Warnings: allusions to/discussions of sexual abuse and, unsurprisingly, Hound attempting role-playing.

"The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love."
- Hubert H. Humphrey

Chapter 7: Friendship and Love

Standing before the door to Mirage's quarters, Hound gathered his courage. He'd approached the orangey-gold door hundreds of times and never thought anything of it. But today he'd been invited for a specific purpose: to be a part of Mirage's therapy session. Mirage and Wheeljack had been meeting regularly for sixty orns now, and Hound knew they were making progress. The signs were obvious: Mirage smiled more often, was more relaxed, and had let the bond ease open. In the meantime, Hound and he had continued taking their relationship slowly, not interfacing but still learning to see each other as mates. And now . . .

Hound reached out and hit the door comm., activating the buzzer.

"Come in." Mirage's voice spoke through the miniature speaker, and the door slid open.

Hound entered the cabin and found Mirage sitting on the couch and Wheeljack in the chair. To his surprise, Wheeljack had his blast mask open, revealing his smile. He'd only seen Wheeljack without his mask once before: during his bonding ceremony with Bluestreak and the following reception. For a moment, Hound wondered if Mirage and Wheeljack were actually healing each other or if Wheeljack were simply signaling to Mirage that he trusted him as well. Perhaps both, he thought as he crossed the room.

"Sit here." Mirage grinned at him and patted the couch seat.

Hound slipped onto the couch and took Mirage's hand, squeezing it. "Thank you for letting me come." The symbolism of the act wasn't lost on him. Mirage's choice to have him there told him he was trusted, included, and accepted.

"Thank you for coming," Mirage replied, leaning over and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Hound smiled and returned the kiss, then turned to face Wheeljack. "So, how does this work?"

Wheeljack crossed his arms over his chest and relaxed into the chair. "Well, you know I'm no professional. All I have to base my 'approach' on is the time I spent in counseling vorns and vorns ago, when a long-term relationship I as in exploded."

Mirage made a soft "Mmm" of sympathy, and Hound glanced at him, amazed by his level of emotional engagement.

"So basically I've just been asking questions that seemed important." Wheeljack shrugged faintly. "And we've talked about things that bother Mirage or things he knows he needs to tackle." He grinned. "Mostly I'm a glorified sounding-board."

Mirage snorted. "You're more than that. You're attentive, and you even finished that psychology cyber-course in thirty orns flat!"

For a moment, Hound found himself jealous of the admiration and respect Mirage clearly felt for Wheeljack. Of their friendship, even. Hound had been surprised when Mirage told him that Wheeljack had contacted an ex-psychology professor back on Cybertron and arranged to take a counseling course via Teletraan I. But Hound trampled his envy, reminding himself that inclusion was the reason he was there.

Wheeljack was shaking his head. "Ah, I just hate doing things half-afted." He turned his attention back to Hound. "As I'm sure Mirage has told you, one specific thing we've been doing is tackling the blocks Skyrazor put in his memory."

Hound nodded. Mirage had been telling him bits and pieces about Skyrazor and the memory blocks.

"According to my scans, Mirage has one more block left." Wheeljack pulled a small, boxy device with cords from his subspace. "He wanted you to be here when we removed it."

"What do I do?" Hound asked quietly, hoping it meant that Mirage really had learned to trust him.

Mirage scooted closer. "It's usually quite painful," he whispered. "I'd really like for you to hold me during this. I think I know what the memory will be, and it won't be anything pleasant, that's for sure."

Reaching up and caressing his cheek, Hound smiled and nodded. "Sure." He wrapped his arm around Mirage's shoulders, pulling him close, and Mirage pressed into his side.

"Good." Wheeljack stood and walked over. "This is a memory scanner," he told Hound as he opened a small panel in Mirage's helm. "It can detect and remove blocks, kinda like they're viruses."

"Okay." Hound decided it made a great deal of sense.

Wheeljack plugged the input cable into Mirage's helm. "Here we go. The scanner's already recorded the location of the final block, so it'll only take a klik or two for it to return to the spot and dissolve it."

