Chapter 7

Sorry guys it's been forever. Exams are just starting so getting a little busy. I hope this longer chapter makes up for it. Thank you to anyone who reviewed and please keep it up. Reviews are like tiny Littles pokes telling me to keep writing :). Anyway you people all rock!

The stairs creak under my weight as I stumble down them, yawning. I got maybe 3 hours of sleep. I'm not used to going to bed so routinely. We're normally out on missions until the wee hours of the morning. We sleep into at least noon them do it all over again.

At the sound of voices, I hesitate. I've been here about a week and I still haven't talked to everyone. Probably because I'm avoiding his parents. I don't exactly want to nod vacantly while they prattle on and on about how cute Will and I together. It's a little nauseating frankly.

"Morning Caly" Crystal greets me. I managed a half smile, trying to hide the fact that I'm barely awake. I seriously need some concealer. And some coffee.

"Morning." I say cheerfully, literally the opposite of how I feel right now. "Hey Caly!" Sky pipes up. She's sitting on Zeds lap, one of the only brothers awake. However the majority of female soulfinders are here. "Yeah?"

"We're all going shopping, want to come?" I almost choke on my coffee as I do a double take. I so do not want to shop. On a good day, Lea can successfully drag me to the mall, kicking and screaming. On a bad day, I will jump out of the car. I go shopping when I have too, Like when creating a disguise.

"Sure!" Hopefully that response covered the disgust I feel.

"Sure what?" Will stumbles in behind me and a sudden but if nerves flutter against my chest. Why the hell am I nervous? It's a boy. I have seen boys before, granted one of them was my brother but still. "Caly's coming shopping with us." Sky announces proudly before returning to cuddle into her soulfinders chest. They are literally one step away from making out in the middle of the kitchen.

And Karla just smiles at them fondly. If this was my house, someone would already be on the floor and the other one would be sitting on a different chair. Probably in a different city. They would forcibly have space placed in between the two of them, let's just say that.

Is this what normal savants houses are like because man it's odd. People literally always want to know where you're going and where you are. It drives me nuts. I think.

"That's great." Will leans his head over my shoulder. I push him off, shooting him a grumpy look. Laughing, he reaches over, stealing my coffee. Nobody touches my coffee.

Nobody.

"Give it back." I pout, giving him the Bambi eyes. "No. I think I'll keep it." Do not pull out a knife. That is the worst idea in the world. Just don't do it. I scowl instead, turning back to the muffin that I'm slowly tearing apart. I haven't taken a Bite out of it yet, I just don't feel hungry. I don't really feel much of anything right now.

My brother calls these my bitchy days, where anything and everything sets me off. I don't eat or sleep, I just can't. "So shopping!"

I muster up as much enthusiasm as I can, "Yay!"

….

The mall is crowded and every time someone brushes against my arm, my chest seizes up. It's not making it easier to listen to Karla talk on and on about how excited she was for this trip. We squeeze into a store I don't recognize, the holiday crowds piling around us.

The store is too covered in pink for my taste, filled with cutesy dresses and shirts. "Divide and conquer!" Sky claps her hands together in excitement. "I'm going over here." I point over at an empty space, appears to be selling socks. Cool.

"Ok." Sky has already set her sights on a display of Christmas sweaters. Karla and Phee are moving towards the dresses. "I'll come with you." Crystal steps out after me. Crap. I wanted to be alone. I like Crystal just fine.

She's overly invested in Will's and my relationship but aside from that, she's pretty cool. I pull a sock off the rack, pretending to be interested in the spaceship pattern. I'm more of a rainbow girl to be honest. "Hey Caly?" I make a noncommittal noise of assent.

"Will likes you." Here it is, the reason she pulled me aside.

"He's very nice."

Crystal shuffles her feet, reaching out for the rack of clothes. She sorts through them, flicking one hanger after another.

"No he really likes you. Like really." I actually don't know where this is going. I was expecting some kind of parental, "be safe" talk or grilling about my background. It's taken a bit of a twist, I'll admit. "Yeah?" I prompt, trying to get the awkwardness over with.

"I just.. I just wanted to ask you something." Placing the sock back on the rack, I turn to face Crystal. As much as I don't want to have this conversation, it seems like a moment for eye contact. Nodding, I'm praying that she spits it out soon.

"Don't break his heart." Every muscle in my body locks down. My shields slam up, my energy level is about 120 percent. I'm ready to fight my way out, that's the instant reaction I have to stress. To fight it tooth and nail until it let's go.

"He needs you more than you know, please I'm begging you. Just be good to him." Unfortunately, what Crystal is asking for is something I just can't promise. I can promise the opposite but I can't promise not to hurt him.

It's impossible for me not to hurt him, the second he finds out who we really are and what we're really doing here, he'll be hurt. And then the real Caly will rip his heart into a million tiny pieces. But being the liar I am, the manipulative girl I am, I answer. "I promise."

