Hi all! Sorry this has taken me so long! This is a bit of a long one I'm afraid and I hope you are still enjoying it. Please review or let me know your thoughts. As always a big thanks to those who have been giving me some fantastic feedback, especially Glasgow smile, nlech16 and Alice's restaurant. I want to say a very huge thank you so the freelancerseal, who has taken time to help me with this chapter. I hope you're not disappointed!
I own none of the DC Comic Characters.
Underneath
Once more Selina found herself in the white room. She had spent the morning cleaning out the oven and the raspy metal on the scrubbing pad she had used caused her fingers to crack and bleed. Then she had helped Ally in the nursery. Selina was ratty from lack of sleep; the few fragments she managed to catch were corrupted with strange, cloudy dreams. She woke that morning sweating hot and entangled in her covers. Leaving the bedroom she noticed that the scrap of paper she had screwed up and tossed across the room was still there, lying unnoticed in a corner. She picked it up, ripping it into little pieces before tossing them into the bin.
Why had he come here? Selina seemed to remember that her life was so much better before he had arrived. Yes she was alone in the world; but at least her waking hours weren't filled with terror and fear. Fear of going back up into that room. Fear of having to spend an hour in his oppressive company, while she read, her voice trembling and vulnerable in that big, empty room, and him just staring and staring.
She thought this as she took the stairs up to the second floor.
Why did he have to come here? Why was it her world he was ruining?
She found herself staring at his sleeping form from the doorway, hardly able to breathe, hardly able to put one foot in front of the other.
"I'm outside if you need me," Jonah's voice startled her. She turned and saw that the older man was dressed in mucky overalls. "I'm cleaning the gutters and will be stuck up a ladder, but just give me a shout if you need me?"
She nodded. "I'll be fine."
He gave her a weary smile before padding off down the stairs, the sound of his disappearing footsteps making her feel even more lonely. Selina exhaled and made her way towards the bed, scraping the chair out and planted herself at the foot of it. She folded her arms and stared at him, swallowing as his eyes fluttered open to greet her.
"Hey Jack," she said through gritted teeth. "I'll bet everyone would love to know how you manage to get out of this bed, when your supposed to be strapped to it!"
He ran a tongue across his lips, which she could see were cracking from dehydration. His bandages appeared fresher and cleaner since the last time she'd been in here, and the smell in the room wasn't half as bad, she noticed. The linen had been changed on the bed, and she could see that his hair had been washed, the matted clumps of dried blood gone. Maybe whoever had tended to him was the one who had forgotten to strap him back down? After all, Selina reasoned, they wouldn't have been able to wash him properly. She ran her hand under the starchy sheet and felt the thick leather strap between her fingers. She checked that it was fastened under the bed and then breathed a sigh of relief.
Feeling confident enough to turn her back on him, she heaved the pile of books into her arms and stacked them on the edge of the bed.
"So Jack," she said, trying to make her voice braver than she felt. "What shall we choose?"
She flipped through the pile and found one with an interesting cover. She recognised the classic children's fable and dumped the pile on the floor by her feet.
"This is a good one!" she smiled grimly. "It's got pirates, mermaids and Indians! And it's long, so it'll keep us busy for an hour."
Selina leaned back in the chair and began to read out loud. Every line, every new page, she became more and more confident, and actually for the first time felt herself relaxing. Yawning, she leaned across the bed, her elbow supporting her weight. Outside she could hear the distant sounds of the children playing on the lawn. She could hear Jonah muttering to himself as he clambered up and down the ladder. It was like pure silence in this room, she could hear nothing except her own deep breathing and the melodic tick of the clock on the wall. Selina flipped through the book, resting her head on her outstretched arm, her eyes growing heavier with every tick of the clock. She yawned again and tried to sit up but her head felt like a ton weight on her shoulders. She stared at the colourful illustrations on the glossy pages and wondered what it would be like to live underground in a cave beneath a tree, fight pirates everyday, and never, ever grow up. That didn't appeal to Selina at all. Being stuck in this body, when sometimes she felt so at war, so trapped the way she was. She longed for the time when she would grow. When she could wear lipstick and curl her hair.
