*The best comment I got for the last chapter was 'DAMN YOU, ZIVA!' lol! Nice going! Keep on reading then! Let me not hold you back!*

[Not proofread or betaed]

xxx

Ziva David

I guess I appeared bewildered and quite out of place as I stood there. Nothing could force me to understand what I was witnessing before me. And I could not muster up the courage to walk out back and let it be. This was a time that warranted more from me. Now I had to speak for myself and get some answers, even if I was not prepared to hear them.

And the biggest fall of it all was that I knew deep down inside that I was going to be the one to walk away.

DiNozzo sprang up when he saw me by the door. At first I did not see Gibbs entirely but when our eyes met, I regarded him briefly, diverting my stare to the green eye hunk of confusion. He was going to throw that 'I'm sorry, Ziva, but I don't know what's happening' line at me. I could actually see the thought being formed in his mind.

But before he could say it, I closed the door, latched it and stepped into the room. With my face bland, I cleared my throat and slowly began pacing the floor.

"So this is what it comes down to. The choice you have to make between us two."

"Ziva—"

"No let me finish", I said determined. There were things I needed to say. "You loved me, committed yourself, we were in the process of making this work: you and me. And then this happens." Running my fingers through my hair, I continued. "Then you came to me, confused, did not know what to do, you said it was ridiculous that this was happening. And now you have accepted it?"

I stood there and stared dumbfounded at him, waiting on an answer. The AC unit continued to whirl and hum in the room. And just that second I wanted to snatch it off the wall and smash it to pieces. This rage within me was gathering force from somewhere within. This wasn't the first time I was expected to be a pawn piece that others wanted to move around without any effort from my part. I had once before stood in a situation similar to this, but it was in comparison with my half-brother. My father had been assessing us, about to choose whom he should send on a mission in Iran and Ari was chosen because he was simply a man. There I had remained, uncertain of the choice and angered by that simple fact.

But now I was not going to remove myself without getting answers.

"Ziva, I haven't accepted it –"

"Yes you have", I said. "Don't stand there and lie to me."

"Look, if it would make things better I can just leave", he said. "Whatever makes you happy because we've discussed this before and you seemed understanding. So maybe I should just leave it as it is."

"Do whatever you want", I demanded. "It seems to be easy enough for you to just walk away. That is what you're good at."

"This isn't easy for me either!" he said loudly, and when his green eyes flashed, I knew I had hit a nerve. "You think I wanted this? You think I expected this to happen?"

"No", I admitted calmly, "but you are surely accepting it faster than I anticipated. You are suddenly driving head over heels into something you are not sure about and I would like to know why."

"Look, what we had –"

"Had…?" I asked. "So that is it."

"Just listen to me", he asked. "Listen and stop jumping to damn conclusions here. Between you and I, there wasn't any deep mutual attraction. Sex, that's it."

"So you slept with me just for the pleasure of it?" I asked.

"Would you listen to yourself?" he demanded. "You're behaving as if you didn't feel the same way. When we first started seeing each other, we never could find common grounds between us. It was always you like, I hate, I'm not good at commitment, you want to settle down. Nothing ever seemed to click!"

I silently agreed to that. Nothing ever did click between us. But now that he was throwing it out in the open, I did realize that it was all for the sex. The sex was great, it was awesome. But at times, even that felt strained. Something else was always on his mind, and he could never seem to pay full attention to me. It was either his job, or some movie, or a video game, or Gibbs.

"So you desire Gibbs?" I asked.

"No…I don't know", he said confused. "I can't think clearly right now."

You're enjoying this."

"Oh I am?" Tony asked angrily. "Do tell me how."

I regarded him boldly. "You like the attention, like being in the middle –"

"Ziva, that's one hell of a fib. If you're going to stand there and accuse me of enjoying this then you're not living up to what I expected of you."

I scoffed and stepped up to him, invading his personal space. There was nothing others liked better than distance. It somehow made them feel as if you weren't man up enough to confront them.

"So that is why you have given up on us, because I am not living up to what you expected –"

"I haven't given up anything!"

"Yes you have!" I shouted. "You were just going to…kiss him."

"I wasn't", he lied.

I shook my head in disbelief and stepped away from him. "I was going to listen to your side of the story but it seems as if you're prepared to lie, lie, lie."

"You come barging in here full of accusations and hate!"

"I came in here to be told the truth!"

"Look, would you just give me some time to think?" he asked. "You're not helping here by just accusing, accusing me."

I calmed down and saw in his face that same kind and understanding, considerate person that I had been working with for years. Somehow deep down inside, it nagged on me that this wasn't fair at all. I wasn't giving him a fair chance, and suddenly at the spur of the moment, I actually agreed with him.

"Fine then", I admitted. I didn't look at Gibbs. "Take all the time you want. I promise to understand and I will. But just do not break us up without a solid reason. I need an answer. Until the –"

"Ziva…" he started and I turned to gaze at him, expecting him to admit that he was making a mistake and that I was the one he wanted. "Thank you."

Silently, I nodded and made my way to the door. Pulling it open, I sniffed, wiped my face and moved forth.

Xxx

Gibbs took a considerate span of time to get better, better enough to breathe on his own. And by the time the gunshot wound had healed somewhat, he was out and recuperating at home. The office felt extremely vacant without him, especially since Ziva's relationship with me had become strained after that day when she walked out. Now she hardly spoke to me, but would acknowledge me with a smile.

