Chapter Seven- Musings

The boy was obviously calming down , Severus thought idly as he sat at Harry's bedside again that night. Other than one nightmare that woke the boy up in tears, he had been sleeping peacefully since he was brought home.

And so the man was left to his thoughts, not needing to comfort the boy and having nothing else to do. The research was done, they had found all that they needed; now they just needed his motorcycle, which he would bring back the next weekend.

Harry was calm, nicely settling in with the Gryffindors, much as Severus hated the idea, so there was no real reason for him to stay anymore. He had fixed their cover story in the clothing shop and in the Leaky Cauldron; any longer and the Headmaster would think the lies truly were lies. He had no excuse not to go back.

He brushed the spiky hair on the sleeping child's forehead and sighed. No reason to stay except for this little one. How on Merlin's earth could he still feel so protective of this child- he hadn't let himself think of the child since he had been sent to Azkaban. But one word- just one word from Sirius Black, of all people- and everything had changed.

It was as Lily had never gone in one way. It brought the memory of his best friend back horribly in another way.

And, if he wasn't being too arrogant, the boy was getting reattached to him as well. And that just wasn't good. There was absolutely no way to hide such a thing and there was no explanation as to when Harry Potter could have met Severus Snape, Death Eater.

As much as he hated to think it...

It wasn't safe for him to be around the boy. He knew he wasn't going to last much longer. It was inevitable that the Dark Lord was coming back, at which time he fully intended to return to spy. He had given his life to the cause, and would not be swayed.

Being close to Harry would only cause trouble in the end. Severus knew good and well the prophecy, though he had only been forced to give up the part that his...associate...had also overheard that night. That damned Mason, trying to curry favor with the Dark Lord, had cost him his best friend. His only chance for a better life. So, after making sure Mason would never give up another secret, Severus calmly prepared himself to die.

That he was still breathing meant nothing. He had died with Lily. Which meant he had no business being around her son. Keep him safe, yes. He had done that and would do so again any time it was necessary. But forming another attachment...well that was just out of the question.

Harry Potter would not be tainted so.


Decision made, Severus abruptly stood. His swift movement dislodged the stuffed panther that had been lying in the boy's limp arms, so he bent down to pick up Claws. That gave him pause again. He had tried something very similar in the beginning as well. The first time Lily had invited him other house to see her son, he had said no, very straight-forward and calmly.

The struggle that ensued had left him hexed til Tuesday with standing orders to come visit the very next day. As his luck would have it, Potter had been off from work the next day, leading to a large fight between himself, Potter and Lily, which Lily had resoundingly won and got Potter kicked out of his own house for the weekend.

Severus had likewise lost, in a manner, as he had been held at the house that weekend, to stay with Lily and the child. Merlin help the Dark Lord if he had called that weekend, because Severus was sure Lily would have hexed his ass too.

The very next time Severus had visited, he had brought Claws for the child. Awkward and unsure, he had handed it over to the small boy. It was accepted at once and as Harry started drooling on the animal, Severus had seen tears in Lily's eyes, which he was quickly reassured were good tears, whatever the hell that meant.

He had felt horribly awkward the whole time- as if he really were trying to take over Potter's family as the dolt had accused him- but had stayed out of duty. It was a long time before he warmed to the child, even longer before he started calling him by name. When Lily was always right there beside her son, it was impossible to see anything but their resemblance.

Now though...now he could see almost nothing but Potter in the boy. And if he cultivated that carefully, he could erect shields high enough to end these feelings of...familiarity, of contentment. He had no business feeling these sort of things anyways.

He was just a slimy git. The bat of the dungeons. This boy was the Savior of their world. He had no business breathing the same air as the child; he had known that even before the boy showed his tremendous strength.

He had tried so many times to explain that to Lily. That he hadn't wanted to taint her son with his very presence. That he wanted to protect the boy's innocence for as long as was possible.

She...

She had never let him. Not once. She refused to see his obvious taint and had instead made him into an Uncle for her child. A balance, she always claimed, to the mischievous uncles the boy's father was always playing with.

