He walks to the window, looks out across the camp; he envies the people he sees, the people who are not thinking of the one thing that he cannot stop thinking about. He hears the small truck draw up outside the JTAC office behind the spaces where his small bunk is, and after a while he hears the voices, some raised some stilled and hushed. Suddenly for reasons he cannot fathom, he is chilled to his core. He tells himself he's being stupid. There is something like a scream from one of the women officers, cut off abruptly. He instinctively un-holsters his hand gun. He walks the short distance to the JTAC office, the small communications centre that controls their missions, where the walls are covered in maps, and manned 24 hours a day. Some officers are stood round a small white chair. Jameson turns and sees him, and puts out his large hands. He waves them at Cook to stop.

OooooO

They stroll through the late morning sunshine, it's unseasonably warm, and Cook watches as Emily unzips her leathers, and shrugs off the top half, letting it fall around her narrow waist, she is wearing a vest underneath. He watches the others, and wonders about their lives, JJ and Lara walk hand in hand a short distance in front of him, and Cook smiles as he watches JJ stoop to say something to Albert who scampers off laughing and shrieking, Lara playfully slaps JJ's arm. They look happy. He sees Panda striding purposefully towards a corner plot, and alters his direction to follow, he looks around to check on the others, notices that Effy is only a few paces behind him. He waits for her.

As she catches up with him, she smiles shyly and reaches out for his hand. He takes it, and without saying anything they stroll hand in hand following Emily and Panda.

Behind them Naomi is walking with Katie and Thomas. She's envious of their obvious infatuation with each other, and for some reason slightly irritated by it. She watches Effy hold out her hand and Cook take it, they look like a regular couple out for a stroll in the countryside. Her eyes roll upwards, and she wonders if it's OK to smoke in Cemeteries.

Emily has almost caught up with Panda, and she calls out, "Panda, wait" she tries to jog over to her, but running in motorcycle boots is almost impossible. She finally catches her. "Panda, what's wrong? Wait"

Panda stops, turns and looks past Emily, indicates with a nod back to Thomas and Katie. "That" she simply says.

Emily looks her eyes wide. "Ohhh" she says to herself, then. "Panda, you haven't been going out with Tommo for years, what's up"

Panda Stops "He's my Ex" she says simply, "He's my fuck up, I want it to stay like that" She sounds petulant, like a child. She sighs, starts to move on.

"Don't they deserve a chance to be happy?" Emily asks her

Panda stops, it's as if it's something she's not considered before. Emily realises it suddenly as well. "Isn't that we all want? Just to be happy...for a bit?"

OooooO

"Go back" his voice is odd, Cook thinks, strangled, thick, not like his normal voice.

"What?" Cook is confused. "Jameson?" he asks.

"No. Go back!" it's a command. The strange non-Jameson voice says

He pushes past, annoyed, he's grabbed from behind, Cook is cross, and embarrassed, other officers are watching. "Jameson" he shakes free, "Get off." He moves quickly into the small dark room before Jameson can grab him again. Still Jameson calls out:

"Go back"

"I want to see what's going on" Cook is angry, he walks on and into the group of Officers stood around the small white chair.

OooooO

They finally arrive at the small corner plot with the plain, clean headstone. It says simply his name and two dates. Impossibly, sadly close together. Dates that indicate not a life lived to the full, but rather a life robbed, taken. It is, thinks Panda, every time she sees it, the saddest thing in the world. Emily joins her, notices the look on Panda's face, holds her hand gently.

"Hey, remember the rules, c'mon." Shakes her hand, smiles encouragingly at her.

"Rules? What rules?" Cook is moments behind them. He's still holding Effy's hand, if truth were told; he's been reluctant to get it go. It's the first time he's been here, seeing the grave makes him uneasy. He takes in a long breath.

"It's OK," Effy smiles at him. "It's just Freddie"

Cook smiles doubtfully. He forces joviality back to his mind "What's these rules then?" he asks Effy

"They're Panda's, not mine." She lets go of his hand moves over to where Panda and Emily are laying out the blanket, and taking food from the cool box, as the others finally join them. Naomi is smoking.

