Authors note: Seems like Santana didn't endear herself to anyone in the last chapter. Lets see if she can start to make amends here. I think this is the first new material on so um enjoy? Thank you as always you wonderful people for reviews, alerts etc.
Chapter 6
The CAT scan showed that I had a mild concussion. Doctor Pillsbury ordered, ok that's not the right word because people don't just order Santana Lopez around, strongly suggested is better. Anyway she strongly suggested that I be admitted for observation at least overnight. Before I could even protest Santana had huffed, and said that she could observe me far closer than any hospital would, and what should she actually be worried about.
I don't know why the thought of being in Santana's care both comforted and terrified me at the same time. Ok so she believes Cody is her son. But that hasn't really solved things for us. In fact for me at least things are a whole lot harder now. It would have been easier in some ways if she had rejected him I think, because then, maybe, I had a chance at being able to get back to Lima, Ohio and attempt to yet again rebuild my life. Now? Fuck well lets be honest. Now I'm screwed. Santana Lopez now knows that she has a son. They'll be no escaping again.
I think I spaced out for a bit, because the next thing I was really aware of was being in the godforsaken elevator again. I was being held tightly in Santana's arms, and wasn't even surprised when I glanced quickly down and saw Cody clinging to Santana's white pants again. The movement of the elevator descending caused my stomach to flip and roll and I pressed my face into Santana's neck, concentrating on taking slow deep breaths, letting her scent calm and sooth me. Now would be a terrible time to throw up. Not that there is ever a good time.
A soft kiss was pressed to the top of my head, and I heard Santana's soft and husky voice whisper to me. "Don't worry Brittany, we'll be home soon, and then you can rest."
I tried not to tense up over her use of the word home. Reno had not been home to me for a couple of years, and during that time most thoughts of the place had not been comforting. In fact I was seriously worried about the danger I was about to walk into.
In the limousine I sat in a Santana, Cody sandwich. Nestled between the two of them. Cody had his little hand firmly in mine, and Santana had gone silent staring out of the darkened window. She did have her hand lightly resting on my knee though, but I'm not sure if she was even really aware of the contact.
It was an awkward ride. Maybe even more so than the one to the doctors which had been thankfully broken by Cody's asking for a snack. Instead this one seemed almost as if all of us were stuck in our own thoughts. I reached out with my free hand and ran it gently through my son's hair. "Hey baby. How are you doing?" I asked. I wanted to pull him onto my lap and hold him close to me but settled with giving his shoulders a little squeeze instead as I still felt a little dizzy.
"Mommy, I tired."
I felt his head press more against my shoulder, and leant down to press a kiss to the top of it.
"I'm sorry baby. We can go to sleep soon. Right?" I directed the last word at Santana, but then realized she was still preoccupied gazing out of the window.
"San?" I said slightly louder to get her attention, immediately she turned her head to face me. For a second I couldn't speak because the look in her eyes was so lost and sad, but that quickly disappeared and work Santana replaced it.
"Yes?"
"Um, uh." I stuttered, suddenly nervous by this side of Santana. I missed the Santana that I knew. My Santana. This one was a whole lot more scary, and reminded me of her father. He used to look at me like that. I looked away unable to meet her gaze and stared at her hand on my knee instead. "Cody's tired, and probably hungry again. Are we almost there?" My voice was barely above a whisper but I know she heard me.
I was tired and hungry too.
The car pulled to an abrupt stop and my stomach lurched.
Ok maybe not so hungry, as I'm probably pretty fucking green right now again.
"Shit." Santana cursed, her hand squeezed my knee lightly, and Cody giggled at the bad word.
"Santana." I said my voice sounding stronger and containing a warning not to swear in front of my son.
Our son.
Fuck.
"Tana bad." Cody said with another giggle.
I almost laughed again as I watched Santana's mouth drop open, before it quickly closed again. Getting told off by an almost three year old was quite the humiliating experience.
"We're here." Santana announced her teeth gritted slightly in a forced smile as she leant over to open the door. Cody was helped out first, and then Santana held out her hand to help me out of the limousine. When I took it our fingers naturally entwined together, and there was a split second when we both looked at our joined hands and then each other before I pulled away first. Cody was quick to grab both of our hands linking us back together with him as the bridge, and thankfully breaking the moment once again.
I looked up at the all too familiar house in front of us. The limousine had stopped directly in front of the front steps that were made of white marble, and arched up in a steady slope to a huge entranceway. Understated was not in the Lopez family dictionary. Everything they had was grand and ostentatious. Sometimes I'd wondered what on earth Santana had ever seen in me when we were first together. She was beautiful, educated, rich, and powerful.
I was none of that.
I'm still not.
That thought caused my foot to stumble over the third step, and only Santana's strong arms and quick thinking stopped me from getting any more injuries today. Instead of risking me tripping again I found myself swept up once more into strong arms and cradled against her chest.
I wanted to protest, but honestly I was exhausted, nervous, and maybe I even needed the comfort that being held produced.
