Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
The Male Kunoichi
I would just like to note that I do not watch the anime, so if there's anything the anime has shown to not be true or otherwise (like say, with regards to distance or character facts) or if I have happened to re-use a joke I am unaware of it. Nor do I really care if I contradict - this is supposed to be a labour borne out of free time, not demanded nor necessary, so you'd have to excuse me if I didn't adhere to the details perfectly. I mostly read manga, because it saves time (for more manga) and also because anime mostly have manga equivalents OR were adapted from manga. As in the case of the Naruto anime, I didn't feel like watching it given the fillers and other time-wasting portions.
Also, with relevance to this story I would like to note that I am, by gender, upbringing or education, a male. Thus, this story, which does involve some female parts, might get a little unrealistic or totally untrue, to which all I can do is to beg your pardon.
Chapter 7 - Do I really have to wear this?
"What sort of clothing do you have in mind?" The owner asked, accepting the measurements.
Kurenai giggled. She had edited the measurements, adding a little here and reducing a little there, not by too much to make it both visibly fake and uncomfortable, but by enough to enhance the (what little) natural curves Naruto had, and to be clingy enough to not make him appear too squarish. By some odd stroke of luck the young Genin had a rather lithe body for a male, and the presence of the Kyuubi ensured that he had no calluses, and a lightly tanned skin colour, which wasn't too out of place, which was fortunate that she didn't have to plan any beauty treatments to make him more presentable. The most fortunate was that he had yet to undergo puberty – there would be no issue about the voice, which would frankly be the most troubling aspect if it had broken.
All in all, it was pure luck that she probably wouldn't have to spend much time on physical conditioning. It would be a cold day in hell before she became somebody's fitness instructor. To think Gai of all people had the gall to tell her she had absolutely no talent to instruct people on Taijutsu…! Why, she graduated the academy as the best kunoichi in her year in Taijutsu! How dare he!
The highly unknown episode was also the reason why Gai jumps whenever Kurenai is within five metres of him, something Kakashi liked to tease him with when the green Jounin got too irritating.
It was just a coincidence that the Genins she was assigned to didn't need any physical training at all, for the Hyuuga's Jyuuken required finesse, not strength; she had been most courteously informed not to mess around with Hinata's Jyuuken training. And as for Shino... Well, the Aburames rarely utilized Taijutsu, so with some consultation with the Aburame Clan Head, they came up with a lesson plan for Shino that mostly concentrated on general Genjutsu usage coupled with standard Ninjutsu and Senjutsu training. [Side note: Senjutsu here does not refer to sage techniques, but combat techniques, like strategy and etc.]
Concerning Kiba… Well, the less said about the hyperactive Genin the better. The only thing he was good at was his clan techniques and Taijutsu; she had a hell of a time teaching him some basic Ninjutsu and Genjutsu detection methods. Things that might save his life one day.
Even now after the Chuunin Examinations she wasn't sure if Kiba understood the risks of over specialization… If he had talent in a field, like Rock Lee, than it wouldn't be so worrisome – the fact remains that he was merely an average shinobi, if not a slightly above average one, not one that excelled.
"Kurenai?" The owner nudged her gently.
"Ah!" Kurenai blushed. "Sorry, I was thinking about some other stuff. I'd need three sets of normal daywear in mute colours, perhaps burgundy or navy."
"For whom are the clothes for?" The store keeper chuckled. "This is certainly not your measurements. Or taste in colours, for that matter."
"It's for my… student, shall I say." Kurenai frowned slightly. "It's complicated. She's a petite blonde, so do help me arrange some colours to match."
"Anything else?" The owner chuckled, scribbling the details down on a notepad she procured from behind the counter.
"Hmm, add a set of training gi, and a formal nightwear. Make the formal nightwear slightly showy, and enhancing." Kurenai giggled. "Charge them to Tsunade-sama's account; she's picking the tab for this student."
"Oh, one more thing." Kurenai turned back as she opened the door to exit. "Try to use as some orange in the design if possible, the recipient loves orange, and I think having some of it would make her more willing to wear them. Just not bright orange."
"Come back tomorrow!" The owner called as Kurenai left. "They should be done by mid afternoon!"
Naruto panted. Wow, that whatshername-Anki was an expert at room demolition. Well, not really demolition – the room was intact, but everything was in chaos.
He was expecting some form of order – apparently he had been underestimating the prowess of that snake woman. He finally beat some order back into the room, only to discover more chaos under the order.