After that day, I had walked out myself without even uttering a word to Gibbs. At first it had overwhelmed me. The mere truth that hit me as to what I was about to do, it simply couldn't happen like that. And after a while, I began to realize that sometimes things occur in your life, threatening to change you into something you really are not. It wasn't that I desired Gibbs; well at least I thought to myself that that was just some part of my imagination playing tricks on me. It was just that I needed someone to fill that void within me, that space that required someone loving me.

And giving it considerably a week or so after all that upset, I was back to almost normal: not that anyone was normal, me to begin with. But I was slowly trying to adjust into what who I was. Yet every time Abby or McGee brought up the topic of Gibbs, I'd avoid them and change the subject. Never really was I in the mood ever to speak about it. Once Ziva had tried to ask me what I was about now. But I had changed the course of conversation and strictly asked them to speak about the case at hand. More and more every day it appeared as if I was evolving into a model of Gibbs.

Immediately at 5 pm, about a week from the incident, I was at my desk when my desk phone rang. Diverting my eyes from my computer screen, I picked the receiver up with my right and tapped in a Search command with my left.

"Special Agent DiNozzo speaking…" I was just about to pack up and leave and someone had to call. I waited in anticipation that it was just some wrong number and not the Patrols alerting me of a murder.

"It's Gibbs."

I didn't quite register it all in one go, but took a few seconds to realize that it was him. In those few seconds, my heart did a flip flop to Vegas and back.

"Boss…" Naturally, that's what came out of my mouth.

"Just calling to check up."

"Oh, we're doing fairly well here. Got a case on our hands. Some big bucks involved. Dead Lieutenant's wife's missing."

"What are your leads?"

I didn't want to go there because so far we had none.

"Oh we suspect kidnapping, or possibly she fled from guilt." Did I even suspect that?

"Good", was all he said. And I waited. I pondered on the possibility of him even asking me how I was, or me asking him the same. Then again, if we delved into personal topics, I'd have to venture into those grey areas once more.

"How's the recuperation going?" I asked. Damn me!

"Hate being at home. Nothing to do really other than flick through channels and work on the boat. Other than that, going good."

The conversation felt pointless as if we were placed in a strained situation to speak to each other. I felt as if this was that silly video website I'd log unto where they'd hook you up with someone random for ten seconds then moved on to someone else. Somehow I felt as if I didn't know what to say to him. It was strange but that's how I felt.

And then he said the inevitable, the one sentence that I had never ever, in all my years of working for him, heard him say over the phone to me. Usually it was 'get this done' or 'make sure you call this person' or 'check up on this'. But this afternoon it was….

"I miss ya, DiNozzo."

I felt queasy.

"Listen, Gibbs", I said in a rush, fingering my Staples yellow sticky notepad, "got some work to do here. Kinda a busy. And I wanna leave soon. We'll talk later."

There was no answer.

"Bye", I said and rested the phone back down on its stand. I felt bad yeah for doing that, but place yourself in my situation and try to even imagine how hard it would be for you to hold a conversation with Gibbs.

Xx

That night, after I had turned off my desk light, Abby approached me and asked if I wanted to accompany Ziva and her to eat Chinese at this new restaurant. I overall, I didn't feel like going. I mean, my mind wasn't that stable about then. I felt kind of tired and wanted to be left alone. So I declined.

Ziva was waiting by the elevator and when our eyes met, I observed calm and sincerity. Yet I still didn't want to join them. It was one of those times when I just wanted to go home, take a bath, stretch up my feet and watch some random movie, maybe a classic.

I decided to stop at Harley's and buy a pepperoni pizza, extra cheese. As I sat there waiting on a bench within the interior of the place, I checked my cell and noticed that I had one missed call and one message from this girl I had met at this party the past weekend. Ashley was considerably hot, with nice calves and sexy luscious lips, blond hair. Yum. It was tempting to call her back, but like I said, I just felt like being alone.

"Order 23!"

I got up and dragged my feet to collect the pizza then to my car.

It's amazing how when you're suddenly not in tune with your emotions how everything else seems to get your attention. Like detail: I was astounded by the starry sky tonight. The whisper of the wind against my face and how it passed through the trees, it was incredible. Let alone the overcast sky, threatening more rain to come.

Hand in hand, a couple walked by, her leaning into him and I suddenly wished that I wasn't going home to an empty house tonight. I wished that there was more for me to expect. Here I was in my forties and I had no one. What a loser.

Parking my car, I got out and grabbed the box, then made my way up the stairs. Those stupid patio shrubs, I'd have to get rid of them due to them obstructing most of my view of the town below. I pushed the keys into the slot and turned, but before I got the door fully open, he stepped out from the plastic shrubs.

With his marine cut salt and pepper hair looking as sexy as hell, in his shirt and black tailored pants, he appeared to be dressed for work. How strange.

"Gibbs", I said in disbelief, my eyes wide.

"Tony…"

"You can't be here", I said trying to compose myself.

He ignored my statement and stepped towards me, his blue eyes on mine. They appeared not steely like the mundane consideration, but somehow considerate, no pun intended.

"Please, Gibbs", I pleaded with him, "don't do this." Yet he stepped closer to me, making it hard for me to even hold my thoughts together. I remained hesitant on whether to step inside my apartment because he'd follow me. Yet if I remained outside…

But he stepped up to me, less than a foot away, not even 4 inches away. And when I smelt his Old Spice, and felt his breath whisper against my face, I didn't know what would come next.

A/N – This chapter was done in a rush because of the mere fact that we didn't want to keep our readers waiting for more like last time. Please stick with us for more. We'll be over soon.