The door was opened by none other than a smiling Rachel Berry before we even reached it, she wasn't who I was expecting, her smile and habit of appearing and surprising me were both unwelcome. "Nice stitches." She said cheerily as we passed. Santana didn't slow down in the grand foyer like I expected, but instead started slowly climbing the staircase, Cody managing to keep up, in part because of her deliberately slow pace, until we were on the second floor. The floor I remembered was out of bounds to everyone but a few household staff.
We entered an all too familiar bedroom, and I was gently placed on the large bed.
Our bed.
She had carried me to bed the day I had left. I had spent the morning throwing up in the bathroom. Not very pleasant I know, and a huge pregnancy giveaway. But Santana had just assumed that it was something I ate the night before, and at the time I wasn't even sure myself, I just had this niggling feeling in my mind that I might be the P word. I didn't want to share that feeling yet though until I was really sure. Anyway, after I was finally finished she had swept me back in my arms and carried me back to bed. She was so gentle with me laying me down on the mattress, and then covering me up with the sheet. When she placed a kiss on my forehead and started to pull away, I think I surprised her when I grabbed her top and pulled her down to the bed with me.
It hadn't taken a whole lot of convincing on my part to get her to stay with me. My hands just ghosted over her chest really before she was pulling me close to her side and kissing me.
"Fuck Brittany." She moaned into my neck, and then bit the skin there making me gasp and press into the touch.
My fingers trailed their way back and forth across the rigid muscles of her abdomen, I could feel them all twitch and jump at the contact and I loved it. Impulsively I slid them up higher, bringing the soft white material of her cotton beater with me until it was bunched up above her breasts.
We were still on our sides at this point, but as soon as I ducked my head down and took her nipple between my lips she rolled me over gently until she was on top arching into my mouth. Her hands were pressed into the mattress by my shoulders and her arms shook where they held her up, especially when I used my teeth a little harder than normal.
I broke the contact with a groan of my own when she pressed down against me so fucking perfectly that I think I saw stars. Another slow thrust, and my hands instantly went lower pushing her boxer shorts off this time.
When Santana quickly reached into the bedside draw I almost told her what I was thinking, but she rocked once more against me and instead of speaking I clutched onto her shoulders with one hand, and cupped her gently with my other hand, giving a squeeze and getting a delicious groan in response.
"Fuck Britt, just give me a minute." She gasped when I squeezed her again, biting my lower lip to contain my grin when I felt her thrust against my hand in response.
"One, two, three…" I started counting; with each word I gave her a gentle caress.
On seven she was rolling slightly away from me, and quickly rolling a condom on.
On nine she was back and hovering over my body once more.
On ten she placed a gentle kiss on my lips.
And on eleven she held eye contact with me as she quickly thrust inside.
I gave up trying to count after that as she pulled out just slightly, before thrusting in again, this time harder and deeper than the time before.
"You feel so good." She groaned, her hand reaching down and pulling my knee even higher up around her waist, changing the angle slightly, opening me up to her even more. Her nails dragged up the outside of my thigh until her hand settled around my hip pulling me to her on each rock of our hips.
On a particularly hard thrust I gasped and she quickly stilled her body movement until I was forced to look up at her. God she looked so concerned that she had hurt me, but after seeing me biting my lip, and the look in my eyes, her cocky grin appeared and she put everything she had behind the next thrust.
"San," I managed to gasp out that much of her name before she thrust into me again.
My hands frantically scraped down her back until they clutched at her ass. On the next thrust I pulled her in even tighter to me.
"So close." She warned, ducking her head down and kissing me once more. The kiss was as frantic as our thrusting together was, and didn't last long before she pulled away and pressed her face into the column of my neck.
I wrapped my other leg around her hip, twisting my feet together at the back of her thighs. The angle shift was enough for her to hit that spot inside of me that causes me to shudder every time.
"Please." I begged.
That one word enough for her to know what I wanted.
Her other hand grabbed my waist causing all of her weight to press against me, and somehow she found the energy to press even harder and deeper than before. It was more than enough to make me come undone and I screamed her name.
I could feel the muscles of her ass flexing against my hands as she thrust into me again and again, her body shaking and quivering as she was caught up in her own release. Finally with a last cry of my name she stilled and collapsed against me, being careful to roll us over onto our sides almost right away.
When she went to pull out of me I clutched her to me not wanting her to go. My body. All of me felt so needy for her. That I just had to have her in me for as long as possible. She smiled and placed a butterfly soft kiss to the tip of my nose before we curled up in each other's arms again.
My eyes drifted closed, and I must have fallen asleep. I think the last thing I remember her saying was "Have good dreams beautiful." Before a door clicked closed.
Cody crawled up onto the bed beside me, and instantly snuggled into my arms. I watched as Santana frowned and took a small step away from us. Before she could get further away I reached out and snagged her wrist with one of my hands. "Please don't go." I said, my voice sounded so quiet and I was unable to meet her eyes. I did however give a tiny tug of her hand, and released a breath I wasn't even aware I was holding when she sat down on the bed beside us.
