Beyond The Walls
Chapter 7: Weakness Part 2
May awoke before her brother and simply sat beside his sleeping form for a long time. Silently stroking Gary's hair, she wondered what could be bothering her brother so much to cause him to act the way he did the night before. Sure, he'd said that he was sick of everyone's expectations of him, but there had to be more to it. She sighed, wishing she knew what to do about her melancholic brother.
Her thoughts wandered and she thought about Tracey. She knew the boy was attracted to her brother and wondered if it was mutual, thinking of the way Gary carelessly acted around him. He wasn't quite as guarded as he was with other people when Tracey was around. Kate had told her about the way Gary had acted when they went out for ice cream the day before and now she was certain that her brother was bisexual.
She had first wondered about his sexuality when she had visited him several months prior at his school and was surprised by his behavior. He was still sixteen, about to turn seventeen, when she had visited and the semester had just ended, leaving the students with a few weeks of vacation before the next semester started.
She walked into the small house that her brother shared with three friends, not knowing what to expect. She had already been surprised when Gary met her at the airport, his hair was longer than ever and when he spoke she could see the metallic glint of a tongue ring.
He was grinning when he saw her and hugged her tightly, kissing her on the cheek. She was surprised to feel the muscles that had developed on her thin brother. Wondering when he'd suddenly gotten so much taller, she had smiled while Gary animatedly told her about school. She hadn't seen him so happy in a long time.
She was deeply surprised by the house, much messier than her OCD little brother ever allowed things back home – wires trailed across the living room, connecting guitars to amplifiers, books were scattered across tables and two boys and a girl sat on the couches.
One boy, Andrew, had long blonde hair and a lip ring in the center of his lower lip. He wore a black tank top and jeans and was holding a red guitar that May recognized as one of her brothers. His fingers, tipped with black nail polish, flew across the fret board as he played a Children of Bodom song. When he saw Gary and May he placed the guitar back on the couch and greeted the older girl politely. When she shook his hand she saw old scars lacing the boy's arms, glancing at Gary's long sleeves, she wondered if the boy knew about Gary's scars.
The other boy had long black hair and wore a Behemoth shirt with black shorts, he wore black eyeliner and a nose ring and introduced himself as Chris. May recognized Chelsea, Gary's lab partner, wearing a black miniskirt and a red tank top, she had smiled and greeted the older girl.
May thought of all the interactions she had seen between Gary and Andrew and felt so certain that there was more to her brother than even she knew.
Andrew had picked up a black guitar with a Nightwish sticker on it and began to play a song that May suspected was by Dimmu Borgir. Gary had grinned, stepping behind the boy and wrapping his arm around him to pick the guitar. Gary and Andrew grinned at each other as they played, their gazes locked on each other. May noticed how close Gary's lips were to Andrew's neck as he picked the guitar so fast she wondered how he managed it without even looking at the instrument. Gary exhaled slowly with his mouth still close to Andrew's neck and watched the blonde boy shudder as he pulled away.
In another instance, May sat at the dining room table with the other four teenagers and laughed as Gary playfully called Andrew a faggot when he got up to wash the dishes. Andrew and gotten up and followed him into the kitchen.
"I'll show you a faggot," he laughed, slapping Gary's ass.
"You're going to be in deep shit if you keep that up," Gary retorted, looking over his shoulder as he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt at the sink.
"Only if I do this!" Andrew said, grasping Gary's hips and pressing his own against the boy.
To May's surprise, Gary had only laughed harder at the boy's touch. "You're such a loser!" He replied, shaking his head.
Andrew leaned forward and whispered in Gary's ear, "You like it though."
May watched her brother shrug off Andrew, wondering what the boy had whispered in his ear.
The next night they all decided to drink in celebration of Gary's seventeenth birthday. Chris had managed to come up with several bottles of tequila and vodka and May could sense a growing excitement amongst the four teens as the day went on.
The drinking had started off with Chris sipping vodka casually and moved quickly to Gary and May throwing back shots of tequila. Before long, Chelsea had lain across the table with tequila on her stomach; Chris had lapped it off her stomach with a smirk. Then May watched as Andrew pulled his shirt off and poured the shot of vodka that Gary was about to take onto his stomach. Gary had laughed throatily and taken the invitation, seductively licking Andrew's lean torso, teasing his navel with the tongue ring.
