Disclaimer: I do not own CCS
Hey there! Me again!
I have one thing to say, so listen carefully: MY EARS HURT LIKE HELL! I just pierced them again... for the fifth time each side... I'm maso lol (No I'm not). I want to find this cool earring, you know, like the one in the movie Mamma Mia, the mother has a long one... it's hard to describe... just think the Vampire in Midnight Secretary. It's a manga... for adult women... but I swear it's not my fault. I knew the author and wanted to read all her work, so I did. It's not that bad either. You don't understand? Read it, and you'll understand, but it's good.
Okay, anyway... I swear, the chapters are becoming more and more difficult to write: not because I don't have any idea, but the evolution of relationships and minds are quite difficult to write... for me atleast... Is it going too fast? Can readers believe in their reactions? etc...
Anyway, on with the story...
R&R
Destiny against Choice
Chapter seven: Hopefully...
Current era: Japan
Both sitting on Touya's bed, Li-san was letting me question him about some things that were still a bit unclear.
"So how did you find me?" Li-san frowned like if something was on his mind.
"That's where it gets...disconcerted. The day after this night I told you about, I received a thick envelope. Inside, I found photos of you, of your roomies, friends and people you're meeting in Tokyo. There were photos and information on your apartment and your boutique. I didn't hire a private investigator, yet those were made by a professional and this person knew what and who I was searching. I tried to determinate from where the package came, but the address was a fake one. Still, I took a chance and took a plane for Tokyo after taking some arrangements, apartment and job in Tokyo, and secretly created an account to transfer a good amount of money on it before leaving. My family can't track me down. I got myself new credit cards, new passport, new name... The only they knew was that I was gone to Japan. As you can see, Mei Ling is pretty good when it comes to tracking down somebody: she managed to find you." I kept silent, thinking for a minute.
"This person who helped you to find me... he or she wanted us to meet. There must be a reason and this stranger knows it. We have to find him or her. But how?" Li-san shook his head, motioning he too ignored how to find this person.
"Okay, let's put this aside for now. Do you know why I can't access my ancient memories like you do?" Li-san ran a hand through his messy hair.
"To... gain back our memories, we need an activating event. It always occurs when I'm fourteen: the death of my father and then, the sight of the moon. You, on the other hand, get them back at sixteen years old. Your activating event has something to do with your mother, but yours died. I believe it stopped process; you were able to have this first dream I had too, but not all the info like in your previous lives. That is why you didn't come for me." I nodded. My eyes were burning and I looked at the alarm clock of my brother to acknowledge how late it was: Two in the morning.
"Does that mean that I'll never completely gain my memories back?" I didn't know if it was a good thing or not.
"I don't know. We did manage to provoke some souvenirs before, but I can't tell if you'll remember everything. It's the first time I've seen that." I nodded once again.
"So what's happening now?"
"Well, since I'm the one who can remember our lives, I'll do some researches about those periods. I remember Einstein had discovered his formula, E = MC2, before our death... but beside that I only remember in which periods of time, sometimes even the year, we died into. Maybe there's a reason for our appearance during those periods. If, right after our deaths, nothing happened, then maybe our relationship really is a bad thing because the only time us two really eloped, volcanoes came into eruptions."
"What if something happened?" Li-san intensely looked at me.
"I don't know. It depends..." I nodded. He smirked.
"You should really go to sleep. You're exhausted." I nodded one more time; my vocabulary always seems to reduce when I'm tired.
"Goodnight Li-san." I got up n my feet and headed towards the door.
"Call me Syaoran-kun." I had heard him, but I continued to walk.
"Then, I'm Sakura-chan." I opened the door and looked at him.
"Not Ying Fa." I closed the door on a smirking Syaoran-kun. Whatever relationship we had or were supposed to have, it was beginning to feel natural... even if it had started horridly.
When I woke up the next morning, the sun was shining outside and the sky was clear meaning the weather was dreadfully cold. It was nine thirty.
I rapidly went to the bathroom to take a shower, brush my teeth and wash my hair. After drying it, I came back to my room and put on a warm ocean blue sweater that was matching my eyes and a pair of white jean pants.
I got out into the corridor and slightly knocked on Syaoran-kun's room. There was no answer. I silently opened the door only to discover an empty room and a perfectly neat bed.
Confused, I rapidly headed downstairs only to run into my lost friend who was into the living... on one hand... feet in the air... naked torso... what the hell was he doing?
"Umm... First, what are you doing? Second, couldn't you do it with a shirt on?" Syaoran-kun got back on his feet with nimbleness and put on a white shirt he had left on the couch; he was smirking.
"Sorry. Morning training. It's a habit... and I didn't realise my... lack of clothes would cause you any agitation." Oh the nerves of that guy!