"What! What did you say?" she was suddenly up on her feet, fighting off a wave of dizziness. She swayed and looked at the clock in horror, realising that an hour had long passed. Her heart hammering in her chest, she whirled about. He was still laying there in the bed, staring intently at her, as though her sudden outburst amused him.
Selina rubbed her eyes frantically, her mouth dry and parched. She had fallen asleep!
"What….how long was I asleep?" she asked him, as though he would actually give her an answer. She stared again at the clock on the wall and groaned. Footsteps were slapping heavily up the stairs and Jonah appeared in the doorway, covered in muck and dirt.
"Selina, I forgot the time!" he called. "Come on, we have to do some cleaning downstairs."
Selina, confused and still disorientated walked numbly to Jonah's side, ignoring the quizzical stare he was throwing her. She cast a glance over her shoulder as she left the room. The boy lifted his fingers off the bed and wiggled them in what she supposed was a goodbye gesture, the very corners of his mouth curling up into what she thought was a smile. But what disturbed her more than that, was the sight of the two leather straps hanging loose at the side of the bed.
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"Sit still Selina!" Ally complained and Selina yelped as the plastic toothed comb caught another one of her ratty knots.
"Ouch!" she ducked away but Ally caught her shoulders and forced her to sit up straight. The torture continued, every nerve in her scalp on fire as the older woman assaulted it without any mercy, until Selina's dishevelled locks became a mane of golden curls.
"That's better," Ally soothed. "Thanks for being so patient today Selina. This has been more stressful than I ever thought it would be."
Selina shrugged her shoulders. "It's Ok."
Ally patted her shoulder. "You've really been a help. Bathing the younger ones, sorting out their clothes….convincing Tony to take a bath!"
Selina giggled remembering that she had more pushed him into the soapy water rather than persuade him to get in it. Selina was taller than him and could be quite forceful when she wanted to be. She had spent the whole of Friday morning, sweating over an ironing board, making sure that the little shirts and the small pairs of trousers were ready for the funeral today. Then she had helped Ally feed and change the babies before they were put down to sleep. So far today, she had been let off her reading duties, what with helping the nurses with the funeral arrangements and she hoped very much that they would take pity on her today.
"Lets get you dressed," Ally said retrieving Selina's white shirt and underwear from over the radiator where they had been left to dry. They were in Ally's room, a small, tidy bedroom on the ground floor. It smelled like soap and perfume and Selina had been intrigued by the different shaped bottles filled with coloured liquid on her dressing table.
Selina took her clothes out of Ally's hands and the older woman understood.
"Use the bathroom if you like," she nodded and Selina headed gratefully to the closed door to the side of the bed. It took Selina a few tries to pull her black tights on successfully, getting them on the wrong way and then getting them twisted on the second go. She buttoned her crisp white shirt up to her throat and then pulled the black shift dress over her head. When she emerged from the bathroom Ally, who was fastening a pair of earrings, smiled at her approvingly.
"Don't you look pretty in a dress!" she exclaimed. "I don't think I've ever seen you in one. It suits you. Come here a minute?"
Ally knelt down in front of the younger girl and then turned her back on her.
"Can you fasten my top button, please?" she asked and Selina nodded, finding the little loop with her fingertips and popping the button in place.
"Thanks, now you sit here," Ally stood and guided Selina to her dressing table chair, making her sit squarely in front of the mirror.
"I have something for you to wear today. Seeing as how you've been such a help."
Ally's reflection in the mirror smiled down at her from where she stood behind Selina and she watched in wonder as Ally retrieved a little box from one of the draws and handed it to her.
Selina stared down at the little box in her hand. "Open it then!" Ally laughed.
Selina lifted the lid to see a pair of tiny, diamond earrings nestled in the foam padding inside the box. She sighed and smiled timidly but then her face fell.
"I don't have holes!" she wailed and Ally smiled, taking the earrings out of the box and holding them in the palm of her hand.
"They're only clip-ons," she smiled, pushing Selina's hair back behind her ears. She snapped one in place on Selina's earlobe and the younger girl winced slightly.
"I know it's a bit uncomfortable at first, but I wear them all the time. It's what we girls have to do if we want to look pretty. And I know you want to look pretty today. I know how much you loved Martha Wayne."
