Elizabeth had several conversations with Cynthia, over the course of the next couple of weeks.
"So why this fascination with time travel?" Cynthia asked one afternoon.
"I don't know." Elizabeth said. "I just always have been, from the time I was a kid. When I was in elementary school, I would flip to a different page in my history book, and make up a story about that time period."
"Very inventive."
"When I was young, I was convinced that I had a mission. From God, you see."
"Like the Blues Brothers." said Cynthia. "Well, we're in the right city." There was a silence.
"Sorry." Cynthia said.
Elizabeth cleared her throat. "Uh huh. Well. I was ten, you know."
"What did you think uh...God wanted you to do?"
"I had an imaginary friend." Elizabeth said. "He told me that when the time was right, I would save him. He was dead, you see, and wandered the earth in a rabbit suit."
"I'm sorry, did you say a rabbit suit?" said Cynthia.
"Frank, my neighbor...he was a guy I had a crush on. He wore this...psycho rabbit suit one year for Halloween. It had the body of a rabbit, but the face of a skeleton. Even at nine years old, I thought it was cool. I was a horror-lover, even then."
"Or a twisted fuck."
"I beg your pardon." Elizabeth shook her head. "Anyway, whenever I would 'talk' with Frank, he would always be wearing the rabbit suit. Until I asked him to show me what he looked like."
"And he was dead?"
"Yeah."
"What made him...what made you come up with the idea that your 'friend' should be dead?"
"I don't know." said Elizabeth. "More...interesting that way, I guess."
"And this imaginary friend told you he was a dead man that God wanted you to save for some reason?"
"Yeah, he did." Elizabeth said. "What's wrong with that?"
"Nothing wrong with it." said Cynthia. "Kind of an odd game for a nine year old, though. When Maya was nine, she just played pop star Barbie."
"Goody for her." Elizabeth said.
"Yeah, not...'Mission from God'." Cynthia said.
"Something tells me..." Elizabeth said. "That you didn't teach her any kind of religion growing up."
"It's up to her, Elizabeth." said Cynthia. "She can believe what she wants."
"Not to be like your mom, and all." said Elizabeth. "Margaret White."
"Maria Bishop. Great name, for someone like her." said Cynthia. "Lucky she married my dad. Before that, it was Gallo."
"Is that Spanish?"
"Italian." said Cynthia. "Nothing like a domineering Italian Catholic woman to turn you off religion forever."
"I think," said Elizabeth. "That you're way too hung up on your mother, Cynthia. Just because she was a fanatic, that doesn't mean there couldn't be a higher power out there. It gives me comfort to think about it, myself." She sighed. "Of course, Stefan certainly doesn't think too much about 'religious' people, either."
"As skeptical as I am, thank God, I don't have to hear his sociopolitical rantings." said Cynthia. "I'm going to stop you before you try to share any of his 'wisdom' with me."
Elizabeth laughed. "Not...'rantings', Cynthia." she said. "Just...introspections."
"Every fucking moment was a speech with that man." Cynthia said irritably.
"He's...very philosophical, Cynthia."
"Yeah, well." Cynthia said. "Anyway. What happened to your friend? I mean, the real guy, not the...rabbit."
"He moved away." Elizabeth said. "Went to college in Ohio."
"Shame." Cynthia said.
"I was sad." Elizabeth said. "I guess...until I met Toby the next year."
"So this Toby." said Cynthia. "You mean to tell me, you actually waited to have sex, until you got to college, just so you could save yourself for him?"
"Not just sex." said Elizabeth. "Kissing, too. Hand-holding, even."
"Was this something he asked of you?" said Cynthia.
"Toby?" Elizabeth said. "Hardly."
"Why would you do that?" Cynthia said.
"I...couldn't think of anybody but him, for a long time." said Elizabeth. "I became...pretty obsessed with him."
"And now, guess who you're obsessed with to replace him." said Cynthia.
"No." Elizabeth said. "That's completely untrue. I care for Stefan, is all."
"Maybe you do." said Cynthia. "I don't doubt that you care for him. But if you're not obsessed with Stefan, then nobody was ever obsessed with anybody in the history of the world."
"Bullshit." said Elizabeth angrily.
"No, really." said Cynthia. "And that's not the only obsession of yours. You're also obsessed with Stephen K-"
"I most certainly am not!" Elizabeth said angrily.
"You're the only one I've ever met who has an obscure Stephen King book quote for almost every occasion." said Cynthia. She sighed. "Look, I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Necessarily. As long as you know the difference between fantasy and reality."
"Of course I do." said Elizabeth.
"Saving yourself for one guy, at the expense of all others, for years." said Cynthia. "Sounds like a Stephen King character. What was her name again?"
"I am not like her." said Elizabeth indignantly.
" 'Her'?" Cynthia said. "She's not a real person, you know."
"Of course I know that." said Elizabeth. "If I was like any Stand character, I would be like Fran Goldsmith. Pregnant. Afraid. Uncertain of her place in the world."
"A bit over dramatic as always, aren't we?"
"I don't think so." said Elizabeth. "But I would be on the side of good, and right. Not the chosen wife of the dark man. The hardcase. The Walkin' Dude."
"Here we go." said Cynthia.
"Not to be confused with the Walken dude, as in Christopher, who was in the original Dead Zone adaptation."
"Wouldn't dream of it."
"He was a really good-looking guy back then." Elizabeth mused. "You know, at times, his weird inflections remind me a lot of the way Stefan talks, I've always thought."
"Got that right." said Cynthia. "But seriously. If we're going to discuss any of your obsessions, I'd prefer we discuss Stephen King. At least it's something I have a slight regard for, rather than the...'S' word."
"Fair enough." said Elizabeth.
"Stefan." said Elizabeth one evening. "Do you think I'm obsessed with you?"
"No." said Stefan. "Whatever gave you that idea, Elizabeth?"
Elizabeth shook her head. "I don't know." she looked at her lap. "I guess...I was obsessed with Frank, first, and then with Toby, as an adult...I just wonder...am I an obsessive person?"
"Maybe." said Stefan.
"Well, thanks a lot." said Elizabeth angrily.
"We all have tendencies we have to overcome, Elizabeth." said Stefan quietly. She blinked back tears, staring into space dejectedly. Stefan squeezed her arm.
Elizabeth looked at him, shaking her head. "So you do think I'm an obsessive person, and crazy. I guess that's why you see the need to check up on my Internet history."
"Not crazy, Lizzie." Stefan said. "I worry about you, is all. What if you were having some trouble, that you were afraid to tell me about?"
