Maggie and Alex were taking a walk on one of the nature trails at the clinic. They'd been continuing with the therapy and things that had needed to be talked about had been and they were taking steps in the right direction. "So uh," Alex sounded nervous as she spoke. "Have you talked to Emmi about things?" Alex questioned.
"No," Maggie shook her head. "I think we should be together when we tell her," Maggie said, Alex giving a little nod as she pursed her lips. "I'm dreading it, to be honest."
"Yeah it's not going to be a nice conversation to have," Alex exhaled lightly. "I guess we still have a few days to prepare." Alex said. She was almost finished her 6 weeks, having only a few days to go.
"I still don't think I'll be ready," Maggie said. "But uhm, if they clear you to get out on Saturday I'll come pick you up, if you want," Maggie suggested. "We can then go home and tell the girls about what's happening."
"Sure, yeah," Alex answered as they walked through the trail. "Uh...what is actually happening?" Alex wondered. She knew they were going to take some time apart, but she wasn't even sure what the plans were going to be. They hadn't really talked much about it because they were focusing on other things.
"I thought that you could stay with your mum for a while," Maggie said. "She's fine with it and she's someone you trust and someone who can be there for you if you have a little wobble." Maggie knew there was every chance that Alex might still feel like drinking after just getting out of rehab. She needed a strong support system and if it couldn't be her then Alex's mother was the best person for it to be.
Alex took a deep breath as she gave a little nod. "What about the girls?" Alex sounded upset. "I'm still going to get to see them, right?"
"Of course," Maggie told her. "I would never stop you from seeing your children," Maggie assured her. "And it's not like we won't see each other either. We'll still meet up and talk and it'll kinda be like we are dating again," Maggie said. "I don't want us to be over. You know that, right?"
"Yeah," Alex gave her a weak smile. "I just hate the thought of this situation."
"You and me both," Maggie replied. "But I need some time, Alex. I'm trying to forgive the fact you slept with someone else. That's going to take time."
"I know," Alex twisted her lip. "And I'm grateful that I am getting another chance and I am going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I hate myself for what I did." Alex's memories of the night were a little hazy, but she still remembered enough to know something happened with the other woman.
"Well I mean…." Maggie exhaled lightly. "You were dealing with a lot. You had the postnatal depression and the drinking," Maggie said. "I'm not trying to make excuses for you, but it wasn't like you went and purposely seeked out someone to spend the night with," Maggie noted. It still hurt her deeply that it had happened, but she knew Alex wasn't in her right mind when it did. "Right?"
"No," Alex answered. "I was just sitting there minding my own business and then she sat down, started talking to me. she kept buying me drinks, I…" Alex stopped talking. "I really am so sorry, Maggie," Alex apologised. "I hate what I've done."
"Well let's just look to our future now and us getting though this." Maggie told her. It's what they both wanted, so if they tried hard enough, they were sure they'd be able to get things back.
"Yeah," Alex nodded. "How long do you think I'm going to have to go live with my mum for?" Alex questioned. She knew she probably shouldn't be asking this, but she couldn't help herself.
"Alex, I…" Maggie shook her head as she let a puff of air escape between her lips. "I don't know. We take this one day at a time, yeah?"
"Hmm," Alex pursed her lips as she nodded. She didn't exactly want to go back to living with her mother but she would do it if it meant she'd be able to work at her marriage. "Yeah. Yeah, you are right, sorry."
"Don't be," Maggie could understand Alex's eagerness. "But like I said, one day at a time, yeah?" Maggie repeated, and Alex nodded knowing one day at a time was the best way for them to deal with this.
Alex did get home on the Saturday. Maggie went to pick her up and drove her to the house, where they'd tell the girls what was happening then Alex would pack some clothes for going to stay at Eliza's place for a while. Maggie had pulled up into the driveway, the pair of them sitting in the car for a moment, needing a little more time before going in and talking to the kids. The pair of them especially not looking forward to Emmi's reaction. "God my heart is pounding." Maggie said, looking straight ahead to the garage door.
"Same," Alex put her hand onto her chest. "I guess though, we make sure to tell her it's only going to be temporary," Alex said. "At least, we hope."
"Yeah," Maggie took a deep breath. "We just gotta rip the band-aid." Maggie took of her seatbelt as she spoke. Alex nodded in agreement as she did the same, taking off her seatbelt then opening the door and stepping out of the car. Maggie followed Alex up to the house, walking in after her.
