Don't own any characters

10th Doctor sometime after Martha

Also, NCIS's time line is skewed a bit (date doesn't fit in with the other time line. Ducky's mom is still alive)

Mass Spectrometers and Sonic Screw Drivers

Part Seven

Mysterious Goo and Day Planners

Director Vance hung up his phone angrily. He had tried calling the American branch of UNIT at least a dozen times, but he got no where. Vance rubbed his eyes and sighed, he knew they were giving him the run around. 'Ask them about the Doctor, then think about interrogating me!' The Doctor's words rung in his mind. The Doctor! Vance had been trying to ask about John Smith! He thought the Doctor was a fake name he was using at NCIS, but what if the fake name was John Smith! What if he went by Doctor at UNIT?

Vance picked up the phone and dialed the American branch again.

"Hello, you've reached the United Nations, America. How may I help you?"

"Patch me into UNIT."

"NCIS again?"

"Yes..."

"Just a moment..." The sound of jazz music filled the speaker.

"UNIT, state your name and purpose."

"Leon Vance, Director of NCIS."

"Directing you to another office..there is no John Smith."

"Wait! The Doctor is here! That's what he said his name was!"

"...The Doctor?"

"Yes the Doctor! Is he with UNIT?'

"Just a moment." More jazz music.

The music stopped. "This is Lieutenant-General Sanchez, you said the Doctor is there?"

"Yes, he told me to ask you about him."

"Tell me everything that has happened..."


The Doctor could tell that Abby was a very hyper and curious person, he knew he wouldn't be able to get around her easily. She had just locked him in her lab and was about to start questioning him. He already had a feeling about what he was going to ask him. He could smell ozone from the running mass spectrometer and he noticed a piece of 'cosmic dust' blown up on a screen. He saw the Geiger counter she had left out on her desk and a the minimized results of a DNA test. He would have loved to have seen the look on her face when she read that.

The Doctor put his hands in his pockets and leaned up against a cabinet. "Ask away..."

Abby was expecting a little more difficulty, but she continued anyway. "Who are you?"

"I'm the Doctor."

"You've said that already, I run your face through a document search and I got hits even back in the early 1900's. How do you explain that?"

"I age well.."

"Are you a vampire?"

"What?"

"Are you a vampire?"

"Do I look like a Haemovore?" the Doctor said as he touched his face.

"Umm... No? Ok, moving on. Why does your box have radiation?"

"Everything has a little radiation, Abby, surely you know that."

"Well, yeah, but this has a lot of radiation. I mean I don't think it's dangerous, but it's there."

"Well, I did pass by a supernova last week, there would still be a bit of residual radiation, so that would probably explain that! Nothing to worry about!"

"A supernova?"

"Uh-huh," the doctor nodded.

"You're telling me your box went through a supernova?"

"NO! Of course not! Not through it, by it. And don't say box like that, she's very sensitive..." Abby stared at him.

"What are you?"

"The Doctor," he looked at her as she tilted her head to one side and narrowed her eyes. "I'm an alien. I was born on another planet, under another sun. The blue box is my ship. It's my TARDIS. I use it to travel through time and space."

Abby shook her head and started to talk quickly, "You can't be an alien! You only want me to think you're an alien! If you were an alien you wouldn't have told me!"

THe Doctor grinned, "Well..."

"BUT WAIT! What if you were alien, and you knew I would say that? What if you were an alien, and you knew that if you told me the truth I would think you weren't telling the truth so then I would think you weren't an alien! SO, that means you are an alien! But WAIT! What if you knew I would figure it out? What if..."

The Doctor interrupted her as he walked closer, "Abby, you're a forensic scientist, correct?"

"Right!"

"And there is a man in the basement that needs your help, isn't there? A chief petty officer I believe Gibbs said." Abby looked the Doctor in the eyes.

"Yeah.. They think he was pushed off a building..."

"And it's up to you to catch the killer?"

Abby nodded, "The forensics is half the work of catching a murderer."

The Doctor gently put his hands on her shoulders and talked to her quietly, "Abby I know you're confused. I know your curious. You asked Gibbs if I could stay, and we both agreed. You asked for an extra pair of hands for your lab, and you got them. We need to focus at the job at hand. I want to help you, but you aren't doing good standing here questioning me. Right now that poor man in the basement needs a forensic scientist, not an interrogator. So, Abby, I ask you again, are you a forensic scientist?"

Abby pulled away from him and unlocked the door. "We need to go through his computer and look for any information about why someone wanted to kill him. Then we need to process his clothes and look through the evidence Ziva and Tony brought down."

