I own nothing. SM owns. I just get her characters drunk and lovey-dovey.
One Day Later.
"Will you close the fucking door?!" I screamed to the top of my lungs, trying to cover my crotch with my hands.
I was just about to use the restroom when the best friend barged through the door unannounced, holding a First Response box in one hand and a Miller lite in the other. He didn't even ask before he threw the box in my lap, popped open his bottle of beer, and popped a squat on the sink.
"Bella, quit being ridiculous," Edward crossed his arms over his chest, burping into his mouth. "I've seen you pee before."
This is my life. I will never have privacy ever again.
"Uh, when we were twenty and I needed someone to hold onto when the porta potties were filled at the Mardigras parade does not count, my friend," I picked up the box and started to examine it. "Don't look at her."
"Wrong. Actually it was three times. All in public places, by the way, which you should have been arrested for. The last being two years ago, at my father's fifth wedding, when you hit that bottle of Fireball a little too hard. Alice and I held your hand while you peed on a hundred dollars' worth of peonies."
I pursed my lips.
Not my proudest moment, that one.
"You really call it 'her'?" he furrowed his brows.
I tore the box open and dumped the contents onto the counter beside him, shrugging my shoulders dismissively. "I used to call it 'Rex'."
He laughed through his nose. "I like Rex," he lied. "It's a strong name. Strong name for a strong vagina."
I'm too old for this, I thought.
But I played along, anyway.
I nodded. "You bet your ass I gave her a strong name. Thing can take a pounding."
"Multiple, I gather."
"You would know."
"I would. Rex has proved me how durable she can be."
"Okay. I can't pee with you standing here. At least turn the water on," I sighed.
He nodded, twisting around to turn the faucet on.
The room filled with the sound of running water as I picked up a small package which looked like it held the answers I needed at the moment. I ripped the package open and produced a small pink-ended stick from the plastic wrap. I stared at it for a moment, wondering exactly what I was supposed to do from here.
"You know, I can honestly say that this is the proudest moment of my life," I told him as I took the cap off and snatched the instructions off of the sink. "I'm over thirty years old and not once have I ever had to use one of these, until now."
He nodded as he pulled from his bottle. He narrowed his eyes to me as he licked his lips. "You should put that in your autobiography."
"Heck yeah I will. Do you know how many women can say that? Not many, bud," I scanned my eyes over the instructions and pursed my lips. "See, they even make this so that a third grader could read it." I threw the instructions to him while I concentrated on getting my flow going.
I widened my legs and positioned the stick between them, before I shook my head vehemently.
"What?" he asked impatiently.
"I can't do this with you in here," I continued to shake my head. "You have to go."
He frowned. "I don't want to miss this moment."
"Dude, the peeing part is not meant to be memorable. This isn't a moment. This is awkward."
"Bella, shut the fuck up and pee."
I slouched my shoulders in defeat. "You're so rude."
He groaned and hopped off of the sink. "I'll play a song to help you get going."
"Okay. My iPod is on the coffee table, hook it up to the stereo," I nodded as he walked out of the bathroom. "No Aerosmith!"
"You said play Aerosmith?" He was fucking with me.
"No!" I yelled.
"Okay, Hun. 'Walk this way', it is."
I rolled my eyes as I resumed position.
"Oh, Bella, I should murder you," I heard him call from the living room. "Natalie Imbruglia? Are you fucking with me right now? You're such a chick."
I smirked, not commenting.
"Fleetwood Mac? Gross."
I groaned to the ceiling. "Shut up and pick something so I can pee."
He laughed. "Hang on, I found something I can stand."
The apartment filled with Oasis's "Wonderwall", and I suppressed an eye roll.
I couldn't help but like it though; this song got me every time.
I started singing and peeing at the same time: "Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you. By now, you should've somehow realized what you've got to do. I don't believe that anybody, feels the way I do about you now." I craned my neck in to make sure my flow was hitting its target, (which was a lot harder than it sounds, by the way).
Edward leaned against the doorjamb, drinking his Miller Lite while keeping his eyes on me.
"Ugh, you're sick," I complained as I capped the stick, stood up from the toilet, and pulled my sweats back up.
He ignored me, singing along to Wonderwall.
I pushed him away from me so I could wash my hands in the sink. I set the stick down and focused on cleaning my hands with my special Jergens soap. Edward always complained that it smelled like old ladies, but I thought it smelled nice.
"Memories," he reminded me, halfway into singing, "And after all you're my wonderwall."
"You're drunk. Your memories are probably going to be a little hazy."
"I'm not drunk," he insisted, pointing to the beer in his hands. "Jasper and I had four of these."
"Each?"
He pursed his lips. "Yeah—" he furrowed his brows. "I mean no."
I raised an eyebrow.
He smirked, leaning unnaturally close to smell my shoulder like a weirdo. "You smell nice. Like fruit. Not cheap fruit, though. Like pomegranate."
I laughed. "Thanks."
"It's pregnancy perfume. I bet you're pregnant. Twenty bucks, you in?" He held his hand out, then dropped it to his side. "Nah, you'd better be in."