"Mum." Emmi ran out of the living room, leaping up onto Alex, holding onto her tightly. The girls had been a few times to the clinic over the 6 weeks Alex was there for but taking young kids to a rehab centre for alcohol addiction wasn't really something they felt should be done often.
"Hey my sweet girl." Alex held onto Emmi, kissing her temple softly.
"Mummy, mummy, mummy," Alex felt little hands on her leg. She looked down, seeing Hayden looking up at her, all excited. "Let me see her Emmi." Hayden pouted.
Alex put Emmi down and lifted Hayden into her arms. Hayden gripping tightly onto Alex. Alex kissed her daughter's temple as she held her tightly. "Oh Mummy missed you both so much," She'd missed her kids madly these last 6 weeks. It killed her that they were still going to be apart for periods of time right now, but she knew it had to be done if she wanted to fix her marriage. She looked down as she felt Trudi jumping up on her, the dog also excited to her home. "Hello Gertrude. I missed you too. I did," Alex put one hand down to clap the dog, her other keeping a hold of Hayden. Alex put Hayden down, Trudi still jumping up on her, her tail wagging excitedly. "Aww it's nice to see you all." Alex said, the girls and the dog hovering around her. She glanced around at Maggie before shifting her eyes to the living room.
"Right girls let Mum get into the house," Maggie said, the girls stepping back a bit. "Into the living room, go on." Th girls ran through, Trudi walking right by Alex's side.
"I'll take Trudi a walk," Eliza rubbed Alex's arm, giving her a smile as she stood in the doorway. She knew they wanted to tell the girls what was happening so thought she'd give them space to do that. Upon hearing the word walk, Trudi ran excitedly to the door.
Maggie gave Eliza a thankful smile, before walking into the living room after Alex. "Right," Maggie glanced at Alex. "Me and Mum have something we want to talk with you about," Maggie told the girls, the both of them looking over to Maggie as they were still around Alex. "Let's go take a seat huh?"
Alex sat down on the couch, Maggie walking over and sitting down next to her. Emmi looked from Alex to Maggie and back before she stood on the spot, looking down to them as if she knew she was about to be told bad news. "Come here you." Maggie grabbed Hayden and plonked her on her knee, wrapping her arms around her to keep her still.
"What's wrong?" Emmi questioned, her eyes darting between both of them.
Alex reached her hands out and Emmi stepped forward, placing her hands in Alex's. Alex took a deep breath before she looked around to Maggie. Maggie cleared her throat. "Me and Mum have decided that for now, it will be best if we live in different houses." Maggie knew it would be easier to just get right in and say it.
"No," Emmi moaned. "You can't. You can't get divorced."
"Hey, Emmi sweetie," Alex pulled her daughter closer to her. "We didn't say anything about a divorce," Alex assured her. "We just need to work stuff out and that's going to be easier and better for everyone if we do that while living apart."
"No," Emmi raised her voice as she pulled her hands away from Alex's. "It won't be better. It can't be better because you'd be somewhere else," Emmi looked like she was going to cry. "How can you make things better if you aren't together?"
Alex looked around to Maggie, it very evident on both of their faces how much they weren't enjoying this conversation one bit. She glanced down at Hayden, who just looked confused as to what was going on. "We are still going to see each other, and we'll be able to talk, and fix this."
Emmi shook her head. "Please don't." Emmi's voice broke as a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Oh Emmi." Hayden gasped as Emmi started crying.
"Sweetheart," Alex pushed back tears of her own at her daughter's upset. "You want me and Mama to stay together, don't you?" Emmi nodded, not able to get words out. "So, this is what we need to do right now." Alex told her.
"Why?" Emmi managed between the tears.
"It just makes it a little easier for me and Mum," Maggie told her. "It lets us focus on what went wrong so we can fix it, then Mum will move back home." Maggie didn't want to get into everything with Emmi, or more importantly, she didn't want to get into the infidelity.
"Where will she live?" Emmi's breathing was all heavy as she spoke, trying to calm herself down. "Will she be alone?"
"No, she won't be alone," Maggie assured her, bringing one hand out to rub Emmi's arm. "She's going to stay with Grandma."
"Grandma." Hayden giggled. Maggie looked down to Hayden, giving her a smile.
"You wanna go play with your toys?" Maggie questioned, knowing she wasn't really understanding things anyways. Hayden nodded as she jumped down from Maggie's knee and ran over to her toy box.
