Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, if I did I'd be rich as dirt, and tanning in my mansion as I drink mojitos.

Nessie leaned her head against Jacob's strong arm, and he felt like he was supporting something extremely fragile. If he moved his shoulder he intrinsically knew Nessie might shatter like glass into miniature pieces.

"Jake" she whispered soft and hollow "I'm afraid that I'm losing it. Like I'm going crazy or something...it's like I'm this different person, and I can't be my old self anymore"

"You're growing up Ness" Jacob said matter-of-factly unable to see Nessie's pale face which was staring into the wooden patio floor.

~.~.~

He could hear Bella's voice leave another message on the answering machine as feverish pain wracked body. His small bed was soaked in sweat, and he was sure he was dying.

Everything was different, his breathing switched pace, and Sam was standing strong and sure of himself over his bed.

"Jacob you're apart of your tribe's tradition. You are a werewolf"

At this moment Jacob felt his body changing; growing and extending. He was panting. Jacob turned his shaking head toward his father who was sitting in his wheelchair stoic and proud.

"Dad"

Jacob Black knew when he heard the feral bark come from his throat that he'd never be the same again.

~.~

"But" Nessie said disrupting Jacob's wandering mind and bringing him back to the patio outside of the Cullen house "Growing up isn't supposed to make me feel like I can't handle living until tomorrow. I see Alice and I see my entire family, and they're not trying to kill themselves. They seem… happy"

The strained way Nessie said happy made Jacob feel inexplicably sad. Nessie was supposed to be happy because it was Jacob's job to keep her happy and provide for her. Nessie was his imprint; his life. She shouldn't be straining to be happy, or wondering why it was so hard to know she would survive tomorrow.

"He woke me up Jacob—Mitch—took me into the real world. For the longest time I was stupid. Stupid me. All that mattered was what book I read next, and if my clothes matched. Now, I know better. There's like this whole other world. This whole wide world where I'm not safe and I'm insignificant."

Jacob put his arm around Nessie's thin shoulder, and he could feel something changing inside of him. Something in his core was shifting; like the day he first became a werewolf, like the day when Bella died, and like the day he first imprinted on Nessie.

"What if I do the same things like Esme? Like Carlisle? Like Rosalie? Over and Over again. My life would be a waste. Jacob…my life isn't meant for anything. I'm this massive mistake my father made. I am nothing. I know that now" she choked out "and I know I shouldn't think about how I don't matter, and how much of a waste I am….but I am…I really am. "

In an instant, both of Jacob's hands were on Nessie's arm. He was supporting her body as she shattered into a trillion unsalvageable pieces. Jacob focused his eyes on Nessie's—Bella's eyes—and everything changed and stayed the same. His attraction was growing unfathomably and infinitely deeper as Nessie's striking graceful beauty caught root into the eternal abyss of his soul.

Jacob was more than Nessie's protector—when he looked into her eyes—he was attracted and attached all at once. His heart beat nervously out of control. For the first time, he was seeing Nessie clearly; as his equal in maturity.

"Nessie you can't think that nothing matters. That you don't matter" Jacob's strong face was tightening as he tried to control himself from spilling all of his words into one massive word jumble "you—you—you matter to me—you mean everything to me—you keep me alive—you keep me here—you're the reason everything matters. You can feel how much I love you. Can't you?"

Nessie was running again; running before she could get caught up in the moment. She turned her head and saw Jacob sitting on the patio staring at her incredulously. Nessie knew she was confusing Jacob, and that he would think she couldn't feel the connection.

She was running into the house and into her room because she could feel the intensely strong connection along with everything else. She was swimming with emotion; lost. As she speeded up the stairs—with the sound of colliding boulders—Nessie ran into Jasper.

"Woah" Jasper said with a heavy inhalation of air "What is wrong?"

In saltine sobs she was stuttering and yelling "Can you—I need—I need to feel nothing—I don't want emotion—I don't want to be sad or—or happy—or change—I need to be nothing—I want to be nothing—it's—it's—it's too hard…Oh gosh…Oh gosh…I—I—I—can't breathe."

