A/N: I know, this is like my shortest chap yet, and I feel really bad but there are some things coming up that will prevent me from uploading a new chapter for a while, so I wanted to get this one out quick insteado of making you all wait for it! Wasn't that nice? So go easy on this chapter, guys. It's definitely not my favorite, but it has some cute parts that I liked :)
Oh, not sure if I have to do this, but I certainly don't own Dolly Parton or anything affiliated with her...
Love your review, keep 'em coming:)
ENJOY!
"God, it's like one of those old fuckin'… ghost towns. Ya know, in those old movies… with the cowboys." Cartman murmured under his breathe, ignored by everyone else, as they drove slowly along the main street of Bakersville.
There weren't many people out, even though it was only about ten at night, and the few that were definitely didn't look very approachable. They made it through the small down town area in about five minutes without finding anything that looked like a motel, and started driving aimlessly through the housing complexes.
"Here, here!" Kenny exclaimed suddenly, gesturing out the window. "Just pull over n' ask these guys if they know where we could stay!"
Stan nodded and slowed down, coming to a stop near a group of teenagers that were sitting around a bonfire. He rolled down his window, and one of the bolder guys stood up and took a few steps towards them.
"What's up, man?" The guy asked, keeping a good distance away.
"Hey! We're just wonderin' if this town's got any place we could stay for the night?" Stan explained, trying his best not to act drunk.
"Oh, yeah man." They guy shrugged and walked a bit closer to give directions. "There's no place downtown, but I know a some'ne who runs a sorta bed and breakfast type thing. Lives just two blocks over, on King St."
"Great, thanks man." Stan smiled gratefully at the young looking kid. "Do you know the address?"
"Uhm," the kid paused for a moment. "No. But I think there's a sign out front that says something. And it's a red house, kinda big. You shouldn't miss it."
"All right, well thanks fer the help!" Stan waved shortly as he drove away. "What do you guys think?" He asked the other three as he rolled his window back up.
"Sounds fuckin' peachy." Cartman spoke up, managing to sound tired and sarcastic all at once. "We jus' stop in this hick-ass town and go to some random hick-ass's house ta sleep? Tha' doesn't sound dangerous at all."
"God, do you think you could stop bein' such a drama queen for five seconds, Cartman?" Kenny questioned, sounding acutely annoyed.
"Sorry I don' wanna be butt fucked by some hillbilly." Cartman scoffed, crossing his arms defensively over his chest.
"Hey, guys, you think this is it?" Stan interrupted, pointing to a redish house with a small sign near the front door that none of them could make out.
"Only one way to find out." Kenny declared, jumping out of the car before anyone could stop him. He jogged up the sidewalk as Stan parked the van.
"He's fuckin' crazy." Stan shook his head, but smiled in amusement at his blond haired friend as he rang the door bell.
Kyle, Stan and Cartman made their way out of the car and stumbled up to the front step where Kenny was still waiting. He rang the doorbell again, and this time a light flicked on in one of the second floor rooms.
"Looks like someone's home!" Kenny sang, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Apparently being cooped up in a van all day had left him with some pent up energy.
"Hey, dude." Kyle whispered, barely suppressing his laughter as he elbowed Stan in the side.
"What?"
Kyle pointed down at the door mat they were standing on, pressing his hand firmly over his mouth. Stan groaned and let out a chuckle. The door mat said, in simple, bold font; COME BACK WITH A WARRANT.
"This is going to be really fun." Stan stated, sighing as he ran a hand through his dark hair. Kyle could only nod and laugh in incoherency.
"Hey," Kenny interrupted with a faux pout of his face. "It's that kind of tacky endearment that makes our hometown so… cozy and inviting."
The four of them broke out into laughter just as the front door opened, revealing a tall, pretty girl with brown hair.
"Uh, hello?" She greeted, sounding a little unsure as she hid herself somewhat behind the door.
"Oh, hi!" Kenny stepped forward and plastered a charming smile on his face. His friend's drew a collective groan at his 'smoothness'.