The words sound false even to my own ears but I avert my eyes. I can't see the relief spread over Crystal's face. I just can't.

….

The frigid air hit my cheeks, searing them like I just splashed a cup of sulfuric acid into my face.

Ok maybe not sulfuric but like hydrochloric. Ok maybe I'm exaggerating but I had acid spilled on my skin and it hurts like a bitch. Anyway, my point is that it was frickin cold. It's the kind of cold that starts to seep through your bones and get that burning feeling like you're too warm and hurts your lungs to breathe in. Wow, I'm really trying to distract myself. I just spent 2 solid minutes on the weather. Not even the weather, the temperature.

I am officially out of interesting distracting topics. It's about 10 on Christmas eve. Everybody's all holly jolly in there but I'm kind of done. I guess I miss Lea and Jace, and I guess Collin. I think it's more than that though, maybe I feel guilty about what I'm going to do to this family that has so willingly accepted me into their home.

But I don't get guilty. It's in my diagnosis, not the complicated one they gave me in the hospital but the simple one Google gave me. Does not feel guilt or empathy. Seriously it was right there in print. I inhale deeply ignoring the Burning in my lungs. It's stupid cold out here.

Wow back to the weather again, we went to my mental health issues then circled back here. I must be getting boring. "Hey!" The door shuts behind Will as he bounds out the door, throwing his coat over his shoulders. I have to resist the urge to laugh, he's like a puppy. He keeps on popping up wherever I am.

I can't really blame him as I'm sure the whole magic soulfinder bond thingy is responsible for that. "Hi." I blink the snowflakes out of my eyes, feeling the cold fluffy flakes catch on my lashes. He skids to a stop beside me, laughing as his feet almost give out from underneath him.

"And I thought I was the most athletic in the family." He joked, regaining his balance clumsily.

"Nah. I think Sky has you beat." He wraps his arm around my shoulders and I lean into his touch. For warmth. Only for warmth. Remember it's stupid cold, that is the only reason that you are touching. "Are you ok?" The random question acts almost like a sponge, suckling up every bit of oxygen in my lungs and robbing me of the chance to lie. I wish I was. I should be. But I'm pretty sure that I haven't hit "Ok" on the scale since I was 10.

But I can't tell anyone that. Not my brother who looks at me like a bomb, just waiting for me to explode. Not Collin who was blissfully oblivious of the whole situation. And definitely not Lea. Not Lea who leans on me so much that I don't think she even notices it anymore.

Lea, who if I collapsed; would spiral so far down that it would be impossible to drag her out again. Only Jace knows what really happened that night and he won't tell a soul. I can't tell that to anybody, what I did, what I wanted so badly to happen.

"I'm great" Trust me, it takes a lot to make a person so bitter and twisted that she can't even tolerate any type of real relationship. It only takes a drop of evil to Fuck someone up.

"That's good. I was worried that I rushed everything too fast by bringing you here." "You were excited." I blink, feeling the snow melting against my skin, running down my face like tears. Will turns towards me and I'm struck again by how beautiful he is. Perfect skin, hair and eyes… those eyes that can pierce into a girl's soul and just make her melt.

He's pure magic walking, proof that good guys and Angels still exist. Unfortunately, he was probably Hitler in his past life to be stuck with me. But that's what he is. He's stuck with me. And that's what rips through me, a hot feeling that scalds through my chest. The last time I felt this way was years ago. Kneeling alone in a lot, the stones scratching my bare knees, my eyes overflowing with hot burning tears. I can't think about that, not about her. Not about anything that happened in that place. Sadly, that gives me one thing to focus on and that's Will.

Will who I've been trying desperately to ignore. He deserves way better than me, I can't do this to him. "You don't know how beautiful you are." I raise both my eyebrows at him, tilting my head. Hurrying to correct himself, Will continues, "Not on the outside, I mean your beautiful there too but…" His voice trails off, collecting his thoughts.

"I mean you're so kind. Sky and Crystal adore you and my mom thinks you're just so cute. You're an amazing person and I'm so lucky to be able to live you for the rest of my life." A lump is growing in my throat. I almost blurt it out now, I'm not who you think I am. I'm evil. You wouldn't love the real me. But I can't. Not now. Another symptom of my disorder, we don't give a damn about anyone other than ourselves. And because I'm a heartless, selfish bitch, I lean in and our lips meet. It's amazingly perfect.

We just fit together and every little sigh is perfectly mirrored by the other. My lips slide open against the gentle pressure of his and it instantly fires it up to another level. My legs wrap around his waist as he lifts me up, leaning on the fence behind us for support. His hands are everywhere, trailing fire across my skin through 3 layers of clothing. Damn this boy is putting out heat. "Oi lovebirds, get back in the house." Xav's exasperated voice echoes through the otherwise still environment. He slams the door behind him and Will and I jump apart.