"What time is it now?" Kiba snarled, visibly agitated.
"It is about a minute past ten in the morning, Kiba-san." Shino muttered.
"And what time did our new sensei ask us to meet her at…?" Kiba growled. "She's late by more than an hour already!"
All of a sudden Kiba found himself strung up onto a tree with a rope tied around his left ankle.
"Tsk tsk…" Anko emerged from behind a tree. "I guess you need to learn some lessons on patience and respect first, young one." She grinned.
Kiba paled.
Iruka woke up with a start. There was an odd fragrance permeating his house, the scent of green tea tingled with something else. When did he buy an air refresher with green tea fragrance?
When did he even buy an air refresher?
The implications hit, and he fainted most promptly.
"I – what – sigh…" Hanabi groaned as her new father fainted again.
"That was quick."
Naruto jumped as he never did notice Kurenai behind him. "GAH!"
"Well, that was quick. You certainly are efficient at cleaning up, aren't you?" Kurenai chuckled. "Lunch?"
She waved a container of… something in front of his face.
"What's that?" Naruto frowned.
"Come to the dining room and see." Kurenai smiled. "It's not something bad. I daresay you'd find it satisfactory, if not good."
"But it's not ramen!" Naruto whined.
"Well, want to know why you're still so short?" Kurenai shrugged.
"Ero-sennin told me that before, but…" Naruto frowned. "Ramen's the best food, isn't it?"
"Not actually." Kurenai smiled gently. "All foods must be eaten in moderation for healthy growth – it's no wonder why you're the shortest amongst the Rookie 9."
"Hey!" Naruto snapped.
"Well, first lesson: dining etiquette." Kurenai chuckled darkly.
Tsunade broke into a wide grin when she heard the screams of fury from the direction of Kurenai's apartment block.
Oh, how it paid to be a Hokage. Payback time, asshole. Maybe you'd learn to stop swapping my sake with water, or even vinegar, and I might just ask the Daimyo to take it easier on you… Kukuku…
Shizune looked on impassively. It wasn't wise to awaken the Hokage when she was in her la-la land.
"Use the chopsticks, not your fingers!" Kurenai wanted to rip her hair out. Apparently no one took the time to teach the young boy table manners, and he seemed incapable of eating sushi without making a fool AND spectacle out of himself.
"CHOPSTICKS, CHOPSTICKS!" Kurenai screeched. "Not fingers!"
"Fine fine!" Naruto scowled. Seriously, eating sushi with chopsticks was just so retarded. It took what little fun he had out of eating sushi. Why, if he had his way they'd be having ramen rice, ramen sushi, and even ramen gyuudon!
Teuchi sneezed. He frowned; there was some infidel out there thinking ramen should be made into other forms of food, instead of just noodles, broth, and ingredients. He had always been sensitive to such defilation. To think that someone could have such a blasphemous thought about ramen…!
There was a reason he was known as the "Barehanded Killer", mostly because he tended to kill those who defiled his ramen in the past. Having a wife, then a child mellowed him. Although most customers didn't know, but it was his excess of hand strength that gave his noodles that extra kick. (*)
Naruto sneezed. He had the inkling feeling that someone he knew was reflecting about their black past, and it somehow involved him.
Kurenai sighed. While the boy was a positively huge pain in the posterior, he was a quick learner. Although his form was crude, the backbone was there, and she could build on it. At least he wasn't making a fool out of himself while eating anymore.
Asuma chuckled as Ino attempted to wake Shikamaru again. "Yo!"
"Asuma-sensei!" Ino whined. "Shikamaru-kun is worthless; you're sure he was actually promoted to Chuunin, and not demoted?"
"I've got a mission for you guys today… It's a long one, so go home and pack up!" Asuma chuckled. "You guys'd love it."
"What's the mission, Asuma-sensei?" Chouji asked.
"Well, you'd be teaching the son of a local lord court etiquette." Asuma smiled. "Amongst other areas."
"Make Mr Chuunin do it." Ino smiled darkly. Revenge is sweet. "He's the only one smart enough to do it here."
"I concur." Chouji nodded sagely.
"Traitor." A freshly woken Shikamaru shot Chouji a dark look.
"Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked. "What're we doing today?"
"Why, I'm glad you asked!" Kakashi smiled. "Today is Training Day!"
"So what're we doing?" Sasuke grunted, glad to be receiving some form of training… finally.