Mirage squeezed Hound's arm—the one not wrapped around his shoulders—in a brutal grip. "I hate this part," he whispered, shuddering.

"Remember," Wheeljack said, "keep pulling air through your intakes. If you don't, your systems will overheat, and you'll end up in stasis lock."

Mirage nodded and inhaled deeply, and Hound could feel his tension radiating through their bond. Then Mirage suddenly stiffened and cried out. Hound gasped in pain, feeling like someone had shot him through the head, and clutched Mirage to him.

"Talk," Wheeljack said, unplugging the device and then kneeling beside Mirage. "Don't hold it in."

"Mmmm." Mirage shook his head, then spoke in a wavering voice. "It's w-what I thought it'd be. It's the memory of what happened when I broke up with Sidewinder. Instead of just being happy, Skyrazor beat me and . . . and r-raped me. He said I should've known better than to date someone in the first place. That I was his property, and by dating Sidewinder, all I'd done was prove what a s-slut I was."

The energon in Hound's fuel lines seemed to freeze. That's sick! He growled with a faint engine-rev, enraged. "You're no slut," he said, wishing Skyrazor was still alive so he could kill him with his bare hands. It wasn't an impulse he often had. "And you're certainly no one's property."

Mirage shuddered. "I know. I know."

"But will you let go of your hate for him?" Wheeljack asked Mirage. "Remember: it's your choice."

Mirage was nodding. "Yes, my cognitive choice: release my hate for him. Reject the lies he tried to instill in me." He sounded like he was repeating a mantra. He drew a huge draught of air through his intakes and then exhaled it slowly. "I release my hate toward Skyrazor. I reject the lie that I am his property. I reject the lie that I am a slut."

Hound raised one optic ridge at Wheeljack in a silent question.

"We've found this works best," Wheeljack explained quietly. "Saying things out loud seems to help him most, and he's been working on letting go of his rage and his misperception of himself." He cocked his head, apparently studying Hound closely. "But releasing hate leaves a void, and that void needs to be filled with something positive."

Hound hugged Mirage closer. "I can help with that."

Wheeljack looked back to Mirage. "Focus on the bond. Open it completely, just like we practiced."

"All right." Mirage offlined his optics momentarily and relaxed.

Hound felt pressure in the bond, like water building up behind a dam. Then, suddenly, Mirage's emotions and conscious burst through, and Hound gasped at the flood: pain, sadness, and exhaustion. Instinctively, Hound accepted all the feelings and returned love to him. ::It's okay,:: he found himself saying over the bond. ::I love you. You're beautiful and precious. It'll all be okay.::

::Hound . . .:: Mirage collapsed against his side, running one arm around his waist and weeping in relief.

Wheeljack patted Mirage's knee and then stood. "He's already worked through a lot of memories like this one. Just let him talk it out, and keep loving him. I'll be across the hall. Comm. me if you need me."

Hound nodded, and Wheeljack left the room quietly. For several minutes, Hound simply hugged Mirage and caressed his back as he calmed down. Then Mirage pulled away and stared at his lap.

"I guess it'd be best if I told you the whole story," he said, cringing. "You'll have guessed most of it by now, anyway, but I'm still going to warn you that what you'll hear is very dark."

"My promise stands," Hound told him gently. "I love you, and I always will."

Sighing, Mirage stood and wandered over to his holophoto display on the wall, touching the frame with his fingertips. Various cityscapes and landscapes flashed slowly on the screen, fading in and out: the Crystal Towers, the Celestial Temple, the Imperial Amphitheater, and of course, the Towers.

"Even if you can't accept it, with us bonded, I really can't keep you from finding out in the end," Mirage said quietly, keeping his back toward Hound. "Just remember that once you know something, you can't really ever un-know it. You may be sorry."

Hound could feel Mirage's fear and pushed as much reassurance over their bond as he could. He stood, but didn't approach, deciding to give Mirage space for the time being. "I am prepared to pay that price."