"Like what?" said Elizabeth.
"I have no idea, Lizzie." said Stefan. "But I'd want to catch it in time, if I could."
"I guess you think I'm a child." said Elizabeth. "Like Dora in David Copperfield. Your child-wife."
Stefan snorted incredulously, narrowing his eyes at her. "Oh, good." he said. "I would have thought you were incapable of reading anything other than Stephen King. But you've proven me wrong." Actually, Cynthia had said that very thing to her, regarding the Dickens character, at a coffee shop the other day, which had royally angered her at the moment, but now it was making more and more sense to her.
Elizabeth glared at him. "I guess maybe that's what's gotten you so worked up." she said. "Worried I'm spending too much time in Stephen King-related fantasy worlds?"
"Now that you mention it, yes." Stefan said.
"Or maybe you're just worried that I'm going to Jack Torrance all up in this bitch?" Elizabeth said glaring at him. "Kill us all with an ax? Redrum, redrum?"
"You know, using phrases like that doesn't make you any more becoming, or clever." said Stefan. "You're not a twenty-year old anymore."
"You're not a forty-year old anymore, Stefan."
"Perhaps not." said Stefan. "But-"
" 'Perhaps' indeed." Elizabeth said, glaring. "Sorry we don't all sound like a pompous, silver spoon twat like yourself."
"Are you going to use words like that around our children?"
"Every day, Stefan." said Elizabeth. "Every day, I'm going to tell them, 'your father is a pompous twat'."
"Because I wouldn't let you spend all your time obsessing about horror novels?" Stefan said. "Or give my approval to ridiculous, uneducated sounding slang?"
" 'Let' me?" said Elizabeth. "You're really something. Besides, I've heard some people over forty use phrases like 'man-whore'. Maybe you should lighten up, Stefan."
"Well, the world is becoming an increasingly ignorant place, Elizabeth." said Stefan. "That's all I can say."
Elizabeth sighed. "You really do think that you can just treat me like I'm some...underling, don't you?"
"Underling?" Stefan said. "Not at all. I just don't want you to engage in harmful behaviors."
"Please." said Elizabeth. "You just can't stand for me to like anything that doesn't have to do with you. In your mind, if you don't like it, it's not worth liking."
"Not true." Stefan said. "I just want you to know I'm concerned about you. And..." He looked at the carpet, his eyes sad. "If you're 'obsessed' with any of these things, or people...well, did Frank check up on your internet history? Did Toby?"
"No, Stefan, as a matter of fact, neither of them did." Elizabeth said. "Am I supposed to think treating me like a child is an enviable quality in a partner now?"
"Yes." said Stefan. "Not treating you like a child. Caring about your well-being."
"Uh huh." Elizabeth said. "Well, what if I went around checking on what it means to be a night-terror having, clown-fearing, self-loathing...wackadoodle?" She looked at him. "Would that be 'caring about your well-being'?"
"Oh, isn't that what you've been doing, of late, Elizabeth?" Stefan said. "Checking psychology websites for symptoms? Telling me I might have a form of autism?"
"Not autism, Stefan." said Elizabeth. "A mild form of Asperger's, maybe."
"Sounds like something you'd cure with an ointment." said Stefan.
"Uh huh." Elizabeth shook her head. "Well. Very classy, Stefan."
"Classy, yourself, Elizabeth." said Stefan. "It's always classy to tell your spouse that they have something mentally wrong with them." He looked at her, shaking his head. "Sometimes it's as though I don't know who you are anymore."
"I wouldn't be so dramatic, Stefan." Elizabeth said.
"I don't know what would put such an idea in your head." Stefan looked at her, and a whole wall of her anger and spite at his bossiness was dissolved by the hurt look he was giving her. She swallowed.
"Nobody, I...nothing." She bit her lip, her heart pounding suddenly. She looked at him. "A...gap-toothed Italian lady told me. That you...might be."
"Really." Stefan said. His mouth twitched slightly. "Sort of like...the Native American in a rabbit suit?"
Elizabeth glowered at him, her lips pressed together. Stefan patted her hand.
"You know, you're quite cute when you're angry, Lizzie." said Stefan.
"I must look cute to you a lot then, Stefan." said Elizabeth.
"You do."
"Uh huh."
"You're certainly to be commended, though," said Stefan. "On your...ethnically diverse choosing of imaginary friends."
"Please, Stefan." said Elizabeth. "Spare me the political nonsense, or I'm voting Republican next year."
"Well, if you use the rights your founding fathers fought for just to spite someone else, then you won't be much different from a lot of idiots voting today."
"Well." Elizabeth said. "Be that as it may, it just so happens that a gap-toothed Italian woman did...tell me that she thinks that you boss me around way too much." She cleared her throat. "It was Madonna. She...appeared to me in a dream. Told me that I shouldn't think it's...like a prayer when you call my name. I shouldn't be so worshipful of you, you see."
"Did she, indeed?" Stefan said.
"I said ' "Madonna, how dare you tell me about how to run my marriage, when you're such a colossal slut." Elizabeth looked at him, gaging whether he would understand the metaphor, though he appeared not to. "Not literally colossal. She's...quite a small woman, you know. Madonna."
"Very interesting, Elizabeth." said Stefan. "I wouldn't listen to her, however. She hasn't had a hit in years."
"Uh huh." said Elizabeth. "Well, this was eighties Madonna."
"Even so."
"She had really heavy eyebrows." Elizabeth said, looking at him. "In the eighties."
"Madonna?"
"Uh huh."
"I guess so."
"In the...early nineties, too." Elizabeth said, looking at him. "Didn't she?"
"As I recall."
"You...like those...women with thick eyebrows, Stefan?" Elizabeth said, lolling her tongue.
"No, I'd prefer they...wax, Elizabeth." Stefan said. He looked at her. "Why?"
"Oh...just curious." said Elizabeth. She swallowed. "She said in this dream...I might be a little bit too obsessed with you. She said...I'm an obsessive person. I was obsessed with Toby, and Frank, and now you. But you're different from them. She said I looked into your eyes and my world came tumbling down." She traced her bulging abdomen. "She said...I'm Nadine Cross, and it wasn't Toby I was saving myself for all these years. It was you."
" 'Madonna' appears to have a Stephen King obsession, oddly enough." Stefan said.
"She said...she said you're a man of wealth and taste, the devil in disguise. And Toby was only my Harold Lauder." She traced his hand. "I was waiting for a dark, dark man. A man of great sexual...power, enough to turn the moon blood red."