As her hand reached out and hesitantly ran through Cody's dark hair ruffling it further I couldn't help but smile. Cody's eyes drifted closed and he snuggled closer to me. "You're going to make him sleep." I said not accusingly at all, merely as an observation. It would probably be a good idea for us all to try to eat something before that happened.
I don't even remember when I ate last.
Not that I haven't had times when I had to go for days without food in the past, but that was then, and I try really hard to forget that part of my life. Now I had to take care of myself, so that I could be there to take care of my son.
My stomach grumbled protesting its emptiness, and making Cody giggle.
I blushed.
"I'll go and get some food." Santana said as she stood back up from the bed and moved quickly out of the room. There was another second when I really wanted to call her back because it was almost that painful for me to watch Santana leave.
Shit.
My head is so fucked up.
I want her, and then I don't.
Ok lets be honest with myself. It's not that I don't want her because fuck have you seen her? It's that it's scary. And I have Cody now. I need to think about him first. I need to keep him safe, and I'm not completely sure that I'm safe with Santana Lopez.
Santana appeared surprisingly quickly carrying a tray laden down with food and drinks. I could see Cody's eyes light up over the sheer variety of foods placed on the tray, and arched one eyebrow in her direction to ask why. "I'm not sure what Cody likes." And I couldn't tell if she was angry or sad, as her tone was almost defensive.
Crackers, breakfast cereal complete with a jug of milk, fruit, sticks of vegetables with some sort of dip, chips and salsa, and what looked like peanut butter, banana and fluff sandwiches were all there, along with water, juice and milk. I quickly picked out a few items for Cody, and placed them in a bowl for him. I then lay out several napkins around him so that he couldn't make a mess and poured him a small amount of milk. I needed to get my sippy cups for him out of my bags as he does have a tendency to spill his drinks from a regular cup right now.
Then when he was happily munching away I selected some fruit, half a peanut butter, banana and fluff sandwich – that made Santana smile as she knew they were my favorite – and poured a large glass of milk for myself.
Even Santana helped herself to a few of the veggie sticks, some of the breakfast cereal – which in turn made me smile as I remembered how much she had loved cereal as a snack before bed – and the other half of the sandwich, finishing it all off with a bottle of water.
After everything was eaten, and then things were cleaned away back on the tray I helped Cody to use the bathroom, and get washed up and ready for bed. I asked if we could have our bags from the plane, but Santana said they were already unpacked and the toiletries were waiting for us in the bathroom. I think I managed to say thank you before I shut the bathroom door and locked it. It didn't take long unfortunately to wash up and get ready for bed and then I was carrying my now very sleepy son back to the bed. The bed where Santana was propped against some pillows watching us with dark unreadable eyes.
"He can sleep in here with us tonight if you want?" Santana offered pulling the cover of what used to be my side of the bed down.
I didn't argue and ask where else he would sleep.
I didn't have the energy to fight any more tonight.
You can bet it'll be something we'll have to discuss tomorrow though.
Santana went to use the bathroom to get ready for bed as I remembered our last 'discussion'. My hand traced the faded mark still evident on my cheek, it had been a shock that Santana had hit me, as she hadn't raised her hand to me in the past. I guess I don't know this Santana as well as the one in the past. Cody was already cuddled up close to my side fast asleep. I pressed lightly against the mark on my face, and winced slightly at the pain. Still tender. My hand dropped as I watched Santana walk towards me and climb into the bed.
"I." Santana started to speak and I turned my head so I could look at her easier. She was staring at her hands clenched on the bed sheet, they were curling and uncurling, and she gazed at them like they were strangers to her. "I'm so sorry Brittany." She said, so quietly that I wouldn't have heard her if I wasn't looking.
"It's ok." I said quickly even though it wasn't really.
"Don't do that." Santana's voice was a little louder now, but still quiet enough that Cody didn't stir.
"Do what?"
"Don't say that unless you really forgive me." She held up a hand to stall any comment I was going to make. "And don't forgive me so fast. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry I hurt you. I had no right." She brushed a single finger ever so gently against the side of my face, so soft that I barely felt it. "I swear I'll never do anything to hurt you again."
"I hurt you too." I said quietly, it wasn't physical I know, but I'd still hurt her I know that.
"Then I guess we both have something to forgive the other for." I heard her say before the bedside lamp turned off and plunged us into darkness.
I don't know how long I lay there in silence occasionally turning one way and then the other in a futile attempt to get comfortable enough to sleep. I was exhausted, and my head was starting to throb, so why couldn't I just close my eyes and rest? I could hear Cody's deep breathing and I knew he was fast asleep. I wasn't sure if Santana was though because she was staying too still, it was wrong because she was always quite the um, active sleeper I guess you would say.
"San?" I whispered.
"What's up Britt?" her sleepy voice answered immediately.
"I'm sorry too."
I heard her sigh in the darkness, and then felt her fingers reach out and tangle with my own. I released my own sigh and closed my eyes.
Now I could sleep.