"Can I help you?" She asked, stepping back a little as Kenny tried to open the door further and walk right in.
"Yes," Stan started, grabbing the blond by his collar and pulling him away from the girl. "We were just passing through and someone told us we could stay here fer the night?"
"Oh, right." The girl nodded and turned her head to yell into the living room. "Joanne, there's some guests here!"
"Coming, dear, coming!" A high pitched, nasally voice came from the other room, sounding flustered.
The brown haired girl stepped aside as a rather large woman, with big bangs and an excessive amount of make up on, took her place.
"Well hello, dears!" She greeted cheerfully, reaching up a well manicured nail to fluff her hair. "Please, come in!"
She stepped back and held the screen door open as the four guys filed in, suddenly feeling like this wasn't the best idea.
"Aren't you all just little heart breakers?" Joanne exclaimed, placing a chubby hand over her large chest as her eyes wandered over them all.
The guys all shifted uncomfortably, forcing out embarrassed smiles. The pretty brunette was leaning against the door way to the kitchen, looking amused.
"Unfortunately," Joanne continued, her voice taking on a more businesslike tone. "We only have two rooms, which means there are only two beds." She gave them a suggestive wink, causing them all to look down at the ground and avoid eye contact with one another. "I'll let you all decide who's rooming with who while I go get everything set up, alrighty?"
They all gave her nods and half hearted smiles as she headed up the stairs.
Once she was well out of hearing range, Kenny spoke up. "I call roomin' with Stan!"
"Aww, fuck you, Kenny!" Kyle burst out, balling his hands into tight fists. "Stan is my best friend- you should haveta sleep with fatass!" He stated, his words slurring horribly as he leaned up against the front door to keep from falling over.
Cartman's face twisted into an angry scowl, though no one seemed to notice as Kenny continued the argument.
"You snooze, you lose, Kyle."
"This is so unfair." Kyle stated, his eyes narrowing to slits as he glared at the ground.
"God. Grow tha fuck up, Jew." Cartman scoffed, sounding agitated.
Joanne reappeared just as Kyle was about to launch himself at Cartman.
"Alright boys, would you just follow me this way?" She beckoned them towards her with a long, pink nail from the top of the stairs.
Kyle seethed silently as he stomped unsteadily up the creaky steps. He was lucky there was a wall encasing the stairway, making it easy for him to reach out and balance himself. Cartman seemed to be having just as much trouble as Kyle, while Stan and Kenny made it up with no trouble.
Joanne led them down a narrow hallway, twisting her hips much more than was necessary.
"Right over there is the bathroom," she pointed down an adjacent hallway as they walked past and stopped at the next door. "And here is the first room. Who calls dibs?"
"Me!" Kenny jumped up, his hand shooting into the air.
"Alright, dear." Joanne smiled at the blond as she opened the door, letting him and Stan walk through. "You two are just down the hall, on the right side." She informed Kyle and Cartman, motioning towards the room. "I'm in the room downstairs, and Betty is right across the hall from you two. So you all just holler if you need anything, okay?"
Kyle and Cartman made their way to the room as Joanne headed back down stairs.
"Is Betty that hot chick that answered the door?" Kyle wondered out loud, not really paying much attention to what he was saying.
"Think so." Cartman nodded as they entered their room.
"We should totally, like, sneak into her room tonight." Kyle suggested as he staggered over to the bed and sat down.
"What the fuck for?"
"I dunno," Kyle hiccupped loudly and groaned. "Cause she's hot?"
"Is tha' how you woo people, Kahl? By sneaking inta their rooms?" Cartman laughed as he sat down next to the red head.
"Yer tha one that sneaks inta peoples's rooms." Kyle accused, giving the larger teen a shove.
"Ay! I haven't done that in, like… a while."
"You still do tha'? I was jus' kiddin'." Kyle laughed loudly, nearly falling off the bed. "Wait, tha's kinda creepy." Kyle gasped out as his laughter died, giving Cartman a funny look. "You still sneak into my room at night?"
