Warnings: Lime... I'm pretty sure this is real lime. And one other thing... Let me just put it this way: You won't be happy with me. You were warned.

Lifting Curses and Mending Broken Wings

Chapter 7: Love, Confusion, and Pain

After a few days of silence between him and Heero, Duo decided that enough was enough. Heero hardly even glanced at him anymore. Now neither of them slept at all. Heero was exceptionally aggressive and moody now - towards everyone. And Duo hated every minute of it all.

"Heero! Would you please get over yourself? This is driving me insane!" Duo cried. In a week he would be leaving. He just couldn't leave Heero like this!

Heero turned and tried not to glare at him. He had to agree... This behavior was ridiculous. "Duo, do you love me?" he asked instead.

Duo blinked, befuddled. He really wasn't expecting that. "Well... Yes, but that doesn't mean you have to hate me, y'know."

Heero sighed and crossed his arms. "I don't hate you, Duo - You know that."

"Then why are you acting like this?" Duo demanded. "You really seem to hate me lately - I told you I was sorry! I can't exactly help it! But don't worry about it, I'll be leaving in another week and I'll probably never see you again! Does that make you happy?" he cried angrily. He fought hard against tears pricking the backs of his eyes. If Heero didn't want Duo to love him, fine... He wouldn't.

"You're still my friend. It will not make me happy to never see you again. I know I've been acting immature for the past few days, but I just never expected you to love me," he said quietly.

Duo began to take out his braid. "Gods, Heero... How could I not?" He shook his head and ran a brush through his hair. "You're so nice to me and... I don't know... It's not something I can explain to you..." He started rebraiding his hair again and sighed. "You're the first one I've ever felt safe to really talk to. You're a good listener and you tried to help any way you could. You made me feel welcome, I guess is a good way to put it." He tied off his braid and ruffled his long bangs. He chuckled and looked down at his hands in his lap. "I don't know why I just told you all that... But maybe it'll help you to understand better," he finished.

Heero shook his head. "I don't know if I'll understand anyway... I just don't get it..." he muttered.

"It's a complicated thing," Duo pointed out.

"Don't say that... It's creepy..." Heero rolled his shoulders and shook his head. Duo laughed a little.

"I can't believe I'm telling you all this and you can just sit there and not get mad... Why are you letting me tell you this?" Duo asked incredulously.

Heero shrugged. "I don't know... Maybe it's because I know how much you need to talk to someone about what you're thinking," he told him.

"Or do you just feel sorry for me because I like you and you hate me?" Duo asked in a slightly mocking tone.

Heero sighed exasperatedly. "I don't hate you! Ugh... Why do you think I hate you?" he demanded.

"Deja vu..." Duo muttered. "Didn't we already have this conversation?"

Heero rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall. They were silent for a few minutes until Heero broke the silence, "What would you do if I said that I loved you back?"

Duo shrugged and took this as a very hypothetical question. "I don't know... I guess I didn't think of the possibility of you returning my love," he admitted. He shook his head.

"How much do you love me?" Heero then asked.

Duo chuckled a little. "Whadd'you mean?"

Heero shrugged. "How far would you go if you and I had a romantic relationship?" he asked bluntly.

Duo really laughed at that. "Why do you want to know? How would knowing my romantic intentions get you to forget that I said I loved you? Wouldn't you rather leave it as it is and then leave these memories to grow vague and irrelevant in the back of your mind?"

"That would make sense, wouldn't it? But I guess I'm just curious," Heero replied simply.

"Curiosity killed the cat," Duo warned.

"But satisfaction brought it back," Heero retorted.

Duo laughed and shook his head. "I don't think you need to go that far. You can just leave well enough alone. You don't need to hear the details of my unreflected love for you."

.......................................

Duo was leaving in five days. He and Heero hadn't spoken of Duo's "intentions" since Duo's complete and final end to the conversation they had two days ago.

One night at around midnight, Heero lay staring at the ceiling, just thinking. He heard Duo turn over and sigh and he quietly said into the dark, "It's my fault that you don't sleep anymore, isn't it, Duo?"

Duo sighed again. "In a way, yes," he muttered. "Can you really blame me?" he asked in a low, serious tone.

"Blame you for not being able to sleep on my account? No, not really," Heero admitted.