"Got that right." said Stefan. He looked at her. "I do feel worried about such words from you, though, Lizzie. You seem a bit...agitated."
"I told eighties Madonna in the dream." Elizabeth said, looking at him, her eyes flooding with tears. "That you impregnated me, and...you're worried I'll bring your empire to a crash, by...getting so depressed that I'd...climb onto the balcony, and jump."
Stefan grabbed her hand suddenly. "That would...bring my 'empire' to a crash, Lizzie." he said. Elizabeth was quieted for a moment.
"Yes, yes, I know, Stefan." said Elizabeth quietly. "I know."
"Trying to manipulate me, aren't you?" said Stefan.
"No..." She cleared her throat, lost in thought for a moment.
"I wouldn't even joke about such things, Lizzie."
She placed her hand on top of his suddenly. "I had another dream, too," she said. "That there was this blue-eyed Jewish girl, with long dark hair, who lived out in the desert."
"Very interesting." Stefan said. "And what happened to her?"
"Well, her father was the leader of the tribe." Elizabeth said. "But all the same, she was very lonely. Shy. No one would talk to her, despite her demonstrable intelligence, thinking her odd."
"Ah." said Stefan. "Or perhaps it was she who wouldn't talk to anyone, fearing rejection."
"And then, one day," said Elizabeth. "She met this...odd stranger. With hair the color of the sun."
"Did she now?"
"Of course she did." said Elizabeth. "And the color of the sand. She and her tribe had never seen such hair before, and it mystified them. Surely he must be a god, they all said, and they all worshiped him as such."
"Not a bad dream at all, Lizzie."
"All except," said Elizabeth. "For the desert princess. She saw right through his facade."
"Nothing escaped her, did it?" said Stefan.
"No." said Elizabeth. "But very irksome to her, was the fact that her father, the leader of the tribe was the most convinced of all of his greatness. In fact, he thought this golden-haired stranger was so terrific, that he sold her off to be married to him. Without her permission, naturally."
"Good thing for him traditions were different out in the desert, then." said Stefan smiling at her.
"But not such a good thing for her." said Elizabeth.
"Oh, I think it was." said Stefan, caressing her hand.
"She tried to tell her father, to no avail, that he wasn't a god." Elizabeth said. "But he just wouldn't listen to her. Until she finally was worn down, and caved into her father's wishes, to be betrothed to this stranger."
"Doing nothing that wasn't truly of her own free will, naturally."
"But," Elizabeth said softly. "In the end, it was okay, because this odd, wandering stranger turned out to be a...displaced prince, of sorts. Who had doomed himself to...wander for years in a...purgatory of his own making. And she saw this about him."
"I see." said Stefan quietly. He looked at her, his eyes soft.
"And she saw, that he truly cared for her. And truly, his hubris wasn't such that he thought of himself as a god. A highly, evolved, super-intelligent life form perhaps. But not a god."
"Of course." said Stefan. "He was very humble."
"He was not one, of course." said Elizabeth. "He was quite socially awkward, in fact. Kind of a dweeb, I'd say. I mean, the desert princess would say."
"Well, thanks for that." said Stefan. "Still super-intelligent, though."
"Yes, of course." said Elizabeth. "But still. A major dweeb."
"As you've noted."
"But even though he was all this, and a lot of other things...well. He was in fact, perfect for the desert princess, as she had been out in the desert all her life, and knew nothing else. So he seemed truly exotic to her."
"How romantic."
"She was more than aware of his flaws, of course." Elizabeth added.
"And noted them every chance she got." said Stefan.
"No, of course the golden-haired stranger was a really wonderful guy. Truly a noble fellow." Elizabeth looked down at her lap. "He...helped the desert princess to stop chasing mirages. As she was wont to do."
"He certainly did." Stefan said emphatically, patting her hand.
"Chasing mirages will get you nowhere." said Elizabeth. "Mirages can't love you back."
"They certainly can't, Lizzie." said Stefan. "Unlike the...light-haired stranger. Best to stick with him."
"Yes, of course. And she did. Stick with him." said Elizabeth. "And they were both the better for it."
"Most definitely the better for it, Lizzie." said Stefan.
"And they both lived happily ever, and the golden-haired stranger later expanded...I mean, helped her tribe expand as a nation." She looked at him.
"And it would have been a fairy tale, if not for the desert princess' insulting mouth." said Stefan.
"Guess those are the breaks, huh?"
"Guess they are." Stefan said. "Interesting dream, you had, Lizzie."
"It sure was."
"Quite detailed." Stefan said. "All that was in there?"
"Well..." Elizabeth said, smiling. "I may have embellished one or two details."
"I think," Elizabeth said to Cynthia later on the phone. "That you're a bad influence on me."
"How's that?"
"Convincing me that Stefan's autistic." said Elizabeth. "And trying to convince me that he's some..controlling monster."
"Schizoid, not autistic." said Cynthia. "And you really needed to be 'convinced' that he's some controlling monster? Which he is, by the way."
"Of course he isn't." said Elizabeth. "A monster. Just an alien, or perhaps some artificial life form that has not quite learned the habits of the 'hu-mans'."
"Indeed." said Cynthia.
"Yesterday, he was telling me how he heard some conspiracy guy on the radio say that Bush comes from a long line of lizard men." said Elizabeth. "He thought it was quite likely. But I think that Stefan is really a lizard man."
"Yeah, like Gorn." said Cynthia. "From Star Trek."
"Don't tell me you're a Trekkie."
"Nothing like that, no." Said Cynthia. "The old series was silly, but man, that William Shatner. Such a fox."
"I suppose so." said Elizabeth.
"Stefan informed me, very matter-of-factly, whenever I watched it that William Shatner 'is just not as good-looking as I am'."
"Only Troy Donahue and Tony Curtis are." said Elizabeth.
"Oh, lord. Spare me." Cynthia said. "I hate A Summer Place so much I could burn every copy. Now. I might add, I was indifferent to it before."
"No joke. You hate something because of Stefan?" Elizabeth shook her head. "Model of Nordic beauty. Troy Donahue. And Stefan. Of course."
"As were many Nazis."
"Tony Curtis, not so much, though." Elizabeth said. "Nordic. Good ol' Bernie Schwartz."
"Yep. They all changed their names back in those days, the old movie stars." Cynthia said.
"As Stefan makes sure to tell me. Because, you know. He's one of those lawyers who keeps a suit with elbow patches. Bleeding heart, our boy."
"Your boy." Cynthia said.