Later that night, the vodka was all gone, with the exception of what was in Andrew's glass, which Gary had accidentally knocked over with the headstock of his guitar. Andrew had pretended to be angry, with a giggle Chelsea told the boys to kiss and make up. Laughing that throaty laugh again, Gary had straddled Andrew's waist, running the tip of his tongue across Andrew's lower lip, teasing the lip ring, before pressing his lips against Andrew's.
May watched, wondering if she was hallucinating, as Andrew ran his hands up Gary's back, under his shirt, as the kiss deepened.
Gary pulled away, licking his lips with a strange gleam in his eyes. Andrew grinned at him when he suddenly stood up saying something about needing more tequila. Both boys had disappeared soon afterwards, it was nearly an hour later when May peeked into Gary's room to find him sleeping with Umbreon curled at the foot of the bed.
May smiled at her brother, thinking of how carefree he had been during her visit. She had asked him the next morning whether or not the kiss was serious. Gary had laughed and told her that it was just a joke, as most things between him and Andrew were. May believed him but, remembering the strange gleam she had seen in Gary's eyes, his throaty laugh, couldn't help but think that there was more going on than Gary admitted perhaps even to himself.
Gary suddenly stirred and opened his eyes as May gently stroked his cheek.
"Feeling better?" She asked gently.
He nodded, sitting up with the comforter pooling in his lap. "Thank you." He whispered, facing away from his sister.
May rubbed his back and sighed. "Everyone feels like that sometimes, Gary." She replied.
Nodding once more, Gary stood and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. May heard water running and leaned back against the pillows with a sigh.
… … …
Gary could feel that his left sleeve was hard from dried blood, pulling the shirt off, he quickly turned on the water for the shower. The deep wound from the previous night had reopened and soaked through the bandage at some point in the night. He pulled off the soiled bandage and threw it away as he stepped into the shower. Closing his eyes, he let the hot water flow over his body. He opened his eyes when he began to feel light-headed and was surprised to see red water at his feet. Glancing at his arm, he could see that the cut had reopened again and was bleeding profusely. He cursed softly and turned off the water, dried off quickly and pulled on a pair of gym shorts lying on the floor from the day before.
With water still streaming down his bare back and chest from his wet hair, Gary sat on the floor and held a towel against his arm. He could feel himself growing more light-headed, realizing he was close to passing out, he called May's name, hoping she was still in the bed room.
… … …
May heard the water turn off suddenly and glanced at the clock, it had only been a few minutes and she was surprised that her brother was already done. Several moments passed before she heard Gary call her.
Standing up, she walked to the bathroom door. "Are you alright?" She called softly.
She heard Gary sigh. "It's a matter of perspective," he replied.
She opened the door and stepped into the steamy bathroom, she didn't have to see the blood on the floor or the bloody towel that Gary was holding against his arm to see that something was wrong. Gary leaned back against the wall, wearing only a pair of black gym shorts, his face nearly white and his hands trembling slightly.
He moved the towel away from his arm enough for May to see the blood, she gasped and kneeled in front of him. She pulled away the towel and looked at the deep cut, glancing at her brother's face, she could see that he was close to passing out. Placing the towel back in place, she ran to the door, telling Gary to stay where he was.
… … …
Tracey had just opened the door for Anna when he heard May call his name with panic in her voice. Anna pushed past him and ran towards the stairs at the sound of her voice; Tracey slammed the door shut and followed Anna up the stairs. Anna ran into Gary's bedroom past May and stopped in the bathroom. Seeing the blood, she dropped at Gary's side and quickly pressed the towel against his arm more firmly.
"Look at me," she commanded as she turned Gary's chin gently to face her.
She looked up at May, who was urgently telling Tracey to get her first aid kit out of her bathroom. "Should we take him to a hospital?" Anna asked.
May shook her head, taking Gary's pulse. "He should be fine with stitches."
Anna looked at her with wide eyes. "You're going to give him stitches?" She asked.