"JASPER!" Nessie screamed "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

Jasper couldn't calm his crazed niece because her emotions were too strong. Nessie fell onto the stairs and covered her ears feeling confusion spiral around and forcing her to drown.

Edward was next to her—he'd run quickly from his room—before she could grasp any control. Nessie knew she was crazy and needed to destroy something to let the emotion escape. She felt the hate for her parent's mistake as she sprung and attacked her father; screaming, ripping, and biting.

In one swift second, Jasper's arms were around the uncontrollable Nessie. "So you're a monster now!" Edward yelled as the adrenaline pumped through his body "You let me—that scum in the motel—drive you over the edge!"

Edward stared at his uncontrollable daughter. He tried to listen to her thoughts, but they were discombobulated and non existent. She was irrationally angry. Edward looked at his daughter tenderly; he was solely responsible for this.

"Ness" Edward said softly "You are Bella's daughter…She was nothing but goodness…She was strong…She loved you…You are no monster"

Nessie calmed down, stopped struggling against Jasper, then her body went limp.

The house was quiet when Carlisle returned from work. He couldn't stop thinking about the small child whose last words were "I'm afraid to die." The doctor knew he shouldn't feel like a failure because late stage cancer was incurable, but he felt like a failure anyways and walked distractedly towards his large study.

The room was so quiet and still that he barely noticed his stone like son sitting in the chair across from his desk; waiting for him.

"Edward?"

"I don't know what to do" Edward said low and staring at the dark oriental rug "I can't let Bella go…I can't…I can't…and I'm loosing Nessie because of it, and I'm going crazy myself. I can't be here anymore. I'm sorry"

"Sorry for what?"

"I have to leave…I know she's my daughter and I shouldn't abandon her…but I am going to destroy her the way I destroyed Bella"

Edward was so hollow and lost that Carlisle felt he wasn't talking to his son.

"So you're giving up on Nessie?"

"I'm…I don't know what I'm doing."

"She'll come around…She will come around…This is one of those things that—"

"Ever since I lost Bella" Edward interrupted in monotone "I stayed alive because she said it was important. I've been sleeping. I've been having these dreams."

"Sleeping?"

"Yes…Carlisle…I sleep…I dream…like a human. Like I'm human"

"What do you dream about?"

"It's the same dream every time. It's Bella…It's always Bella…telling me to read Wuthering Heights…that's all she says…but I know now what she is telling me now. I'm Heathcliff, I'm Romeo, I'm Winston…In love, blinded, and destroying everything...I thought she wanted me to read Wuthering Heights…Carlisle that is how stupid I am…"

Edward held a battered copy of the book so Carlisle could see it "and I stole her old copy and read it again and again looking for messages from her. Carlisle there is no message. I'm crazy. I'll never let her go, and I'll kill my daughter."

Nessie could hear her father's anguished admonition as she walked towards Carlisle's study to tell him how she attacked her dad. She stopped at the door and listened.

"I can't believe I was stupid enough to blame only her for killing Bella…She may have delivered the damning bite, but me—"

Nessie was falling and she couldn't hear anything anymore.

~.~.~

A/n:

I'd like to apologize for how weird the last chapter came out towards the end...I'll go back and fix the weirdness another date.

I want to thank the following reveiwers for reviewing before I go to bed tonight (and dream about the Harry Potter theme park and disney world which I saw on my family vacation this past week...it was amazing)

gypsymj: your comment really meant a lot to me...and I want you to know that I'm totally appreciative and happy you feel that way.

Lovewarorwhatever: she is just a child...poor girl.

jessssss425: I can't even get over my last boyfriend (5 to 6 years ago)...love is soul crushing.

Lissy: Thanks for the congratulations! I hope this update seems sooner-much sooner than the last ones.

overdramaticcomedian: Your comment really meant a lot to me...thanks for thinkin my stories are the best!

To everyone else please R&R! Thanks for reading!