"He loves that movie. Some Like It Hot." Elizabeth said. "As I'm sure you remember."
"But don't want to." said Cynthia.
"I think it's beautiful. A beautiful love story. I feel we're like that. I love him like Sugar Kane loved Joe. And Josephine."
"Please." said Cynthia. She paused. "He doesn't dress up in drag, does he?"
"Well..."
"Oh, god, don't tell me." Cynthia said.
"Well...it was just for Halloween." Elizabeth insisted. "He said he wanted to see what it felt like. To understand what it was like to be a woman."
"Isn't that just like that ass, he has to turn everything into some serious social experiment." Cynthia said. "Can't even wear a Halloween costume without some self-righteous crap."
"Yeah, well." Elizabeth sighed. "I might add, that he made a far better woman than Tony Curtis ever did. He was always a real pretty boy type, Stefan."
"Uh huh." Cynthia said.
"I dressed up, as well, you know." Elizabeth said. "We wore matching costumes. It was a beautiful bonding experience."
"I'd rather not hear about what kind of bonding occurred, thank you very much." said Cynthia. "Weirdos, the both of you."
"Indeed." said Elizabeth. "Of course...awkward moments abounded, too."
"Yeah? Like what exactly?"
"Well, I had to tell the sales clerk when I was shopping for the dress, that I was buying it for my friend, and 'she' was about five ten, and was...um...a little overweight, and ask what sizes they recommended. Stefan was not present for that, naturally."
"Well, I'm sure you would have to ask that question." said Cynthia.
"And then, I sort of had to work around the fact that Stefan needed to wear a...girdle-" Cynthia snorted. "I had to tell him it was a 'foundation garment'. He was unconvinced, and thought I was trying to make snide remarks about his weight."
"Which of course you were."
"No, I'd...not then." said Elizabeth. She bit her lip. "For the longest time, I...I couldn't bear to bring it up. That he'd gained weight. I was deathly afraid of hurting his feelings. And it would."
"Hard to ignore the...elephant in the room, then?" Cynthia asked. "To choose a metaphor."
"In the 'rum'. The elephant in the 'rum'." Elizabeth said. "Because that's how he always pronounces 'room', of course."
"He's so lucky, you know." said Cynthia. "To have an unfailingly loyal wife like you. Such a sensitive and tactful soul."
"Aren't I just?" said Elizabeth. "Anyway, it's just like Pringles. It just came out all in a rush, one day, and now I can't stop. Making fat cracks."
"Much like Stefan can't stop eating Pringles."
"Oh, no, are you kidding?" Elizabeth said. "Stefan has much better taste in food than that."
"And quite a taste it is, I'm sure."
"Well, that he does have." said Elizabeth. "A taste for many things. He's a great lover of life, you know."
Cynthia sighed. "Wonderful. Now if you please, can we not talk about Stefan for...twenty minutes. That's all I ask. I don't ask much."
A few days later, Elizabeth had been out with Cynthia, and had been feeling very guilty about their talks all week, hating having secrets from Stefan. She was sitting on the couch, reflecting on the situation, when Stefan came in.
"Stefan." she said. She bit her lip. "I...can I talk with you?"
"Of course." said Stefan. He walked over, and sat on the couch next to her.
"I..." She bit her lip. "I...you see...I..."
"You can tell me." said Stefan. "What is it, Lizzie?"
"I...I've been lonely." Elizabeth said. "Especially since...I've been...pregnant."
"Lonely?" Stefan said. "Lonely? But Elizabeth, I'm right here. I'm...here every night."
"Well, Stefan." said Elizabeth. "I...I'd maybe like to have...a female friend."
"Oh." Stefan's shoulders sagged with relief. "For a minute, I thought you were saying...there's someone you've..."
"No, Stefan." Elizabeth put her hand on his shoulder. "I would never want anyone else. I'd never see someone else."
"I know, Lizzie." said Stefan.
"But I...I'd like to hear a female perspective on things, Stefan." said Elizabeth.
"Female perspective?" Stefan said. "Is that really necessary?"
"I think so." Elizabeth said. "I'd like to have someone to talk to."
"Someone besides me?" Stefan looked a little hurt. "Why?"
"Stefan, don't be that way." said Elizabeth. "Of course, I love talking to you. But it makes sense that I should want to have a few female friends I see occasionally."
"Why?" Stefan asked, sounding a little belligerent now. "I don't go running after friends. I don't want friends. You're enough for me."
Elizabeth sighed. "Well, I'm different than you are." she said. "Okay?"
"Different as in not caring for me the way I care for you?"
"Stefan, that's not true!" said Elizabeth. The task of telling him about her talks with Cynthia was seeming more and more impossible now. "It would just be nice if I had someone to talk to about things."
"Things like what?" said Stefan. "What can you talk about with with someone else that you can't talk about with me?"
"I...I don't know, Stefan. Girl talk."
"Girl talk." Stefan said. "That's ludicrous."
"Well, it isn't either." said Elizabeth. "And I-"
"Besides," Stefan said, placing his hand on her knee. "I thought we were Lennon sisters."
Elizabeth started to laugh. "Well, we are Lennon sisters. But-"
"Well, there you go." said Stefan. "You can engage in 'girl talk' as it were, with me."
Elizabeth began to laugh, and shake her head. "I don't think so, Stefan."
"Why not?" Stefan squeezed her knee. "I'd love for us to have, uh...girl talk."
"Would you get your hand off my leg?" Elizabeth said. "I don't want to be sexy with my fellow Lennon sister, that's gross. Incest."
Stefan laughed. "Well. I'm not that much of a Lennon sister." he said, raising an eyebrow at her.
"Indeed you're not, Stefan." Elizabeth said. "But that's exactly what I-"
"I had the most beautiful dream, Lizzie." Stefan interrupted her. "That you were sorting my shells, and mixing my cocktails, and when I woke up, I wanted to swim right back to you." Stefan put his arm around her, and gazed tenderly at her. Elizabeth sighed resignedly, feeling herself start to go wobbly as she usually did in these moments.
She sighed. "Why do you damaged blondes always go for us Semitic types?" she said.
"Damaged?" said Stefan.
"Maybe just a little bit damaged." She sighed. "I want to. Sort your shells and all like that there." she said. "Every day. I just want to have someone I can associate with sometime."
"You be the crew." Stefan said, stroking her abdomen tenderly, which caused Elizabeth to feel even more of her resolve slipping away. "And I'll be the captain."
"Of course you'll be." Elizabeth said, shaking her head.
"And that's all we need." Stefan said. "Just the four of us."
