Chapter Five: "Ride!"


In the busy streets of Japan, a certain five young men and women cautiously slinked about one of the alleys, keeping their eyes peeled for a certain marked cargo truck. The team of Beat, Gum, Garam, Panty and Stocking left the Kobito Hotel shortly after the mission statement's conclusion, heading into the city proper undercover while the three tech-savvy Agents worked out proper plans and coordinates. So far, all they were told was to find any official looking car that might be guarded by PMCs, and that was it. Everyone stood quietly in the alley, hidden behind several garbage cans and dumpsters while Beat cautiously peered out into the street, watching idle citizens passing by.

"Any word from Yo-Yo or those two Saints?" Beat whispered. Gum checked her headset, awaiting any response from the gang back at base.

"Nothing." Gum confirmed. "Not even so much as some of his weird tech-jive talk." Everyone let out a sigh and continued waiting. Even though a majority of this team tended to act extremely unpredictably, even an idiot would know that rushing into something blindly with a live criminal record on your head is a surefire way to either get caught or killed. Panty groaned in frustration, banging her head against the concrete wall.

"UGH, I'm getting bored!" Panty complained. "When are those egg-heads gonna tell us where the fuckin' truck is?"

"Relax, will ya?" Stocking said, slugging her more irate sister on the shoulder. "Getting your tits in a twist won't get ya anywhere."

"Both of you, keep it down!" Gum whispered harshly. "If anyone hears you two swearing up a storm, we'll get arrested for sure!" The group sat in silence once more, but finally a sound broke out in the form of crackling radio static.

"This is Scientifically Transmitted Data, calling Angel's Touch." The voice of Kinzie called via the GGs headsets. "Come in, Angel's Touch." Happy to have at least some info, Beat pressed a finger to the side of his headset.

"Beat here," Beat announced. "We're doing code names now? Nobody told us."

"Pierce thought it up on the fly," Kinzie explained. "So now we're going by code names. Matt, Yo-Yo and I are going by 'Scientifically Transmitted Data' or…"

"STD for short," Gum retorted. "Yeah, that joke's about as obvious as the Baron blowing up his ego."

"Blame your friend for that one." Kinzie reluctantly admitted. "His idea, as was Angel's Touch. Since you got the Anarchy Sisters with you, he thought it was fitting."

"Eh, I give it a six for creativity." Stocking shrugged.

"Anyway, we got good news." Kinzie continued. "After taking a digital sledgehammer through a lot of firewalls and bypassing several government restrictions, Matt and I managed to wipe everyone's criminal records, so no worries about being arrested on sight." A relieved sigh washed over the group. "Also, Yo-Yo managed to locate our score." Garam pulled out his medallion for everyone to see, a green holographic projection emerging and displaying a map of the immediate area. "We traced the unique electronic signal the PMs generate to a stockpile truck of unprogrammed tech right here." An arrow popped up on the map, pointing at an alleyway not too far from their position. "If you manage to hijack that truck, we can use the PMs for ourselves and maybe do a little modification to them."

"Standard snatch and grab, huh?" Beat asked, slightly chuckling. "Alright, anything else you wanna tell us?"

"Just one: Don't get caught" Kinzie warned. "Good luck, have fun." With a click, the call was disconnected and the map had vanished. Fortunately, they knew exactly where they needed to head.

"Well, let's get going." Beat said, adjusting his goggles. Everyone nodded and headed out the alley into the street. Luckily, no one seemed to recognized the formerly listed criminals while this gang of young men and women hurried past several people. It was pretty surprising, especially since all five of them stuck out like rainbow markers in a pencil box, but they took the lack of notice as an advantage and reached their goal. The white armored truck was parked in the alleyway, back door opened up to reveal several metal boxes no doubt stocked to the brim with unregistered PMs. The two PMC guards assigned to the vehicle appeared to be having a conversation in their seats, unaware of the gang of delinquents slipping in through the back.

"It was about this big." One of the guards said, holding his hands apart at a sizeable length. "Tip to tip. Strangest thing I've ever seen." The other guard gave him a low whistle in response. "I know, right? Then some top-tier investigators with those shiny emblems come in and start collecting them up. Every single one, just gone!"

