A/N: Erk! So actually it was a bit of a wait between chapters... sorry!
My excuses (I have many) come in this order.
Firstly; Major good stuff has been happening to me lately in my personal life. This means I'm pretty distracted, and even when not, it's difficult to write when your characters are depressed as a depression, and you're dancing on moonbeams XD But asdfghjkl I'm so happy.
Secondly; My brother and mother are both computer hogs! -grinds teeth-
Thirdly; This chapter was unbelievably hard to write. Seriously, this is something like the fourth or fifth rewrite. I'm still not entirely happy with it, but it's just sitting here now, I'm sick of looking at it, so up it goes.
Dedications:
Melita. sdfsdfsdfsdf Friday was THE MOTHER OF ALL EPICNESS. We have GOT to stop letting Matthew watch the babies! He makes a comfy beanbag though.
Fiona. I'm kind of like your writing slave. And your everything slave.
Nicki/Nick. We tried to do a birthday Argentine tango with a troll, but there were boob issues, so now we're getting corsets. Happy very late birthday, love!
Matthew. I'd put my building in YOUR backyard. We're such professionals. How would YOU like to be bolted to another book? Give Faramir Captain Of Gondor your spanking for today.
WARNING: Sad and then happy and sweet and slash and YAY
Note: I went to a friend's youth group a few weeks ago, and one of the things the preacher said was this;
"And a man will see a girl he likes - yes, a girl, men don't fall in love with men in the real world."
I died laughing. So there are thousands of people who just pretend to be gay, then? Funny, I always thought I was actually a lesbian. Guess not...
The Marauders
"Remus, I-" It had been two weeks, and James had finally managed to coax Sirius out of the closet and convince him to talk to Remus. He had dragged himself through the shower, dressed thoughtlessly (winding up in one of Lily's baggier t-shirts, and a pair of Peter's shorts, but Sirius didn't really notice.) and walked the distance to Remus' room as slowly as possible. He rubbed his face, hands scratching over what was by now a beard he had forgotten to shave, and opened the door, saying the above greeting slowly, as though letting it into the world would cause something calamitous to befall him. Which, given the situation, it might, so Sirius was entirely justified. He was cut short, however, by the sight of two person-shaped lumps under Remus' blanket. One of the lumps began to move, and wriggled his head out from under the blanked.
"Whuh?" Remus said stupidly, then frowned. "Oh. You. What is it?" He glared darkly at Sirius.
Sirius simply stared at him for half a minute, then turned and ran, not ready to face that yet.
"Sirius! What's wrong?" Peter asked as Sirius ran past, turning to follow the guitarist. Sirius threw himself into his closet and sat down, curling into a ball.
"Sirius?" Peter asked, catching up easily. "What happened?"
"Him." Sirius muttered. "And someone else."
"Oh Christ." Peter ran a hand through his hair, sitting down next to Sirius. "We were hoping you wouldn't find out."
"How long?" Sirius was near inaudible through arms and knees and hair.
"About... a week and a half now. It doesn't mean anything to him though, I think... I think he just wants to feel something." Peter said, hugging his knees to his chest. "He misses you."
"Then why doesn't he come talk to me?" Sirius' voice was thick with tears.
"Why aren't you talking to him right now?" Peter looked at Sirius.
"Because he's busy fucking some groupie." Sirius said bitterly.
"Because he was with someone else." Peter said firmly. "Remus doesn't know what Snape really did to you, every time we try to tell him he just shuts down completely. He thinks you wanted it."
"He does?" Sirius looked up, through his curtain of hair, at Peter. "How can he think that? I love him!"
"Then get the fuck out of your closet and go talk to your boyfriend!" Peter grinned, getting up and pulling Sirius to his feet.
"I can't - he's... he's still..."
Peter rolled his eyes. "I'll talk to him. You go shave, that beard is actually the creepiest thing I've ever seen."
000
"Sirius." Remus said coldly when the other man entered the room. Sirius met his eyes, seeing them filled with such reproach he almost broke down right then.
"Remus." He replied timidly, taking a step closer to the other man. "I need to talk to you."
"About what?" Remus arched an eyebrow.
"What-what happened. It wasn't my choice. I was really drunk, and he-he forced me." Sirius looked down, biting his lip almost hard enough to draw blood.
Remus' face flickered slightly. "What?"
Sirius continued speaking shakily. "I-I didn't fight it enough. I was too fucking drunk." He ran a hand through his hair, pushing the bits covering his face upwards for a second, then allowing them to flop back down and hide him once more.
"Is-is that true?" Remus said, voice trembling.
"You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I could never fuck up something like that on purpose." Sirius breathed.
"Well. Oh." Remus said softly, running a hand through his hair. "I need-I need to think. I-I..."
"I'll be in my closet." Sirius said, daring to look up, seeing Remus' beautiful scarred face looking stunned, two lonely tears trickling down his cheeks. Remus nodded wordlessly, his mouth ever so slightly open, and Sirius left, after taking one last glance.
000
"Tomorrow's the 26th." Peter said lightly, sitting down next to Remus on the step off the bus. "How're you doing?"
