A/N: Thanks for the reviews once again you all made my day. Glad you enjoyed the chapter. To answer a few questions, yes some of my characters have come from other stories I have written, like Naomi. As far as if this is a strickly J/B story well….I'll let you guys be the choice of that. As the story progresses let me know your thoughts…are you Team Bella or Team Naomi?
Bella's POV
Mistakes are made to be learned from. And believe me I have made my fair share. But at some point you would think by making all these mistakes, that I could possibly learn from at least one of them.
Nope! That wasn't the case.
It seemed that I was an endless road of mistakes, overlapping one with the other, digging myself a hole so deep I was having trouble getting out of it.
This is what defined my relationship with Jacob. An big hole of mistakes, wrong doings, broken hearts and regrets. I knew we could never be what we were, not after what happened, not after what I, we put him through. What I did, or rather didn't do, was unforgettable. I had hurt Jacob for the last time and I wouldn't allow myself to do that to him again. So I knew once I kept my promise to Naomi, I had to leave.
Jacob couldn't remember a thing and some sick, twisted part of myself was slightly happy about that. That meant he couldn't remember his pain, couldn't remember what we were or what we had. I had to keep reminding myself that this was a good thing. Jake had met his imprint and I'm pretty sure I was the reason behind that, but I never asked and I probably never will.
Our relationship was always so one sided. He would give and I would constantly take, only giving up the bare minimums in return. It took me awhile to realize this, but once I did, we were already on our downward spirial.
It was the guilt that made me come back that night. It was eating away at me, so much that I couldn't think about anything else but what I was holding from Jake.
But the look on his face when I finally did let it all out made me think that it might have been better to just keep it all a secrect. But you see, this is what I did. I couldn't just let myself bear this weight alone. Once again I had to bring Jacob into this, let him feel the pain and anguish that had been plaugeing me for the last few months. Once again Bella Swan had to go and ruin everything.
But he had to know. I couldn't let Jacob walk this world and think that for one second he wasn't good enough. Because he was always good enough. Always. I was just to blinded to see it.
So for once, I thought leaving would utimately save him for what would come if I had stayed. But I was wrong. Telling Jacob what I hidden from him made him turn into a person no one reconized. And I was to blame for it. I had to stop making his life difficult.
Maybe it was cowardly to leave once I had fullfilled my promise to his imprint, but I knew that once he was told that I was the reason behind all this I knew he would come looking for answers, answers that I wasn't really ready to give right now. It was already hard enough telling him once. It would be absolute torture going through that a second time.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't see that look on his face. I couldn't deal with the pain that would be left on his handsome features.
So I left. I went back to the life I was trying to make for myself in New York. No one needed me in Forks. Of course I would always have my dad, but him and Sue were getting pretty close so my need to be there had lessened. I had graduated from NYU with a Bacholar degree in journalism and had landed this sweet job at the New York Times, not to shabby for someone just coming out of school. It paid really well and I was able to take care of myself up here.
By now though, I know your probably wondering about some things. I hadn't once mentioned Edward or the Cullens. Well….there is really not much to mention. Edward and I still keep in contact from time to time, but after everything that happened I lashed out at them. I always felt as if they didn't think I could handle or take care of myself, nevermind the reason for me always being in constant danger was because I was always around them, I had yelled and screamed that I just wanted to live a normal life. I didn't wait for the words of protest, I had called off our wedding, dropped out of Darmouth and re-enrolled at NYU. I took everything that I had in my savings account and moved to New York that next week. I had hooked up with my old highschool friend Angela and became her roomate. It was a rash and completely irrational. And I couldn't have been happier. For once, I did something because I wanted to do it and not because I had been told too.
It was feeling that I wasn't to keen to let go that fast. So i distanced myself from the Cullens and while I felt bad because I didn't need to do that with everyone, not so surprisenly they understood. I got a little bit of resistence from Alice of course but once Edward told her that this is what I wanted she eventually backed off. I havent heard from her in a while.
For the most part my life was that of a twenty two year old woman, enjoying the New York lifestyle. I moved away to try and be happy. I wanted the same for Jake. And if that meant leaving without saying goodbye, then so be it. It needed to be this way.
