Four Months Ago


"Oh my god! This is sooo cute!" Kimberly squealed as she pulled a mini-skirt off the clothes rack in front of her. She swung it around in a circle before holding it in front of her, moving in front of a mirror to hold it against her body. She turned this way and that before whirling back around to face Avalon with, "Don't you think this is cute?" She gazed at the orange ranger with an expectant smile, continuing to look over the skirt in her hand, momentarily forgetting the large pile of clothes already sitting next to her.

"Cute wasn't the word I was going to use," Avalon said honestly. She looked over the checkered pattern fabric. "You'd look like you're wearing a picnic blanket."

Kimberly's smile widened. "Oh! Like Dorothy."

Avalon's eyebrows hitched up even further. "Who's Dorothy?" She asked, glancing over her shoulder as a sales assistant walked by with a large stack of jeans. She turned back to Kimberly, noticing her eyeing it like a lion looking at a gazelle. "She a mate of yours?"

That seemed to snap Kimberly out of her thoughts. In fact, she did a double take before looking at Avalon with wide eyes. "Dorothy," she repeated. "You know, from the Wizard of Oz." Avalon shrugged and Kimberly shook her head. "You haven't seen it?" With a flourish, Kimberly tossed the skirt aside. "Okay, we're going to watch that our next movie night. Twice! Just so you can understand how rad it is."

"I'll take a pass," Avalon said, holding up her hand. "Besides, it's Zack's turn to pic a movie anyway. I don't think you can convince him to watch the Wizard of Oz."

"We'll just see about that." Kimberly giggled to herself as she set the skirt back on the rack. Then she moved to the rack that sat next to it and started to look through some other skirts that were situated by size and color. She immediately flipped past the red, black, orange, and yellow ones and focused on the denim, white, and pink skirts. Tilting her head to the side, Kimberly started to reach towards the white one.

A smile came to her lips. Not just because the color immediately reminded her of Tommy, but because of how much it dawned on her that she truly was drawn to pink. It was already her favorite color before being the pink ranger. There was just something so bright and girly about the color, and it helped that her mother dressed her up like a doll since she was born. There were many pictures of her as a toddler sitting in front of a mirror, looking at her reflection. It was funny how she and her friends stuck with their colors so often and managed to shop at the same store for their clothes.

Kimberly glanced at the sales assistant, who smiled sweetly at her, as she walked by, continuing to straighten up the store. If she were honest, Kimberly was sure the people that worked there knew they were rangers. When Tommy had gone into the store to get some new white clothes after switching to the being the white ranger, she had nodded as if she expected it and hurried to pull out some new things for him faster than Kimberly could blink.

But it was funny how they all continued to stick with their own colors even if they didn't have to. I wonder how I'd look in yellow, Kimberly thought with a tilt of her head. She shook her head seconds later. No, the idea already made her feel weird and she hadn't even tried it on yet.

"What do you need to get something new for, anyway?" Avalon continued, leaning over to try on a pair of sunglasses she picked up from beside a full-length mirror. "You and Trini just went clothes shopping last week."

"That was to celebrate for Trini," Kimberly defended herself. "That restraining order against Khoa is still going to be held up. And, there's been a no-contact order added on top, you know that."

"Too right," Avalon agreed. "But why are you shopping? I know it's an extreme sport for you, but what's really extreme is trying to think of how much money you spend on nearly a daily basis."

"Oh, it's not that much." Kimberly waved her hand.

It wasn't like she had a lot of time to go shopping anyway. Her mornings were filled with gymnastics practice and school. Her afternoons were filled with cheerleading and the odd monster attack that came through, and her nights were filled with more gymnastics and homework. She hadn't been in a mall for a while and being back was great. It was like a wave of relief went over her and she could relax.

The mall was her home away from home and it would be rude if she didn't get anything before leaving. It was like showing up at someone's house without bringing anything with them. It was a steadfast rule her mother instilled upon her and she wasn't about to let it go.

"You didn't answer my question, Pinkerbell," Avalon pointed out. "You don't need anything new, why are you shopping?"

"Oh." Kimberly shrugged. "I'm meeting up with my dad later today and I wanted to look nice."

Suddenly, her excitement of shopping disappeared, and she nervously fingered the frayed edge of a pair of jeans. It wasn't that she was afraid to see her father. In fact, she was very excited. But there was always that sense of doubt in her.