"Stefan, don't you think-"
"They'll be girls, wont they?" Stefan said. "The twins?"
"Well...yeah, but..."
"Well, there you go." said Stefan. "Female companionship."
"Stefan, that's ridiculous." said Elizabeth. "They'll be babies."
"They'll grow older, Elizabeth."
"So you want me to wait until they're old enough to talk for female companionship?"
"Of course. Being a mother will be a joy. Or at least you certainly should view it that way." Stefan said. "Assuming you'll be wanting to be close to your daughters and not some person outside the family."
"But Stefan." Elizabeth said. "I didn't take a vow saying I could never have any friends. Of course I'll love our daughters. But they won't be mature in the mind for years to come. It might be nice to associate with someone my own age, or...well. Grown, let's say."
"I see. Well." Stefan said. "It seems none of us will be good enough for you, then."
"Stefan, do you have to be like this?" said Elizabeth. "Why don't you go out and associate with people?"
"Oh, trying to get rid of me?"
"No." said Elizabeth. "I just want you to have some people you have a connection with. Besides me."
"I don't want that." said Stefan. He looked at her, a horrified expression on his face. "Why would you think I'd want that?"
Elizabeth sighed. She put her hand on his. "Stefan. What about...what about Blane?" she said. "You could get together and talk with him sometime. Wouldn't that b-"
"Blane?" Stefan said. "Blane? I haven't seen him in years, Elizabeth. He stopped talking to me. You know that."
"So maybe you should give him a call." said Elizabeth, though she had her doubts, thinking of Blane's attitude towards him when she called. "Maybe you two ought to get over all that."
"What on earth are you talking about, Elizabeth?" Stefan said. "I wouldn't speak to him now, if he begged me to. Why? You're not attracted to him, are you?"
"From what? His high school yearbook photo?" Elizabeth said. "He looked like a pencil-necked geek to me."
"Yes, well. Some women like that." said Stefan. "Keep in mind, he's a rich pencil-necked geek. Besides, maybe you'd prefer pencils to...chalk."
"The...thicker implements you mean?" said Elizabeth.
"Mmmm."
"I prefer the thicker...writing implements, Stefan." said Elizabeth. She put her hand on his thigh and squeezed, tracing lightly. "You know that."
"I prefer to think that you're speaking of...uh...other kinds of implements, when you talk about 'thick', Lizzie. Nonetheless-"
"I'm speaking of a lot of things, Stefan." said Elizabeth, looking coyly at him. "A...lot."
"Of course you are." said Stefan. He removed her hand from his leg.
"Hey!"
"Well. Turnabout is fair play, and you swat my hand away, whenever you feel like it. Usually undeservedly, I might add. I can't tell you what it does to my ego."
"I think maybe your ego needs to be taken down a few notches, my friend."
"I'm not egotistical, Lizzie." said Stefan.
"I beg to differ."
"Well." said Stefan, his voice growing increasingly quiet. "The fact remains that you just said I'm not good enough companionship for you, and you'd prefer some...hypothetical person to me, to talk with, and just told me to go out, and seek other people to spend time with. Which hurts me quite a bit, because I have no desire to do that. But you do. So. I consider you my friend as well as my wife, in fact, I consider you my best-"
"Well, you're mine, too!" Elizabeth interrupted, her eyes filling with the embarrassing tears that were becoming an everyday occurrence. "But damn it, I'd like to speak with another adult female. And I do. I have sort of...a friend. Okay?"
"Real, or imaginary?"
"Real, damn it!" Elizabeth said. "I haven't had an imaginary friend since I was in high school. Don't try to pretend I did."
"Have your way, then." said Stefan.
"I will." Elizabeth said angrily. "I will, and stop trying to pretend that I'm...I'm..." She took a deep breath.
"I don't think you're crazy." Stefan looked at her, his mouth turned down sourly. "Don't use this as an excuse to lash out like a venomous little viper. Please."
Elizabeth took a deep breath. "Fine." she said. "I won't get angry. But I will stand firm. There's no reason I can't associate with people some time."
"Fine." Stefan said, still looking very sour. "Where did you meet this...friend?"
"Uh...at Starbucks." said Elizabeth. "We had several talks over the phone before we met face-to-face."
"Another Stephen King groupie, perhaps?"
"As it happens, she does like Stephen King, but she laughs at me almost as much as you do for liking it so much."
"I don't 'laugh at' you." said Stefan, glancing at her sideways morosely. "I tease."
"Call it what you will." said Elizabeth. "But...that's the way it is. I mean...we sort of have fun. Together."
"With your...girl talk?"
"Uh huh." said Elizabeth. "With our girl talk."
"Giggling about your Uncle Stevie?"
"Oh, shut up." said Elizabeth. "She doesn't 'giggle'. Not a giggling sort of girl. Woman. She's...in her forties."
"Why on earth would you want to hang around with someone so much older than you, Elizabeth?" said Stefan.
"You talking about you, or her?"
"Please." said Stefan.
"She needles me about that, too." said Elizabeth. "Being married to an older guy."
"Told her I was older than you, did you?" said Stefan. "I hope you at least waited a conversation or two, before going on about how 'old' I am."
"In any case." said Elizabeth. "She and I spend much of our time...exchanging sarcastic remarks with each other."
"Really." Stefan's mouth twitched downward. "Don't get enough of that here?"
"Well...I just...it's just for fun." said Elizabeth. "Really. Just something to do during the day. It's fun, an adventure." She stared at her hands. "Like time travel."
"How so?"
"I..." she looked at him. "I just wanted to talk with her. For a lark. Because I was curious."
"About what?"
"I..." She swallowed, looking at him. "Why...why she did it."
"Why who did what?" Stefan said softly, his face contorted in a puzzled frown.
"Why she cheated on you." Elizabeth whispered.
"What...who, Elizabeth?"
"You know who."
"I could name a few." Stefan swallowed, looking at her, trepidation in his eyes.
"You know who." Elizabeth said. "She's an artist. With heavy eyebrows. Not as famous as Frida Kahlo, though. Italian, not Latina. Well, half."
"Cynthia." Stefan said quietly. He looked at her gravely.
"That's right." Elizabeth said softly, looking at her lap nervously.
"I'm trying to comprehend...why in heaven's name you would be...did you say you've talked several times with her?"
"Yes." Elizabeth said quietly.
"With Cynthia?" Elizabeth nodded. "Why?"
"I already told you, Stefan." said Elizabeth. "I was curious as to why-"
"Why? I'll tell you why. Because she's a base, disgusting tramp, that's why." Stefan said. "There's your answer."