"Yeah, yeah, you were just showing off... and it didn't cause me any agitation as you'd like to believe. I just thought it was odd because we're in winter." Syaoran-kun lifted an eyebrow.
"We're inside and there was nobody beside me before you came: how could I be a show off if there's no audience." I sighed.
"Anyway." I headed towards the kitchen to prevent any other self humiliation, but the moment Syaoran-kun realised I was leaving the room, he tried to stop with a proposition...
"Don't you want to try?" I looked up at him.
"To show off? No, you're doing it pretty well." Syaoran-kun chuckled.
"Come on, I'll help you to get on only one hand." I bit my lower lips; I was able to accomplish a candle when I was a cheerleader, but that was a few years ago. I wasn't sure that I was willing to risk to make a fool of myself (again) in front of him.
The hell with pride! I decided to try it out; I used to love to do gymnastics. Every time I was able to accomplish flips or tough moves, I would have this feeling of self-accomplishment and I liked that. I advanced towards him and got on my two hands in front of him: I wasn't that rusty.
"Wow, watch out... but not bad, Sakura-chan."
"I was a cheerleader when I was in high school. Now, would you please tell me how to get on one hand?"
"You just have to shift your weight correctly." He put his hands on my waist to keep me balanced. "Try." I did what I was told, but I couldn't help but mock him.
"I knew you had something in your dirty mind when you proposed me to try." I finally succeeded to find my balance and to control my muscles.
"You're right: I had something in my mind, but not what you think." On those words, he let go of my waist and I must be honest: I had not realised he had been such an important help in keeping me straight. My elbow started bending and I tried to get on my two hands instead of only one, but it was already too late. Slowly, I began to fall toward the floor... until Syaoran-kun grabbed me back by my thighs and landed me softly on the wooden floor. He slightly got back to let a respectable distance between us.
"I wanted to show you that you can't do everything by yourself. You asked for my help; be sure to use it." I was panting from the fright he had provided me. I got on my knees and frowned at me.
"What's the meaning of this lesson?! I didn't do anything to give you the impression that I don't believe in you." Syaoran-kun sadly looked at me.
"I didn't say that; I said that it was in your nature to try to accomplish tasks by yourself, but you must ask for my assistance, okay? Over the centuries, you always thought it was your duty to take everything on your shoulders; that attitude gets us nowhere. Better safe than sorry." Syaoran-kun helped me to get up.
"Alright, but next time you want to lecture me, please warn me." He smiled and nodded. Once again, I headed towards the kitchen, but this time, Syaoran-kun followed me.
"Where's my dad? Do you know if he's still sleeping?"
"No, he needed to go to the grocery store, but he didn't want to wake you up."
"Oh. Have you eaten?" He nodded. I took an apple in the fridge and sat at the table.
"That's no breakfast." I smiled and look at the clock on the wall.
"I'm not hungry... and we should leave for the library soon; we don't know how much time we'll need to accomplish our researches and since tomorrow is Christmas' Eve, it will be closed for two whole days. I can't wait that long."
While I was finishing my not-really-a-breakfast, Syaoran-kun called for a taxi; we could have walked the cold was too strong.
Once the cab was there, we headed outside after putting on our coats and locking the door.
When we arrived at the library, it had just opened so it was completely empty except for the librarian. We took possession of a table and sat down in front of computers to search which books could be interesting. Syaoran-kun gave me the task to see if there was anything about Einstein that could be linked to us. I noted every relevant book, but I decided to add to my research some books about volcanoes. I felt there was something there that needed to be found.
Einstein did help me much; I didn't know what to search for! Of course, I knew that the formula Einstein had invented had leaded to the invention of the atomic bomb even if it wasn't the scientist's will, but I couldn't see what this had to do with Syaoran-kun and me.
Defeated, I took one of the books about volcanoes and began to read it. I knew they were dangerous and destructive, but what I had not realised until then, was that even if people acknowledged their precariousness, they were still living right next to them and not necessarily because there was no other place to go! Those people were staying there because volcanoes are great for the environment. Even if eruptions destroy volcanoes' surroundings, the consequences can still be appreciated: volcanoes nourish the earth. Farmers who cultivate at their foot have far better harvest and they don't need all those synthetic substances to have great products. And what if there was no volcano? Wouldn't Earth be like a balloon filled with too much air? It would be far too much fragile and would easily explode.
So there was two ways to understand the situation of my first dream: the eruptions were a good thing or they were not and I strongly wished it was the first option.
"Syaoran-kun, I think I found something encouraging." Syaoran-kun replied to me without raising his nose from the book he was reading.
"And I think I found something interesting." He slid the book towards me and put a sheet of notes on it. He showed me some dates.