Mirage's hand grew still on the holophoto frame. "If you are certain." He drew a deep breath of air through his intakes, paused, and then continued. "The story is oddly simple: Once there was a sparkling named Mirage, who lived in the Towers. In the Towers, creators didn't play a central role in their offspring's education or rearing, relying instead on prep schools and tutors. Skyrazor was one of the most prestigious tutors a family could hire, having turned out topnotch students for countless vorns. Mirage's creators hired him, and he taught Mirage all there was to know about math, science, history, and the arts, as well as social etiquette, politics, hunting, weaponry, and . . . interfacing."

Finding himself sadly unsurprised as all the bits and pieces were pulled together, Hound remained quiet, but the pain creeping into Mirage's tone made him ache. He realized that Mirage had distanced himself from his memories by telling the story in third person, but even that didn't seem to be stopping all the anguish.

Mirage traced his fingertips over the holophoto frame, mapping the corners and edges nonchalantly. He never looked away from his fingers. "Mirage's memories are still blurred and fragmented in places, even with the memory blocks gone, but he remembers that he believed the abuse was normal, if unpleasant, and only tried once to tell his creators. They acted like he hadn't spoken. They ignored him until he left the room."

Hound flinched, wanting so much to hug him, comfort him, but also knowing he couldn't. A strange spell had fallen over Mirage, and Hound suspected if he broke it, he'd never hear the rest of the story.

"Skyrazor had rather fascinating ways to motivate Mirage, punish him, reward him, and keep him quiet." He still didn't look away from the frame. His fingers pinched one corner, making the metal creak. "We won't even discuss what happened the time Mirage tried to run away."

Despite the fact his entire spark stung with his bondmate's pain, Hound forced himself to remain silent.

"Mirage learned very quickly to do as Skyrazor asked and do it well, whether in the berth or out of it. Later, there were always repercussions, and he didn't want the negative kind." He laughed again, this time sharply, and glanced at Hound. "Lucky you." He seemed to focus suddenly. "I probably have the interfacing skills of a pleasure 'bot."

"I don't want a pleasure 'bot," Hound replied softly. "I want to love you. I want you to let me love you."

Mirage looked away. "Are you sure you want to do that? There's more in me than just firewalls. I have countless barriers that aren't related to software, and so far, I've only torn down a fraction of them."

Unable to resist his impulse to comfort his bondmate, Hound crossed the room and pulled him into his arms. "If you're willing, we can tackle one wall at a time." He hugged him to his chassis.

"I'm tired," he whispered, not pulling away. "I'm happy to be feeling stronger, but I'm exhausted from all the memories." He rested his head on Hound's shoulder. "And I'm tired of being alone, too."

Hound leaned back and pressed a kiss to Mirage's temple. "It's okay. I don't want you to be alone. Let's just set up a simple understanding and then work our way forward. What do you say?"

"Understanding?" Mirage lifted his gaze to meet Hound's.

"One, that I will not hit you. I can never be comfortable with that." Hound listened closely to their bond and could feel that Mirage was uneasy but also fighting to be calm. "Two, that you can tell me at any time that you are uncomfortable with something, and I'll stop immediately. Is that fair?"

"Yes, that's logical."

"Okay." Hound smiled. "As for intimacy, maybe we shouldn't just jump straight to interfacing. We could do just use our energy fields. Worked well enough in the washracks that one time." He grinned and then paused, thinking through other options. "Or we could spark-merge."

"But if we do that, you'd actually see what—" Cringing, Mirage pulled away from him. "My spark is the only thing I have left that's not contaminated. It's the only thing Skyrazor wouldn't touch because he feared creating a spark bond."

"You're already spark-bonded to me," Hound replied in a quiet, soothing tone. "You don't need to fear it. And if you're conscious for an 'official' spark-merging, you'll see the depth of my love for you." He held out one hand, silently asking for Mirage's trust, but didn't step closer. "You'll see all my intentions toward you, all my feelings for you. I can't lie to you during a merging."

Mirage stared at his hand. "Hound . . ."

"My spark energy is already within you, and vice versa." Hound remained calm, factual. "I can't give or take anything from you because the bond is already in place. And I don't care what I 'see' from you, even if I see your memories. You just won't have carry them alone anymore, okay?"