"Pregnancy perfume?" I choked back a laugh as I shut the water off.
"Yeah, Jasper says women smell different when they're pregnant. It's not a bad thing. You smell good. Musky, sweet."
I struggled between feeling confused and flattered.
"Um…" I shifted.
"Oh Bella," he grinned. "I've been smelling you for fifteen years. You smell different, trust me."
"Creepy," I wiped my hands dry on his shirt, laughing when he didn't complain.
"It's not creepy. You smell good."
"No," I protested. "It's creepy that you've been smelling me for fifteen years."
He blanched, and I laughed.
"Shut up. Don't act like you don't do creepy shit. I caught you scoping me out when I got out of the shower," he nodded. "I never judged you for that."
I felt a blush spreading to my cheeks. "Fuck you," I brushed past him, and he caught me by the wrist and wrapped his arms in around me in a restricting embrace.
"Come on, Bella," he chuckled, kissing my hair. "If it makes you feel any better, I check out your ass when you wear those skinny jeans to the bar."
I laughed into his shoulder, placing my hands on his chest to shove him backwards. "I already knew that."
He touched his chest, looking bruised with his eyebrows furrowed. "You let me look at your ass?"
I shrugged. "It made me feel special."
He frowned, seemingly disappointed. "I make you feel special? But I'm a pervert."
I took in his crestfallen expression and went in to hug him this time. "Yeah, but you're my perv," I rubbed his back in a soothing movement. "I'm going to have your pervy baby, remember?"
"Maybe not the pervy part. Hopefully not... Bella," he hummed into my shoulder.
"Hmm?"
"Can we look at the test now? It's been, like, five minutes."
"Oh," I said, as if I had forgotten. I hadn't-I was just as anxious as he was to find out. "Yeah. Yes. Okay. Sure. Look."
I waited.
"Bella," he rubbed his hands over my back. "It's not that I'm not totally digging this hug, because I am, but you should probably let go of me so I can turn around."
I pulled away reluctantly, nodding my head. "Okay. You check it."
"We'll look together," he amended, reaching behind himself to grab the test.
I cringed. "You're touching it?"
He frowned. "Why not?"
"I peed on it."
"I touched your vagina, too," he reminded me. "You-"
"Okay, just stop talking and look at the test."
He pulled the test around and I shut my eyes involuntarily.
"What does this mean?" I heard him emit a sigh, and then the sound of his beer bottle clanking against the sink. "Did you even read what the lines mean, Bella?"
I shrugged. "I don't know… no."
I opened my eyes and watched as he produced the instructions from the sink, sighing through puffed cheeks. I watched his eyes as they scanned over the paper, his eyebrows furrowing with concentration. He apparently reread whatever he was just looking at, before he busted out laughing.
I felt my heart drop in my stomach.
"Two lines," he wrapped his arms around my neck, crushing me to his chest. His next words came out in a high-pitched, excited tone: "You're pregnant."
I looked up to the bathroom ceiling as he embraced me, trying to weather the flood of emotions rushing though me. I couldn't find one to stick with, each crashing into me violently, and all at once: excitement, fear, love, hope, relief, and anxiety.
I felt my eyes brim with tears, and I smiled involuntarily—effortlessly.
Edward pressed a kiss where my shoulder met my neck. I shut my mouth, closed my eyes, and breathed carefully through my nose.
"You make me so happy, Bell," he hugged me even tighter, and I struggled to breathe. It wasn't even that his hug was too tight, it was just intimate. Not erotic, or even friendly.
It was love, like every hug.
But in that moment, it was too much.
Happy—too much. I was completely overwhelmed.
With the pregnancy test in one hand and his arms wrapped around my back, his laugh vibrating against my chest, it was all so unexpectedly fulfilling. And even though I was so happy that I was crying, the moment seemed bittersweet.
"You're pregnant." The words, his tone, his laughter became a mantra in my head.
And I accepted all of it. Reveled in it. Embraced it.
"I'm pregnant," I laughed too. "You got it on the first try. Good job. Want to high five?"
"Shut up and hug me back."
I laughed and wrapped my arms around his waist, since he'd already claimed my neck. I was quiet as I rested my chin on his shoulder.
"Thank you." He took my face in his hands and pressed kisses on either of my cheeks. "Thank you so fucking much, Bella," he kissed my forehead and pulled back to look at me. "I love you. You're so amazing."
I laughed and pushed him away, wiping the tears from my cheeks. "Stop. Go home, you're drunk."
"Never," he smirked, wiping a tear from my cheek. "Come on Goober," he took my hand. "Let's tell everybody the news."
I took a deep breath to prepare myself before I nodded. "Okay."
A/N: I don't know if you've heard about the pregnancy smell thing, but trust me;-) it exists. Sometimes it's not all that pleasant either.
Also, if your thinking 'wtf' to them rushing to tell everybody (anon reviewer pointed this out); keep in mind that they've been waiting for this moment. They're excited to tell their family.
It's not unrealistic, especially when you're trying to have a kid.
Thanks for reading ;)