"But why do you have to live in different houses?" Emmi clearly wasn't letting this go easily. "Didn't Mum go to the clinic to get better?" Emmi questioned. "And she's back so she must be better."
"I know but," Alex paused as she glanced at Maggie. "Mum really hurt Mama so I -"
"Alex don't." Maggie stopped her from saying any more. Maggie didn't want Emmi thinking Alex was to blame for all of this. She didn't want their relationship to suffer and have Emmi being angry with Alex.
"What do you mean?" Emmi wiped tears from her eyes as Maggie rubbed her back soothingly.
Alex took a deep breath. "I just -"
"Listen, sweetie," Maggie took Emmi's hands into her. "The important thing is, that me and Mum are still very much in love and we want to work this out," Maggie told her. Alex looked around to her wife with a smile. It had been a long time since she'd heard Maggie say she loved her. She was sure she still did but it was nice to get confirmation after everything that had happened. "Us living in different houses is only going to be for a little while."
"I hate it," Emmi said, pulling her hands away from Maggie. "I hate it. I hate it. I hate it." Emmi shouted before she ran out of the room, thumping up the stairs, Maggie and Alex both jumping in fright as her bedroom door slammed shut.
"Should we go up?" Alex questioned. "Or do you think we just give her some time?"
Maggie cleared her throat as she rolled her rings around her finger. "Let's just give her 5."
Alex nodded lightly. "God, I'm sorry," Alex's voice trembled. "This is all my fault."
"What's done is done," Maggie shrugged. "Let's just focus on the future." Maggie murmured, and Alex gave a little nod, hoping it wasn't going to be too long into the future that things would be good with them again and she'd be able to move back into their family home.
Alex was packing some clothes into a case to take to Eliza's with her. She looked up as she heard someone coming into the room. "She okay? Alex questioned.
"She was pretty quiet," Maggie answered. She'd gone to talk with Emmi, but Emmi wasn't in the mood for more talking. "But she'll be okay."
Alex nodded as she bit her lip, feeling awful for how her daughter was feeling right now. "I uh," Alex cleared her throat. "I wanted to ask you. I don't know if you'll still have it or even want to give it to me anymore, but uhm…" Alex's bottom lip trembled.
Maggie walked over to her bed side table, knowing what Alex was trying to ask. "I still have it." Maggie said. She opened the bottom drawer of her bed side table and took out what she was looking for. She walked over to Alex and handed it over to her. Alex pushed the suitcase across the bed, before she sat down, Maggie taking a seat next to her.
Alex opened the little black box, looking down to the necklace Maggie had tried to give her many months ago now. "Can I have it?" Alex questioned, rubbing her thumb over the pendant.
"That's what I bought it for." Maggie told her.
"It's really nice," Alex said. "I uhm, I'm sorry that I reacted so badly when you tried to give me it." Alex felt awful for how she'd treated Maggie since the loss of Carter.
"Well, I think we've established you weren't really all yourself." Maggie told her, Alex pursing her lips as she gave a little nod, her thumb still on the pendant.
"He'd have been almost 9 months old by now," Alex murmured. "Well, if he was just born at 34 weeks," Alex twisted her lip. "Not that much younger really if he went closer to full-term." Alex looked downwards, staring at the necklace again.
Maggie lightly rubbed Alex's back, bringing her some comfort. "You don't have to do this." Maggie spoke softly. She knew she'd wanted Alex to talk, but she didn't want her upsetting herself or talking about this if she wasn't ready.
"It's okay. I'm okay," Alex looked up to her wife. "There's always going to be a part of us missing, but we have two wonderful children and we are so lucky and blessed because of that." Alex managed a weak smile.
"Yeah, we are." Maggie smiled softly.
"Are you okay?" Alex questioned. "This has been all about me lately, I….are you good?" Alex wondered. She knew all Maggie ever wanted to do was make sure she was okay. Alex wanted to be sure that she was looking after herself too.
"Hmm," Maggie nodded. "I've had Rachel. She's been good when I do talk," Maggie bit her lip. "And Ava. When she was here for Spring Break," Ava had gone back for uni and Maggie did miss having her around, but she knew she was only a phone call away. "And your Mum has been great. She's always great."