Ally fastened the other earring in place and then held out a hand held mirror. Selina turned her head from side to side, admiring the small delicate jewels shining against her skin. She blushed and smiled shyly, the knot in her throat making her eyes fill up at the sound of Mrs. Wayne's name.
Ally sighed and touched her hand to Selina's gently. "She would be very proud of you, of all of her Humberside children. Do you know that she always commented what a pretty girl you are and how much she wanted a daughter that looked like you?"
Selina blinked. "Like me? Really?" That knot in her throat was getting harder to swallow.
"Of course," Ally smiled, a little watery eyed. "You really don't know what you look like do you Selina? You have no idea of what a beauty you'll become."
Selina ducked her head and Ally guessed what she was thinking. The older woman placed her hands on Selina's shoulders and ran her hands down her arms, which was something most people never got to do. Selina flinched and Ally removed her hands.
"And as for those," the older woman gestured to Selina's body with her eyes. "When you're a big girl, you'll learn that what's underneath your skin is what matters. There is more to you than scarring, Selina. Though it probably doesn't feel that way now. One day you'll meet someone who'll prove that to you."
There was a rap at the door and Ally got to her feet, pulling her coat from over the chair.
"Are you ready?" she asked slipping the wool coat over her shoulders. Selina slipped on her patent leather shoes and nodded. Ally quickly got Selina into her coat and then gave her a playful pinch on the nose.
"It's going to be a sad day," Ally warned her, taking the younger girl's gloved hand in hers.
Rene had ordered two large black cars to drive the eight children and three nurses of Humbersideto Gotham City centre. Selina pressed her nose to the glass as they left the dirty, grimy place she had come to know as home and watched as the run down factories and narrow alley ways became high rise sky scrapers. Looming buildings made of shining glass and steel, like giants among men. Suzie, Selina, Tony and Ally were in the first car with Rene. Nurse Hayley and the remaining five children were in the second. Selina narrowed her eyes as they pulled up along a cobbled street, where she saw armed police officers waving them into position. There were hundreds of people being held back by barricades, the streets lined with photographers and camera crew, light bulbs flashing incessantly as they all climbed warily out of the car.
"It's alright," Ally squeezed Suzie's shoulder as the red headed girl stared around her, wide eyed and frightened. "They are just here to take photos. We said that the Wayne's were an important couple."
The Humbersidechildren piled out of the cars and onto the sidewalk, a mass of frightened, confused faces and wide eyed wonder. Many of them had never seen Gotham City and the shock was apparent on their little faces. Photographers clambered over one another to take their pictures and Selina squinted against the bright lights going off in her face. She turned away and gasped at the sight of Gotham Cathedral, a large, oppressive dome building, with turrets that pointed sky wards.
"Come on, come on," Rene's voice sounded above the crowd. Selina grabbed Suzie's hand in hers and pulled her towards the massive stone steps. Either side, spectators were being held back, occasionally throwing flowers in the path of guests that were gathering near the steps. The steps were strewn with roses, lilies and carnations, like a bright colourful pathway of white, pink and red leading them up into the cathedral.
"Don't step on them," Selina hissed at Suzie. She didn't know why but she hated the thought that anyone would crush the beautiful flowers. It seemed thoughtless. They were for Mrs. Wayne after all.
"Stay together," Rene called as they mounted the steps, some of the younger smaller children, needing help with their balance and footing. Inside the cathedral Selina was immediately hit by two things. One it smelled fantastic. It was like someone had bottled what a spring meadow or a fairy tale should smell like and opened it for everyone else to enjoy. The stone, carved floor of the chapel was littered with hundreds upon hundreds of flower bouquets. Selina had never seen so many flowers in her life and she doubted she ever would again. For some strange reason her thoughts turned to the strange boy back at the children's home and she wondered if he ever had seen anything like this. The second thing that hit Selina was the peace inside the chapel. Outside had been noisy and frantic, people calling out to each other and car sirens and alarms going off. It was like they had stepped into another world and despite all the guests in the church, it was so calm. Selina thought she could feel the silence.