"I don't know." Remus said softly. "I talked to him yesterday. He told me Sn- that... that he was forced."
"Bloody raped, 's more like." Peter replied gently. "From what he told me, Lily, and James, it was pretty horrible."
"Yeah." Remus sighed. "I don't know if I'm totally ready to be around him though. Part of me just wants to go hug him and tell him it's all fine, but I know it's not. Absolutely nothing is anywhere near fine in any way."
"Just remember who he is. He's Sirius. Not - well... not the kind of man to cheat on you. A friend. Someone who'd always go out of his way to make sure everyone was having fun. Funny guy. Caring. Kind. Incredibly loving and loyal to everyone he cares about."
"Yeah." Remus breathed, a million miles away reliving old memories of being with Sirius. The order made no sense, and he was remembering things from Hogwarts, and from now, and from back on the train the first time he met Sirius, everything. He remembered who Sirius was. Not just a boyfriend. His best mate.
"I'll do the concert."
000
"Concert's tomorrow." James said, swinging himself into Sirius' closet. "Are you gonna play?"
"I kind of have to, don't I?" Sirius eyed him.
"Not if you don't want to." James assured him. "If you're not up to it, you absolutely don't have to."
Sirius shook his head dully. "It's fine. I talked to Remus. He-he knows everything. He listened to me."
"Really?" James blinked, then grinned. "Well that's good, right? You're talking!"
"I... I guess. It wasn't like a conversation, but... we talked. I think things are a bit better than they were." Sirius allowed himself a hesitant smile.
"That's great." James grinned. "Do you... do you think things might ever be normal again?"
"I dunno." Sirius sighed. "I'm not sure if Remus can trust me enough to want to get back together, but we might be able to be friends again."
James smiled at him. "Well that's something, at least. Things are hell right now, but with work, we might be able to fix it. You'll play?"
"I'll play." Sirius nodded. "Getting back to normal is a good thing."
"Getting out of the closet would be a good step too. Only in a literal sense, I mean. Come on, I have to write up a setlist for tomorrow, wanna help?"
"Closet." Sirius frowned. "Songs. I fucked up." A slow grin crept onto his face, and without any further explanation, Sirius leaped up and dashed out of the closet, heading for his room.
000
"Are you sure you're okay to do this, Remus?" Peter asked, backstage. The previous day had been hard on him, Remus had simply lain fully clothed on his bed, refusing to speak. Remus nodded slowly.
"I'll be fine. Do you know what we're playing?"
"I think James has the setlist... He's off talking to..." Peter looked away, fidgeting with his fingers.
"It's okay to say his name. I'm not gonna go all crazy." Remus gave Peter a weary smile, and got out his rosin.
"I know. It's just... this can't be easy. I don't wanna go making this harder."
"And avoiding the subject and acting all non-normal is making it easier how?" Remus smiled dryly, rubbing the rosin gently up and down his bow. "I'm fine, really. You don't have to be all subject-dodging and awkward around me."
"Uh... if you're sure." Peter shifted from one foot from the other.
"I'm sure. So do you have any idea what we're playing?"
"Nope... James has the list, like I said. He'll probably be over soon."
"Speak of the devil, and he shall appear." Came a grinning voice from behind Peter. "One list o' songs, right here."
"Hey James." Remus smiled, taking the list. "What'd you work out?"
"We're starting with something new. Si-"
"We're doing what?!" Remus yelped. "How am I supposed to learn something new, just like that? We haven't practised at all!"
"I know, I know! Sirius, Pete and I have already practised. Sirius knew you wouldn't be able to just play something new easy peasy, so we're using that piece you wrote the other day for Notice Me, right at the start, then you just go grab your bass for Temptress."
"But we've never practised together! It's gonna sound awful!"
"And if it does, that'd be my fault altogether." A rough, scratchy voice came from behind James, and all three of them turned. Sirius attempted a smile, but it looked like his facial muscles had forgotten exactly how it went.
"Seeya." Peter said quietly, dragging James away.
"Hi, Sirius." Remus said softly, standing up and putting the bow and rosin aside. "How-how are you?"
"Not at my best, but I'll deal. How about you?" Sirius took a step towards him and began to reach out, but stopped.
"Really, really... tired. Tired of everything."
"I'm sorry." Sirius whispered quietly.
"It isn't your fault. I'm just sick of it all. Sick of fighting. Sick of playing. Sick of caring." Remus looked into Sirius' eyes, his own eyes wet with tears. "I miss you."
Sirius reached out slowly, pulling Remus into a gentle embrace. Remus acquiesced, wrapping his arms around Sirius' waist, crying quietly into his shoulder.
"It's okay Moony, it's okay." Sirius whispered, petting Remus' hair, silent tears slipping down his own face. They stood together for a while, the only sounds those of Remus sobbing gently, and Sirius' hand against his greying hair. Remus was the one to step back, wiping his face and looking into Sirius' eyes again.
"I don't want us to be fighting anymore. I don't - I don't care what you did. I just... I want to be friends."
Shock flashed over Sirius' face, followed by a hesitant grin. "You mean it?"
