Neliel:
He seems worried, but I'm not.
I've accepted what is in store for me. A long time ago--when I decided to starve myself.
It was foolish, really, trying to bring death upon myself faster. It's not like I can control such a fate. I was an idiot. I'm grateful Grimmjow made me eat again.
But, I cannot help thinking that I'm hurting him. Of course I am! He does care...he really does! He cannot deny it!
But I'm scared he cares too much! I don't want him to die if I do! I don't want to die! I want to live!
I'm so scared. Every day brings new fear into my heart, every day brings me closer to death, and I don't want to die, but I'm so set on it...
I scare Grimmjow, too. He does not want me to die! I know that much at least. I'm not too much of a fool.
But what can I do? I can't stop myself from dying. I want to make the most of our time together. Whenever we get the chance, we make love. I'm the one who engages him, but he doesn't mind.
Really, it's the only thing I have to look forward to anymore.
I think he knows that. That's why each time gets better.
I'm so glad I had him, even if it was for such a short time. If missing the one you love in the afterlife were possible, I would miss him the most.
It cannot be possible to miss someone after death, however. It is but a foolish sentiment.
Yet, I hold onto those sentiments sometimes, trying to find a deeper meaning.
There is no deeper meaning, yet I search anyway.
He understands.