Rene ushered them all into the front pews, squashing down so that as many people could fit in as possible. Selina was wedged in next to Suzie and Tony. Her eyes were drawn to the large glossy framed photo of the Wayne's that was on a stand near the pulpit. She ducked her eyes away, that knot getting bigger and felt like a hole had been punched through her chest. They looked so happy in the photo and Selina remembered how Mrs. Wayne had touched the necklace that he had given her, that day on the lawn. She remembered how she had spoken of her husband. Selina imagined her getting ready for their celebratory night out at the ballet. She imagined her putting on her lipstick and doing her hair having no idea of the cruel, merciless way she would leave the world that very night.
After what seemed like an eternity the service began and Selina's legs and bottom ached from sitting still for too long. She noticed Tony wriggling in his seat and she poked him in the ribs to keep still. When they were asked to stand for a hymn, Selina exhaled, relieved to stand and stretch her legs. She stamped her feet on the ground, willing them back to life.
Around her everyone was singing, absorbed in their service sheets that they had been given when they first sat down. Selina held hers with her gloved hands, the glorious sound of voices in union filling the cathedral. Then she saw something which drew her gaze away from the printed sheet.
A boy, roughly the same age and height as her was standing, trembling in the pew opposite them. He had dark, chocolate hair and pale skin, his crisp, pressed suit buttoned right up to his throat. Selina noticed that an older man with grey hair was next to him, a protective arm about the boy's shoulders. They both looked like they were in terrible pain. The older man looked anxious and exhausted and the boy appeared like he was desperate not to cry.
Then Selina realised who he was.
"That's Bruce Wayne over there!" she hissed in Suzie's ear and Suzie gasped, a little too loudly earning a glare from Rene who had heard her.
"Just don't stare," Selina whispered.
Just then the boy huddled closer to the older man who hugged him tightly and Selina felt the knot in her throat tighten.
I know, I'm sorry, she wanted to call out to him; I really do know how you feel.
A few people came to the alter and read aloud to the congregation, short verses or poems. The words just sounded jumbled and strange to Selina, never having heard a poem before. She wondered why it seemed to mean so much to the people who were reading them, who dabbed their eyes with tissues after stepping down. She didn't think that written words could describe how she felt about Mrs. Wayne. She was more than words, more than pictures in a book. To Selina, the older, elegant woman had been like a single star at night, something so perfect that made you want to reach for it.
When the service ended, a great silence filled the chapel, while everyone filed out. As they dispersed, Selina found herself almost face to face with the dark haired boy, who she now saw was clutching about six stems of velvety red roses. He looked up as she passed him and for a brief moment their eyes met. Selina wished in those few seconds that she could tell him, how truly sorry she was. How she was sorry he was all alone.
The corners of her mouth lifted in a sad smile and to her surprise, as they filed out side by side he mirrored her gesture.
The older grey haired man noticed her and smiled.
"Hello, young lady," he said and Selina noticed that his voice was different, he had a strange clipped accent. "You must be one of the Humberside girls?"
Selina blushed, realising that she had been separated from her group, but somehow she felt safe and that they would catch up with her.
"Yes," she replied timidly. The older man took her smaller hand, shook it firmly and Selina found it impossible not to smile back at him. The boy was staring at her intently.
"Master Bruce," the older man spoke to him. "This young lady comes from the children's home that your mother supported. What's your name my dear?"
"Selina," she said, her cheeks flushing. She had spotted Rene over by the door, her face frantic with worry.
"Master Bruce, why don't you give Selina one of your roses to take home?" the older man said kindly. The boy stared at his bundle of wild, beautiful roses and reluctantly handed one over to Selina. She smiled at him as brightly as she could manage but he looked so crestfallen and weak. His mouth lifted in a tight smile but it didn't reach his eyes.
Gripping the stem in her gloved hand, Selina gasped as Rene snatched her other hand in hers, muttering about her getting lost before she was pulled away and out into the crowd.
Back in the car, Ally scolded her for going wandering and she watched as the old man and the boy appeared on the steps of the church before they pulled away. Miserably she sat back in her seat; the magnificent buildings soon turning into graffiti covered walls and littered sidewalks, until eventually the car pulled up on the stony gravel of Humberside driveway.