She knew he was slow on paying his child support to her mother. And she knew her mother hid it as well as she could. But Kimberly had heard a few of the whispered phone calls when she left her room to get something to eat, when she went down to the living room for more space to do some push-ups and crunches. Her mother would be curled around her phone, nearly hunched over herself as she whispered harshly over how selfish he was being and that they both needed to think of their daughter and not themselves.

Then Kimberly would hear her father say something aback about their public image being all her mother cared about and the fighting would start. It was the same every time. Kimberly could almost mouth the entire conversation word for word by that point. It'd been enough times that she'd heard the conversation that she could tell what was coming the moment her mother's shoulders tensed. So far, she managed to hide it form her friends if they were around when it started; ushering them out of the room or distracting them with something else.

But he was still her father. He was the person she was excited to see every time they had their daddy-daughter days. She could push aside his shortcomings so that they could have a good time together. This time it had been over five months since she'd last seen him. Long enough so that there were many changes she could tell him about her life; the gymnastics team, cheerleading, her friends and boyfriend and she couldn't wait to share everything with him.

She was an only child and was only going to be her parents' children and wanted nothing more than to make them proud. Even if that meant being okay with him not being around for a long while

"You don't look very excited to see him, mate," Avalon pointed out gently, her voice growing soft. Her dark brown eyes roved over Kimberly's hazel ones, almost as if trying to force her to deny it. Kimberly turned her gaze away from her friend and looked at her reflection in the mirror.

She could already see the muscle definition coming to her arms, added on from her early morning gymnastics practices. And, well, her legs were starting to buckle, and she was second away from crying out in pain from how her arm and leg muscles were constantly being worked. Overworked. She could barely go up and down the stairs in her home without wanting to cry in pain.

"Well, you're never excited to see your dad," Kimberly pointed out, lifting her gaze to look the -

"If by 'excited' you mean 'I'd rather punch him in the face' then yeah, I'm excited." Avalon laughed at her joke while Kimberly smiled sympathetically. To say Avalon and her father didn't get along was the understatement of the year. "I reckon you love seeing your dad, though."

"I do," Kimberly insisted with a warm smile. "It's just been a while since the last time we were together. I just want everything to be perfect." Twisting her fingers together, Kimberly turned back to the mirror and piled her hair up on top of her head. "So, what do you think? Up or down?"

She received silence in reply. Letting out a quiet huff, Kimberly said, "Av, I could really use your help here."

Kimberly lowered her hands from her head and turned to the orange ranger, who was busy texting on her cell phone. Kimberly lifted her eyebrows, stepping away from the mirror as she studied her friend. She knew exactly who she was texting and what it was about. How many times had she seen on the news that week alone that gang activity throughout Angel Grove was increasing? And how many times had her mind immediately flashed to Avalon and whether she was along with those being sought after, forcing her to sleep with her phone next to her in case she got a late-night phone call.

Sometimes Kimberly forgot how dangerous the real world was let along the world with monster attacks thrown in.

"Hell-oo!" Kimberly waved her hand between Avalon's face and phone.

Avalon jerked her head back and looked at Kimberly with an expression of annoyance. "What?"

"What's so important that you're not paying attention?" Kimberly asked. She tried to sound teasing, keeping the conversation light even though the tension around them started to rise. "I'm having a crisis here. Do I wear my hair up or down for seeing my dad?"

"He's seen you since you were born, Kim, what would it matter how your hair looks?" Avalon shot back, eyeing her suspiciously as she slid her phone into her pocket.

Kimberly blinked at her as if she were crazy. Then she let out a theatric sob, moving her hand to her chest. "It's like you don't even know me."

Avalon finally smiled before she started to laugh. She reached out and gently shoved Kimberly on the shoulder. "Boofhead," She remarked. Then her eyes shifted to the side as she thought. "I think the denim skirt is better," She finally said. Avalon laughed quietly. "Anything is better than the Dorothy thing."

Kimberly looked over and giggled along with her. "I agree." She bent down and picked up the large pile of clothes that sat next to her and hefted it into her arms. "I guess I better get these to the counter."

"Finally!" Avalon tilted her head back and threw the word to the ceiling. "I'm bloody starving."