"No!" Cartman scoffed, giving Kyle a shove. His was a little more forceful than Kyle's though, and he knocked the red head onto the floor.
"You are such a fuck." Kyle accused as he got up slowly, clutching onto the side of the bed.
"I think I needa jus' sleeeep this off." Cartman declared, ignoring Kyle's angry glares as he wriggled under the covers. "Come on," he patted the other side of the bed, his face buried into a pillow. "You too."
Kyle simply stood at the edge of the bed for a moment before a dopey smiled formed across his face. His shook his head roughly and crawled across the bed, opting to sleep on top of the covers.
Cartman woke up to the sound of someone's annoying as fuck ring tone that seemed to be playing on repeat for hours. He opened his eyes to a cloud of bushy red hair obscuring his vision, soon replaced by pair of wide, emerald green eyes.
Cartman blinked several times before scowling. "Shut your fuckin' phone up."
Kyle continued to stare at him before slowly getting out of bed and grabbing his phone from off the floor. Cartman watched as he flipped it open and looked at his missed calls, a deep frown forming on his face as he scrolled through them.
Cartman didn't really care, so he blamed his questioning on his surely horrible hangover. "Who was it?"
Kyle snapped his phone shut, but continued to stare at it. "No one."
"Bullshit." Cartman declared, sitting up in the bed and letting the warm covers fall off of him.
"Cartman, not now, okay?" Kyle pleaded, his face open and vulnerable.
Cartman swallowed loudly as he was immediately reminded of the night in his car. He nodded and looked down as he got out of bed, hating himself for being unable to refuse him right then.
Kyle watched in slight shock as Cartman brushed past him and made his way into the hall. Kenny entered the room immediately after him, giving Cartman a weird look as he passed.
"What's up with him?" The blond questioned as he stood in the doorway.
"I have no idea."
"Well, that hot chick just came into my room and said she made breakfast for us, want some?"
Kyle nodded and followed after Kenny as they made their way downstairs. The closer they got to the kitchen, the more aware they became of some kind of argument going on.
"Because I'm not fucking hungry, bitch!"
"Well now, there's no reason to use that kind of language, young man!"
"Whatever, hoe. I'll talk how I want."
Kenny and Kyle walked cautiously into the kitchen and starred with wide eyes as Cartman stood up forcefully from his chair, sending it flying into the wall behind him.
"What the hell are you two faggots looking at?" He demanded as he pushed through them and stormed outside.
The entire house seemed to have gone painfully silent in the few moments after the loud slam of the front door. Kyle finally broke it though, when his curiosity got the better of him.
"What was that all about?" He questioned Stan, who was sitting next to the spot previously occupied by Cartman.
"I don't know." He shook his head in disbelief and blinked several times at the empty chair beside him. "He just… freaked out over nothing."
"For god's sake." Kyle spat out, suddenly overcome with anger for the brunette. He had to ruin everything they did, didn't he? "I'm so sorry." He apologized to Joanne and Betty, who was cowering slightly next to the sink.
"Don't worry about it, sweetie." She reassured, clomping across the linoleum floor to lay some more plates of food on the table. "We know how to deal with rude folks 'round here."
And, just like that, the tense atmosphere was broken. Stan went back to eating his scrambled eggs and talking with Betty, and Joanne went back to finishing the cooking.
"Why don't you go talk to Cartman?" Kenny suggested quietly as they continued to stand in the doorway.
"What?" Kyle yelled a little too loudly, earning a strange glance from the occupants of the room.
"Come on, some one has to calm him down or he's going to be an up-tight little bitch the rest of the day!" Kenny persuaded, almost desperately.
"And how am I supposed to help him calm down?" Kyle questioned, giving his friend an incredulous look. "I'm not exactly the most soothing person to him."
"I have a feeling you do better than you think." Kenny responded mischievously, giving Kyle a small smile.