"That's weird…" The other guard said, unaware of the rustling going on behind him. "Why does the government want to keep people from seeing a bunch of big white feathers all over the place?" Before his friend could give him an answer, two sets of hands reached out from behind the chairs and grabbed the guards' mouths, shutting them up as they were dragged into the back. Anyone looking into the alley would see the truck bouncing and rocking back and forth, but thankfully, the blind public saw nothing.

"That should take care of 'em." Garam said, hefting the two unconscious PMCs out of the truck and into the alley. He popped open one of the boxes, incredibly surprised to see that each of the boxes was filled to bursting with PMs. They had struck the censorship goldmine. "And we got the goods, plus loads of backups in case something gets screwy."

"Yeah, sounds great." Panty said, as she and Stocking took the front seats and donned the PMC hat disguises. The rest of the GGs carefully gathered in the back and carefully situated themselves on the crate, ready to hit the road. "Alright, let's get this sucker movin'!" Without wasting any time (and extremely thankful those PMCs left the keys in the ignition), Panty started the truck and immediately drove out of the alley into the street. However, unknown to the group, one of the guards was still awake and kicking, activating his PM and contacting an emergency line.

"I need any nearby police officers and PMC Officials to report," The guard grunted. "We have a stolen government vehicle containing several unprogrammed Peace Makers traveling fast down Tokyo. They are armed and dangerous, possibly amongst the group that attacked the airport earlier."

"Roger that." A gruff voice responded on the other line. "All units are converging on the location as we speak. Don't worry, kid, Onishima's on the case." Call concluded, the PMC officer decided to join his buddy in his nap… God, his head hurt…


"Wow, looks like it's smooth sailing from here." Stocking commented. "No traffic, no shortage of gas, no stupid stuff to get in the way." The goth angel hopped back in her seat, nibbling lightly on a cookie. "Things are starting to look up for us!" Gum's gloved hand popped out of the back and thumped the back of Stocking's head, while Panty cautiously drove down a surprisingly clear street.

"Idiot!" Gum admonished. "Do you want Murphy to hear you?!" Panty scoffed, adjusting one of the rear-view mirrors while Stocking rubbed her head and lightly whined.

"The fuck is Murphy?" Panty asked, a cocky smirk emerging on her face. "Some spooky imaginary friend that tells you when your period is?" Before the blonde angel could so much as bark a laugh, Gum whacked her on the top of the head as well.

"No, you heavenly bimbo, Murphy as in Murphy's Law!" Gum retorted. "The law of reality and physics that everything that could and can go wrong…" Suddenly, the sound of police sirens pierced through the air, much to the dismay of everyone, especially the orange-haired skater. "Will." Stocking glanced out the rear-view mirror on her side and saw that the entire street was crowded, lane-to-lane, with police officers, several in PMC uniforms, and man did they look pissed.

"Attention criminal scum!" Shouted a gruff and aggressive voice over a loudspeaker. "You are acting in violation of the law! Pull your vehicle over now and face arrest, or we WILL open fire!" Beat, Gum and Garam blinked in surprise. Something about that voice, the gruff tone of a man who smoked at least twenty cigarettes a day, and the overtly aggressive attitude sounded vaguely familiar. Out of sheer curiosity, Beat slowly opened the back door of the truck and peered out to get a look at the cops behind them… and couldn't believe his eyes.

"Gum, Garam, you are not gonna believe this." Beat said, slightly chuckling to himself. The two other GGs joined their leader in peering out the door and were utterly flabbergasted at what they saw. Leading the charge in one of the squad cars was a gruff-looking man, dressed in a dark green overcoat and sporting the nastiest look on his face. The man looked like he hadn't shaved in months, sporting a very dark five-o'clock shadow, and had an oddly flat-styled brown pompadour that stood out nearly a foot away from his head (if that somehow makes sense). Granted, it wasn't the voice, or the face, or the clothes, or the hair that really drew the GGs' attention, but rather the grey revolver with the long barrel resting in his free hand.

"Is that…" Gum couldn't believe her eyes. "Captain Onishima?!" Beat slowly nodded his head, while Garam shook his in disbelief.

"Couldn't be." Garam grunted. "Probably some lookalike that exists in this Universe. I mean, you all remember what Watcher told us back in training, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, 'In the infinite Multiverse, you're bound to run into yourself or someone you know one way or another'." Beat recited. "We know; hell, I've seen 'em, but I'm telling you that's totally Onishima!" As the three teens were arguing, the truck hit a bump and the doors fully came open, exposing the criminals in the act. The police captain driving the van was genuinely surprised when he recognized the kids in the truck, but that surprise was replaced by a malicious grin.