"Yeah, shopping can do that to you," Kimberly said, moving to the front counter to drop all of the clothes. "Sometimes I go hours and hours without realizing that I haven't eaten anything and then I scarf down everything in sight."

"Can you do that with your new training regime?" Avalon asked, leaning against the counter next to her, her dark hair falling from her eyes.

Kimberly felt a twinge of guilt move through her. She had been having a bit of difficulty with her new diet lately. She'd been eating well, but by the time she as to have dinner she'd be eating everything that was sitting in front of her. Her stomach would growl so loud that she could hardly focus on her homework, nearly slumping over her desk in exhaustion as she tried to will herself not to eat any more than she needed to.

But there were such things as cheat days, right?

And she worked hard to deserve those cheat days, adding in the ranger fights and her cheerleading practices.

"Yeah, I work so much it's like I can eat whatever I want," Kimberly said. She took her purchases with a smile and looked over at Avalon, who was holding onto her own shopping bags. "Is anything the matter? Normally you buy as much as me?"

"I just don't have much money at the moment, yeah?" Avalon hedged.

Kimberly smiled sympathetically and looped her arm around Avalon's shoulders, nearly knocking the two over with the weight of the bags in her hands. "Then I'll treat you to some ice cream. I'm getting pretty hungry myself." Not to mention she was sure her legs were seriously seconds away from taking her down and if she was going down, then Avalon was coming down with her.


He didn't show.

My dad didn't show.

I waited for him all nigh to come to the house, to fake pleasantries with my mom, and to take me out to dinner. Just like we always do. He promised he'd be there. He really, did promise. He's never let me down before. And…I really don't know how to feel.

After the first hour passed that he didn't show, I felt my stomach start to clench the same way it always did when I was about to start crying. A lump formed in my throat and I did my best to keep it away. I didn't want to give up hope yet. My mom was hovering nearby, I could tell she really wanted to say something. About the situation, about my dad, I don't know for sure. But she wanted to say something, anything.

I didn't let her. Every time she came close I'd put on my biggest smile and give her a calm reassurance, "I'm sure he's just running late."

And he still didn't come. I left him message after message and his phone would ring each time. That was worse than anything else. Knowing his phone was ringing. Because, well, it meant he knew it was me who was calling. Not my mom, not someone who was trying to get his attention. Me. His daughter. His little girl. He had to look at his phone and see my name come up over and over. And he ignored it. My mom tried to comfort me when I finally gave up, moving away from the porch swing on the front of our house, hugging my arms close to myself.

I didn't let her. I didn't want her to see how upset I was. So I just went to my room, letting her know I was okay and I was going to finish my homework. As soon as I closed the door, I couldn't help but let the tears falls. They burned hot over my cheeks, itched when they dried, made me want to rip my skin off and start new, raw fresh. I wanted to be anyone but me. I wanted to be someone who had a life that was better than mine. A family that was together, a mother and father that loved each other, a life that wasn't filled with so much stress.

I don't think people how much stress I hold back. I try to be there for everyone else all the time, I don't like people thinking I'm vulnerable or weak. I used to be that way. I know I was. Before I became a ranger and in the first few months I did my best. I know it wasn't the best. I was weak, I had to be helped. So, I made a promise to myself to be the best ranger I can be and I'm proud of that.

But I'm still human and things do still hurt. I cried until I was out of tears, until my head hurt, until my voice went hoarse, until I was second away from falling into a deep slumber. Sleep wouldn't come to me. Every moment I'd hear my mom's voice snapping into the phone, leaving angry voicemail after voicemail on my father's phone, I'd start to tear up again. I wanted nothing more than to call Tommy and have him comfort me, I know he'd try his hardest, but he wouldn't understand.

His parents loved him dearly and were more loving and supportive than anyone I've ever met. His mom and dad went to every one of his martial arts tournaments and football games. I'd be lucky if my dad ever remembered where the school was. But Billy would get it, I know he would. I pushed aside my aching head and punched in Billy's number.

He answered on the last ring. That didn't surprise me. He was almost always in his lab, making some sort of new gadget for us or expanding on the ones we already had. I always wish I was as smart as him, as talented. Gymnastics and beauty, sure. I'd just love for people to think I was smart. And Billy always knew the right thing to say, even if he did it in a more analytical way with so many big words it made my head spin.