"Well, for Sakura-chan, chakra building exercises, and for Sasuke-chan, we have control building exercises!" Kakashi giggled.
Sasuke glared. Like I couldn't, and wasn't doing that by myself.
"Otou-san." Iruka woke up groggily. "Please stop fainting, or I will be forced to use the Jyuuken on you. There are a couple of pressure points that are, well, useful in keeping people awake..."
"I'm ah – er – sorry, Hanabi-chan. It's not every day I wake up to have a daughter, you see…" Iruka smiled nervously.
"I have taken the liberty of placing my possessions in the guest room, I suppose this arrangement does not displease you, oto-san?" Hanabi intoned.
"Ah – er – no." Iruka fumbled over his speech. "What time is it – I'M LATE!"
"It is Saturday today, Otou-san." Hanabi bowed lightly. "There is no school; it is a logical impossibility for you to be late."
"Do you always speak like that?" Iruka smiled nervously. "In this very err... formal manner?"
"It is unbecoming of the Hyuuga heir to speak casually." Hanabi muttered. "Especially towards those in power."
"But you're my daughter now, you're no longer the Hyuuga heir!" Iruka smiled gently.
"It is but a temporary arrangement. My status is still that of the Hyuuga heir." Hanabi stared at him.
Iruka sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. It would be a long two years for him.
"What is this?" Naruto pointed at a particular sushi. Opposite him, Kurenai was eating her own sushi when she paused.
"You don't know what that is?" She asked incredulously.
"Yeah!" Naruto scowled. "This is my first time eating sushi!"
"That's tobiko." Kurenai smiled gently. He must have had a very hard life to not have eaten sushi before… She just didn't know that the Sandaime attempted, but the boy only wanted Ramen. "It tastes good."
"Really?" Naruto poked at the sushi suspiciously.
"Don't poke at your food." Kurenai admonished. "It's rude."
"But it doesn't look safe!" Naruto whined. "It looks funny!"
"It is safe." Kurenai chuckled. "In case you're so worried…"
She took her chopsticks and picked up the sushi in question. Taking a bite from the sushi, she offered the other half to him. "Here, it's safe."
"Alright you win." Naruto sighed, and ate the remaining half of the sushi in question. "Hey... It tastes good!"
"Told you." Kurenai smiled. "Well, on a more relevant note, I'd be starting your training tomorrow since the equipment is not ready yet. Today… I guess I will just teach you some walking manners."
"Walking manners?" Naruto quirked an eyebrow. "Walking manners?"
"In case you haven't noticed, Naruto-kun, women do not walk with a swagger like you tend to do. It is unbecoming, especially if you are to attend a formal function." Kurenai pointed at a cabinet. "Take a pair of shoes that has a spiral symbol carved on the bottom; Tsunade-sama picked up most of them for you."
"Baa-chan did?" Naruto scampered over to the cabinet and opened it up. There were a couple of shoes that looked really odd – scratch that, all the shoes that had the spiral symbol on them were really odd!
"Kurenai-sensei, what sort of evil contraption are these?" Naruto scowled.
"They're called high heels, Naruto-kun, or should I be calling you Naruto-chan?" Kurenai giggled. "Take the pair with the shortest heels for now."
Naruto gingerly picked out what seemed to be a three inch heel out of the cabinet. Taking the abomination of nature with two fingers, he went back to the table.
"Alright Naruto, go wash your legs first."
"Hai hai." Naruto went to the bathroom and quickly washed his legs. He was about to just step out when her voice halted him again. "Wipe your wet feet on the floor mat first."
His feet now clean and dry, he made his way back next to his sensei, who was now doing... something with that abomination.
"Show me your left leg." Naruto stuck his left feet out near her hands very unwillingly. "Lift it up a little."
Bit by bit, with lots of cursing about how tight/painful the abomination was, Naruto finally had a heel on. "Oh gods, this hurts worse than the time Neji-kun hit me with that whatsitname fruity technique."
"You'd have to get used to it." Kurenai giggled. "Consider yourself lucky your feet are small and not too large – it'd hurt more if your feet was larger."
"Do I really have to wear this?" Naruto whined, itching to just rip that painful thing off his foot.
"You have to." Kurenai smiled. "That, or risk being found out at the event itself."
Naruto sulked. Kurenai passed him the right heel. "Try putting it on yourself now."
