Author's Note: I don't know if I like this one. Please tell me if you like it, and anything you think I should improve on. Reviews make me very happy! Song lyrics are from "Summer Hair = Forever Young" by The Academy Is.
Disclaimer: I don't own the book, just this version of it.
Don't say
that it's easy.
The hardest part is leaving
Well, here I was. The family was in Denali, and I was in Forks. On her street.
I could see her small home, a few feet from the damp forest. I could hear her heartbeat. The sound of it, despite the fact that I wouldn't be hearing it for long, still healed my chest. I felt whole.
I would sit here, in the forest, until she was asleep. Then, I would go into her room like I had so many times before.
I was listening to her heart, and not her voice. I didn't want to hear her tell Charlie about her new 'friend'.
The whole thing was bittersweet. On one hand, she would be safe. She could have children. She could be happy without hanging out with supernatural creatures. On the other hand, I would never see her again. At least, not when she knew it. Maybe I would just watch and wait, and if that boy were to ever leave her, I would come back.
Maybe after a while, if she stayed with this boy, I would just go home and try to be happy with my family.
I regretted leaving her so much… much more than is healthy for her. Maybe Carlisle was right, maybe I could restrain myself, seeing how I'd done it for so long.
I could remember last spring, when I'd tasted her blood. It was hot and sweet and it soothed made my throat burn more than it ever had before when I finally stopped.
It was easier to do that than it was to stay away from my Bella. I shouldn't call her my Bella anymore. She belongs to someone else, or at least she will.
Maybe when I went into her room I could get the scent of that boy and track him down…
No, I mustn't kill her love.
She was my love, but I was not her love. I felt more jealous of this mystery boy than I'd ever been of Mike Newton. How long could I stay in town without talking to her? I would have to leave once the pain became too much.
What would I do when I left? I was fresh out of distractions. I'd have to start knitting… Emmett would get a kick out of that.
I ran as fast as I could to my car (which had been flown in, in case I decided to stay long) and opened the driver's side door. I opened the glove compartment, and rummaged in it a bit until I found what I was looking for.
I held in my hand something that I hadn't looked at since I'd left. It was the bottle cap to Bella's lemonade. She had left it on the table the first time she'd sat with me at lunch.
To some, that would seem creepy, but it was all of her that I could keep. I put it into my pocket and ran back to the woods to stakeout her house.
I forgot to block out Charlie's thoughts.
It's so nice that she's feeling better. He's much better for her than Cullen…
I cringed. He was right. This mysterious boy she loved was much better than me.
I waited unthinkingly until it was past dark, and they were asleep.
I climbed quickly up the side of her house, opened her window, and went inside her familiar room.
Her room had not been rearranged, but it was different than I remembered. It was organized and neat. It was saturated in her scent, but it did not appeal to me. I've lost her already; I shouldn't ruin the life she could now have.
She was still and peaceful in her sleep. She slept differently than she had before I left. She was on her side, with her arms wrapped tightly around her torso. She didn't murmur in her sleep. She wasn't dreaming tonight. Her hair was wet and tangled from sleeping.
I was overwhelmed by her beauty. She was absolutely perfect. I only wished that I could see her eyes, but I also didn't want her to see me.
I felt much better than I had before, even though I knew that I would have to leave her again. Maybe I could stay…
No.
It still frustrated me that I could nit hear her thoughts. I suppose it was to be expected, though.
I sat down in the rocking chair I always sat in and watched her.
No I wouldn't stay. Once morning came, I would have to leave. I would call Alice to tell her, and go back to the statue I had been for so many months.
I couldn't stay and take her away from that dark-skinned boy she would love. He could only love her a small fraction of the amount I loved her, but I still shouldn't keep him from happiness.
The sun was beginning to rise.
"I love you, Bella." I whispered.
I kissed her unconscious forehead, and headed back out of the room.
Immediately after her heartbeat was out of my hearing range, the hole in my chest was clawed at and made bigger, and fresher.
I squeezed the bottle cap to help gain enough control to drive. It wasn't working.
I grabbed my phone and flipped it open. I dialed Alice's number and hit send with shaky fingers.
"Hello?" She answered.
"I'm not coming to Denali."
"What!? You've decided to stay with Bella? That's great! You'd think I would have seen it, I was looking so hard…"
"No, Alice. I'm not staying with her. I'm just not going to Denali. I feel worse than before."
"Oh."
"Where should I go?" I whispered.
"All I can see is… you sitting in the middle of no where, not moving for a very, very long time."
"That's what I feel like doing."
"Okay, well I'll tell the others, Edward. I'll miss you. I'm so sorry that you had to leave her. Goodbye."
"Wait!"
"What?"
"Please don't go looking for her future. She can do whatever she wants now."
"Okay, Edward. Please come home as soon as you possibly can. I love you."
"Love you, too."
I snapped the phone shut.
I should get away from here, so that I'm not tempted to watch her sleep again. I started the engine and raced away.
AN: Do you think that Bella didn't dream that night because of Jacob, or for other reasons…. Hehe.