"Well ain't this a surprise?" Onishima said to himself. "If it ain't those spray paintin' GG punks from Shibuya…" With a chuckle, he clicked on the speaker and shouted at the truck. "I'd say it's nice to see you punks again, but I'm still miffed at having to buy new jackets every time one of you brats snuck up on me!"

"Yeah, that's totally Onishima." Beat commented.

"I was wonderin' where you punks went off to after that whole shindig with the Rokkaku," Onishima said. "But frankly, I'm just glad my new position gives me freedom to put you punks behind bars!" It was then that Beat noticed that Onishima had an odd pin on his jacket which he knew the police officer never had before. Using his goggles, Beat focused in on the pin and saw it was a golden badge displaying a shield and a winged sword; an icon associated with their current enemy.

"Crap, Onishima's with the Order of Purity." Beat grumbled. "This is not good."

"Alright, people, this is Captain Onishima speaking!" Onishima announced to the other squad cars. "I want all available forces on my position ASAP! The carjackers are armed and dangerous, repeat, armed and dangerous! Use of firearms is authorized!" As Onishima chuckled darkly while his gun pointed at the car, Beat slammed the truck door shut and scrambled to the front.

"You might wanna floor it." Beat urged. Several gunshots started ringing out across the street, one of them shooting a rear-view mirror clean off its hinges. "Now." Panty scoffed, tossing her hair aside and turned to her sister.

"Stockin', take the wheel." Panty ordered, hopping out of her seat while her sister scrambled to take the driver's seat. She shoved Beat aside and kicked open the door, glaring harshly at the road and the entire squadron of cars. "Hey, pig-fuckin' assholes!" Ignoring the gasp from the innocent bystanders at the profanity, Panty decided to kick it to the next level, and with a quick flash of her hands, the lewd angel held her ultimate weapon in her hands: a pair of blue panties.

"How the hell did that happen?!" Gum gawked. "I barely saw her hands move!"

"Years of experience, kid." Panty cheekily retorted. "But here's the best part." In a flash of bright white light, the undergarments transformed in the angel's hands, and turned into something even greater: a uniquely designed bluish-white pistol, with a barrel in similar design to a pair of women's underwear. "Oh hey, Stockin', could ya pop in that CD the Baron gave us? Need some kickass fightin' music." She idly waved her gun about in contemplation. "I'm thinkin'… Track Sixteen."

"Got it!" Stocking chirped, extracting said disk and shoving it into the vehicle's radio. A bouncy, speedy tune began playing from the radio, the team bobbing their heads to the beat while Panty stood ready with her firearm.

"Not what I usually jam to," Panty said. "But I dig it!" With a quick click of her pistol, the high-speed chase was on!

"ALL UNITS, FIRE!" Onishima barked, all of the police cars now sporting several armed men sticking out of the side seats, pistols at the ready. Gunshots rang out, but they all flew too wide and Panty barely needed to do anything about it.

"Oh, yeah, we goin' to ride." Panty said, taking aim at the cars. "And they saying he the best to get it,

He don't spit it, he reliving his life with it," Five white, hot bullets fired from Panty's pistol, zooming through the air and hitting their mark, taking out tires of two cars and hitting one guy in the shoulder.

"He don't pivot, he straight line of sight with it,

He never dull, he rhyme edge of the knife with it,

Yeah, and he past trying to price it,

It's way out of your range. If y'all like this,

Just cut a check for the price of your life,

And maybe I can get you a little something on a license!" Stocking took a hard right turn down another street, hoping to dodge the cops. However, Onishima was persistent, and more cars came to back him up while the turn cost Angel's Kiss one of the boxes of PMs flying out the back.

"CAREFUL!" Garam warned, bracing himself against several of the boxes. "We lose these boxes, the others are going to have our necks!"

"SHUT UP," Stocking shouted. "I'm trying to drive here!" They took another hard turn, and even more squad cars followed after them.

"It's… Been a long time coming." Panty continued to rap, a manic smile on her face as she watched more squad cars veer off the road. "The squad ready, the whole world is humming,

He so deadly with it, but so young,

That it's damn near impossible to see him coming,

Until you see them lames running,

Trying to get out of the way of the gunning,

Its shots fired when the dude get a mic,

And soon as you catch a line, boy, that heart rate plummet!" Her smile vanished when the only sounds her pistol was making was a click. "FUCK, I'm out! Cover me!" She ducked behind a box, reloading her heavenly bullets as the police retaliated, destroying not one, but four boxes with bullets. Panty swore, kicking the damaged boxes out the truck and sending them careening into the road.