"For your benefit Cook," Panda begins "No arguing, we come here together, leave together. Ok?"

Cook nods, "Sounds good, what's for lunch? I'm starving"

"Same old Cook," Katie smiles.

They sit, and in the spring sunshine, enjoy their picnic. Small talk, and reminisces soon compete with each other loudly, and wine and beer flows. Older attendees of the cemetery look over disapprovingly as their voices are raised and they laugh with and at each other, playful bundles are fought and lost. And an Impromptu round of headstands is called for, and marks given for style and athleticism, Emily and Naomi cast careful and sometimes shy glances at each other, Katie plays with Tommo's hair as he lays laughing, head in her lap. Panda squeals, as Albert shows her where on his mummy's tummy you can feel the baby kick. Effy looks over them all, and feels, not for the first time, that she's lucky to know them. She stands suddenly.

"C'mon, " she announces "It's time, best and worst, I'll start"

Cook is surprised, lying contentedly, head resting on Naomi's legs, he rolls over, sits up.

Effy clears her throat "He was," she turns to Cook, smiles, her eyes asking forgiveness "Sorry," she says simply, quietly then continues "the love of my life." She pauses, shakes her head "Worst smelling feet in the world."

Naomi jumps to her feet more than a little unsteadily "He rolled a mean joint" she stands for moment thinking. "Worst time keeping...EVER, never really on Freddie to turn up"

The others are laughing. Emily, sitting next to Naomi, begins to cry, she makes no attempt to stop the tears, as she stands and says "He didn't care what I am, when I came out to him, he just shrugged" she smiles at the memory, then nods at Effy "Gotta say, Freddie, should have taken a shower, occasionally" She sits, wipes her eyes, doesn't pull away as she feels Naomi reach out and hold her hand. Instead squeezes it tightly.

Panda Stands, "He was sooo good looking" She pauses, as they all stare at her. Various cat calls are made in her direction "He was!" she's laughing "Terrible jokes though"

As others stand, and reminisce, Katie surprises them all with "Terrible in bed" shakes her head, laughs.

Emily is shocked. "Katie, you can't says that"

Katie doesn't back down. Wiggles her little finger "too many drugs" she laughs, "Right? Eff"

Effy nods, "he was Mr. Floppy sometimes..." There is pandemonium as they all start to laugh

Cook is laughing, he thinks of his friend, of all the happy times, then the other things spring into his mind, he tries to push them away but they are strong and suddenly he cannot stop the tears, as emotions and memories from another place and time ambush him...

OooooO

It is very small, and so delicate that an adult might break it if they sat on it. It is small and white, and as Cook takes a couple of steps forward the group of officers moves aside, and suddenly Cook's world is moving around him, the small room, the camp, Jameson, all disappear into darkness, as Cook realises the chair is made from the bones of Soraya.

Leg bones form the chair legs, more bones, arms this time form the delicate arms of the chair, ribs form the back, and above them the pelvis has been used as a head rest. They've tanned her dark skin, and made a little cushion of it, Cook can see it stretched over the seat, and see where, in one corner, there is the start of some dark hair.

There is sudden light as Cook finds himself in the open. He has no idea how he stumbled out here; he tastes blood and food in his mouth as he vomits again and again into the dirt. He intends to rub his eyes, finds the hand gun still in his grasp. He raises it hard against his temple. He is heaving and shuddering, and he thinks he may never stop. There is only so much a man can take, he thinks. Then he realises this is what they want, when he realises that if they can do this to a girl, they will do anything, use anything as a weapon, and nothing he's doing out here will ultimately make any difference. He hears Jameson talking, although he doesn't hear what he says, he feels the gun taken from him. Finally, he begins to cry.

OooooO

He doesn't know whether he's crying for himself, or Soraya, or Freddie. He is crowded by his friends as they comfort him, and Effy holds him tightly as eventually his crying subsides. He knows he's surrounded by love, and finally he understands, and knows that he no longer has to run.

He tells them. Tells them everything.