"Maybe it isn't always as simple as that, Stefan." Elizabeth said, but was given pause by the look of outrage on his face. "Okay. So she's a base, disgusting tramp. I agree. But she's...kind of an interesting base, disgusting-"
"No. No, she isn't." said Stefan. "What on earth would possess you to start communicating with Cynthia of all people, Elizabeth?"
Elizabeth shrugged. "I don't know. She...just seems like someone who...gets it."
"Gets what?" said Stefan angrily.
"I don't know. Like she...understands where I'm coming from about some things. Even though you wouldn't think she would."
"About what? About me?"
Yes. Elizabeth thought in her mind, but she shook her head. "Isn't everything in this life about you in some way, Stefan?"
"Oh, I get it." said Stefan. "You want her to tell you what a bastard I am, and then you can feel justified in being a mean-spirited little psychopath, right? Gives you a real kick, spiting me, doesn't it?"
"No, that's not it at all, Stefan." said Elizabeth. "I was only going to call her once. But...I...I...somehow..." She wrung her hands, her eyes filled with tears. "I...just...liked talking with her. So I talked with her again. And then again. And a few more times. And then we met for coffee. And then-"
"Much like she probably just banged John once. And then she just liked doing it, so she did it again. And again."
"No, Stefan." Elizabeth said pleadingly. "Not at all like that."
Stefan looked at her, and shook his head, looking at her in a very dejected, sour way. "Why would you betray me like this?"
"Stefan, I didn't betray you." said Elizabeth. "I just...I wanted to tell you. That I was talking with her. I hate having secrets from you. It really...weighed on me, Stefan."
"Just like it 'weighs' on you when we're in bed, right?" Stefan said, glowering at her, but she noticed his eyes were filling with tears. She opened her mouth in dismay. "And then you can say that, and have a good laugh at my expense, and be guilt-free, because Cynthia says it's okay. She says to you that I'm disagreeable, and unpleasant, and that makes it okay to mock me, because, 'damned if he isn't disagreeable and unpleasant to me. She's so right. He won't let me sound like an idiotic valley girl, and-'"
"Stefan!" Elizabeth said. "Aren't you being a little childish?"
"And then you feel really good, after I mention, maybe you shouldn't use idiotic slang, or quote Stephen King only sparingly, or I might not find watching The Green Mile three times in one month-"
"Or I shouldn't cry during the execution scene, because real executions are what I should be crying about."
"These 'offenses' make it okay in your mind, to cruelly mock my weight. And then you can have Cynthia tell you that I'm an ill-tempered creep. Right?"
"No, Stefan." said Elizabeth. "And I don't mock your weight. I only like to mention it because it turns me on so-"
" 'Mention it'?" Stefan said. "What about when you told me that I've 'turned into the pig I've always been', last month?"
"That was because you loudly snapped at me in front of the obstetrician, for not remembering the doctors' phone number!"
"Still and all." said Stefan. "Kind of overkill. Don't you think?"
"Maybe. I did apologize, though."
"Do you tell...Cynthia how you abuse me?" said Stefan. "I'm an abused spouse, not you."
"Yeah, right." said Elizabeth "Laughable."
"Oh, I don't think so, Elizabeth." said Stefan. "In fact, I don't think it's laughable at all."
"I'm sorry." said Elizabeth. "I guess you...regret marrying me. I'm a crazy bit-"
"You wish I thought you were crazy, Elizabeth." said Stefan. "You're just full of venom."
"Uh huh." said Elizabeth.
"Don't worry though, I'll not allow myself to become afraid of you. I'll just snap all the more, until you get the point." said Stefan.
"Well." said Elizabeth. "Then I'll just point out your...porcine qualities all the more."
"No, you won't, Lizzie." said Stefan.
"What makes you think I won't?"
"Because I'd feel very hurt if you thought I looked like a pig." said Stefan. "And you wouldn't really want to hurt me like that, now would you?"
" 'Do you really want to hurt me-'" Elizabeth began to sing.
"Lizzie."
Elizabeth cleared her throat. "No. No, I don't."
"Good." said Stefan. "Then I won't really snap at you if I can help it. It will only fill your...poison sacs all the more, anyway."
"Oooh." said Elizabeth, licking her lips at him. "You bet it'll make my...poison sacs...all the more...saturated with venom. But I think you secretly crave it, Stefan. You want, no...long to be punished. Don't you?"
"Maybe a little." said Stefan, giving her a somewhat amused look. "But hold off the pig comparisons, would you?"
"I simply meant you were a 'male chauvinist pig', for thinking it's okay for you to talk to your wife like that in public."
"I did not 'think it's okay'. I just lost my temper momentarily, is all. And that isn't what you meant at all, Lizzie." Stefan said. "Don't be a liar."
"Whatever." said Elizabeth. "Maybe I didn't. But I'm sorry. Okay? Again."
"All right, Lizzie." said Stefan. "I accept your apology."
"Does this mean you're not angry, anymore?" said Elizabeth. "About...Cynthia?"
"No, I'm not angry about you talking with Cynthia, Elizabeth." said Stefan.
"Well, good." Elizabeth. "Because we don't talk about you, anyway." When Cynthia had anything to say about, it anyway, she thought.
"Well, I certainly hope not." said Stefan. "That would be completely disloyal to me. However, I know you, and understand you're sometimes curious about these things. And...maybe you're bored."
"Yes." said Elizabeth.
"Well." said Stefan. "In any case, I understand the way your mind works, and so, I know you weren't really talking to her out of disloyalty."
"I wasn't, Stefan." Elizabeth said. "I'm not disloyal to you. I love you very much."
"As I love you, Lizzie." Stefan said, patting her hand. "And I understand, you won't be doing that again."
"Doing what again?" Elizabeth said, frowning.
"Talking to Cynthia, of course." said Stefan. "It was a one-time, regrettable decision."
"No-"
"Well, of course you won't." Stefan said, giving her a look like she'd said something crazy. "Anymore talks with her would be a bad idea. Surely you can see that?"
"No, I can't."
"Well, why not?" Stefan said. "What in the world do you want to talk with her for, anyway? She's a complete...well, bitch would be an accurate term."
"But she's a bitch I like." Elizabeth said.
"Sapphically?"
"Don't make me throw up, Stefan." said Elizabeth.
"Well, she's not likable, Elizabeth." Stefan said. "She and I are utterly different. She's...not a good person. In the end, she only cares about herself."