Lily would forever be wary of the Marauders, despite falling in love with one of them.

And so he had done it then. He had followed her orders willingly, happy to be able to share something again with his friend. Not that she would have ever accepted something else.


But things were different now. He couldn't keep living in the fantasy world that Gryffindors so easily fell into. Sooner or later the wolf and the mutt would realize what he only now was. They wouldn't want him around either. So it was better to just leave now. Before any attachments were permanent. This was a stupid plan anyways, there was no way Black was going to hide the Boy-Who-Lived from Albus Dumbledore for seven years.

Better just to go now and let the pieces fall where they would. Maybe think about confessing to Dumbledore, so his punishment wasn't so much worse than it would be. For Dumbledore would find out, of that he had no doubt.

Yes.

He shook his head, clearing away memories of the past. "I did my duty Lily," he whispered, placing the cat back on the bed. "And will continue to do so. But on this, even Potter and I agreed. I have no business being around this child."

He kissed the boy on the head and then resolutely walked out. All he wanted now was the final list of spells they had compiled. He could enchant the bike himself, he didn't need Gryffindor help.

One quick spell later, he left the library and headed to the kitchen. Sure enough, the Marauders were there, calmly sipping more of that horrendous Muggle drink.

For one moment, Severus pondered how he was to explain everything to the other two men without going into anything personal, but it turned out he didn't have to.

Sirius took one look at him and snorted. "Get over it, Snape." He said. "It's not going to work."

Severus calmly took the seat opposite of his enemy, watching idly as the brown-haired werewolf pushed a cup of hot chocolate his way. "I think it would." Severus said, not touching the glass. He had imposed upon his enemy's hospitality long enough; this was getting out of hand. "I have done my duty to Lily. That's all that boy ever was. It's time to accept that."

"Severus, be reasonable." Remus spoke up. "Surely even you must realize that the boy is already reattached to you. You spend almost every other day with him the whole first year and a half of his life. That isn't easily forgotten."

"Don't be foolish." Severus had his mind set. They would not change it. "He doesn't remember much of that time, anyways. He's an abused child, he'd be happy with whoever gave him the littlest bit of attention. I have no doubt the two of you will make him a quaint childhood."

Sirius shook his head. "You're an absolute git, if you think this is actually going to work." He said, almost amazed at how stubborn the other man was being. "I thought stubbornness was a Gryffindor quality. You're certainly acting the part tonight."

"Surely you've already seen that you calm him down from his nightmares more so than either of us." Remus said, eyes carefully watching for any sudden move from either side. "He trusts you subconsciously, even more than either of us. I will admit neither of us was really around overnight, but you must have been."

"Lily often had me stay overnight. And darling woman though she was, she could sleep through anything." Severus explained, almost absently. He refused to let Black rile him on this. "The two of you will get the hang of it soon enough. I shall see him at Hogwarts, when the time comes."

Both of the other men could see that Severus had just about completely made his mind up. "You won't get away with this." Sirius said, suddenly worried. "This is ridiculous, the boy needs you just as much as he needs us. We're all responsible for him."

"No." Severus said, loudly. "If you check his birth certificate, you were named his godfather. He's your responsibility. Potter knew that if it came down to you, Lupin would be there to save you. In no way was I put into said plan."

"If you think for one minute that Lily didn't expect you to swoop in and take over caring for the boy anyways, you're more stupid than even I thought you were." Sirius spat. "The boy remembers you- what exactly are we supposed to tell him when he wakes up tomorrow and you're gone? That you were a figment of his imagination?"

To his horror, Sirius saw that Snape was actually considering that.

"Severus, don't be foolish." Remus, luckily, stepped in. "The boy knows you exist every bit as much as we do. Are you worried about raising him? Because between the three of us, I honestly don't believe there will be many problems. We'll figure this out."

"You have no idea of what you speak." Severus said, rising swiftly to his feet. "Apparently even you really have no clue. If the two of you weren't so frightened of your responsibilities towards that boy, you too would realize the danger of having me near him. You cannot risk Lily's child in such a manner. I will not."

