Note: The part that's in past tense is a flashback.
What kind of fish owner would give away his own goldfish?
Day 4- 7:00 A.M. Shinsengumi Headquarters
Second Tactic: Deny the infatuation until you start to believe your own lie.
What infatuation?
"Oi, Sougo, get up, I am not wasting my day-off sleeping in this room."
Mustn't remember about anything about that "mayonnaise on the sadist" fiasco. Nothing ever happened. I'm not infatuated with Sougo, not infatuated, not infatuated, not infatuated with the brat at all.
"Hijikata-san, the reason that I was so quiet yesterday is because…" Sougo as he rises from the futon. What the hell? He's suddenly talking now? "Is because I've grown fond of Yamazaki-san."
Rewind?
"Is because I've grown fond of Yamazaki-san."
Rewind.
"Because I've grown fond of Yamazaki-san."
"I've grown fond of Yamazaki-san."
I don't care, I don't give a damn. It's Sougo's business, not mine. Not my business at all. "So the king of Planet Sadist has a heart after all, huh?" That's right, I'm not affected at all, you damn sadist!
"Yes, Hijikata, now can we spend the day with Yamazaki-kun? Great. Let's go." Sougo walks briskly out of the room, stretching the chain and dragging me along with him.
Yamazaki-KUN? Since when did he suddenly grow an attachment to that insipid badminton player?
Is it the badminton? Is it Yamazaki's plain character? What could possibly have made Sougo attracted to that plain punk? This is just my curiosity speaking to me. It doesn't mean I'm still infatuated with the sadist. I was never infatuated with him in the first place.
7:31 A.M. Outside the Shinsengumi Headquarters
As usual, instead of polishing his spying skills, Yamazaki is playing badminton when Sougo and I reach the training area. BADMINTON! I almost want to decapitate the idiot, if not for Sougo's preposterous plans with him for today.
"Yamazaki-san, could you teach me how to play badminton?"
Now why does Sougo want to play badminton? Is this his attempt to get closer to his "Yamazaki-kun"?
Yamazaki looks just as surprised as I am as he lowers his racket and unintentionally drops the birdie. "Y-yes, C-captain Okita."
And so, Sougo has his so-called romantic moment with Yamazaki as the idiotic badminton fan teaches the sadist how to swing a racket.
But of course, even during his so-called romantic moment, Sougo would never forget to "accidentally" jab me on the head with the so-called romantic racket from his damn Yamazaki-so called-kun.
"Sorry, Hijikata-san, I didn't mean to damage your gigantic head."
Sougo never fails to be a sadist. "Oi, Sougo, I am not your target practice! You know very well that we're chained! You should have—"
"Hijikata-san, I told you. It was an accident. Perhaps you're just in an awful mood because you haven't eaten anything since breakfast." Sougo just looks at me impassively and turns to Yamazaki. "Shall we head to Rofuto to buy some food for Hijikata-san? Yamazaki-san, you should come with us too."
I'm not even hungry! Why the hell are you using food to drag me along to your little plans with the damn Jimi?
Curse these chains. And again, no, I'm not infatuated with this brat at all.
"Of course, Captain Okita." Yamazaki follows us.
And no, I'm not jealous of the stupid Jimi.
8:07 A.M. Rofuto
Sougo opens the door to Rofuto and looks at today's centerpiece of the whole store: a pyramid of pocky boxes.
"Good morning to you three." A saleswoman who's wearing too much lipstick and mascara approaches us. "Those pockies are on sale for only 200 yen, and they are excellent for pocky games. I am assuming that you already know what a pocky game is, right?" The woman winks, suggestively closing her thick-lashed eye lids.
Back off, woman! I'm not affiliated with these two. I feel compelled to state this, but I force myself to just quickly nod to ward off the woman and her hints of BL pocky game.
I glance at Sougo for a second, expecting him to threaten the woman for even suggesting pocky games between Shinsengumi members. Yet, he doesn't even unsheathe his sword. Instead, he shakes his head as a reply to the woman's question. Is he serious? He doesn't know what a pocky game is? This better not be one of his heinous schemes.
"Oh, you poor thing!" The woman shakes her head as if she's showing her sympathies for a lost puppy. The only thing wrong with her reaction is that Sougo is definitely not a lost puppy. "Why don't one of you teach your friend how to play the pocky game?" She leaves us to welcome the newly arrived customers.
Thanks, good suggestion. We'll call you later if we decide to take it, meaning never!