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT THE BOXES?!" Garam shouted, but Panty ignored him. Beat wracked his brains to figure something out, something that could get the cops off their backs. A bullet pinged the door, striking near the skater's head.

"This for all those ruined jackets, ya punks!" Onishima cackled, firing his absurdly large gun at the car. A lightbulb went off in Beat's head, and he quickly went rummaging through his bag for just the ticket.

"Garam, I need some sports tape!" Beat requested. Garam pulled out a roll of sports tape from his pocket and tossed it to Beat. Immediately, the goggled teen went to work with a bundle of spray cans, strapping them together in a tight package. "Viola!" He turned to Panty and tossed the package over to the angel. "Think you can shoot a midair target?" Panty examined the bundled spray cans, and her wicked smile returned.

"Kid, I like your style of thinking." She chuckled. Once again opening the doors, Panty held the package in one hand and her pistol in the other. Onishima's scowling grin vanished with a look of confusion. "Hey copper! Got a present for ya!" With a heaving throw, she tossed the canister out the back, sending it flying into the air and hitting Onishima's car right on the windshield. Panty took aim with her pistol, and Onishima could only look dismayed.

"Oh man…." He moaned. A single shot fired, and the spray cans exploded in a shower of bright colors. Almost all the police cars in the front row were completely covered in a rainbow of paint, windshields completely obscured by wet paint and the Japanese police were barely able to drive straight.

"HOO-AH!" Beat cheered, high fiving both Gum and Garam. "Suck on that, Onishima!" Stocking and Panty let out their own cheers as the squad cars started slowing down, but they clearly weren't out. Onishima, face completely covered in pink, blue and green paint, wiped his eyes clean and growled ferociously, reloading his gun for one last shot. He fired, the bullet somehow managing to hit one of the tires of the truck, blowing it out and causing the truck to start swerving.

"AH SHIT!" Stocking swore, trying to keep the truck steady as two more boxes of PMs flew out the back. Everyone tried to brace themselves, trying to stay in place as two more boxes went flying out the back. The vehicle careened off the road, swerving down the street and banging against nearly everything in its path. "GET THE FUCKING DOORS!" Using what strength they had, Panty and Garam pulled shut the doors to the truck, keeping everyone and what little loot they had left inside. The stolen truck turned down an off-beaten path from the road, while Onishima and the rest of the squad cars pulled to a complete stop. A few PMCs exited their vehicles, but Onishima waved them off.

"Let 'em go." Onishima said, reaching around his jacket. "We'll get those punks later… I swear it." He paused, realizing he was searching for nothing. "Right, Public Moral laws means no smoking… Guh…"


"Huh, that's interesting." Garterbelt muttered, going through a newspaper that he had retrieved from the OGC-1 and lounging on a heart-shaped chair. While the STD group and Angel's Kiss were off doing their own thing, and after the Boss insisted at least three crates-worth of stripper-poles were installed across the building, all the other Middle Finger Agents went about the Hotel (which henceforth has been dubbed as Middle Finger HQ, for the sake of idiots like the Black Baron being unable to pronounce the proper name of the Hotel) doing their own thing. The Saints wandered off to do something, the Baron and Mathilda went to secure a room for themselves, Jay and Hamilton were back on the ship taking inventory, the other GGs were here and there, and Garterbelt was content with himself as he sat in the lobby, reading the Warp Weekly, the most efficient and clever newspaper of happenings in the Multiverse and the various Universal Powers.

"What's interesting?" Pierce asked, walking into the lobby with a cardboard box labeled as planning supplies (an added note warning that the Boss never touch it). "They post the roster for the next Grifball Tournament?"

"Nah, but you'll bet yo' ass I'm betting the Krogans win this one." Garterbelt grunted, his eyes firmly affixed to the page. "There's a whole lotta shit in the news section. One of the Chaos Councilors just went missin', the Army just made some sorta magic thing that copies other magic, and to top it all off, a Dimensional Fusion just collectively shit its pants." Quirking an eyebrow, Pierce set his box down on the counter and joined the irate preacher.