"I found a book reuniting all the big events of humanity. All the death's dates I can remember are inside of this book linked to an invention or a beginning of a new way to use our environment and all of them made men more and more sophisticated or powerful; the atomic bomb, the invention of the car, the pesticides, the industrial revolution, the printing invention... And I can't be sure because it's hard to know the dates back in Antic Rome or in medieval Times, but I believe our deaths coincide with new living style such as the new way to cultivate the grounds. In medieval Times, the farmers began to separate their fields in three parts: one for the cereal, one for the vegetables and one in fallow. Then they would operate a rotation every year. It can't be just coincidences, but yet, I don't know what it means; a lot of inventions are pure genius even if they are destructive for the environment, but that 's the way men are." I kept silent, intensely thinking about what he had just told and what I had read. Somehow, it all connected even if I couldn't figure out what was our role in this story.
"All of them are a threat for environment! Every time we died, an invention appeared right after that! The atomic bomb pollutes air, earth, water; cars do too... The printing invention leaded to the forest devastation to fulfill the need of paper...during the industrial revolution, we began to use coal... and the list goes on and on. With every invention we took something from Earth and only gave back destruction... However, volcanoes' eruptions destroy humans' buildings, but bring earth's fertility to provide food and air... That's why people want to kill us! They believe our death will bring a new innovation while our unification means destruction... for them anyway... I don't know how and I can't believe I'm suggesting this, but maybe our presence means hope for the balance of our environment."
My hypothesis was maybe too optimistic, but I was in need of this; in need of hope. How could I ever accept that a relationship or a human life could mean destruction? If there really were some higher beings, there's no way they would create something only to be crushed and destroyed.
I looked at Syoran-kun who was deep in thoughts, silently nodding his head. Slowly, he turned his gaze onto me.
"And how us having sex could help with all this?" I guess Syaoran-kun's voice was a bit to clear for our surroundings because the librarian appeared behind our back causing us quite a big surprise.
"This is no place to talk about such things! There are children around here, you know!" We looked around, but the only people we could see were some old ladies reading lovey-dovey novels. They certainly had seen and heard it all, but I blushed anyway; I don't have any problem to talk about sex, but when it concerns me, then I become a bit more ticklish.
"Yes, ma'am. We're sorry." The library's employee left us with her nose held high and a frown behind her stylish glasses. I gazed back at my companion when I heard his quiet laughter.
"What?" His hand reached for a strand of my hair and removed it from my face while approaching his burning eyes from mine.
"Twenty years old and you're still shy about sex?" I frowned and pouted. I escaped the trance his eyes were putting me into.
"I'm not, but this is a personal matter and she surprised me." Syaoran-kun gently grabbed my chin and forced me to meet his gaze.
"Oh really?" His lips were almost touching mine and I could feel his warm breath caressing them. Suddenly, we heard the librarian clearing her throat. Syaoran-kun , slightly laughing, looked back at her while she was scolding at us. So he had acted this way only to make fun of the librarian... quite insulting, really... I used this moment to get back from my "soul mate" and began to put away the books I had used. He gazed back at me.
"What are you doing?" I didn't allow myself to look at him: the danger of being dazzled by him was still too high. The kiss he had wanted to give me had made me uneasy. Of course, I had already been kissed by him, but those were business-kisses. I could barely remember them since I had lost consciousness each time. I doubted they could be called kisses anyway. The point was that I didn't know how I would have reacted if it had really occurred: I didn't know if I was willing to accept him in my heart so rapidly.
"We're done here, so we might as well leave. And I'm hungry." Syaoran-kun sighed, but got up on his feet none the less while I was already a few meters away from him.
"So predictable; always running away when it gets too intense." I abruptly stopped; what did he say?! I rapidly walked back at him, each step heavy.
"How could you know? We just met; you cannot judge me so recklessly." Since I had to keep my voice down, I was hissing every word. He had hit a weak point and I didn't like that.
"It was in the letter I received: you're not the only one who can psychoanalyse, you know." My eyes narrowed and I bit my lower lips.
"And I'm not the one whose bed has been more visited than the Tokyo Tower, therefore, I don't pretend to kiss someone to annoy somebody else." The very second those words escaped my lips, I knew I had gone too far; I was aware that Syaoran-kun wasn't too proud of his life before our meeting and I felt awful for bringing back the subject like this. The moment I saw the pain into his thoughtful eyes, I exited the library and hurtled down the frozen stairs in front of the building. I finished my escape on my rear, in pain and ashamed of myself.
Since the appearance of Syaoran-kun, I had made so many mistakes! How could it be? I wasn't like this before: I knew what to say and when to keep silent. I would always be nice and never hurt anybody... It felt like if I was a zombie, but atleast I wasn't a monster. I buried my face in my gloved hands. Yet now that he was there, it felt more colourful... though colour can mean bad things too...
