously, this story's title is a take on the two Bill and Ted movies (which I haven't seen all the way through, so if this runs into those somehow, it's not my fault). As you may or may not know, I don't own the title characters. Welcome to the first non Titan Nerd Studios story I'm writing.

In this story, Ash and Gary have retired from their time on Pokemon and are both twenty-one years old. Misty is Ash's girlfriend, and May is Gary's. Ash and Gary are good friends, but also friendly rivals. The premise of this story is that they decide to go on their own Pokemon adventure without the controlled reality show following them, which naturally results in madness. In advance, I apologize for any excessiveness of various sex jokes.

All Pokemon dialogue is in brackets.

Here is the seventh chapter in which Ash and Gary go to Pokemon Tower, meet members of the cast of Shaman King, and are mistaken for different people

Chapter 7: Lavender Town


"Ah, Lavender Town," said Ash. "Just smell that small town air." He took a deep breath and gagged. "I think something flew up my nose."

[What are you guys going to do here?] asked Pikachu. [Visit the Tower?]

"Yeah, let's do that!" Gary said excitedly. "To Pokemon Tower!"

[If things go the way I think they will, I apologize in advance] said Pikachu.

[I have the type advantage] said Umbreon. [We should be fine]

"But first we hit the little trainers' room," said Ash. "I've gotta go."

Pikachu and Umbreon waited outside the public restroom for their owners. Ash and Gary ended up taking twenty minutes because they had not been eating healthily for the duration of the trip and were staying a little too hydrated, so their bladders had actually increased in size slightly.

"Much better," said Ash. "To Pokemon Tower! Do you have the Silph Scope?"

"The what?" Gary asked.

"The Silph Scope. So you can reveal the ghost to be a Marowak that...did you play any of the games?"

"I started playing Blue, I gave up during Rock Tunnel, and I stopped playing the handheld ones. I have all the Pokemon Stadium games. Besides, you know I prefer the Playstation."

They stopped walking so Ash, Pikachu, and Umbreon could beat Gary to a pulp.

[How the hell do you support the other systems?] Umbreon asked. [What is wrong with you, man?]

"I still have every Nintendo system from the SNES on," said Gary. "Okay, the N64 doesn't work anymore, but I still have it. I play Wii more than PS2. I never got a PS3."

"You don't have one because you can't afford to buy it yourself," said Ash. "And everyone refused to get you one on your birthday. On our birthday."

"We have the same birthday?" Gary asked.

"Do you even know when your own birthday is?"

"To be honest, I forget when it is every year. I do know I'm twenty-one."

[Hope is not lost] said Pikachu. [Yet]

"Here we are at our destination," said Gary. They looked up. "Pokemon Tower. The last time I was here...why were we here, Umbreon?"

[You made a bet with Brock that he couldn't lift up his car with one hand] said Umbreon. [You just said that, so Brock gutted the car, with your money, I might add, and lifted it up. So you had to streak through the Tower for three nights. You only got in two before you were arrested.]

"Oh, yeah," said Gary. "I remember. The cops only found me because a Cubone whacked me in the nuts. Which was probably pretty easy if I was naked."

"Let's go in," said Ash. "It's starting to rain."

They walked into the Tower and walked around. Channelers tried to ask them for battles, but Pikachu and Umbreon made it clear they were not interested in fighting.

"Why don't your Pokemon want to fight?" one Channeler asked. "Are they weak?"

[We're not weak] said Pikachu. [We're just traveling with these dumb-asses who think they can relive their glory days]

"Well, I'd like to fight," the Channeler said. "Come on, have a little battle with me." She threw out a Gastly.

"Pikachu, Thundershock the Gastly," Ash said. Pikachu Thundershocked Ash instead.

[That was sad] Gastly commented.

[Not as sad as being on this bogus adventure] said Umbreon.

"Look, the readers already know the title, so stop saying it," said Gary.

"Title?" asked the Channeler.

"Yes, we're in a fanfic," said Ash.

"The prophecy has been seen true!" the Channeler suddenly droned. "Fulfill the prophecy!"

[You can ignore her] said Gastly. [I have to call her shrink]

"Well, that was fun," said Gary as they left.

[What I can't believe was that crazy shit didn't go down] said Pikachu. [Except for me zapping Ash, nothing happened. Nothing, at least, that would hinder the journey or cause you two misery and embarrassment] He looked around. [Or personal injury!] He looked around again. [Where the fuck is that anvil?]

At that moment, the anvil dropped and fell right in front of Gary. He looked at it and stepped around it. "Did you mean that anvil?"