"I help Grandpa treat the pokemon here all the time, I can do it," she pointed out, taking the kit from Tracey. "Keep him from passing out." She commanded Tracey. Carefully threading the suture, she looked at Anna. "He hasn't eaten since yesterday."
Anna nodded and stood up, Tracey moved to her place and nervously looked at May.
"Don't faint on me, Gary," she said with a playful edge to her voice as she wiped blood away from the cut. "Don't watch," she added gently.
Remembering what Anna had done, Tracey told Gary to look at him. Holding his gaze, Tracey grasped Gary's other hand and waited for May to finish. May worked swiftly, occasionally asking her brother if he was okay. Gary glanced over May's shoulder and saw Anna standing in the doorway, holding a glass of juice in one hand and a shirt in the other. May bandaged Gary's arm as Anna walked into the bathroom.
Tracey glanced down at the hand he was holding and noticed the scars lacing Gary's flesh. Suddenly understanding so much about him, Tracey looked back into Gary's eyes, knowing that he had seen Tracey stare at the usually-hidden scars. Gary slid his hand out of Tracey's as Anna handed him the glass of juice. Drinking the juice slowly, Gary held Tracey's gaze, silently daring him to say something about the scars on his arms.
Suddenly feeling claustrophobic in the crowded bathroom, Gary stood shakily and walked into his bedroom. He placed the empty glass on his desk and saw that Anna had brought up a small plate of fruit. Ignoring the plate, he lay down on his bed and buried his face in a pillow.
"He's never needed stitches before," Anna said softly, staring down at the shirt she held in her hands. "What happened?" She asked May.
May sighed as she packed the first aid kit. "I was picking on him yesterday for not eating meat and he got really pissed and disappeared for awhile. He had the bandages on his arm but I thought it was just the usual, I guess the cut reopened when he was in the shower."
"He seemed really upset last night," Tracey added quietly.
"I haven't seen him so upset in a long time," May admitted to Anna. "I think there's something bothering him that he's not telling anyone."
Anna nodded slowly, thinking. "I'll talk to him."
The three teens walked out of the bathroom, May handed Tracey the first aid kit and asked him to put it away. Nodding, Tracey took it and walked out of the room. May walked to the side of Gary's bed and kissed him on the temple. Gary tiredly rolled over and lay back against the pillows.
"Feeling better?" She asked, receiving only a nod in response. "Get some rest; you lost a good amount of blood." She smiled gently and pushed a few stray strands of hair off of Gary's cheek before heading towards the door. "Make sure he doesn't get into any trouble, Anna!" May called as she closed the bedroom door before walking back to her room.
Anna crawled across the bed and lay down next to Gary with her head on his chest. She offered him the shirt she was holding, surprised to see him refuse. Dropping it on the floor next to the bed, she draped her arm across Gary's waist and grasped his hand. Sighing softly, Gary shifted his weight and wrapped his free arm around Anna, hand smoothing her long hair.
Closing her eyes, Anna listened to Gary's steady heartbeat. "I like seeing you like this," she said suddenly, after a few minutes. Gary glanced at her questioningly and Anna laughed softly. "I mean when you're relaxed like you are right now… And I like you with your shirt off."
Gary chuckled softly and thought about what Tracey had asked him only two days ago. Why hadn't he and Anna ever dated when they had such a connection? When they so often lay like they currently were? Gary hated to admit it to himself, much less to Tracey, but the two could never date. He knew they were both too self-destructive to last in a serious relationship.
The relationship they had now was a solid friendship. Both people could seek outside pleasure and not feel guilty, though Gary rarely sought pleasure from others now that he was away from school and his mischievous roommate.
Thinking of the fun times he had spent with Andrew, so many of them under the influence of alcohol, thinking of the feelings he felt when he was around Tracey, Gary suddenly felt realization strike him. Feeling as though a heavy weight had been lifted from his chest, Gary suddenly felt himself let go of so much built-up frustration that he hadn't even realized he'd been carrying with him.
… … …
::Author's Notes::
In May's memory of meeting Gary's friends, his roommate Andrew is playing the Children of Bodom song Bed Of Razors on one of Gary's guitars.