Mirage raised his gaze. "I'm uncomfortable."

Hound nodded and dropped his hand, reminding himself it might take many stellar cycles before Mirage was healed enough to attempt a merging. "Okay. I'm glad you're willing to speak up." Giving Mirage a sincere smile, he moved past him and returned to the couch. "Want to cuddle some more?"

"If you don't mind." Mirage settled on the couch, curling up against his side. "Don't think I don't trust you," he whispered. "I actually have been learning to. I just need a bit more time before I consider spark-merging."

"That's fine." He took one of his hands, lacing their fingers together. Given all the progress Mirage had made, Hound believed he could fight his way up to spark-merging, and he was more than willing to give him the time and support necessary. "One step at a time. In the meantime, keep the bond open so you can feel my love, all right?"

Mirage rested his head on his shoulder. "Yes." He paused, tensing. "I guess in light of my revelation that Skyrazor considered me his property, you must now think it's weird that I have those possession fantasies."

Feeling Mirage's fear, Hound sent him reassurance over the bond. For the last ten orns, he and Mirage had been discussing his fantasies—both his original ones and the ones that still appealed to him. They'd even discussed what Hound would and wouldn't be comfortable trying.

"I don't know," Hound said, running the backs of his fingers over Mirage's cheek. "Maybe you want to prove to yourself that you're not Skyrazor's property, or maybe you're trying to associate pleasure with a concept that always caused you pain. Or maybe it's something else entirely. I don't mind your 'You are mine' fantasies, and we can use them if you like. But I want you to know something very important: I'm as much yours as you are mine. I love you, and I'll protect you. But you aren't my property."

Mirage nodded and buried his face against Hound's neck. "All right."

"I'm serious," Hound whispered, rubbing his back. "In fact, sometimes when we role-play, I'd like us to switch roles. I'd like for you to tell me that I'm yours as well. I trust you enough to believe you'd bring me pleasure, and I think you'd look and sound sexy playing out the other side of the fantasy." His circuits zinged at the mere thought of it: Mirage teasing him senseless and his being helpless to stop it as wave after wave pleasure raced through him . . .

Mirage shivered faintly and sat up to meet his gaze. "That was quite a surge of desire that came through our bond just then."

Hound grinned. "It goes both ways: the love, the trust, the needs, the pleasure. We have to take care of and protect each other."

Leaning forward, Mirage pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "When this all began, I wouldn't have believed that, but I do now."

Hound returned the kiss, lingering a moment before pulling back. "In that case, you really are defeating Skyrazor's hold over you."

"But I'm not completely healed." Mirage snuggled up against him again. "I'd say I've made a great deal of progress, and I'm willing to keep fighting until I am finished."

Hound kissed his helm. "That's all anyone can ask for."

Several kliks of silence passed, then Mirage spoke again. "Stay with me tonight? I'd like to have you at my side while we recharge."

"Anything for you, love." Hound hugged him close, knowing all his patience and work had been worth it.

oOoOo

Mirage awakened to the darkness of his quarters and realized he was feeling more peaceful and warmer than usual. Groggily, he noted that an arm was around his waist and remembered that he and Hound had retired to the berth after all long discussion of his newest recovered memory. He smiled to himself. Hound had been encouraging, reassuring, and patient as Mirage worked through his feelings, and now he lay curled up against Mirage's back. He glanced over his shoulder and decided his mate looked beautiful while recharging.

Apparently sensing Mirage stirring, Hound woke up and smiled at him. "Hey, love," he whispered, kissing his shoulder. "Bad dream?"

Mirage shook his head. "No." He rolled over, running his arm around Hound's waist, and tucked his head under his chin. "I do have nightmares sometimes, though. At times, I still feel trapped by them, even."

"I can handle it," Hound replied, rubbing his back with one hand. "I'm not sure where you are, figuratively, but I am a scout. I'd like to think I can find my way through more than physical landscapes."

