Chapter 7

AN: I'm a horrible person. I know it, and I'm sorry. I had just really lost most of my inspiration to keep writing fanfiction for a while. I was writing more for the reactions than for myself, and so it really made updating a chore, instead of something fun. Anyway, I had some inspiration hit me today, and I was really missing Gossip Girl, so voila! I hope you enjoy this one and thanks for taking the time to read (and not virtually burn me at the stake for taking months and months to update).

Well, well, well. I must say that even I was a little hurt by S today, but I've still got to say, you go girl! As you all have learned over the years, I am nothing if not a fare-weather fan, and it looks to me like the things are about to go cold in the land of C, B, and N. I've always been a girl who looked better with a tan myself, so I think I'm going to have to side with our sun-kissed beauty on this one. So, let's recap today's events.

S returned, not only with what can only be labeled as new found vitality and hostility, but a new (old) boy

Looks like Queen B got her heels stolen and she's down a few inches. That doesn't bode well against the already leggy S

No ragging on S today, but begging for forgiveness?

I must admit I'm very confused about today's turn of events, but I'm sure one of you will be able to get me completely up to speed, so I can tell everybody else. All I know for sure is that it looks like the tides have turned, and while I'm not completely ready to say they're in S's favor, I don't think they are in C, N, or B's either. Maybe Ca has the luck in this scenario? Oh, and brownie points to anyone who can tell me where S vanished to. I'm betting the answer to that question will explain a lot more than S's renewed (or just brand new?) fighting spirit.

You Know You Love Me,

Xoxo

Gossip Girl

Carter Baizen had to say that his interest was piqued. It was not something that happened often, especially by things that happened in a high school setting, but he could not, for the life of him, get that whole showdown between Serena and her (ex?) best friends out of his head. Seriously, he thought, what the fuck happened when I was gone, and where the hell was Serena when I got back? And why do those three keep looking like someone set their puppy on fire in front of them…scratch that, they look like they lit the pup on fire.What did they do? It was times like these when Carter really wished he had more friends. Generally he wasn't a fan of people unless he was using them as pawns or they were doing something ridiculously stupid so that they existed only as his entertainment for a while.

He shook himself free from his thoughts and took note of Serena again. They had been wandering around Manhattan for a while, and she had fixed a smile onto her face that didn't quite reach her eyes, and Carter wasn't sure how to feel about it. He had encountered many sides of Serena van der Woodsen, but none of which had seemed so entirely fake. In fact, Serena's authenticity was something that constantly drew Carter back to her; no matter the drugs in her system, the eight hundred dollar shoes she was wearing, or the people she was surrounded by, she always acted the same way – ethereal, free, charming, and just, true. Serena had always been true, so Carter was confused by the facade that was in front of him now. Before Serena could pull him into another store where she would browse, try on a million outfits, and still leave with nothing, Carter gently grabbed onto her wrists and led her around to the side of the store.

Standing between two brick walls of New York City stores, it was almost impossible to imagine the world of lights and wonder that existed outside of them, and not to replace its magnificence with the image of the moldy, garbage-littered, shaded alley that had found themselves in. Serena cocked her head slightly to the left, somehow capturing the one abandoned ray of sunlight in the otherwise dimmed area, and allowing it to bounce off of her majestic blue orbs and sparkle in the shadows. Carter couldn't help but crack his own version of a smile, one half of his mouth rising ever so slightly, and his bottom lip quivering in an attempt to keep from showing teeth. He raised his hand and with the back of it, brushed Serena's wispy blonde hair, which the blowing city winds had knocked from there once messily structured hold and into disarray, out of her face – she always looked beautiful. He kept his fingers twined in her hair for a moment while gazing into her ocean blue eyes; he loved the way her breath caught in her throat as she caught his eyes roving from her own down to her lips and back up again. As he released her golden strands from his hand and slid it down her silk skin, his palm found its way to her chin and raised it ever so slightly as he moved to capture her lips with his own.

The kiss was slow and sweet and tender, characteristics that were generally not associated with Carter Baizen, yet were uniquely Serena's to know of him. When he pulled away, he rested his own forehead on hers, and then gazed into her eyes once more. He was surprised to see that beneath the thin veiling layer of lust and desire that he had always seen in her eyes was a vulnerability and fear that he had never known to accompany Serena. Her eyes, interlocked with his, were searching, yearning, for approval. He pulled away ever so slightly, and could see her mind racing to find if he was going to leave, disappear, like so many others.

"What's wrong, beautiful?" he asked her. He needed to know. Carter couldn't bear seeing Serena in such pain and not know how to fix it, how to fix her.

He could see her posture stiffen, and her face take on a look that he assumed to be skillfully mastered by all of the Rhodes women.

"Nothing's wrong" her quivering voice gave away what her words and body language were trying to conceal; something was obviously bothering her.

He almost smiled at her words, wishing they were true almost as much as Serena seemed to.

"Now come on, we don't lie to each other. We're both horrible, remember? I know you have your, what, Non-Judging Breakfast Club thing going on, but you know you can tell me. I'll get it, I'll help." He was pleading with her now; he needed to know.

She shook her head, first just a small bit, from side to side, and then more insistently. "Nothing's wrong, maybe I just missed you." She tried to smile but it manifested into more of a grimace as she choked back a sob.

His eyebrows furrowed. He didn't know what was going on, but his interest was piqued. "Okay. Then tell me about what happened while I was gone…and why you were gone when I got back…and what happened at lunch today with Blair and Nate! Just… you have to tell me something" he ended softly.

The look was back, the one of power and being well put together. The Rhodes, old money, Upper East Side look that he'd seen many times in his youth, was planted firmly on her face as she opened her mouth to speak.

"The first time I left was after you had already gone. I slept with Nate" she paused as he flinched a bit at the bluntness of her words, but as he regained his composure, she continued: "I ran to boarding school in Connecticut, but I didn't even last a month before I was back here, but it was too late. Nate hated me for leaving the way I did, Blair hated me for my betrayal, and Chuck hated me because Nate is his best friend, and he had fallen in love with Blair. Eventually Blair and Chuck got together, and Blair and Nate were friends, but I still wasn't forgiven, in fact, the names and the rumors got worse after that. I begged and pleaded and waited for it to pass, but it didn't. The only person willing to talk to me was my thirteen year old brother. I was already struggling to swim, and then Nate…" she seemed to think better of continuing with that train of thought though, and moved on. "I didn't know how to be here, be myself, without them. They've been around me forever, they've been a part of me forever, and so when they abandoned me, I just didn't know how to be, I didn't really even want to be anything anymore. Some more things were said, things I couldn't see past – things I didn't want to see past – and I wasn't just trying to stay above water anymore, I was drowning, so I just, let myself fall into it. I took a bunch of pills, locked my door, drank alcohol, and faded into darkness as I waited for the unbearable pain to just…end, but then, it didn't, and here we are." When Serena finished a much shorter version of the months since she'd last seen Carter, she looked nowhere but at him.

I'm a douche for not updating for so long and then ending here, but I hope you'll forgive me and grace me with a review anyway. Thanks for taking the time to read this one, sorry if it was shorter than usual, but, as most of you who were reading this know, it's been a while. Until next time…

A