"Hey Kim," Billy answered. His voice sounded muffled, almost far away. I could hear a tinkering sound in the background. I'm pretty sure I was on speakerphone.

"How'd you know it was me?" I asked with a small smile.

"You're the only one who calls at this time of night," Billy said matter-of-fact, making my smile widen even more. I knew he was teasing me as much as he was telling the truth. "Is there some homework you need help with?"

My smile faded. "No, uh, I was hoping maybe you had some time to talk." There was another shuffling sound and I could hear Billy giving an explanation to someone in the background before things sounded clearer and his voice was nearer. "Sorry, am I keeping you from something?"

"I was just working on the power exponents of our suits, seeing if I could change the capacities and Ava said she'd help me out while I talked to you."

I sat up straight, slapping my hand to my mattress. "Well, if I'm bothering you two, I can call later."

"You're not bothering us." I rolled my eyes at the slightly confused tone to Billy's voice. He's so smart but he can be so dumb sometimes. No, not dumb, just oblivious. It can be so frustrating sometimes. "Did you call to ask for some homework help? I'd be glad to give you some pointers."

That's Billy. Always willing to give a helping hand. I love that about him. He a's always so earnest and real about everything. I don't think I've ever seen him be so insincere.

"Billy," I said quietly, feeling my sadness coming back. "I know it's not the same thing but…I figured maybe you'd understand since your mom…" I trailed off, suddenly feeling very rude and selfish. How could I talk to him about this?

His mother's death was still hard for him to talk about. To the point that when parents' day was brought up for school he would wave off any of the apologies and give a small smile, saying he was glad to celebrate the day with his father as he would with any other parents. But I know the hurt was still there from the way he'd stare off into space seconds before burying himself in his work.

Mrs. Cranston always was Billy's biggest supporter in science. He told the story every now and then; she was mad about him tearing apart her vacuum and putting it back together, but continued to encourage him to figure things out himself. His father helped to hone his skills but was soon left behind as Billy continued to grow even more inquisitive. And despite his mother maybe not understanding what was going on, she continued to encourage him with his many setbacks and failures and successes.

"Did something happen, Kim?"

"He didn't show up," I finally said. "I was supposed to go with my dad today, but he didn't show up." I took a deep breath. "I didn't expect him to, but…"

"It still hurt," Billy interrupted. "Because you get your hopes up, thinking they'll be around. Then you remember that it's not going to happen. And the pain you feel is overwhelming." He sounded almost robotic when he said it, but I knew it was something he felt a lot.

How many times had he thought his mother would be coming to some awards ceremony or science competition but remember too late she wasn't going to show?

"Yeah," I said even quieter.

"That's normal, Kim. And, unfortunately, it gets worse before it gets easier. As long as you remember the people you already have in your life who are there to support you."

"I guess you're right."

"You're allowed to feel upset."

That was all I needed. The validation I needed to hear. That it was okay to be sad. That I didn't have to be angry or pretend to be happy about everything. I could struggle. I felt the thick lump appear in my throat once more and I knew this one wasn't going to go away. I quickly said goodbye before Billy could hear me start crying and hurried to my bathroom, wiping at my eyes as I went.

I looked at myself in the mirror and didn't recognize what I saw. My eyes were red rimmed, mascara running down my cheeks, and my head and heart felt full. Much fuller than it'd ever felt before. Not the kind of full that I felt when I was with my friends or saw how grateful Angel Grove was for us rangers. A sickening full.

I couldn't help it, I turned and threw up in the toilet. The first time in years. Ick. So gross. But I felt so much better afterwards.

As if I was holding onto too much stuff that finally came out.

I felt lighter.

Maybe that means my practice will go well.

Kisses,

Kim.


A/N: Well, as you can see, I'm really enjoying writing Kim and Billy's friendship. And now here's some of Kim's and Av's. They're a bit more alike then you'd think considering their means of making sure no one worries about them. And you can see Kim slowly growing further into her demons. Yes, there's going to be a lot of Tommy and Kim romance in this story, but I feel that people tend to forget that Kim (and Tommy) exist outside of each other and have friends and interests of their own so I want to make that a point.

I'm finally back with more time and responding more to reviews and getting to read more. I'm glad you all are taking the time to do the same for my stories. I'm really excited for you guys to see what I have planned for the other rangers in their stories.

I hope you all enjoyed it, let me know what you think.

~Av