Sougo picks a pocky box from the pyramid. "Yamazaki-san, would you please teach me how to play a game with this pocky?"
Apparently, Sougo has decided to take the woman's suggestion. Sougo, do you realize what will happen if you play that game with Yamazaki? Is this some part of your scheme to be closer to the jimi?
"C-captain Okita, I don't think that I should be the one to teach you. I think Vice Commander—"
I immediately conjure up my most pernicious "This will be the last second of your life if you suggest anything that will make me play the pocky game with Sougo" expression before Yamazaki finishes his sentence.
Yamazaki takes the hint and selects a pocky from Sougo's box. "We must each eat the pocky from one end and whoever takes their mouth off the pocky first loses. However, if both of us keep eating the pocky until it's gone…" Yamazaki can't seem to find the right words to continue. He's aware of the typical conclusion, and he doesn't seem to like the idea of finishing a pocky game with Sougo.
"No one loses and you two end up kiss-kiss," Sakata finishes Yamazaki's sentence. What the hell? Has he been listening to the whole conversation?
Kagura appears from another aisle and mulls over her past memories. "Ah, the beauty of young love and pocky sticks!" What's this Yato talking about? Oi, stop talking like an old man!
"Oi! Aren't we here to pick up a couple of those pocky sticks for Otose?!" The straight boy with an extra pair of eyes is here, too? Just how long has the Yorozuya been here?
"Shh, never interrupt the beauty of young man love and pocky sticks!" Sakata's eyes dart to the ceiling and gazes into the distance. There's no such thing as beauty in pocky sticks!
"Please start the game, you two. Or shall I count for you? On the count of three…"
"One."
Placing one of the pocky's ends between his teeth, Yamazaki offers the chocolate-covered end to Sougo. Damn it, I don't care. Go on with your pocky sticks and man love. I could care less about your nonsense.
I'm leaving, good-bye. I start to walk away, but something prevents me from escaping this stupid scene, and that inconvenience would be the chain. Great, I have to witness the jimi and the sadist's pocky game.
"Two."
Sougo observes me for a moment before his lips settle on the pocky. Is this another part of Sougo's plan to torment me?
"Three! Go!"
Sougo and Yamazaki start to take little bites of the pocky. I don't care how this will end. I don't care if Sougo wants to be closer to Yamazaki. It's his choice, not mine.
"Oogushi-kun, do you really want to lose your goldfish?"
I want to smack Sakata's damn perm for once again referring to me by that stupid misnomer, but I know that doing so would reveal the truth: I can hear him and I can understand the cretinous symbolism in his comment.
"Oogushi-kun, you've had that goldfish with you for a long time, and you're just going to let it go?"
Kagura points an accusing finger to me. "Oogushi-kun, what kind of fish owner are you?" She abruptly straightens her back and taps her chin. Her eyes roam around the store for a second before she notices a pile of video cameras for sale.
As more customers enter Rofuto, Sakata waves his hands and comports himself with an advertiser's charisma and formality. "Ah welcome everyone! Are you here to witness the beauty of Pocky Love?"
A few yens drop on a glass counter before Kagura steps in front of the gathering customers, holding a video camera. "We're selling videos of this special moment for only 1,000 yen!"
Shinpachi steps between his fellow Yorozuyas. "Oi! Otose's pocky boxes! And where did you find that video camera? Did you even pay for that?"
To this, Sakata grumbles to Shinpachi out of the corner of his mouth, "Jis iz for Oogush-kun. E eeds to emember iz ast oment wuth iz oldfis." (This is for Oogushi-kun. He needs to remember his last moment with his goldfish.)
"Hey, why is that man chained to one of the guys eating the pocky?"
"Is this supposed to be a shounen-ai love triangle?"
This situation does look weird. Two men are chewing on a pocky stick, and another man is chained to one of them.
No, this isn't a shounen-ai love triangle, and there are no "green eyes of envy" here. It's not my concern, I'm not Oogushi-kun, no one needs a video of this pocky game, and Sougo is not my damn goldfish!
"Look, only an inch left!"
I'm not affected by this at all. I'm not even infatuated with Sougo, so why should I be affected by this?
Perhaps there's a correlation between Sougo forming a relationship with Yamazaki and the Shinsengumi? Yes, there's a correlation! If Sougo and Yamazaki form a relationship, Yamazaki would barely have enough time to play badminton, resulting in more tension for Yamazaki, which would lead to his poor performance as a spy, which would increase the chances of failing many of our missions, which could become trouble for all of us!
