Gibbs almost tripped over Tony at the bottom of his basement stairs. His agent was sitting on the concrete floor, leaning against a cardboard box of Kelly's baby toys. Gibbs exhaled between his teeth. Tony usually came to him when he need direction, but after everything he'd learned this afternoon, he didn't know if his agent would show up or not. He felt like he knew less about Tony, rather than more. Gibbs crossed the basement to his tool bench, and dumped the rusty nails out of a couple of jars. Pouring a generous amount of bourbon into each surrogate cup, he passed one down to Tony, before sitting down next to him.
"Ziva's safe and sound. Agent Balboa's team has set up a perimeter outside the safe house."
"I should be there, Boss."
Gibbs shook his head. "No. If Shelley is watching you, you could lead her to Ziva. We need to trust her protection detail to keep her safe."
Tony took a long drink. "You know, she targeted my partner in Peoria too. I guess she didn't have much of a choice. I was between girlfriends, and she knew better than to go after my father. I kind of thought she was going to kidnap the girl who served me my coffee in the mornings, because I told her I loved her when she gave me an extra shot of espresso."
Gibbs allowed himself a small smile.
"But she decided to hurt my partner instead," said Tony.
In the field, Gibbs had seen Tony adopt every under cover role from professor to gun runner, and in the office, he'd seen him slip into the more subtle covers of clown, flirt, whipping boy, teacher and friend, but he didn't know what to do with the Tony that sat on his basement floor, squeezing his eyes shut like he was trying not to cry. In that moment, Gibbs realized that Eight had gone after Tony in the worst possible way, because what affected Tony more than the threat of hardship, pain or even death was the simple, but heartbreaking fear of being left alone.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"You never asked," said Tony.
"Dinozzo."
"I figured it was a given that all the girls were after me."
"Tony."
Tony shrugged, with the movement lacked his usual grace. "What was I supposed to say? My partner almost died because of me!"
"I talked to Fornell. She didn't die. You got to her in time."
"Shelley wouldn't have looked at her twice if it wasn't for me."
"That doesn't make it your fault."
"Carolyn didn't want anything to do with me after that. My partner. She didn't blame me. She didn't say it was my fault. But she couldn't get away from me fast enough. She said she was going to put in a request for a transfer."
"You beat her to it."
"But she followed me to Philly."
"Carolyn?" Gibbs' brow furrowed.
"Shelley. I mean, not really. She was strapped into a straight jacket, with an IV line full of Haloperidol in her hand. And the Bureau did a really good job covering it up. They said it was classified, because it was a federal case. They said it was for my protection, but I think they just didn't want anyone to know that a podunk cop from Illinois beat them to the most publicized sociopath since the Zodiac Killer."
The glass of bourbon sat forgotten on the concrete next to Tony. Wherever he was, it wasn't in Gibbs' basement.
"But Abby wasn't the first person to work out who arrested Eight. It wasn't in my file. It never went public, I think because the people obsessed enough to figure it out didn't want the attention. But I got letters, and things like that. You know what I mean."
Gibbs didn't know what he meant, but he wasn't sure he wanted to ask.
"So I moved on. Then I moved on again. It's not like it was this big sacrifice. In Philly there were extenuating circumstances, and in Baltimore there was you, but I tried not to stay too long in one place."
"You stopped getting close to people."
Tony picked up the glass of bourbon, but instead of taking a drink, he just stared at the contents. "It wasn't that big a leap."
"That's no way to live, Dinozzo," said Gibbs.
Tony set the glass down again, and wrapped his arms around his knees.
"Well, I couldn't. I couldn't leave NCIS after two years, because you'd just hired Kate, and someone needed to protect her from your bad moods."
Gibbs figured the strained expression on Tony's face was an attempt to smile so he said, "Funny, Dinozzo."
"Not really."
Gibbs shifted his weight to take the pressure off his bad knee. "Why do you think I hired her?"
"What?" Tony asked.
"Don't get me wrong, Kate was a damn good agent, but I hired her almost two years to the day after I brought you home from Baltimore. You didn't think that was a coincidence, did you?"
Tony wouldn't meet Gibbs eyes. "You don't believe in coincidences."
Gibbs frowned. He was trying to tell Tony that he was worth fighting for, but Gibbs was never very good with words, and his agent's reaction wasn't what he'd been expecting. When Tony spoke, his voice was so soft that Gibbs almost didn't hear him.
"One more woman I got killed. I wonder if Ziva will be next?"
"Dinozzo," Gibbs breathed.
"Kate and Paula and Jenny, and I can't do this anymore Gibbs! I can't get anyone else killed!"
"Hey! You did not get any of them killed!"
Gibbs winced when Tony laughed. "Whatever happened to not believing in coincidences?"
"You did not get any of them killed," he repeated.
Tony dropped his forehead onto his knees, but he didn't answer. Gibbs rested his palm on the back of Tony's skull that he had hit so often, in affection and anger. He stroked a calloused thumb across Tony's hair.
"Stop beating yourself up, Dinozzo. There are enough criminals lining up to do it for you."
"I wish they would," Tony said to his knees.
"What?"
"I just wish she would go after me, instead of Ziva. I just wish it."
"Well yeah, Tony," he said softly. "That's why she went after Ziva."
"Boss," Tony said, lifting his head. Gibbs recognized a look in Tony's eyes that he hadn't seen since Baltimore.
"You are not quitting."
Tony glared at him. "It isn't your decision to make."
"Well, it sure as hell isn't yours," Gibbs said, not caring how ridiculous he sounded. "Not now, Dinozzo. Not like this. Someday, when you have your own team. Somewhere closer than Rota."
Tony shot him a look, but Gibbs didn't want to open that can of worms, so he kept talking.
"Someday you'll leave, but not because anyone made you. She isn't going to beat you, Tony. You're the most stubborn man I've ever met. And I was in the goddamn Marine Corps. Ziva's going to be fine. You're going to be fine. "
"I am fine," said Tony, and Gibbs recognized the tone he'd used during the White case, when he told Kate he wasn't worried.
"You know, it's a crime to lie to a federal agent," he said.
Tony didn't miss a beat. "Only during an investigation. Is that what this is, Boss? Are you interrogating me? I am a key witness."
"Not when your in my home, Tony."
"Well then what am I?" he challenged.
"My partner," said Gibbs, and he saw the tension leave his agent's body. He hoped it was because he'd finally managed to say something right, and not because Tony was too tired to fight anymore.