"Heard about that last thing." Pierce said. "Gameverse, right? Heard it's one of the largest of its kind. Somethin' about an Evil and Chaos overload releasing some big world-ending monster and a buncha Evil Alternates got loose." Garterbelt's response was just a grunt of confirmation. "Whole Multiverse is falling to shit."

"Eh, shit like this happens all over." Garterbelt muttered. "People go missing, things get invented, apocalypses happen. What makes a place like the Gameverse so special? Just because it's one of those big-ass Dimensional Fusions don't make it special." He paused to drink a cup of coffee he happened to have on standby, while Pierce simply looked aghast.

"You're… just going to pass off an apocalypse as nothing special?" Pierce asked, eyes wide. "Billions of people are either dead or slaves to a bunch of monsters! Thousands of universes are bursting into flames because of it! Only a handful of survivors are left alive, barely struggling to survive! Relief teams are trying their hardest to fix all the shit those bastards broke! And that's nothing special to you?!"

"Yeah." Garterbelt simply said, returning to his paper.

"What the hell happened to you to make you such a stick-up-the-ass cynic?" Pierce asked.

"Was a massive douche, died a bitch death, got brought back to life in the beginning of humanity, became immortal, was given an ambiguous task by God, and now I babysit a pair of skank angels until they buy their way back to heaven." Garterbelt simply stated, not once looking up from his paper. "So nothin' special." Pierce had no words, and luckily, he didn't need to answer, as the front door swung open, and the away team burst in, sweating and exhausted as most of them collapsed on the floor.

"Fuck… That… Mission…." Panty gasped, before finally falling on the heap of people in front of her. Garterbelt and Pierce, completely ignoring the group, peered out the front door and saw the stolen PMC truck, riddled with bullets, sporting a popped tire, crashed into a nearby tree. Something that could only be described as 'mission successful'.

"I'll go get everyone else and let 'em know." Pierce said, turning and leaving, while Garterbelt simply shook his head at the pile of exhausted Agents. One by one, everyone gathered in the lobby, while most of Angel's Kiss was sprawled against a couch, and were gathered around the loot… The surprisingly small loot.

"Three boxes?" Shaundi asked, staring at the three metal and plastic boxes hurled about on the floor. "An entire truckload of unprogrammed Peace Makers, and you only managed to get three fucking boxes?"

"Hey, we were desperate, alright?!" Gum shouted, slumped over the arm of her couch. "Most of the boxes were either shot to hell or we had to toss 'em to get the freakin' police off our backs!"

"Wait, the police were after you guys?" Tab asked, genuinely concerned for his friends.

"Yeah, and you won't BELIEVE who was leading the charge!" Beat said, flopping around in his seat. "None other than Captain Stick-in-the-Mud Onishima himself." The GGs were extremely surprised at this little tidbit of news. "And don't go and say he's just some Alternate or something, he's the same Onishima from back home, working with the Order of Purity." While the GGs were busy talking about their old foe coming back, the other members were busy examining their new goods.

"Well, the tech is pretty advanced," Kinzie said, looking at the little metal and plastic collar. "But give me, Matt and the kid a few hours or so and we should have…." She glanced at Matt, the hacker trying to snap one of the PMs apart to examine the inside. "About eight of these properly gutted, reprogramed, maybe even customized."

"Only eight?" The Boss asked, slightly surprised. "Hate to break it to ya, but three boxes full of these doo-dads means more shit, right?" Kinzie narrowed her eyes behind her glasses, walked up to the Boss and lightly knocked on his head.

"Trial and error, Boss." Kinzie bluntly stated. "We're going to have to break a lot of these to figure out how they tick, then we gotta figure out how to reprogram them to work for us. Luckily, all the messing around with Zin tech might make our jobs easier, but until then," She walked over to one of the boxes and picked it up. "I can only promise eight. We're going to have to work a strategy around using only eight of these." She started off to exit the lobby, pausing for a moment to turn to the rest of the group. "Unless you want those Purity dicks to know where we are every second of the day for the duration we're stuck here."

"I think we're good, Kinzie." Pierce said, helping Matt lift one of the boxes. "We'll figure something out." Kinzie nodded, while she and Matt headed off to do their thing.

"C'mon, kid, we got work to do." Matt called out. The red-headed GG nodded and hopped to his feet, turning to his friends with a cheery look.