Can my final assumption be wrong, too? Mirage wondered, relaxing into Hound's embrace. Can he see inside me and not leave in disgust? He didn't know the answer to his question, but he did know he wanted to be held. "Just don't let go," he whispered, afraid that if they ever did spark-merge, Hound would not want to be anywhere near him, much less touch him.

"I won't." Hound held him close, kissing his helm, the end of his nose, his cheek. Mirage curled into the embrace, accepting the comfort, needing it and coveting it. And then he felt it: his spark calling out to Hound's, aching to be merged. He suspected Hound must have experienced the sensation, too. Likely, it had been the reason he'd wanted to try sharing their sparks.

Shuddering, Mirage clutched Hound tightly. His entire being seemed to burn for the merging, and part of him wanted nothing more than to share his spark with Hound. However, he was also terrified that Hound would see his memories and ultimately reject him. It was one thing to know what had happened to him and another to be forced to see it during a sharing.

It was an issue of trust. Always trust. Mirage realized he had one more leap of faith to make, and he decided he was willing to make it. He wanted to live with Hound as bondmates. He wanted to share the rest of his life with him. He might not be able to spark-share right away, but he knew that he wanted to trust Hound as much as Hound trusted him.

Mind made up, Mirage cycled air through his intakes until he calmed down and let Hound's gentle touches lull him into recharge.

oOoOo

The following orn, Hound thought nonstop about Mirage's reaction to his love and care. It was definitely a good sign, and the simple friendship and courtship seemed to have shown Mirage the truth of Hound's love. Also, Mirage had clearly been working hard on himself, no doubt even harder than Hound had been in his many long talks with Jazz.

Determined to support Mirage any way he could, Hound gathered all his determination and returned to Mirage's—or rather, their—quarters after his shift. Mirage had arrived first, and upon seeing Hound, he stood from the couch and walked over to meet him.

"I'm glad you came here. Did you have a good patrol?" Mirage gave him a shy smile.

Hound pulled him into his arms and kissed him, wanting nothing more than to shower affection upon him. To not waste this second chance he was getting. "Yes. But I hardly think it'll be the best part of my day."

Relaxing, Mirage leaned against him. "I'm relieved to hear you say that." He returned the kiss, nibbling on his lower lip for a moment. "Hm. This feels almost like we're normal bondmates."

"Maybe we should be." Hound stole another kiss. "I feel I'm ready, whenever you are."

Mirage paused, then nodded. "I think so. Besides, I have to admit that your little talk about role-playing and role-reversal set my processor to thinking." He snickered. "I've been a bit distracted all orn."

Hound laughed. "Oh? Is that so?" He hugged Mirage tightly, then spun them around in a circle. "I have to admit, I've been having all sorts of fantasies about you of late — both kinky and not."

Catching his lips again, Mirage delved his glossa into his mouth and kissed him into silence. When he finally pulled away, his optics seemed to shine brighter than usual. "Is that so?"

"Um-hm." Hound couldn't find his vocal processor at first. To have Mirage greet him with love, smiles, and desire made all his systems heat up. "In fact, I've been giving it a lot of thought." He paused, reviewing the advice Jazz had given him.

A small smile bent up the corners of Mirage's mouth. "Would you like to try out some of those thoughts? As in, right now?" He seemed amused.

"Well, not necessarily." Hound paused, unsure. "I mean, unless you'd like to."

Mirage chuckled. "Sure. Why not?"

Hound fought his nervousness a moment before continuing. He wanted Mirage desperately, but he also wanted to get it right. "Want to role-play a bit?"

"Definitely." Mirage seemed to relax. "It's fun, I promise."

Cringing with concern, Hound hesitated. "I might not be very good at it at first. Pick something simple."

"Don't be so worried. Acting may come easily to spies, but there's no reason you can't get the hang of it." Mirage paused as though considering the options. "Let's stick with something pretty standard, then. How about pretending you're my commanding officer who's had a secret desire for one of the 'bots in his division — me — and finally decides to make me his?"

Finding himself amazed by Mirage's easy answer, Hound nodded. "I think I can pull that off. Um, any requests?"