Oh god what the hell did I do? "We should try that again sometime." Will said fairly cheerily. "I'm going to kill Xav." He adds. I'm going to stab a red hot poker through my brain. I am a fucking idiot. But even as I rant and rage at myself, a little part of me stays quiet. Because that one small little part wants Will and I'm afraid that I won't be able to deny it much longer.

I swear to god I'm going insane. I mean that's the only explanation for what I'm doing right! A sane person would not do this.

…..

"Caly, Caly wake up!" I slam the pillow over my head, trying to block out Sky's cheers. I had actually slept last night and I wasn't in the mood for this. "Caly Come on! It's Christmas!" Sky squealed, pulling the pillow away from my head.

"It'll still be Christmas in 3 hours." I groan, pulling the blankets over my head to avoid the cold that had started to seep in. "Caly." Sky begged. I could just picture it, big blue eyes wide and lips pouting. God damn it. Why the Fuck was it impossible to dislike this girl?

It's like hating a freakin puppy. "Fine." I throw the blankets off and scramble to my feet. Sky's face instantly lights up as she joins me. I'm already regretting this decision, it's not very warm. Fuck I hate the cold. I bounce from foot to foot as Sky runs into the hallway, probably to wake Zed. The carpeted floors of the hall are a little warmer than the wood in Sky's room. "Sky drag you out?" Will stumbles out of his room. Without a shirt. God did he have to have abs? I mean seriously isn't that just too much. His torso literally looks like someone carved it out of marble. I want to lick his abs. Fuck. Where the hell did that come from?

"My eyes are up here." Will's smirking at me. I'm honestly surprised I'm not drooling. Seriously abs are like my weakness. "Umm…." Laughing, he wraps an arm around my shoulder.

"Don't worry I think you're pretty hot too." He walks past me, obviously not waiting for Sky and Zed. I hesitate for a second before jogging after him, my bare feet sliding on the ground.

….

"Did you have a good Christmas?" The heat from the hot chocolate seeps through my hands. I'm curled up in the window seat with Will, watching the snowflakes fall. It was a good Christmas.

I mean nobody blew anything up and that is kind of my favourite thing but still nice. It reminds me of a long long long time ago. Back when my parents were still alive, back when my hair wasn't blonde and all I cared about was making sure that Jace didn't get the biggest pancake.

Speaking of Jace, I wonder if he's out there. I haven't talked to him since I left for the Benedict's. He's always on duty when I call and we're worried about using telepathy here. It makes Crystal sick so if she picks up on it, we're screwed. Lea's been giving information for me so we're still kind of in contact.

"Yeah, I did." I take a long sip of the drink, the scalding liquid warming me from the inside out. It's freaking awesome hot chocolate, like it seriously tastes like they melted pure chocolate in here. "What's in this?"

"Ahh, Benedict family secret. Can't tell you that." I scowl, glaring at Will.

"So not fair." He shrugs, holding up his hands in a "what can I do?" gesture. "Come on!"

"Sorry." I can see the smirk playing around his mouth. He's enjoying this. I am not. I don't like not knowing stuff that other people know. "I could make you tell me." I threaten, leaning closer. He laughs, leaning in as well, "What are you going to do?" Crap. Normally that would send Collin or Jace or even Lea, into a panic, trying to scramble and do what I want. Mostly because at home, I'm scary. Here I am not. Therefore I should probably not pull a knife out. Or a gun. My options are extremely limited here.

How am I supposed to threaten people effectively without a gun?

I'm guessing that the whole reason that Jace gave me less access to weapons is because he didn't want me to go "crazy" and pull out a gun. That's bullshit. I've never done that. It was a knife that I pulled out and I've only done that like 5 times.

Approximately.

Ok maybe a few more. Anyway I'm silently cursing Jace out in my head for not letting me have a gun. Than it occurs to me. And I lean it even closer. I can practically feel his breath against my skin.

The anxiety should be building up by now, but it's not. All I feel is a weird trembling feeling. "I'm sure I can persuade you." I say in my most seductive voice. And it doesn't even take a second before his mouth is on mine, his hand gripping my hair, pulling me closer. We fall backwards against the window seat, my spine curving to the chair. My hands slide up under his shirt, sweeping my fingertips over his abs. The kiss feels never ending, and my lungs don't even care.

I don't even realize how much I need oxygen until the kiss breaks off. My chest is heaving, gasping for air like I'm having an attack but this is better. So much better. "God Caly." Will groans, his eyes focused on me. He's out of breath, his eyes staring darkly into mine. I lean forward, running my lips over his collarbone, across his shoulder, his neck, anywhere.

His lips crash down on mine, driving any negative thoughts out of my head without one passionate kiss. It ends much like the first one, with us gasping for breath. But this time, we're not stopping.

The hot chocolate is long forgotten as he wordlessly pulls me to my feet and up the stairs. He shuts the bedroom door behind us and it doesn't even occur to me until early the next morning, that I'm doing exactly what I swore I'd never do.

I'm feeling something for Will Benedict.