"I don't think that's-"
"Well, I do." Stefan said sharply. "Very disloyal to me that you defend her, Elizabeth. I can scarcely believe you."
"Stefan, I'd just like to talk with her on occasion." Elizabeth said. "You don't ever have to-"
"No." Stefan said firmly, looking at her, all trace of humor gone from his face.
"Stefan, that's not fair." said Elizabeth. "You can't tell me what to do."
Stefan cleared his throat, and looked at her. "Elizabeth." he said. He put his hands on both her shoulders, looking her squarely in the eye. Elizabeth moved her eyes to his hands on her shoulders warily. Stefan began caressing her shoulders.
"Stefan-"
"You know, Elizabeth." Stefan said. "There comes a point...even when a person isn't...very religious-"
"Religious?" Elizabeth said. "Stefan, what in the heck-"
"Or...dogmatic, let's say." Stefan said.
"Stefan, you don't even believe in G-"
"I do, too. "
"Christian God?" Judaeo-Christian?"
"Does it matter, Elizabeth?"
"Some would say it does." Elizabeth said.
"Safe to say, not the vengeful Catholic one. But that doesn't really have anything to do with what I'm talking about." said Stefan. "You see, I'm talking about...well. A person's natural instincts."
"Aren't you always." Elizabeth muttered.
"Not those instincts, Lizzie." said Stefan. "The natural order of things. In...a relationship. Now, I have no concern with what others do in their relationships, but...well. In my experience, I find that there's...an undeniable order of things."
"Really." said Elizabeth. "I presume I'm...going to hear what kind."
"Well, Lizzie." said Stefan. "I know it's not terribly...PC, however...who do you think defers to whom in this relationship?"
"Stefan..."
"I mean it, Lizzie." said Stefan. "Who do you think looks to whom in this arrangement? If you're being one hundred percent honest."
"That's...that's not fair, at all Stefan." said Elizabeth. "If you want me to be honest. It's not that simple."
"No, it's not that simple." Stefan said softly. "That's what I mean about being dogmatic. There are many factors at play, here. Sometimes, I might defer to you. Usually, I let you have your way about most everything, in fact."
"Stefan, this is really-"
"There might be many times when I do what you say, Elizabeth." Stefan said. "Maybe I enjoy doing what you say at times. But...when it really comes down to it, who would you say has the true dominance in this relationship?"
"I don't believe this." Elizabeth muttered, shaking her head. Stefan cupped his hand underneath her chin, and turned her head towards his.
"Lay it all out there, once and for all, why don't you?" Elizabeth said. "Admit you think you're the big boss man."
"What's your true instinct, Elizabeth?" Stefan said. "Is it to look to me as a leader, or is it the other way around?"
Elizabeth glowered at him. "This is ridiculous."
"You're always saying I boss you around." said Stefan. "Maybe it's because deep down, you believe me to be a figure of much authority, Elizabeth."
"I think that not so deep down, you believe yourself to be that, Stefan dear."
"Doesn't matter what I believe." said Stefan. "And it doesn't matter what you believe. There's just undeniable...fact of life."
"Stefan, I don't think it is." said Elizabeth. "And I don't appreciate you're going all steely Perry Mason throat cancer gravitas on me to try to say that you're the boss of me."
"I don't have 'throat cancer gravitas' for nothing, Elizabeth." said Stefan. "And I don't think I'm the 'boss of 'you. But what I'm trying to say, is that when it comes down to it, I'm the one who's the leader in this marriage. I'm not saying all marriages are, or should be that way, but I'm talking about us in particular." Elizabeth sighed, blowing out an angry breath. "Just admit it. If you dispense with all pretense...do you feel like I'm your leader, or not?"
"I know you want to be, Stefan." said Elizabeth. She looked down at the floor, resignedly.
"Do you?" said Stefan. "No lying."
Elizabeth sighed. "Maybe. Okay?" she said. "I...look up to you. In...some way."
"Of course you do." Stefan said. He put his hand on hers. "And I'm...I'm touched that you admitted it."
"Uh huh." said Elizabeth.
"I am." said Stefan. "When it comes down to it, I'm the one most in charge around here. You do what I say. And not because I force you to. Because you want to. In the most fundamental part of your mind, you want to."
Elizabeth looked at him wearily. "Okay, Stefan." She shook her head.
"Not because you're my...child-wife, or any such thing." Stefan said. "Don't you know that?"
"All right, Stefan." Elizabeth said. "If anyone has...gravitas, and...weight around here, it would be you, okay? I'm just a woman. Too emotional, and so forth, and-"
"And despite your constant sarcastic remarks, I know you better than anyone, and I know, in your heart of hearts, your deepest desire is to submit to me. And not just in the bedroom, either."
"Hoo boy."
"Or, to quote our always...articulate Commander-in-Chief, well, I'm the decider." said Stefan, biting his lip, looking at her. "I make the decisions around here."
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Why do you always have to take things to that place?" she muttered, feeling extreme annoyance. As usual.
"It's very true, Lizzie." Stefan said. "And I think that the burden will be taken off of you, a great deal, in fact, if you let me make the decision on this issue. And my decision is, that you will not have any more talks with Cynthia."
"Bullshit, Stefan." Elizabeth said angrily.
"It's not bullshit, Elizabeth." Stefan said calmly. "And the sooner you realize it, the better."
"No." Elizabeth said, looking at him squarely in the eye. "You may...have a lot of influence over me, Stefan, and I may accept that you have some domineering habits, and go along with it. But you do not get to just say something, and expect me to go along with it like that." She snapped her fingers. "Not if I don't agree."
Stefan was silent for a moment. "Well." he said, finally. "Your decision is to continue to see socially a woman who betrayed me."
"Because...there's...more to..." Elizabeth shook her head. "She listens."
"Uh huh." Stefan gave a short bark of humorless laughter and looked at her, his mouth turned down. "I listen. To you."
"So what, Stefan." And not well, a lot of the time, but she didn't fault him too much, because of the good qualities that he had that outweighed it. "Didn't you hear what I said, about wanting to hear a female perspective?"
"Listens about what?" said Stefan. "About what a terrible person I am? Is that it?"
"Everything is not about you, Stefan!" Elizabeth said exasperatedly. "Much as you want it to be."
"What does she listen about?"
"Things. We talk about our childhoods. She had a fanatically religious mother. She-"
"Is that what caused her extreme lack of morals?" Stefan said "Getting back at mommy?"
"Maybe."
"Yeah, sure." Stefan scoffed. "Childhood? You can talk with me about your childhood, Elizabeth."