"Yea..." Duo's voice continued to grow deeper and more defensive. He didn't exactly enjoy telling Heero that he loved him without being loved in return. He was getting sick of it, really. Heero wasn't changing much when it came to speaking to him. He hated not having his friendship with Heero and he wished he'd never told him that he cared so much about him.

As for Heero, he knew that he was being aggressive and unreasonable towards Duo. He didn't want to hurt his feelings, but he wasn't going to lie about where his love lies: Nowhere. He was mean and was shunning him and he didn't regret it except that his friendship was dwindling down to nothing. In truth, Duo was the best friend Heero had ever had. He really didn't want to lose that.

After a full hour of debating with himself, Heero got up and just stood next to his bed. It didn't take long for Duo to realize that he was there. When he first saw his shadowy figure across the room, it scared him but he realized that it was only Heero and he got a little worried. He was just standing there.

"Heero, what's the matter?" he asked, swinging his legs out from under his sheets and standing up. "Are you ok?"

Heero didn't reply. He stood there for a moment longer before moving slowly across the room to Duo. Even in the pitch blackness of the room, he could tell that Duo was tense and probably worried. Duo started muttering questions about if he was ok or if he was sleepwalking or something.

Heero ignored his nervous mumbling and came right up into Duo's face. Here, he could see Duo's eyes were shimmering and frightened. His unwavering stare was making Duo even more nervous.

"Heero..." Duo's voice was trembling. "You're scaring me..." he whispered.

Just as he finished his sentence, Heero moved forward and pressed his lips to Duo's. With Heero's body blocking his way, Duo stumbled backwards. Heero watched him sit down and he kneeled over him, bringing their lips together again. He slowly forced Duo onto his back and took hold of his wrists. He pressed his body to Duo's, hard. He felt Duo trembling beneath him and held his wrists tighter when he began to struggle.

Duo finally turned his head to one side quickly enough to break their kiss. He panted and got chills when he felt Heero's lips on his neck. He remembered that his legs were still dangling off the side of the bed and he pushed himself up so Heero was almost sitting on his legs. This wasn't a problem. Heero merely advanced on him again with frightening swiftness. He once again took hold of Duo's wrists and forced them down so he wouldn't try to push him off.

Duo shook his head quickly from side to side. He stopped and bit his lip to keep from crying out as Heero pressed against him again. Heero kissed his neck, closer to his collarbone this time and Duo bit harder. Tears started to slowly flow down his cheeks towards his ears.

"Heero, stop!" he pleaded, keeping his voice as quiet as was entirely possible for him at the moment.

Heero ignored him.

"Heero, please! Stop it!" he sobbed. He closed his eyes tightly.

Heero let his lips hover above Duo's neck. "Why?" he breathed. "I thought you loved me," he whispered in a deep voice.

Duo sobbed again and turned his head away, keeping his eyes shut. "I do! But this isn't love... This isn't what I wanted from you!" he cried.

"Then what do you want from me?" Heero asked, looking up to see Duo's face.

Duo opened his eyes and looked back to Heero. There was a trickle of blood coming from his lip. "I don't want you to force yourself to do anything you don't want to do... I know you don't want this - You don't love me. This isn't right, Heero... Why are you doing this?" he whispered, still shaking horribly. Fresh tears streamed out of his eyes.

"I completely rejected your love, Duo - You wouldn't want to be around me anymore if I didn't love you back. You'd leave in four days and never see me again," Heero explained. He began to wonder if his lack of sleep was what was causing him to think so oddly. Duo spoke the truth and Heero knew it... This wasn't right.

Duo shook his head. "No, Heero... You're wrong. It's because I love you that I'd keep in touch. Even though you don't love me back. I'm ok with that. I can get over that... But if you force yourself to love me for fear of losing our friendship... I can't forget something like that. And knowing that you did have to force yourself to do this hurts so much more than rejection." He paused, watching Heero's cold eyes. He felt more fresh tears well in his eyes and pour out of them. "Why didn't you just tell me that you were afraid of losing our friendship, Heero?" he asked, his voice breaking.