Booking a late night flight had its disadvantages. I didn't get in until late this morning. I was lucky that I didn't have to work the next day so I was able to sort my thoughts out kind of and get some rest. When I woke up from what I thought was only a half an hour nap ended up being a three hour nap and it was late afternoon by the time I came too. Angela didn't get off of work until five so I had the apartment to myself. I would have really liked to talk to her. Ang was always able to see and understand things that I didn't. To much had happened in the last 72 hours and I needed help making sense of it all.
To stop my mind from completely driving me crazy, I started to clean, hoping to distract myself. I might have been an hour into said distraction when our doorbell rang. I had the stereo blasting so I almost missed it. I walked over and turned it down before going to open the door. And right after opening it, I wanted to close it again. My past always had a way of catching up to me, no matter where I was at.
"You know this whole running away when things get difficult is getting kind of old Bella". The deep montone spoke to me, a smirk resting on his lips.
If you would have told me a few months ago that Paul Lahote would be standing in my apartment door, I would have laughed hystically. But now, it wasn't so strange.
My heart started beating a hundred miles per minute and I know he heard it because that damn smirk got wider, but I tried to ignore it and I stared back defiantely.
"What are you doing here Paul"? I asked. He laughed and moved passed me into my home without even an invite. The Jerk.
"Now is that any way to greet an old friend"? He mocked, strolling casually through our living room, hands in his pockets. He had only been here for five seconds and was already working a nerve.
I took in a deep breath and willed my anger down. Paul knew what buttons to push and I'll be damned if I allowed him to push those buttons in my own damn house.
"Cut the shit Paul and tell me why you're here". I said angerly. My tone must have stroked a cord because that smirk was wiped off his face.
"No, I think the question that we must ask is why you're here and not in Forks, trying to help Jake, you remember him don't you? You know the guy that would give his life for you"?
That stung. But Paul was good at that too. Using words as a weapon, knowing which ones to use that would cut the deepest. But he wouldn't do this to me, he couldn't make me feel any worse than I already did.
I walked up to him and attemped to push him in the chest. Of course he didn't move but it made me feel better to see the alarm on his face.
"Don't you DARE come to my house and try and put me down. You know good and damn well why I left". I snarled, feeling my anger swell up inside me.
Paul smirked again but this time there was no humor behind it.
"On the conturary my dear Isabella, no one knows just why you left. Except you and Jake and seeing as he can't remember what has happened in the last year, that just leaves you and I'm very interested to know the reason behind my Alpha going completely primal".
There was so much that I wanted to say but I couldn't put it into words, so I was left with my mouth hanging open. I snapped it shut and frowned.
"That is none of your business". I said quietly to Paul, attempting to move passed him. Of course the key word there was "attempt". He didn't move a damn inch. I tried to move around him and he side-stepped into my way again. I sighed. I really wasn't up for this.
"Please Move". I said warily, hoping that he would finally undertsand that I was not up for these games. His smirked lessened a bit but not by much. He moved forward forcing me to step backwards to avoid him knocking into me.
"You know what I don't get Bella"? Paul asked, not bothering to wait for my response. "I don't get how you just don't seem to care about one fucking person but yourself. If it doesn't benefit Bella fucking Swan, it doesn't matter".
His voice made me cringe and I didn't meet his eyes. Damn him.
"That's not true". I whispered and by this time, Paul had me trapped against the wall in our hallway. He stood less than an inch away from me.
"Oh it's not"? He mocked again, taking a piece of hair that had fell loose from my ponytail and tucking it behind my ear. "Then why why did you run away? You knew the moment Jake had started to gain alittle bit of his memory back that he would want to see you. You're the only person who can help him understand this and you're here in New York, instead of being home, helping a friend".
I knew this. I knew what a horrible person I was, what a horribe friend I was. I didn't need him here telling me what I already knew. I grew angry again and pushed Paul hard in his chest again with no results.
"Why the hell do you care"? I yelled. "You talk about me, but when were you ever a person that cared about others when it didn't directly benefit yourself".
I didn't think It was possible but Paul moved closer, so that now our bodies were touching.
"You think you know me so well"? He said quietly, tucking my unruly hair back behind my ear. I flinched away from him.
"I know enough". I retorted and he laughed, looking me directly in the eyes.
"Bella you know nothing. If you did you wouldn't be running".
I rolled my eyes. "Since you know so much and I apparently don't know enough, who am I running from Paul"?