She clutched the rose in her hands, touching the soft petals to her lips, taking in the sweet smell, knowing that this scent would always remind her of this day.
Once everyone was back inside, normality ensued. The younger children fought for a place on the couch and Tony complained that he wanted to go outside. The noise engulfed Selina and she wished for the beautiful silence that had filled the church. She felt like her ears were buzzing and her head ached.
Jonah was waiting for her in the hallway and Selina's heart sank. Selina looked up at him and then glanced at Ally who was slipping off her coat behind them.
"Oh, Jonah," she complained. "Surely you can let her off this once? After the day she's had?"
Jonah shrugged, nodding his head towards Rene who was also just coming in the front door after paying the driver. Rene folded her arms and shook her head.
"It's only an hour Selina," she said and Ally pulled a disgusted face. "I'm sure you can manage an hour of your time."
Hurt and annoyed that they would still make her go up into that room after all she had done today, Selina pushed past them, not bothering to take off her coat as she trudged up the stairs. She reached the second floor and for the first time didn't pause at the door of the white room. The boy, Jack still lay motionless in the bed, his eyes following her as she pulled out the chair.
Let's just get this done, she thought, her heart sinking. She felt numb and tired, not even he intimidated her today.
"So which one?" she said, her voice unnecessarily hard. It didn't sound like her. She turned to the pile of books and picked the one off the top that she had been reading when she'd fallen asleep in here last time.
She sat down and opened the book, setting the rose that she was still holding down on the sheets beside her. Its beauty shone up at her against the stark whiteness of the sheets and it reminded her of Mrs Wayne's red lips against her pale skin.
"Match Girl," he said suddenly and Selina's head snapped up.
"Huh?" she pulled a confused face. "You want me to read that one again?"
"Match Girl," he repeated. Sighing, Selina threw the book back on the pile, finding the other book underneath.
She shrugged her shoulders. "Really? I mean you've heard this one twice already!"
He leaned his torso off the bed, cocking his head to one side, his eyes like black holes through that muslin gauze.
"Match Girl," he said again, his teeth gritted and Selina shuddered, remembering the feel of his hand curled around her arm and how much it had hurt.
"OK, whatever," she replied, taking her seat back.
Selina read the story. But this time she felt it. She let the words sink into her skin, seeing the pictures in her head. It was like reading the tale for the first time and she saw the snow covered pavements described in the book, she saw the bare footed girl standing on the streets, selling her wares, looking in lit up windows at other happy families. At the end of the tale, Selina watched as the little girl died, her spirit fading, perished by cold as she went to join her grandmother in heaven. Selina finally got the story and realised at once why Ally had cried over it that time she'd read it to them.
Selina wasthe match girl. She was the orphan, alone in an unkind world, looking in at other happy families and wishing for something that she could never have.
Selina, lost for words, closed the book and stared blankly down at the rose laying next to her. The knot that had threatened to dissolve these past days finally loosened, her horror mounting as she realised that she was about to cry. Tears, hot and salty gathered in her eyes, her cheeks scorching, knowing that he was watching her. She could almost feel his intrigue at the sight before him.
Oh no! Please no, just hold on a bit longer, she willed but it was useless. She lowered her face to the bed sheets, emotion and tiredness gushing out of her. Images of the day flashed before her. The streets lined with press. The flowers in the church, mountains upon mountains of them. As if any of that could ever bring her back. As if any of them would make it stop hurting.
And Bruce Wayne, his pale face, his sad eyes, filled with something more than grief.
Selina sobbed, balling up her fists.
"Just don't look at me!" she cried into the bed linen. "Please just stop looking at me!"
She didn't know how long she cried for, only after a while, when her throat ached and her eyes felt sore she lifted her head off the bed.
The boy was sitting up, so close to her that she could hear his breathing, deep and raspy, above her. He was stroking his hand through her hair, winding the tendrils of her natural curls around his fingers. The movement was careful, slow and cautious, like she was a little stray cat that would bolt any minute. But it was also hypnotic and strangely, it was comforting. Selina closed her eyes and let him carry on, knowing that she didn't have any strength left to stop him.