Heero released Duo's wrists but didn't move his body. "God, Duo..." he sighed, bowing his head and closing his eyes. "You mean a lot to me, too," he said, looking back up into those hurt, amethyst eyes. "I'm sorry, Duo. I know I've done some stupid things. But you must understand - I'm... I'm just afraid..." He stopped and shook his head. "I'm terrified of loving you, Duo... It scares me so badly. I don't think straight, I don't sleep, all I ever do is think about how stupid I've been and what I could do for you to make up for it. But even though I always think about it, I never end up doing what I thought. I fear a romantic relationship because I'm afraid of ending up alone and with a broken heart so I continued to push you away." He backed up off the bed slowly and stood leaning on the bedside table. "I really don't deserve even to have you love me. I'm sorry, Duo... I'm so sorry..."

Duo quickly sat up and drew his legs up to his chest. "Heero!" he sobbed. "I don't understand... What are you saying?"

Heero went and sat on his bed. "Duo - I'm saying I love you... I can't lie to you anymore now. That's the truth. I'm not saying it so you'll continue to be my friend - I really do love you. I've just been so scared of ending up alone. I didn't want to risk a friendship that would last forever to say I love you and have you leave me alone and broken in the next four months. And I know I've been really confusing lately... I thought that if I convinced you that I loved you, I could keep you as a friend but... I don't know, I'm so messed up and I've been doing some really strange, mixed up things to you." He shook his head. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Duo - I never meant to."

Duo watched as Heero ran his fingers along the inside of his bedframe and came out with something in his fist and hurried into the bathroom where he shut the door. Duo's heart jumped into his throat and his stomach did flips as his blood ran cold. "Oh, God..." he muttered before jumping up and hurrying to the bathroom door. He was thankful that they didn't lock from the inside and he turned the handle and heaved against it. Heero had expected that. He, in turn, had all his weight against the door to keep Duo out.

:: Memories consume : Like opening the wound : I'm picking me apart again : You all assume : I'm safe here in my room : Unless I try to start again :

"Oh, God!" Duo said again, louder this time. "Heero! Don't do this! Oh my God... Heero, please come out!" He started crying again and sobbed loudly. "Heero, please!"

He was finally able to heave the door open a little and keep it there as he looked inside and at the "mirror". It wasn't really a mirror. It was reflective, though. He looked at it and saw Heero pushing against the other side of the door while also holding his open pocketknife tightly in his hand.

"Jesus Christ!" Duo threw all his strength into opening that door. "Hee-ro!" he grunted. "I don't want to go get someone to get you out! Don't do this!"

"If you do, it'll already be too late!" Heero threatened, looking at Duo's reflection. "And you know it! Remember when you asked if I could kill myself if I really wanted to? Well guess what - I can!"

: I don't want to be the one : The battles always choose : 'Cause inside I realize : That I'm the one confused :

"Heero! What are you thinking? You can't do this! Please! Be reasonable! I know you don't really want to die!" he cried before he saw Heero pull back a tiny bit and heave against the door, making it close again. He tried the knob but he couldn't turn it. Heero may not be able to lock the door, but he can hold the knob and keep Duo from turning it.

: I don't know what's worth fighting for : Or why I have to scream : I don't know why I instigate : And say what I don't mean : I don't know how I got this way : I know it's not alright : So I'm breaking the habit : I'm breaking the habit : Tonight :

"Duo..." Heero's sad voice came muffled through the door. "I really do love you... And I'm sorry for hurting you so many times..." He could hear Duo sobbing through the door and he shook his head, holding the knob tighter still.

: Clutching my cure : I tightly lock the door : I try to catch my breath again : I hurt much more : Than anytime before : I had no options left again :

"Heero - Please come out and put that away! We don't ever have to speak of this again, I promise I won't tell anyone about this, I swear to God, but please come out!" Duo pleaded, trying desperately to convince Heero that this was not the way to go. "Heero, I love you so much! If you killed yourself, I don't know what I'd do! Please come out!" He collapsed to the floor on his hands and knees. "Please... Heero..." he managed to say between his sobs.

Heero heard him hit the floor and he bent down to look under the door, but kept his hand on the doorknob. He could see Duo's fisted hands and his knees and shins. He sat up again when he saw the tears falling to the floor between Duo's hands. Duo kept pleading while he knelt there.