He looked away for a second, licking his lips before those dark eyes were locked back with mine.
"I don't know sweetheart, why don't you tell me? What or rather who are you running from"?
I looked away from him and bit on my bottom lip. Damn him….Damn him…..Damn him!
"Paul, please don't do this right now. It's better this way. Its better that he doess't remember what happened. It killed him the first time. I don't want to do that to him again".
Paul laughed again, grabbing my chin , forcing me to look at him. "It's better for who Bella? Better for Jake? Or better for you"?
I couldn't move away from him, so I held his gaze, unwillingly. "Its better for everyone". I said quietly.
Paul chuckled softly and moved away from me then, giving me a look of disbelief.
"You are the last person who should be deciding what's good for anybody. You don't even know what's good for yourself".
I was growing angry again. "Are you really here for Jacob, Paul? Are do you have your own sick, twisted reasons for coming to harass me"?
That damn smirk appearred on his face again and he leaned on the wall across from where I stood, with my arms folded over my chest.
"Believe it or not, I do care about Jake. Yeah I think his head is stuck way to far up his own ass sometimes, but he is my brother and if I was in this fucked up situation I would want someone to look out for me". He paused, and that smirk of his turned into a full fledged grin. "But that doesn't mean I'm not here for my own reasons".
He moved closer to me again and before I could move away, he had one hand on my hip and the other was braced against the wall above my head. He moved in towards my neck and took in a deep breath. I shivered.
He moved back and our faces were inches apart. I lost myself in his eyes and my breathing became rugged. Paul licked his lips for what seemed like the hundrendth time before his eyes moved to my lips. I could feel his thumb beginning to rub circles on the skin exposed between my tank top and cotton shorts.
I needed to move. This was becoming dangerous territory. And I didn't handle dangerous situations very well. Paul chuckled and his fingers moved from my hip to stomach. Too close…too close.
"I can see the way you react to me. I can hear the way you react to me. Do you think I forgot abou that night? It's all I think about. Do you think about it Bella? And don't lie to me because I'll know".
How could I NOT think about that one night last summer. It was one of the reasons I didn't want to come back home. Some small part of me regretted what happened and the another much larger part of me didn't regret it at all.
"Yes". I whispered. "I think about it all the time, more than I should. But it's nothing that needs to be revisted Paul, things are way too messed up as it is".
Paul moved away from me then, his body shaking slightly. "Don't you think I know that Bella. You don't have to fucking remind me". He growled before he calmed down, his voice softer now. "I know your heart belongs with Jake". He said quietly.
Then without a warning he grabbed my face between his hands and kissed me deeply on the lips, pulling away before I even had a chance to really comprehend what the hell just happened.
The shaking in his body got worse and he looked at me with a pained expresson, my face still trapped between his warm hands.
"But for one night, it was like you were all mine". He said quietly, giving me a another kiss on the cheek before moving away, making his way towards the door. His hand was on the knob when I finally willed my limbs to move. I caught him around the waist and he froze.
Despite what had happened in the past or what was said, for the last year and a half Paul had become my friend and no matter how much of my nerves he worked, I had come to care about him and I hated to see him hurt.
"What about you"? I said gently. "Your heart is with someone else too".
Paul squeezed my hands before moving out of my arms. He looked at me over his shoulder and gave me a smile.
"I guess we can't always get what we want huh"?
He sighed and opened the door, pausing before walking out.
"Jake is probably on his way here. I don't know exactly when he is coming but he forced your address out of Charile. So brace yourself sweetheart because I'm pretty sure Jacob won't take to kindly about being turned down".
Paul looked like he wanted to say more but shook his head.
"Take care of yourself Bella".
And with that he walked out the door and it closed gently behind him. I leaned against it and took in a shaky breath.
Was I ready to face Jacob again? Was I ready to face having to break his heart a second time around?
I guess I had no choice, because whether I liked it or not, Jacob Black was on his way to find me. And he was furious.
A/N: I know what you all are thinking. WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL IS GOING ON? What is this thing between Paul and Bellla? What secret is Bella afraid of telling Jake this second time around? What was so bad that it made our beloved werewolf forget his humanity? All in due time my loves. Hope your enjoying the story so far and please let me know your thoughts and ideas. Until next time….MN