"Yo, I think I'm getting in good with these guys." Yo-Yo partly whispered. "I'm learnin' all kinds of cool stuff I didn't realize, yo." With a brief salute, Yo-Yo skated off with the third box and followed after the rest of the tech team of Middle Finger.

"Alright, better tell Cinder we got the PMs," Garterbelt said, pulling out his medallion. "Probably already got our next move planned." Everyone nodded, and in mere moments, the medallion displayed the irate agent, still looking pissed as ever.

"About time you guys called me." Cinder said, clutching a file of official documents in his hand. "Now what is it? I got reports from those Geek Squad guys about the test of their Penance Chamber knockoff I need to send to the higher ups, so make it quick." Beat quickly explained the situation, making sure to emphasize how much control the Order of Purity seemed to have with not only the PMCs, but also the Police Force as well. When it came to the details of the acquired PMs, Cinder looked oddly pleased for once. "Alright, nice work on not fucking up most of the mission."

"But we're only going to have eight working PMs." Beat pointed out. "And there are a lot of us."

"Eh, more stolen PMs working under the radar would probably attract too much attention anyway." Cinder dismissively said. "Plus, once your tech team figures out how they work, just send the reports to the Think Tank guys and we can make more for the rest of you. Win-win. This just means you gotta think about who you're giving the PMs for now."

"I suggest that those of us taking a more active role undercover should wear them." Zhang He offered, stretching one of his legs in ballet fashion. "While everyone else takes the more… risky and risqué nature of our duty." Cinder nodded, adjusting his glasses a bit.

"Points for the fancy-pants fop." Cinder praised… supposedly. "Figure that part out yourselves." A slight beeping interrupted the call, the orange-haired man's hologram flickering a bit. "Shit, the Organization Council's looking for their report on the damn Darkness situation. Listen, it'll be a while before I can give you guys an official mission, but you guys can figure out something. Right now, just try and gather as much information as you can. Find out more about the PMC, the other Naught Terrorists, and more on whatever Purity is up to. Agent Cinder, signing off." Almost immediately after Cinder's vague instructions, the hologram vanished once again, leaving everyone present scratching their heads and wondering 'now what'. Finally, it was Panty who decided to break the ice.

"Look, it's been a real fuckin' long day." Panty complained, rising from her seat on the couch. "So, I'm gonna go find a room to nap in. Wake me when we get those Anti-Swear collars working."

"Yeah, me too." Stocking said, following suit with her sister. "Driving to avoid those cops shooting at us was a lot of work, plus all the crap that went down at the airport." A few other tired agreements came afterwards, and the small crowd started to disburse.

"Hold on a sec, angels." Garterbelt called out, prompting the two sisters to turn around. "As much as I hate to admit it, you earned this." With deft movements, Garterbelt tossed a room key over to the pair, Panty catching it in her hand and examining it with surprise.

"The penthouse room key?! BITCHIN'!" Panty cheered, Stocking equally excited while a few more select people voiced their complaints, among them being the Baron.

"Yeah, there are two beds up there you can share." Garterbelt simply stated. "Don't make me regret giving that to you two." Not even bothering to give their thanks, the Anarchy Sisters took off to examine their new room, while other parties were… less than pleased.

"Shit, I really wanted that room…" The Boss muttered, tucking his hands in his pockets. "I found the key to the fucking thing, for Christ's sake."

"They did help get the PMs for us, though." Shaundi admitted. "And Garterbelt did say whoever did a good job doing their thing would get the room."

"Well, none of us did SHIT," The Baron loudly exclaimed, slamming his golden fist on a nearby table. "So, the whole thing was fuckin' rigged! I wanna recount!" While Mathilda comforted the fuming bounty hunter, Zhang He gracefully danced over to the Black Baron and tapped his muscular shoulder.

"The battle is lost, dear Baron." Zhang He delicately stated. "Simply move on. There are further wars to fight in the name of restoration and raunchiness. Ta!" As much as Zhang He felt he was helping out, he wasn't aware that as he danced away, a ferocious bull had been repeatedly poked with a stick and released unto a herd of orphans.

"Move on? MOVE ON?!" The Baron roared, ignorant of the fact that only he and Mathilda stood alone in the lobby. "Like hell does the Black motha fuckin' Baron stop starin', move on, when the Baron has been robbed!" He paused, rubbing the scruff of his beard as a malicious plan worked its way into his head. "And the Baron just thought of a way to get back that which was stolen from him… Heh heh hah…"

All Mathilda could do was roll her eyes. "Oh boy…."