No, I'm not fabricating some fallacies. I'm not hiding any jealousy. I'm merely concerned about the Shinsengumi and Edo.
And because of that noble concern, I yank Sougo away from the almost finished piece of pocky stick before my goldfish—I mean before the sadist even completes his pocky game.
9:32 A.M. Shinsengumi Headquarters
"Hijikata-san, why did you do that?"
Why? It's for the Shinsengumi. It's also for Sougo's own good. "Yamazaki will not be a good partner for you."
"Why? I think we're a perfect match."
Time to explain the consequences of forming that "perfect" match. "Since Yamazaki is in love with his badminton racket and you're a sadist, you will probably destroy the racket on a daily basis, and…" I pause for a second to choose my words. "Yamazaki will never be a successful badminton player, and he would be too busy mourning for his racket to spy for the Shinsengumi."
No, I'm not jealous of your little pocky game.
(Inner mind theater)
"Hijikata-san, I can hear your thoughts out loud."
I turn to the source of the voice. It's Sougo, and why the hell is he dancing around a pocky stick. And what the hell? The pocky is enormous!
"Hijikata-san, were you imagining me dancing around this stick?" Sougo collects some of the chocolate in a cup and drinks it. "Or this?" The chocolate dribbles down his chin, and he wipes some of the substance with his tongue.
"No, I wasn't imagining any of that!"
He raises his eyebrows.
"And no! I wasn't thinking of you dancing seductively around a pole-size pocky stick!"
There are no signs of the nightmarish pocky stick, and Sougo's looking at me like I've just expressed a part of my mind theater out loud. When Sougo continues to stare at me and the heavy silence remains, I realize that I've indeed exposed a part of mind theater. Not good.
"My, my. Hijikata-san has an overactive imagination. I was never going to say that." Sougo's wearing his smug expression again. (But something's not quite right here.)
"S-shut up. Anyone could have pictured that in their mind." Damn it, that isn't even a decent lie.
"You're right, Hijikata-san."
Sougo bought the lie? Maybe he just finds the situation too awkward to talk about? Maybe he really does believe that anyone can picture such a thing? No, that's not possible, is it?
Whatever, as long as I'm out of this situation. "Good. Now let me rest. The ridiculousness of Pocky and young love is too much for a man like me."
Yes, that's it. All of this is just simply ridiculous.
"Hijikata, I don't want to stay here! I want to go home and see Ane-ue!" A child's voice echoed throughout the empty dojo. Sougo was wandering back and forth around the place, jumping at the sound of thunder.
I had no idea what I should have done right away. I didn't expect him to be so scared of thunder because he was the nine-year old that could have sent many of the men to the infirmary if Kondo and his sister didn't force him to keep his temper. As Sougo rounded the dojo, I couldn't help but feel responsible for not ignoring his taunts to fight him. I should have known better. After all, he was nine. Now he was here, thunder scaring him half to death. He was trapped; he couldn't go home because it was too dangerous yet staying here seemed perilous to him, too.
I wanted to console him, but how exactly did you console a nine-year old? How did you console someone like Sougo?
"Okita-senpai, calm down, we can't go home. We have to stay here because it's not safe to walk home in this type of weather. Don't worry, tomorrow, we can go home and you can see your sister."
He recoiled at another snap of thunder.
With frightened eyes, he started to skitter around the dojo, as if the thunder was still hunting him down.
Snap. Crack. Boom! A scream. Sougo wildly rushed around the room again, but he tripped.
But I wrapped my arms around him before he fell. It was the only thing that I could have done.
Sougo tried to twist out of my grasp, but I knew that if I allowed him to escape, he would continue to panic, so I drew him closer.
"Hijikata, let me go!"
But as always, I defied the nine-year old's protests. "Senpai, listen to me! You don't have to be scared of thunder!"
And as always, Sougo denied his fears: "I'm not scared, let me go!"
I kept my grip, and out of impulse and instinct, I ran my hand through his hair. "Look. Just pretend that thunder is just one of those war weapons that go 'Boom!'" His shivers lessened as he listened to me. "I think those were called bazookas. They're really great long-range weapons, and they produce the same sound as thunder. You can pretend that you're using a bazooka when you hear thunder."
That was the day I introduced Sougo to bazookas, and that was the last time he was ever afraid of thunder.
A dragonfly is resting on Sougo's forehead as he sleeps. And it's the same dragonfly from before.
That was also the first time I ever had Sougo that close to me, and it will probably be the last, too.