Few seconds later, a warm and large palm caressed the top of my head. I didn't need to look up to know who it was.
"What happened back inside?"
"You hit the bull's eye, but your prize is not necessarily enjoyable."
"So I've noticed." He kneeled down by my side.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
"No, you shouldn't have. And for your information, I didn't sleep with all the women I played with."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not what I want to hear. Tell me what happened back there. Why was your reaction so violent?" I was irritated: why couldn't he just let it go? I said I was sorry, it should have been enough.
"Hormones, okay? I'm a grown woman, if you know what I mean." It wasn't really true since I had finished my period last week, but I just wanted to forget about my outburst; about my lack of control.
"No, it's not okay. I won't buy that. Tell me!" Syaoran-kun wasn't violent, he wasn't harsh; he just wanted to know.
"You were right! I'm afraid, okay? Afraid to let someone in my life, afraid to let him have such a great importance into it! I'm afraid that the moment someone will see the worst in me, he will run away and crush my hopes! And even if I know it's silly and that it won't lead me anywhere, I can't bring myself to open up! And now, I even insult people! Things are getting worse!" He placed his hands on each side of my face, forcing me to show him my teary eyes.
"I understand why you are studying psychology." Tears escaped from my control and began their slide on my cold cheeks, yet Syaoran-kun managed to force a laugh out of me.
"What happened to you? Why are you broken? You used to be so positive and enthusiastic in your other lives." I glanced at him, a sorry smile on my lips.
"I have hypothesises, but I would prefer to keep them for myself, if you don't mind." Syaoran-kun tilted his head to the side.
"I'll give it a shot then: You're mother died when you're were still young and the lost grieved you so much that you preferred to keep a certain distance with people who could have as much importance as her because it would mean another great pain if something was to happen to them. Moreover, you just discovered that people you trust and love have hidden information from you. How close am I from the truth?" I stared at him: was I such an open book? Syaoran-kun smirked.
"My father died, remember? I have seen enough psychologists to know what might be happening in your head. And I know you hate yourself for telling me those words earlier, thus I don't hate you. Plus, you don't have to be afraid to let me get close to you anymore because I already saw the worst in you just now and I'm still here, am I not?" I didn't answer, but I felt soothed by his words. After a moment, I got up (my rear frozen), slightly smiling, and headed towards a nearby cafe.
"Come on grandpa, I'm hungry." Syaoran-kun frowned, but still followed me, his hands in his coat's pockets.
"Grandpa?" I smiled to myself.
"You're too mature for me; you're like an old man" Syaoran-kun lowered his head beside my ear.
"You better be sorry, 'cause I'll show you maturity. Search in a dictionary, it might means something else." Blushing, I playfully pushed him away.
"Yeah, yeah. We're not there yet."
We entered the little cafe.
After lunch, we called a taxi to take us home, but when we arrived in front of my house, we both realised there was a newcomer: my brother's car was parked in my father's driveway.
We told the taxi driver to stop a bit further from my home so that we could decide what to do.
"Can't you come in? Will my brother recognise you?" He nodded.
"Yes, he will: I have to leave. We cannot be seen together by him. You're brother will want to protect you and that means erasing me from your life." I frowned.
"My brother wouldn't do that, plus we can explain what this mess is all about now..." Syaoran-kun interrupted me.
"It is because you're brother is so great that he'll threaten my life; it doesn't matter what are the reasons of our bond, all he wants is to protect his little sister from dying." The taxi driver cleared his voice making us acknowledge we were still in his car. Syaoran-kun threw a glance at me before turning back his eyes on me.
"Get out. I'll find you back." I bit my lips and opened the door, but half way out, I turned back to him and quickly kissed him on the cheek.
"See ya!" I smiled at him and left him while a smirk was appearing on his lips. It was the first time I had took the lead to show him that I appreciated him. I didn't know if I was being seduced to rapidly or if it was all because we were supposed to be soul mates, but was sure of one thing: Syaoran-kun was a great man, nice, reliable and he had understood me like no other guys had. The "me" scared had slightly disappeared today and that was thanks to him.
So???
How was it? Don't hit me please, if you don't like it; this chapter was really hard for me to write 'cause I always questioned myself... It took me a lot of time to decide I would publish it like it is right now...
By the way, I'm searching for a new job and I'm beginning university in a week, so I don't how it will all turn out: it's hard to bring my computer at my next potential job or at university. I'll do my best though and you'll have the next chapter next week, there's no doubt about it.
Conclusion: if you don't like this chapter, please tell me: it wasn't your best one. I'll understand lol.
Well, have a nice week-end!
Lune-diamant
(I have to hurry, I'm late, damn!)