Kyle gave the blond an odd look as he sat in the empty spot next to Stan and joined in on his conversation. Kyle really didn't want to go get bitched out by Cartman for some stupid reason or another, but he knew that Kenny was right. If someone didn't do something, Cartman would be worse than a woman going through menopause for the rest of the day. Hell, maybe even the next few days. So he went against the alarms his own self-preservation set off, and made his way outside.
"So," Kenny started, looking over his shoulder to make sure Kyle was gone. "What really happened to piss Cartman off?"
Stan smiled and shook his head. "Betty," he motioned towards the brunette girl and Kenny winked at her in recognition. "Was asking me about Kyle."
"I think he's cute." Betty shrugged as she explained herself.
"And I guess Cartman was listening in on our conversation, because Joanne was trying to offer him more food, but he wasn't responding. When she finally got through to him, well, you saw that part."
"So he was upset because you were asking about Kyle?" Kenny questioned, looking slightly confused. Betty nodded.
"I think we were right, Kenny. About what you said before about Cartman and Kyle." Stan declared, giving the blond a meaningful look.
"Dude, I think so too."
Cartman was leaning against a tree in the front yard, smoking a cigarette. He scowled in irritation when Kyle came to stand in front of him, one hand placed on his hip like some fucking girl.
"What do you want, asshole?"
"I just came to see what crawled up your ass." Kyle responded, crossing his arms as he waited for an answer.
"Oho! I guess I'm expected to spill my heart out to you, and then we'll hug like good friends should. Maybe after we can do each others nails." Cartman scoffed to himself as he took a drag.
"Maybe you could just tell me what pissed you off?" Kyle suggested, letting Cartman's callous attitude bounce off him.
"Does it matter?"
"Yes, it does."
"Why?"
"Because, dude… we're friends. Friends tell each other why they freaked out in some Dolly Parton look-a-like's kitchen!" Kyle responded, throwing up his hands for emphasis.
Cartman's face twisted into a reluctant smile as he took in Kyle's flustered appearance. He quickly masked it as a scowl before Kyle noticed. "Let's just say I'm sick of this fucking town, and all of the backwards fucking hillbillies that live here."
"What do you mean?"
"I think I made myself pretty clear." Cartman declared, giving Kyle a strange look.
"No, I mean, how can you have already judged the people here? We only got here last night."
"Those two," Cartman motioned back towards the house. "Are good enough spokespeople for the rest of the town, I'm sure."
Kyle shook his head as he grabbed the cigarette from Cartman's hand. "You could at least give them a chance."
"Kyle, we just came from a town filled with idiots just like this one. I've been giving those people a chance my entire life- no one has done anything to break from their own stereotypes."
Kyle smiled as he took a drag, letting the smoke out as he talked. "Some people are shades of grey, Cartman. Not everyone is black or white."
"Yeah, but most are." Cartman stated, a small smirk on his face as he snatched his cigarette back.
"So, are you okay to come back in now?"
"Only if you promise not to talk about Dolly Parton in the same sentence as that hoe." Cartman declared, an undeniable smile creeping onto his face again.
"What, does Dolly Parton not do her justice?" Kyle joked back as they made their way back to the house.
"Fuck no, she doesn't do Dolly Parton justice." Cartman replied, giving Kyle a sly look as he gaped at him.
Kyle started laughing. "That's fucking gross, dude. You think Dolly Parton is hot?"
"Fuck yeah, dude." Kyle laughed harder when Cartman made a motion in front of his chest and mouthed 'huge rack.'
"Oh Jesus." Kyle chuckled as he reached forward to open the front door, letting Cartman step in ahead of him.
"Well, well, well." Kenny cocked an eye brow as he took in Kyle's broad smile and how Cartman seemed completely relaxed. A complete one-eighty from his mood just ten minutes ago. "Looks like your little talk went well."
"Fuck off, Kenny." And the scowl was back.
A/N: Sorry if my editing was super crappy on this chapter, I finished it up super fast.
I don't know about you guys, but my favorite part was when Kyle and Cartman were talking in the yard:)
Oh, and who's been calling Kyle? Guess you'll have to wait and find out!:)