He turned and glared at Sirius. "You ought to be against it more than anyone. What were all those names you spat at me all those years? 'Death Eater', 'greasy git', 'know-it-all', 'dark wizard', 'bat of the dungeons'…none of those have changed. Some have even come true. Surely you don't want your godson, the future Lion, to be associated with such a man."

For a minute- just one minute- Severus thought he had put up a good enough argument. Black's face was slowly falling into a frown…and then he began shaking his head.

Damn, so close.

"No," Sirius said. "No, Snape. Schoolboy grudge aside- schoolboy mistakes aside- you're one of the few people Lily ever trusted. And that girl was the best judge of character I've ever met besides Albus Dumbledore. And even he trusted you- at a time when no one else did. There's nothing wrong with you being around my godson. Maybe this will even help bridge some of the gap between Gryffindors and Slytherins, a gap our generation never could do anything about."

"Dammit, Black." Severus growled. "Just when I think I can ever stand you, that blasted Gryffindor nobility kicks in. You know nothing about my life. Perhaps I fooled Lily- certainly enough people think I fooled Dumbledore. You cannot trust me around that boy."

Sirius stood now too, folding his arms across his chest and smiling smugly. "You would never hurt Lily's son. That I know more than anything else I've ever known about you. You would have betrayed anyone over Lily; even if there was a time you were loyal to Voldemort. He never had the hold on you that she did. No one could have- Lily was special."

"I know Lily was special." Severus growled. "That changes nothing. Her son will be too- because he will share her innocence. I will not poison him and there is nothing you can say that will change my mind."

The two men glared at each other for a minute, both breathing heavily, while Remus cautiously watched them both.

Sirius broke first. "Fine, Snape, fine. You win. Run. Run away from the little boy that scares you more than you'll ever admit. But I'm going to send you letters every day of everything we did with him, so you can't ever get him out of your head. I'll tell him all about his Uncle Sevie and get him to tell me all the things he used to do with you and send all those memories you don't think he has to you. Every time he asks for you, every time he cries for you- I'm going to make sure you know it all!"

With that he turned and stormed out.

"Tell him not to bother." Severus said to Remus.

"Severus." Remus followed the man, stopping at the door, as he stormed outside. "Our Floo is warded to you. You can call or come visit anytime. Even if it's after he's asleep!"

Severus showed no sign he had heard, Apparating away as soon as he cleared the wards.


There were many things Albus Dumbledore regretted. One could not live as long as he had, or lead as long as he had, without inevitably making decisions that continued to haunt him. One of his greatest failings was turning down Minerva when she had offered her love to him, afraid the age difference would be too great. Now he had to watch her age alone, too stubborn to ever be the friends they once were. Another was the students he had failed. Tom Riddle, orphaned and alone; Sirius Black, ostracized from and abused by his own family; Severus Snape, abused and alone where he should have been protected…

Was he really making another mistake? Was Harry Potter following the same path that the others were? Could he really stand to let that happen again?

There was a very frightening possibility that Sirius was telling the truth. Not that Albus doubted him, exactly. But the boy was known for jumping to conclusions. He had lost several years of his life to Azkaban because he hadn't waited for the proper authorities to go after Pettigrew…

But Severus was different. Severus was meticulous and thorough to a fault. He also hated Sirius Black with a passion that even Albus had been able to contain, meaning there were a select number of reasons he would go off with his Gryffindor counterpart.

And Madame Malkin had just confirmed that Severus had admitted they didn't fight. Severus had instead gone off with a nephew of his. While Severus wasn't particularly close to his family, Albus knew he did in fact have a cousin with sons that age. So, Severus could have been telling the truth, in which case the battle was only postponed between the Hogwarts alumni, something Albus would still try to contain.

However, the one glaring omission was that Severus had never before spent time with his nephews. Had something happened within the family?

Or was it a big hoax?