"Not this time." Mirage grinned. "Normally I'd suggest some dialogue for you." A distinct purr colored his tone as he leaned close to Hound's face. "Probably even have some specific suggestions for just how you'd go about 'making me yours.' But not this time. For now, just do whatever you're comfortable with, and like we agreed yesterday, I'll say 'I'm uncomfortable' if I am."

Finding his systems heating up from the sexiness of Mirage's voice, Hound had to gather his thoughts before he could respond. "I'll do my best. But, uh, how do I begin?"

Mirage was so close their lips brushed when he replied. "Let's just start in the middle of the scene."

"The middle?" Hound repeated, his lips tingling from the touch, from the need to kiss him.

Mirage leaned up to whisper in his audio. "You've overridden the door lock and swept into the room, telling me about your hidden desire and coming on to me."

Shivering, Hound focused on the seductive sound of Mirage's tone. "Okay . . ."

"And I'll pretend to be shocked." Mirage suddenly stepped just out of reach. "And initially reluctant."

Instinctively, Hound stepped forward to close the distance and, throwing himself into the outlined scene, said the first thing that came to mind. "Why so surprised, solider? Surely you've detected the signs." For a moment, he was tempted to laugh at himself, but determined to hold the role, he kept a straight face. He was going to make it work no matter how silly he felt.

Mirage danced away, watching him with wide optics. "No, sir. I noticed nothing. And besides, it's against protocol."

"Frag the protocols." Hound couldn't believe how husky he sounded as he slinked after the retreating Mirage. "I'm done with waiting. Done pretending."

"Sir?" The tiniest smile appeared and then vanished from Mirage's lips, and he backed into the corner by the berth.

Sinking himself further into the role, Hound slowly stalked across the floor, feeling much like the hunting wolves he had watched in the forests. "I'm going to make you mine." He paused just an arm's-length from Mirage, blocking his escape, and even from that distance, he could feel the heat radiating from Mirage's armor.

"Sir," Mirage's voice had grown raspy, "we really shouldn't."

"Don't care." The sight and sound of Mirage's arousal was so powerful Hound could barely draw air through his intakes. "You're mine." He leapt forward, scooping him into his arms. When Mirage turned his face away, he sank his mouth onto his neck instead, catching a cable there and sucking it, pouring all his arousal into that single action.

Mirage moaned loudly, and his pleasure crashed through their bond so hard Hound thought his knee joints would fail.

"No . . ." Mirage managed to croak, and Hound kissed up the length of his neck, licking, nipping, and sucking as he went.

When he reached Mirage's audio, he whispered into it. "I want you. I want you sprawled out beneath me, moaning in pleasure."

Mirage shuddered and offlined his optics briefly. Hound held him tightly, keeping his arms trapped between their chests, and began kissing and nipping his way back down Mirage's neck. Mirage gasped in pleasure and pressed closer to him, and Hound took the opportunity to slip his hand into the open cockpit in his back, caressing the sides and setting off sensory nodes. Mirage shivered uncontrollably.

"Sir!" Even then, Mirage managed to hold onto his role, and Hound was determined not to disappoint.

Hound turned them around. "Lie on the berth." He made it an order.

"No." It was barely more than a whisper, but Mirage didn't budge.

Pausing, Hound remembered that Mirage had said he'd pretend to be reluctant, so he simply continued. "Lie on the berth. Now." He backed Mirage up until his legs touched the berth.

Waves of arousal permeated their bond, but still Mirage shook his head. Hound pushed him down onto the berth and climbed on top of him, resting his weight on his thighs.

"Yes," Hound said, answering the nonverbal refusal, and he was amazed by how sultry his voice sounded. He leaned down, wrapping his arms under Mirage's shoulders and bringing their lips together. He slipped his glossa into Mirage's mouth, tasting him, rubbing their glossae together, and then pulling back to suck on his bottom lip before releasing the kiss.

"You're mine now," Hound whispered, overwhelmed by the need surging through their bond from Mirage. Need and encouragement. Hound kissed and licked his way down his neck once more, and when Mirage shifted impatiently, he lifted his head and gave him a wicked smile.

