Chapter 6 – Still

("Still" by Ben Folds)

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, their characters, setting, or plot. All of those belong to Ryan Murphy, FOX, and their affiliates.

I had no clue what I had gotten myself into. All I knew was that I liked it. A lot. After kissing Blaine, I almost wrestled him to the ground, making him promise not to tell anyone. I knew I didn't have to worry about that. Blaine knew what I was going through and he knew how important it was to keep it a secret. The next week seemed to go by like a slow motion movie. My senses took in everything. The way the air smelled as it got colder outside, how my sheets felt as I slipped in between them at night. Even food seemed to taste better. And Blaine. Blaine seemed to consume me. The way his face looked, the way his hand fit into mine, how he knew what I was going to say before I could get it out. My life had never felt so real, so alive.

For as alive as I felt, something wasn't right. It was like a tugging feeling in the back of my head. It came from a place I knew I didn't want to go to. The heaviness I had hanging over me disappeared and I knew that if I let it come back, I wouldn't come out alive. I wouldn't go back. Not here, not now, not when things were going so well.

Tutoring had proven to be harder than expected. I guess once you start kissing your tutor, things get a little complicated. But we tried our best to stay focused. Green Eggs and Ham was coming along alright. It was frustrating when I had to read aloud to him, but I didn't have much of a choice. I hated stuttering and sounding like a moron, but on the flip side, he was so understanding, so patient, and he never got irritated with me.

The next Friday night, we decided to skip tutoring and hang out instead. As I walked toward the center of the quad, I saw him walking toward me from his dorm. "Hey you," he said to me as we closed the space between us. I got close to him and stopped. As he continued to move closer, I stopped him, putting my hand on his chest.

"Not out here," I whispered gently. He stepped back and recovered from my blow. I knew I shouldn't have treated him that way, but what was I supposed to do? The first kiss on the quad was risky enough. I couldn't risk another show.

"Sorry," he said. I shrugged. "Let's just go," he said. My face turned red as I followed him. I didn't want to be a jerk, but I just…I couldn't do it. I ran to catch up to him as he walked toward the opposite side of the quad.

"So where are we going?" I asked as I walked side by side with him. He sighed heavily and turned to give me a small smile. I smiled back. Truce.

"The observatory," he said simply. "I want to show you something." Once we walked out of the quad and behind the maintenance building, I took the opportunity to grab his hand. He squeezed it with a firm grip before relaxing it. His way of saying "it's okay." I squeezed back. A grin crept onto my face as we walked. "Here we are," he announced as we walked up the small hill toward the observatory building. It looked like a giant half of a basketball with glass on the top half and solid grey concrete on the bottom half. He let go of my hand as he pushed the giant door open to let us in.

"Wow," I said as we entered. My voice echoed around the dark observatory. Inside, it was a wide open space with a balcony under the giant glass ceiling. I laughed, hearing my voice reverb off the walls. "This is cool."

"I always thought so," Blaine replied. "When you're here and you look up and you see all of that," he continued, pointing upward, "your problems don't seem so big, ya know?" I looked up and saw the sky like never before. The planetarium's tinted glasses accented the night sky, making every star shine brighter.

"Some problems still seem kind of big," I admitted, keeping my eyes pointed upward. Before I knew it, Blaine was standing behind me, pulling me closer to him. I leaned back and felt him put both his hands in mine and pull my back against his torso. He led our hands around me and leaned his head on my shoulder.

"They don't have to," he whispered in my ear before kissing my cheek. I gulped as I kept my eyes facing the night sky. He began to sway gently, holding me close. I had never felt so safe in my life. Like the little boy who Blaine saw in the reflection was finally safe. Nothing could touch that little boy. Not even me. "They don't have to be so big," he repeated in a gentle whisper. I moved slowly as I turned to face him. Looking at his hazel eyes in the moonlight, I wanted to stay right here with him, make time stand still, and go to the stars with him. I gazed back and put my hands in his.

"Maybe up there, they don't," I answered in a raspy voice, before clearing my throat. "But we're not up there. And in this world, they do." Blaine didn't take his eyes off of mine as I spoke. He pulled me close to him and hugged me, throwing his arms around me. There it was again, safety for that little boy.

"This world is whatever you make it," he told me defiantly. As he pulled out of the hug, he gave my hand another squeeze before pulling me across the floor. "Come here," he instructed me. I followed him up under the balcony level where posters of planets were plastered on the walls and a giant solar system mobile hung over our heads. "You see that one?" he asked me, pointing to a small red planet.

"Yeah," I answered.

"That's Mars. Men are from Mars. Women, over there, they're from Venus." He turned to look at me with a goofy smile on his face. "We'll stay on Mars though, make it the planet of love." I laughed out loud as I tapped the small red planet with my finger.

"Count me in," I replied, grinning. "So is Mars anything like San Francisco?" I asked, almost giggling. "You know, boys in tight pants walking down the street waving their pride flags?"

"Oh, you know a lot about San Francisco, do you?" he asked, playfully challenging me.

"I have it on very good authority that San Francisco is a gay mecca," I replied sarcastically.

"Oh really? Good authority, huh?"

"Well, Wikipedia." He burst out in laughter. "But still," I continued through my own laughter. "if it's on Wikipedia, it's gotta be true, right?" I argued. We both laughed, looking at each other. As it died down, Blaine reached up and brushed my bangs out of the way of my eyes, before looking at me with a smile.

"You're a funny boy," he said simply. I gave him a shy smile as he leaned closer. He got even closer, his face only inches from my own. The air was still around us until it happened. Before I knew it, we were kissing again. His lips felt so good against mine. Kissing him was like…like…it's something I couldn't even begin to describe. I've never been good with words, so cut me a break. Simply put, it felt good. Really good. Like, so good, I won't even ruin it by trying to compare it with something. It's something I'll never forget. I pushed harder against his lips, our mouths pressed together intensely. Why would time not stand still? Just let me be right here, right now, in this moment forever…

I pulled away from his lips and rested my forehead on his. With my eyes closed, I licked my lips. "Let's go upstairs," I suggested. He nodded and I took his hand, leading him up the spiral staircase to the balcony level. The starry sky capped off the space around us as I took a seat on an old waiting room couch sitting against the wall. He sat down next to me and we readjusted until he was laying down with me relaxed and laying on his chest. We took a few breaths and the night seemed so peaceful. So calm. So still.

"You're more special than you know," he told me, giving me another kiss. "I just wish you knew that as much as I did."

"Can we stay here tonight?" I asked. "I don't want to go back there." He nodded.

"Okay." I smiled gently and rested my head again his chest. I could feel it rise and fall with his breath as we laid together. It felt so comfortable, like someone rocking me to sleep. His heartbeat thumped away like a lullaby. I felt my eyelids get heavy and took my breath, trying to make time stand still. I wanted to hold onto tonight with everything I had. But eventually, even Blaine got tired.

"Goodnight," he said to me before giving me a kiss on the forehead. I closed my eyes and drifted off into one of the most comfortable sleeps I can remember.