"If those damn angelic bimbos think they can get a better room than the Black motha fuckin' Baron," The Baron grumbled as he lounged about on the slightly old, yet still comfortable bed. "Then they got another thing comin'! And do ya think you could go easy on the sawin'? Ah'm getting' a migraine the size o' Varrigan City here." Mathilda angrily paused, staying her movements as she ran a steel saw through the ceiling whilst standing atop the nightstand. "Right, that was stupid. Keep up the good work, baby." Rolling her eyes, she continued do her work, wiping bits of sawdust from her hair as she went to work while the Baron resumed his lounging. "Y'know, for an abandoned shithole out in the middle o' Japanese nowhere, this place is nice. Sure, there's a bit too much pink on the walls 'n shit, and the Baron can do without the weird-ass heart décor, not to mention those holes Ah can only assume their nasty purpose for, but other than that, the Baron could get used to this place, wouldn't you?" Mathilda said nothing, continuing to saw through the ceiling with slightly more vigor than before. "Not only that, baby, but it's gonna get even better when we burst our way into the penthouse room and kick those fuckin' floozy angels out from underneath 'em!" The Baron cackled, clapping his gauntleted hands together as Mathilda nearly completed her sawing. "It's the perfect plan! Ain't Ah right, baby?" Mathilda gave the Baron a knowing smirk, just as she was just about finished. Meanwhile, on the floor above, Panty and Stocking were… concerned with what they were seeing.

"Okay, I know I'm tired," Panty said, gawking at the odd sight on the floor. "But I know I'm not imagining a sawblade sticking through the floor like a goddamn Looney Tunes cartoon."

"You're telling me." Stocking commented, watching the sawblade circle around Panty's bed while the blonde angel still sat atop it. "Shouldn't you… move or something?"

"I would… But I kinda wanna see where this goes." Panty admitted, reclining on her bed. Finally, the saw completed its circle and zipped back into the floor. "That it? I was expectin' a little more…"

CRACK! CRASH! CRUNCH!

Stocking blinked for a moment, starting to process that her sister and her bed had completely vanished through the floor and something was violently crushed underneath it. The goth angel poked her head through the hole and saw three things: A dazed Panty, Mathilda with a saw, and the Baron's arms sticking out from underneath a crushed bed.

"Aw… hell… naw…." The Baron weakly rasped out, every single bone in his body completely crushed from beneath the combined weight of an angel, her bed, and the section of floor beneath it all, before eventually, his lungs filled up with blood and punctured bones, and the Baron passed from this world. Satisfied at her work being done, Mathilda twirled the saw around one finger, and gracefully exited the murder-scene of a room.

"Oh baby, didn't expect you to break the bed with that one!" Panty groggily said, eyes spinning and a thin line of drool leaking from her mouth. Stocking did the proper thing a sibling needed to do when her sister was injured… and walked away to sleep in her own bed. The day was very long, very busy, very painful, and it was only going to get tougher from here on out.


Author's Note: I finally did it! After overcoming a severe addiction to JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, beating both Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc and the thumb-bleedingly difficult VVVVVV, blasting through a CRAPLOAD of source material for Shimoneta, Jet Set Radio, and a future source involving a group of zealot super soldiers, I have finally given 2016 its final kick in the nuts with this GRATIFYING chapter update, featuring song "Ride!" by Ox, and the unveiling of a new antagonist, Captain Onishima from the Jet Set Radio series. Well, I hope this was satisfactory, and thus, I can conclude this terrible year on a high note. See you all in 2017, with more updates along the way.

~Mal Masque

Story Recommendation: Remember when I said this was a thing back when the Writer's Guild existed? Well, now with a concluding update, I would like to continue this trend by suggesting stories for you to read. So, without a do, I'd like to present you with the wonderfully stupid and insane "The Fist of Remnant" by BrightestDarkness. "The Fist of Remnant" is a delightfully absurd crossover between RWBY and One Punch Man, in which, through a freak incident (like most of these displaced crossovers) Saitama and Genos end up in the World of Remnant and start inadvertently wrecking the place while Beacon Academy is reluctant to take them in to find a way home. It's fun, it's silly, it's intense, it's action-packed, and most of all, it's just a boatload of fun reading. Give it a check, if you're looking for a fun crossover to read.