"I'm too tired for any of this. I just want to be normal again. Being angry at each other won't solve anything."
Sirius allowed his face to break into a full grin, and hugged Remus again.
"God, Remus... I've missed you so much." He whispered.
"So have I." Remus smiled timidly, returning the hug.
000
A sole spotlight flared into life in the middle of the stage, as the crowd's screams escalated, Remus standing timidly in the middle of it. He raised his bow to the strings of the violin and began to play slowly, a heart-wrenching lament flowing from him as he played. The solo itself was about a minute long, and once it was done, the crowd were all completely into it, cameras out all over the place, eyes wide with awe. On the last, trembling note of Remus' solo, a strong guitar chord burst from the darkness, and Sirius, James, and Peter were hit by spotlights, beginning to play their hardest, Sirius especially focusing entirely on his guitar. The fans went wild - there was no better treat than getting to experience a brand new song for the very first time. Remus slid away from the light without notice, heading to the side of the stage for his bass. He stepped back onto the right side of the stage to watch Sirius pensively as he made a dive for the microphone stand, just in time to begin the song.
"Sweetest angel
I've made you cry again
And if it would help
I'd let us start again
Because I know
You are my star shining down
I am the worm underneath the ground"
Remus watched him in awe, still not entirely sure what was happening. Sirius was bent low over the microphone, singing seductively as the audience screamed, but he backed off after that, letting his headset do the work as he began the chorus, glancing towards Remus for the first time since he had started playing.
"Your amber eyes
The soft brush of your lips
And if you didn't stay tonight
You'd be the only one I missed.
My love, Remus
Won't you forgive my wrongs tonight?"
At the word Remus, the whole crowd inhaled sharply as one, followed by a few catcalls and cheers. Sirius ignored them altogether, keeping his eyes locked on Remus', the rest of the world tuned out entirely. He took a hesitant step closer as he began the next verse, a lone tear slipping down Remus' cheek.
"Oh Moony
I'm just a dog
Unfit to touch your feet.
Though if you could forgive me
I think that'd be neat.
Because I love you
Always and evermore."
Remus' whole face was wet with tears now, but he was unable to resist choking little laughs at times, from Sirius' dog reference, to his absurd rhyming of feet and neat. It was so perfectly, incredibly, breathtakingly like him. Sirius smiled a little, a tear making it's way down his cheek as well.
"Your amber eyes
The soft brush of your lips
And if you didn't stay tonight
You'd be the only one I missed.
My love, Remus
Won't you forgive my wrongs tonight?"
Remus choked again, giving the slightest of nods. Sirius beamed as he began the next verse, his eyes locked in on Remus, the rest of the stadium simply fading away to irrelevance.
"The softest flecks of gold
Entwined with amber strands
Your eyes, like twin sunlights
Deserve so many bands
To sing their praises"
Remus laughed again, his whole face lighting up. All these were ideas Sirius had bounced off him for a song, a song Remus had repeatedly refused to condone the writing of. Didn't matter now. Remus grinned, and Sirius grinned back, a second tear joining the first.
"Your golden eyes
The pressure of your lips
And if you didn't stay tonight
You'd be the only one I missed.
I fucking love you
You're such a gorgeous fucking prick..."
Sirius finally broke down, choking on the last line, and Remus rushed forward, wrapping arms tightly around the other man's thin body, eyes meeting, and then lips crushing together in a desperate, loving kiss, as the crowd and the rest of the band roared with applause and deafening screams.
A/N: No, that's not it. There is an epilogue coming, it's just a couple of scenes I had hoped to fit into this fic but couldn't find space for, so they get to be an epilogue. Expect it soon! Also, in the space (I'm thinking a few months, at least) between this chapter and the epilogue, Sirius and Remus will have done a lot of work to get back to normal. There will have been arguments and discussions, and probably lots of sex. It wasn't all fixed with a kiss. The other bits aren't as much fun to read though XD The epilogue will also contain 'the rooftop song', which is actually called Saviour, and was going to be in this chapter, but it wound up not fitting, making it too clunky, and stretching the story out too far.
Fun fact, originally Sirius was going to turn to meaningless sex after the breakup. Remus was going to drink a lot and want Sirius back. The only thing really giving him hope was gonna be that Sirius was sleeping with girls, and he always said they meant nothing to him. That idea was abandoned pretty quickly though, and I like it better this way :)
Another fun fact, this was NOT originally a HP story at all. At first it was a Gerard/Frank MCR story, but that went in the bin really fast. I can read it, but something about writing RPS (Real Person Slash) just makes me feel creepy. So instead you got Remus/Sirius lovin'. And really, I like it much much much better this way :D
REVIEWZORZ!
Avahin: Snape does, apparently XD He is a twisted man.
And thanks to remuslives23, Dizzy.Blonde.Girl, poppyjml, The Miss Marauders, BlackLycanth, Beth5572, 9jamie, The Girl Of Many Fandoms, and rekahneko.
Thanks for reading, thanks for reviewing, thanks for the suggestions, thanks for the laughs, thank you all :)