The Doctor smiled at Abby. "I can go through the computer while you do the clothes! I'm brilliant with computers!"

"I saw that earlier..." Abby laid out the chief petty officer's clothes. She heard a buzzing noise and saw the Doctor using the flashlight like object again. "What is that thing?"

"What? Oh this? It's my sonic screwdriver."

"Now you're just making things up."

"No really, it's a screwdriver, and its sonic."

"It looks like a flashlight..."

"Oy! Don't knock it! I could have said your mass spec looked like an over sized laser printer, but I didn't!"

"Hey! Don't you mess with Major Mass Spec!"

"Don't you mess with my sonic screwdriver." The Doctor put on his best "stern and serious" face, which caused Abby to burst out laughing. The Doctor grinned and went back to the laptop. He had just finished getting through some back doors when he found a hidden file. "Oooooo! What have we here?" The Doctor transferred the hidden file to Abby's computer and pulled it up on her large monitor.

"I found something too! But seeing as your a guest of my lab, you get to go first."

"It appears the chief petty officer had plans for today. I found a day planner and he was supposed to meet a Mr. Gleet this afternoon. That's a bit odd. Gleet Gleety Gleet..."

"He died yesterday afternoon, look, it says he was supposed to meet this Gleet guy then too."

"So it does!"

"Here! You deserve a sip of this!" Abby handed the Doctor her Caf-Pow.

"Whats this?" He took a sip and had an approving look on his face.

"Its a Caf-Pow! It's only the greatest thing ever invented, well, aside from Velcro."

"Oh Velcro, well of course!"

"We have a Caf-Pow machine in the break room, it's amazing!" The Doctor laughed at Abby's energy.

"It's your turn, by the way."

"Look at this!" Abby showed the Doctor a smudge on the chief petty officer's shirt. "It's a mysterious goo!"

Abby took a scalpel like tool scraped off the goo then handed it to the Doctor. The Doctor took the tool from her and closely examined the goo.

"It looks a little like hot wax," Abby said as she watched the Doctor. He held it up to his face, sniffed it, then offered it to Abby so she could sniff it.

"It doesn't smell right..."

"I couldn't smell anything," Abby took a similar tool and took a sample of the goo then set it up to run through the mass spectrometer. Abby looked back over at the Doctor. "You're going to get it up your nose if you're not careful."

"It doesn't smell right... I've smelt this before, but I just can't place it." The Doctor took another sniff then tasted a bit.

"You put it in your mouth!"

"Of course I did, how else am I to taste it.." the Doctor mumbled. The Doctor sniffed it again and took yet another taste.

"It tastes a bit like an alkaloid... it's aconi..no wait," the Doctor took another taste," EPIBATIDINE! It's a lipophilic alkaloid"

"Epibatidine? Like Epipedobates tricolor? A poison dart frog?"

"Uh-huh, WELL, this may not be from a poison dart frog, but its a similar chemical. There's an undertone to the epibatidine...tastes a bit like orange peels... a HETEROPOLYSACCHARIDE! PECTIN! Well, that explains the smell, a bit like rotten lemons.. You know what pectin is used in?"

"Delicious jams and jellies?"

"And jelly babies! I used to have a thing for jelly babies, when I was younger. ANYWAYS, there's also calcium and a high amount of gluten!"

'BEEP BEEP BEEP'

"Major Mass Spec is done!" Abby read the results and smiled at the Doctor, "Epidatidine and pectin with high levels of calcium and gluten. Good work Doctor! Your tongue could put the Major on a run for his money." The Doctor grinned at Abby's compliment. "So how does Mr. Gleet fit in with all of this?"

"Maybe he fancies lemons?"

"Doctor, what substance has all of those chemicals in it? Nothing comes to mind... It's probably artificial..."

"Well, some species of plant humanoids have a sap that's similar, but they don't usually have lipophilic alkaloids..."

"Plant humanoids?"

The Doctor looked at Abby, he could tell she was about to start questioning him again. He placed the tool on the table and put his glasses back into his jacket pocket. "Abby, can you show me the break room? I'd like to treat you to a Caf-Pow."

"You're a little ADHD, what happened to focusing on the job at hand?"

"Well," the Doctor started as he scratched the back of his head, "We could get a Caf-Pow, you could call Gibbs and tell him our new information, you could ask all the questions you want, then we could come back to goo and day planners in ten minutes. What could be more fun?"

Abby put on her 'thinking' face."Mass spectrometers and sonic screwdrivers?"

The Doctor beamed and chuckled, "I knew I was going to like you!"