"Stay still." It wasn't a request. "I told already: you're mine now."

"Sir!" Mirage collapsed against the berth, panting faintly as his systems heated up further. Reassured, Hound continued, caressing Mirage's entire chassis, running his fingertips over Mirage's crest and Autobot symbol, tracing his fingers down his sides, and splaying his hands over Mirage's abdomen plates.

"Sir . . ." Mirage squirmed under the touches, heat positively radiating from his armor.

"Quiet." Hound kept his voice commanding, but not cruel. He replaced his hands with his mouth, licking sensitive nodes on Mirage's chest as he slipped his fingers into Mirage's hip strut, seeking and finding the sensitive bundle of wiring there and rubbing it. He wanted to give Mirage as much pleasure as he could.

Mirage gasped and arched into the touch. "S-sir!"

"I said quiet." Hound realized his tone had grown breathless, and his cooling fans kicked on. The sight of Mirage's pleasure at his hands aroused and mesmerized him. He slipped further down his chassis, running a line of kisses over his abdomen as he caressed his inner thighs.

"Hound!" Mirage seemed to lose his patience. "Oh, Primus! Just jack into me!"

"No." Hound didn't want everything to end so quickly. Instead, he extended his energy field, sifting through Mirage's like the mixing of tides and drawing a moan from him. He sank his fingers back into Mirage's hip strut, returning to the sensitive wiring there and teasing it relentlessly even as he pushed energy into their shared field. With his other hand, he mouthed the expanse of Mirage's chest armor, triggering sensor nodes and pulling gasps and shivers from him. "Do you want me?" he finally whispered, dropping his hand to trace the graceful curve of Mirage's leg.

"Yes!" Mirage writhed beneath him. "Hound, please!"

Hound climbed up his body. "Then come here," he growled softly into Mirage's audios, making him shiver again. With a sudden tug he pulled them onto the floor, sitting so that Mirage had to straddle his hips.

"Hound?" Mirage seemed bewildered.

"I can touch more of you this way," he whispered. Not wanting him to get nervous with the change, Hound pulled Mirage's interfacing cord from its chamber and stroked it.

Mirage's entire body arced in pleasure, and he wrapped his arms around Hound's neck as he moaned. After another long, sensual stroke, Hound plugged the cord into his own port, groaning at the surge of pleasure immediately released by the act. Then he plugged himself into Mirage's port, completing the circuit, initiating their systems synchronization, and wrapping his arms around Mirage's waist. "Now I'm yours, too."

With a gasp, Mirage nodded and pulled closer to him, shifting with the pulse of energy between them. When their systems aligned, Hound felt Mirage's pleasure as though it were his own, and Mirage moaned deeply as Hound's restrained arousal broke free between them.

::I love you,:: Hound told him over their bond, running his hands up his back in a caress and dipping into his open cockpit to set off the sensory nodes buried there. He gasped as the pleasure echoed between them. ::This is what I wanted: to be one with you. Together, forever, sharing a love without fear.::

::Hound!:: Mirage's emotions destabilized as Hound's love was transferred directly into his processor. Fear, hope, want, and answering love returned through their connection.

"I'm right here," Hound whispered aloud, sending an electrical surge through Mirage's systems and through his energy field simultaneously.

Mirage moaned, arching taunt, and Hound's circuits tingled as their energy fields merged. Barely giving Mirage time to ride out the first surge, Hound sent a stronger one, making them both cry out. At the same time, he sent feelings of reassurance, warmth, and affection.

Gasping, Mirage clung to him, his thoughts racing through their connection. ::Don't . . . don't leave. Don't stop. I-I . . .::

Hound could feel the fear snaking through Mirage's passion. "I'm not going to hurt you, love. Just let go and trust me. I'll catch you. I'll never let you fall."

Mirage offlined his optics and pressed close to Hound, who could feel him reaching inward, chasing the thread of desire and pushing against the fear.

"That's right, love." Hound sent a deep surge burning through them both, making them moan and arch into one another. As their chassis rubbed together, Hound felt their sparks call to one another.