"Fine fine…" Naruto frowned. He unwillingly undid the straps, and slid them onto his foot, before grimacing as it got stuck halfway. "Fuck, wait a moment."
"What?" Kurenai was mildly shocked when the Genin did a hand seal and summoned a shadow clone. Commanding the clone, Naruto pointed in the general vicinity of Konoha's hot springs. "Ask Jiraiya-sensei if there're such things as chakra hiding artefacts!"
"Point?" Kurenai queried.
"I would really prefer if I just used the Oiroke." Naruto groused. "So since baa-chan said they'd detect it solely by the chakra usage, I was wondering if ero-sennin knew anything about hiding the chakra."
"Well," Kurenai shrugged. "It would certainly help. But the issue remains that you require training to be more feminine. Currently as it is, your ability to masquerade as a female is a joke."
"At least my feet won't be murdered!" Naruto scowled.
"Jiraiya-sensei…?" Clone Naruto scoured the surroundings of the bath houses rapidly, but spotted nobody. "That's odd."
It can't be that Jiraiya was out of the village - he'd drop a note if he was - but if he wasn't around the bathhouses something was up.
"Where is he…? Perhaps the roofs…?"
"Mmmm, that's perfect… Now if she'd lean more to the right…" Jiraiya giggled perversely, his hand adjusting the lenses on his spyglass. Now that was perfection!
On second thoughts, Tsunade's breasts were really the best. The sight that greeted his eyes now would be a close second, however.
"Ero-Sennin!" Naruto yelled from behind the Gama Sennin.
"WHA – ER – FUCK!" Jiraiya swore, jumping up in surprise, nearly letting go of his expensive spyglass. "Oh, it's you. What is it now?"
"Do you know of anything that can keep chakra from being detected?" Naruto asked.
Jiraiya, visibly irritated, replied without thinking. "You can already do it, can't you?"
"Huh?"
"Then explain how did you sneak around the AnBu interrogation chambers without being caught AND paint the royal throne orange undetected?" Jiraiya scowled, wanting to get back into the business of peeping pronto. "You're more than capable of suppressing your chakra, now bugger off!"
The clone dismissed himself to pass on the happy news.
Kurenai looked on with much curiosity as Naruto paused in mid stride. He had been holding her hands for support while learning to walk in heels; his suddenly limp hands gave her much surprise.
Suddenly her student formed a hand seal and she jumped back, sliding smoothly into a defensive stance. One just didn't take chances around Uzumaki Naruto.
"Oiroke!" Naruto shouted, and his form was enveloped by white smoke. Focussing herself inwards, Kurenai easily detected the Genin's chakra drain.
Then she found nothing. Her eyes snapped open in alarm. Where did he go?
Uzumaki Naruto was still in front of her, but in his Oiroke form. He had no presence at all!
"Spill." Kurenai commanded.
Naruto giggled. "Well, you know about my prankster days, yes?"
"I won't forget the period of time where AnBu dressed in neon pink ran around chasing a little blond brat." Kurenai grinned, despite herself not really approving of such a gesture – who knew what any foreigner might think of the elite forces after that episode.
"Well, sparing the nitty gritty details, effectively I sneaked into the AnBu base and replaced a couple of uniforms." Naruto giggled, recalling the fond memories. "And as Ero-sennin highlighted, the only reason why I was able to do that without being detected by the AnBu was by hiding my chakra. One more benefit of being a trickster – you gain abilities that can fool even the elite!"
Kurenai wanted to add that it only applied to him – the previous generations of pranksters weren't as talented as him. Or it might just be the addition of the Kyuubi (and the ensuring distaste) enabled him to master such a skill.
Come to think of it, he was probably the only ninja in Konoha who could sneak on a Sannin – it spoke volumes about his capabilities; why didn't anyone notice that? Then again, Kill-Me-Now-Orange.
"Well, but you see Naruto, everything has chakra. If someone has no chakra he or she is either dead or a skilled ninja – which will alert the wives of the Kages." Kurenai smirked.
"I see…" Naruto scrunched up his face in focus and then Kurenai was greeted with her senses telling her that in front of her stood a chakra well that alternated between overflowing and being dry. Perhaps she needed to factor in some chakra exercises into the timetable as well…
(*) Teuchi's name can mean "making noodles by hand" (手打ち). However, the same word can also mean "killing someone with one's bare hands." It's a joke spun off that, and just something random.
Edit (30 October 2011) : Clean up and slight rewording.