The Marauders were known for pranks and Severus could more than hold his own by the time he left. One thing they all felt passionately about was their friendship, Sirius with James Potter and Severus with Lily Evans.

If…

If Severus had not left to fight Sirius…could Sirius have convinced Severus of the claims he tried to convince Albus?

Albus felt bad about not letting the boy explain. Even if Sirius had been wrong, Albus should have just let him rant. A lot of times, that was all Sirius wanted anyways. Maybe he had proof. Maybe he had convinced Severus with said proof.

Maybe that boy wasn't Severus's nephew. Albus knew all too well of the secret life Severus had led even before his defection. Albus had watched the boy closely ever since the werewolf incident. He hated the ruling he had to make and forced himself to watch the boy being coerced right into the waiting arms of his Death-Eater counterparts.

He watched the boy he regarded almost as a son fall to his darkest hours and then begin to draw out again as his empathy regained power over his hatred. He watched the secret visits to Lily Potter, worrying about the boy interfering where he ought not, and then watched his boy do everything he could to keep Lily and her baby safe…even though the baby was identical to James Potter.

But if those two had taken Harry…what to do? If…and it was a big if…but if they had taken the child, they must have had a reason. It would have had to have been a great reason to get Severus to even think about leaving with Sirius. And they had known it was against Albus's wishes, for why else would they go to such lengths to hide their intentions?

If they had taken Harry, they had done what he had been unable to. They had probably done the right thing. He would let them have their small victory, but would work to hide such actions from the Ministry.

Relieved, the old man smiled. He had made his decision. They were free to play their game. It wasn't the first time the Marauders or even Severus himself had tried to get one over on the old Headmaster. He would let them have their fun- there was no way either Severus or Sirius (or Remus, as he was probably involved as well) would let harm come to Harry.

He would be waiting for them when the guilt got to them. He knew these boys, he had watched them carefully for over seven years. He trusted them.

Smiling softly, he watched as Fawkes flashed into sight. The phoenix cooed softly and suddenly Albus felt a shift in the wards. "My boy has come home, Fawkes." Albus said softly. "Let's go see him."


Albus placed a hand on the bird and they were instantly at the edge of the forest. Albus hid himself in the shadows of the trees and waited. All too soon, his dark Potions Master came stomping out of the forest.

For once, though, his stride wasn't confident, his cloak wasn't billowing behind him. There was a definite slump to the usually proud man's shoulders.

Something was not right. Had Albus been wrong? Was the boy actually returning from a fight?

He must have made a noise, for Severus was suddenly pointing a wand at him.

"Severus, my boy, you are not looking well." Albus said, stepping towards the younger man calmly. "Why don't you escort me back to the castle."

Severus sighed, but calmly walked back with Albus. Albus actually ended up escorting Severus, as their trip led them to the dungeons. They had walked in slience, but as they reached the portrait guarding Severus's quarters, Albus stopped him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"You can always talk to me, Severus. I do hope you know that."

That was usually enough to get all the secrets the boy was harboring, but the defeated look didn't leave the Potion Master's eyes today. "You cannot help me." He said morosely. "Nothing can, so there's no reason to talk about it."

And with that, he was gone.

"Oh dear," Albus murmured, turning back towards his own rooms. "What has gone wrong now?"


Okay, guys, here's another chapter for you, hope you like it. I know you'll all love the quick update, which you can thank ams71080 for. His/her review absolutely made my day today. Here is your magic word ams: review. A little bit of a twist in this chapter, but I always kind of figured if given this opportunity Severus would absolutely run screaming in the opposite direction so much so that even Sirius felt bad for him, though Sirius will of course use this for his own fun. And of course, nothing slips by Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, lol. Next chapter will be Sirius tormenting Snape, the first female influence for Harry (sort of) and Albus trying to subtly help his boys. Any suggestions would be welcome (especially as to what woman any of the 'uncles' begin dating.) Also, if you have any ideas about how Severus should eventually reconnect with his little Harry, I'm not too sure about that part.

As always,

Minara.