"Hound, I-I—" Mirage flinched, but the thought had traveled to Hound instantly. ::I want to try the spark merge now.:: "Quickly—" ::before I lose my nerve.::

::Don't be afraid.:: Hound freed one hand to trace the transformation seam on Mirage's chest. ::Open up for me.:: He felt the pull between their sparks intensify and prayed Mirage could find the strength to see it through. Through their connection, Hound sensed Mirage's fear, but he also sensed him gather his courage. Mirage triggered his spark chamber open, and he did the same. Their sparks sang to each other, matching frequency in a soft hum, and their blue light bathed Mirage's face.

"Hound!" Mirage seemed trapped between terror and passion. ::What if you see . . .?::

Hound hugged him close, massaging his back and kissing his neck. "It's okay even if I do. I love you." He eased their sparks together, feeling his sense of self slip away as they merged, and then they were a single spark.

As one, they felt a split between their passion and their fear. Then an image of a distorted face with crimson optics and a vicious leer surfaced. One half of the merged spark reeled in terror, but the other half remained calm. The ghost sensation of hurting, groping hands erupted in the same places on each of their frames, but the half that was Hound accepted the memory and its pain, and then mentally folded it shut and replaced it with love. The image slipped away, robbed of its power.

Mirage's half of the spark pulsed with relief and desire, wonder and love. Passion resurfaced as a result, and the moan ripped from Mirage was the only warning Hound received before a bolt of pleasure lanced between them. No further dark memories surfaced. Instead, energy spiked through them, dancing along their circuits and making them cry out, gasp, moan, and then overload together, unable to tell their systems apart as energy surges raced through them.

Several kliks passed before Hound realized their sparks had separated and his systems were mostly back in his control. The interface uplink between them kept them synched, however, and Hound could feel Mirage's satisfaction, relief, and exhaustion.

"You really do love me," Mirage whispered.

"I really do." Hound leaned his forehead against Mirage's.

"I can feel it." Mirage leaned in, kissing Hound's cheek, nose, and finally lips. Then he hugged him close again, resting his head on his shoulder. "Am I worth this?" His voice was filled with self-hatred but was so quiet Hound heard the words more through their connection than aloud. "Do I deserve it?"

"Yes." Hound shifted until he could stand, then slipped one arm under Mirage's aft, picking him up and transferring them to the berth. He managed to settle them comfortably without severing their uplink. "I'll overload you every orn, too, until you believe me."

Laughter free of darkness bubbled through their connection even before escaping Mirage's vocalizer. "I can't really complain, then." He tucked his face into Hound's neck. "It's harder for me, but I do love you, too."

Synched as they were, Hound felt the truth of the words: both the love itself and the uncertainty of being so honest. "I know. I'm going to take care of you, okay?"

"All right." Mirage relaxed then, letting himself slip into recharge.

Finally at peace with this first sign of progress, Hound let himself recharge as well, feeling that they could navigate the long road ahead of them.


Postscript: Epilogue will be forthcoming since the problem isn't so easily fixed as to disappear after one successful spark merge.

For the record, all the 'facing in this story isn't here for a cheap thrill. The first two 'facing scenes set up the dysfunction between them and the later two repair the damage ('facing scene 3 repairs 'facing scene 2, and 'facing scene 4 repairs 'facing scene 1). The temp title for this story was "Sexual Healing," actually, and that's what's meant to be: an exploration of a bonded couple learning to trust each other, understand each other, and communicate so that a real relationship and healing can be achieved.

As some of you may suspect, this story is, indeed, based on a real-life one. I never found out what happened to the couple in question, but like many things that happen to myself or people I know, it eventually worked its way into my fiction anyway. So I wrote an ending, and of course I wanted to leave my readers with hope. I believe in healing.

Thank you to Cleargold, pl 2363, herongale, and Praxus Prime for beta reading.

Also, many thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, and faved, including Katherine, Carmilla DeWinter, Dvana, Independent.C., Jovianokamigirl, Thundergryphon, and Dazja. Several reviewers have given me highly helpful and/or detailed feedback, and I really appreciate that.

Edited version.