"Yeah," Alex was thankful her mother was still around. She exhaled lightly, looking to her bed side table. She leaned over and opened the bottom drawer, pulling out a little tin. She opened the tin up and picked up the bronze chip she was looking for. "You know, I was almost at 5 years sober," Alex murmured, sounding disappointed with herself as she played with her 4 years sober chip. "5 years, Maggie," Alex looked around to her wife. "And I blew it, and now I have to start all over again," Alex said. "I'm back down to 6 weeks sober."
"Well that's your goal," Maggie told her. "Stay sober and get that 5 years sober chip."
"Then what happens once I get that?" Alex questioned.
"You go for another 5 years sober. Get a 10 years sober chip," Maggie said, Alex pursing her lips as she gave a little nod. "I know that you can do it."
Alex didn't sound so sure. "I've relapsed once."
"Well that was pretty hard circumstances," Maggie replied. "I believe in you, Alex," Maggie told her. "And you keep going to regular meetings and keep talking with your sponsor," Maggie reminded her. "And…." Maggie looked downwards for a moment. "You'll always have me."
Alex gave her a smile, appreciating the fact she'd always be there for her. "I uhm…I think I need something a little less adventurous to aim for right now." Alex told her.
"Well how about we say three months," Maggie suggested. "Get that three months sober chip and maybe then we can have another chat about our living situation." Maggie told her. She didn't want to promise anything because she knew she needed to build the trust back, but she wanted to give Alex something to focus on.
"Three months." Alex gave a little nod. The road ahead was still going to be hard, but she hoped she could stay sober. She wanted to for Maggie and the girls. Right now, three months felt like a lifetime, but at the same time, she was already 6 weeks sober, so was actually already half way there. She took a deep breath, knowing she'd be able to do it because it was for the sake of her wife and kids.
Alex was sitting on the couch in Eliza's apartment. It felt strange being out of rehab but not at home, in her house with her wife and kids, but Alex totally understood why Maggie had suggested the time apart. It was about the trust that had been lost, and regardless of all else that had happened, Maggie had a right to be hurt over her infidelity. "Here." Eliza handed Alex down the ice-cream tub and the spoon.
"Rocky Road," Alex smiled. "Get my favourites in, did you?"
"Just wanted to make you feel at home." Eliza said as she sat down on the couch next to her.
"Well it's way too quiet and peaceful." Alex said, as living with a 9-year-old and a toddler wasn't exactly quiet. Hayden especially liked to make noise.
"Not if the girls are in bed." Eliza pointed out.
"True," Alex took a spoonful of the ice-cream. "They probably will be," Alex glanced at her watch. "Or at least, Hayden should be," Alex exhaled lightly. "God, I miss them."
"I can only imagine," Eliza murmured. Alex had pretty much been away from her girls for 6 weeks. "But it's not like Maggie is blocking you from seeing them. You're still going to spend time with them."
"Yes, I am," Alex gave a little smile. "Maybe we should do something with them. Maggie and I, I mean," Alex said. "You know, show Emmi that we are working on us and that we still want to be a family. She was distraught at us spending some time apart." Alex still felt awful for how Emmi had reacted. She knew it wouldn't have been good, but it still broke her that her little girl was suffering because of something she did.
"Maybe," Eliza said. "But you also don't want to confuse her. You and Maggie are separated right now, so -"
"We are not separated," Alex spoke over her mother. "We are just…we…." Alex cleared her throat. "We are taking time apart to fix this, so it's not a separation, it's a…we are…." Alex exhaled, not really sure what to say they were. "We're not separated, okay?"
"Okay." Eliza answered.
"We're not," Alex said again. "And to be frankly honest, I'm lucky that she's not ended things completely. I did something most would think was unforgivable." Alex pointed out.
"Well, it's not going to be easy, but people can come back from infidelity," Eliza reminded her daughter. "And it's not you. Maggie knows that," Eliza nodded at herself. "She adores you, Alex. You have a fantastic wife who wants to forgive. She just needs a little time."
"I know," Alex felt lucky to have found someone as wonderful as Maggie. She knew she'd give her time she needed, but that didn't mean she couldn't work at her relationship in the meantime. After all, that's what Maggie wanted to do. That's what this time apart was all about. "She can have all the time she needs." Alex knew it was what Maggie deserved. She'd spend the rest of her life hating what she'd done and trying to make it up to Maggie. Maggie deserved as much because she was giving Alex another chance. She didn't want to give up on their marriage, and Alex would be forever grateful for that.
Thanks for the comments. Thoughts on this one? :)