[Dammit]

They walked back towards the Pokemon Center. As they got closer, a ghost jumped out at them. All looked lost for a second before Yoh, Anna, Manta, and Amidamaru suddenly appeared. The ghost paled even more and ran away.

"Hey, it's the people from Shaman King," said Ash. "I remember that show."

"We have names, you know," said Anna, "And why are you here in Lavender Town? There's no badges to win here, and you're way past this point."

"We're retired," said Ash. "We're waiting for our royalty checks to come in the mail. Actually, they might have, but Misty and May might have spent them at this point."

"I watched them online last night," said Manta. Gary and Ash beat the shit out of him. "If they're doing it, they like it."

"I don't like it," said Gary. "May can do what she wants, but she's my girl, and I'm the only one who gets to masturbate to her. Why are you guys here, anyway?"

"It's part of our job," said Yoh. "Whoa. That's awesome. Hey, you guys want some of my extra?"

"Yeah, that would be great," said Gary. He put out his hand and Pikachu electrocuted them.

[That stuff's illegal and unhealthy] Umbreon said. [You three should be ashamed]

"In fact, it's because of Lord Yoh's illegal activity his royalty checks were taken away," said Amidamaru. "Takei caught him smoking one sometime after the series was over and really let him have it. Sadly, Lord Yoh's checks were taken away before he even got one."

"And then Anna lost hers a year later," said Yoh. "She beat up Rihanna."

"I did not," said Anna.

"No, you did," said Manta. "You beat the shit out of Rihanna and found some way to pin the crime on Chris Brown. You're going to hell. It's pretty hard for the former members of the cast of Shaman King. Faust, Lyserg, and I are the only ones who still get our royalty checks. Amidamaru doesn't get any because he's dead, so what does he need with money?"

"Well, dead strippers need something to go in their thongs," Amidamaru said. "I may be dead, but I can still get it up."

"Or maybe that's because you had an erection when they killed you," said Yoh. "You told us that yourself."

"Having an erection last for six hundred years is...pretty annoying sometimes," said Amidamaru. "So as you can see, the Asakuras took up ghost busting to pay their bills."

"I'm just along because I enjoy this kind of work," said Manta. "And the best part is that there's no Rick Moranis."

"Hey, Rick Moranis is awesome," said Ash.

[He's right about that one] said Pikachu.

"Wait a minute," said Anna. "I have mine. Manta has his. Yoh, where the hell is yours?"

"Where the hell is his penis and balls?" Gary asked. Ash fell over dying. Pikachu and Umbreon rolled their eyes.

"I meant where the hell is his proton pack, dumb-ass," Anna said after repeatedly whacking Ash on the head. "And don't cross the streams!" she screamed at Yoh and Manta who were pissing on the side of a building.

"Well, we'll see you the next time there's a block of reruns of Saturday morning children's cartoons from the early-mid 2000s," said Ash. "Say, when's the next big convention for anime characters?"

"I wanna say October, but I'm not sure," said Yoh. "Of course, it could be...tomorrow. No, it was...yesterday. I'm getting the munchies. You guys wanna eat?"

Ash and Gary walked back to the Pokemon Center. Pikachu and Umbreon watched as Anna dragged Yoh away with Amidamaru and Manta running after them.

"We had a pretty good day today," said Gary as they relaxed in their room. "Time for the news."

"Our top story tonight," said the newscaster, "Scott Weiland finally puts on a shirt. But first, these men have been spotted defecating in random places around town. They have been identified as Muhctek Hsa and Kao Yrag."

The news then showed a picture of a man who looked like Ash, but was much taller, much fatter, had a clean shaven face, and glasses. The other was a man who looked like Gary, but had no mustache, was much shorter, much thinner, was bald, and had a beakier nose.

"They kinda look like us," said Ash.

"Yeah, and they have our names spelled backwards," said Gary.

"If you are aware of the whereabouts of these men, wherever they may be about, going about their business, wherever and whatever it is," said the newscaster, "Do not hesitate to call police. Unless it would drive up your phone bill."

At that moment, the door was busted down by an angry mob. Ash and Gary knew explaining would be useless and dove out the window. They ran out of Lavender Town towards Saffron City, their next stop. As soon as they reached the gate, Pikachu and Umbreon came up with their backpacks.

[They just wanted to use your TV to have a Soul Calibur III tournament] said Pikachu.

"Hey, it's those guys who're shittin' everywhere!" someone shouted. A real angry mob chased Ash and Gary out of town.


Saffron City is next. A visit to Sabrina is planned, as well as something simultaneously disgusting and stupid.