Heero shook his head. He had his left hand firmly on the doorknob and his right held the pocketknife. He turned his hand over on the knob so his wrist was revealed. He raised the sharp, silver blade to the pale skin of his arm and realized that he was trembling.

: I don't want to be the one : The battles always choose : 'Cause inside I realize : That I'm the one confused :

He shook his head again and held the knife more tightly so it didn't waver as much. He put his index finger over the top of the blade and his thumb alongside it. He placed the blade on his wrist right under the fleshy part of his hand under his thumb. He pressed it harder and watched in hypnotized fascination as a crimson swell of blood gathered around the tip of the knife and his finger. He tilted his wrist oh so slightly and watched it flow away from the knife and drip onto the floor.

: I don't know what's worth fighting for : Or why I have to scream : I don't know why I instigate : And say what I don't mean : I don't know how I got this way : I'll never be alright : So I'm breaking the habit : I'm breaking the habit : Tonight :

Duo watched under the door this time and when he saw the blood, he couldn't help but wonder if he was hallucinating. He turned away and closed his eyes tightly, willing away the "image". But when he turned back, there was more...

: I'll paint it on the walls : 'Cause I'm the one at fault : I'll never fight again : And this is how it ends :

Heero dragged the seemingly white-hot blade slowly and deliberately down at a slight angle towards his elbow. Duo's pleads hadn't penetrated his hypnotic barrier for quite a while now. He watched with growing relief as the warm blood from the wound flowed around his finger and the mockingly bright blade and down his arm to his wrist before dripping off and hitting the floor, making a quickly growing pool of deep red anger and pain.

: I don't know what's worth fighting for : Or why I have to scream : But now I have some clarity : To show you what I mean : I don't know how I got this way : I'll never be alright : So I'm breaking the habit : I'm breaking the habit : I'm breaking the habit : Tonight ::

He finally sighed and the pocketknife slid from his quickly numbing fingers and he lost his grip on the doorknob. Duo heard him hit the floor and screamed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

I'm so sorry! Please don't kill me! I was having a moment and it was turning out really well! And I'm starting to wonder if this song that's pounding in my ears right now has possessed me... It's Last Resort by Papa Roach...

Song was Breaking the Habit by Linkin' Park.

Arigatos (Chapter 5):

Hazel-Beka - I've never used anything actually sharp... I use various objects and it depends on how desperate I am... heh, not that you needed to know that, but hey. My sister's an insomniac too... I am sometimes.

Regina - Yea, I had to ask a friend about room transfers so it could be realistic. How long? Um... Maybe a couple more chapters after this one... It's not gonna be very long. That's all I can tell you, I guess...

Shinigami11 - Heh, thanks, but I think it's really cool how you can see so far into things like that. Keep it up!

Dragon1727 - Hehe... I hope this chapter didn't burst your bubble... I apologize if it did... But never fear! I will fix it!

my-parents-worst-nightmar - Your brain broke? ::blink blink:: I sowwy. But yes, I think you are the only one who eats ice cream with chop sticks. Ha, your cat sounds like mine did when we first brought her home as a baby kitten! Lovable...

Kage Kitsune - ::ducks Duo and Heero:: Hehe... I guess you have a good point there... Geez... Ya didn't have to go so far as to throw people at me! Meh...

Arigatos (Chapter 6):

Hazel-Beka - Lol, thanks - I like to read some really sad fanfictions over and over just because they're well written... Like this one about Duo and Heero... it was very depressing but I just kept reading it! Gah!

lil'mi1 - Yea, I like ending my chapters like that... Hehe... in case you didn't notice... ::evil laughter::

Angel Reid - Nope, no non-love! All for the love! Hehe...

Duo-Maxwell5x2 - Yea... Duo's so miserable... How sad is that? But I love the braided baka! Even if he's a depressed braided baka!

Dragon1727 - Yea, me too - Short chapters aren't one of my favorite things in the world... Meh...

Regina - ::evil snickering:: Yaoi-ful... Adieu... isn't that French? ::shrugs::

TKM - Thanks much! I love this story so much! ::hugs it:: I just hope it lasts longer than I expect it to...

kuroi gami - Lol, maybe you should update now! It's your turn! Hehe...

Ja! Remember to review! (Just don't kill me! I won't be able to fix the storyline if you kill me!)