"And I do."
"But you'd rather talk with her?" Stefan said. "I see. I'm not enough for you, am I? I just don't have the listening skills. Well."
Elizabeth sighed. "Stefan. You're being very unreasonable." she said. "I...she's a mother. We talk about what it's like to...raise children. Her daughter is growing up, and-"
"I could care less about her stupid daughter." Stefan muttered. "She got pregnant sometime. Probably from having unprotected sex. So what? Does that make her any more noble in my eyes, just because she gave birth once? No."
"Well, that's just great, Stefan." said Elizabeth. "Really. But that doesn't mean that I'm betraying you, or anything. I didn't expect that she'd be someone that I'd enjoy talking to. But I do. And..." She sighed. "I...I don't want to go against your wishes. I don't want to hurt you." she said. "But at the same time, I wish you would understand...that I enjoy...having a connection...with someone. Besides you. Not a romantic connection, Stefan. There are others besides that, you know."
"You have a connection." said Stefan. "With a woman that betrayed me."
"That was years ago, Stefan." said Elizabeth. "Why? Are you still pining for her?"
"Not at all, Elizabeth." said Stefan. "But still. I don't care if it was years ago. You shouldn't have any positive feelings for someone who hurt me like she did. Out of loyalty to me. I don't care if she spends all her time at soup kitchens. You should not be friendly with her."
"Stefan, that's a little ridiculous."
"I don't think it is." Stefan said.
"Well, what if talking to her was truly something good for me, and made me happy?" said Elizabeth. "Would you 'forbid' me to do it then?"
Stefan sighed. "I don't know, Elizabeth." he said, frowning at her. "Don't I make you happy? Don't you enjoy talking to me?"
"But Stefan." Elizabeth said. "More than one thing...can make me happy. Would you truly want me to be lonely during the day, with no one to talk to?"
"Just...not that person, Elizabeth." Stefan said.
"Stefan, a few minutes ago, you were telling me how the only 'female friends' I needed were our unborn daughters. You would be upset about me having outside associates, no matter who it was."
"Even if I was, I became more upset when I found out who it was, Elizabeth."
"Would you really tell me I couldn't ever talk to her, if you truly thought that made me happy, Stefan?" said Elizabeth. "Because...I won't talk to her. If you really say you're against it." She looked at him."You're...right about that. But consider if that would make me unhappy, for you to outright 'forbid' something, no matter what it was."
"I don't know, Elizabeth." Stefan said. "I just don't know."
"The day before we got married," Elizabeth said. "you said that...you would go away...if I really didn't want you in my life. If being around you truly made me unhappy, that you...wouldn't want that for me."
"That was after you went to that wedding without me." Stefan said. "And I wasn't convinced that you really liked a guy like me, if I embarrassed you so much. I might add that after we said those wedding vows, it was too late, Lizzie, and I don't need to be Catholic to tell you that our agreement is unbreakable. And you told me no, I make you...just the opposite of unhappy. I believed you. Are you actually try to tell me that you'd like me to go away now?"
"Of course not, Stefan." Elizabeth said. "I can't imagine being without you." She glanced at him. "But...would you have? If I'd said yes, and you thought I meant it."
"I would have." said Stefan. "Do you think I'd really say something like that, and not mean it?"
"I don't, no." Elizabeth said. "You'd stay away from me forever, if you thought that you weren't good for me."
"Oh, but I am good for you, Elizabeth." said Stefan.
"I know, Stefan." said Elizabeth. "But still. You see my point."
Stefan looked at her, frowning. "I guess." he said.
Elizabeth took his hand and massaged it gently with her own. "You wouldn't want to 'order' me to do something against my will, would you?"
"No." said Stefan. "I wouldn't. I'm not a...tyrant."
"Not truly."
"Uh huh." said Stefan. "Well. I guess you should...talk to...uh...Cynthia, on occasion. If you really want to. As long as you're being honest with me about it."
"Just sometimes." Elizabeth said.
"But that doesn't mean I'm happy about it." Stefan added. "I'm very uncomfortable with idea of you...talking to Cynthia. Mostly for your sake. I don't think she's trustworthy. Not at all."
"I didn't say I'd trust her with my life or anything." Elizabeth said. "But nor do I think she's the heartless witch you made her out to be. Besides, just think. If you had stayed with her, you'd never have met me. She could never have made you happy, Stefan. Gallo. It means chicken, in a sense. Truly, I think you scared her, because she's...she was cowardly. Couldn't stand up to you."
"I suppose she couldn't." said Stefan. "She didn't...get me like you do. Even the best women I've dated...didn't."
"See?" Elizabeth said. She squeezed his hand.
"I guess so." Stefan was very quiet. And Elizabeth knew, in her heart, that he was still, and probably would a long time be hurt, and discomfited by the idea of Elizabeth associating with others besides himself, certainly Cynthia.
Most especially Cynthia.
Stefan blinked, and looked over at her. "Lizzie." he said.
"Yes, Stefan?"
"I...greatly dislike all this talk about me 'going away' from you." he said. "I want you to know...I'll never go away. Especially not now." He placed his hand on her stomach. Elizabeth put her hand over his, squeezing gently.
"Of course not. What would we do without you?" said Elizabeth softly. "We're going to be a family."
"Of course we are. And that's a beautiful thing." said Stefan. "But Elizabeth?"
"Yes?"
"We already were." said Stefan. "You've always been my family."
"Yes." Elizabeth whispered softly, putting her arms around him. Stefan leaned his head against her shoulder, and Elizabeth looked at him, swallowing, stroking his arms softly, and they stayed that way for quite some time.
"So." Elizabeth said to Cynthia at the coffee bar the next day. "I told him."
"You what now?" said Cynthia.
"I told Stefan." Elizabeth replied. "That I've been talking to you."
"Oh, shit." Cynthia said. She shook her head. "Why?"
"Because...I hate deceiving him, that's why." said Elizabeth.
"How did he take it?" Cynthia said, looking at her grimly.
"Marginally well." said Elizabeth. "Considering." She looked down at the floor sadly.
"Considering what? That he's a complete whack job?"
"Something like that. Yes." Elizabeth began to laugh shakily, but the guilt overtook her, when she thought of how Stefan, the self-proclaimed 'Decider' had made it clear by just the way he looked at her, and acted the previous night, that it wouldn't be far off to think that every bit of his 'menace' was for nothing, should she make any wrong decision, in what she did or said.
"Well." Cynthia said. "I wish you hadn't. Told him, is all I can say." She shook her head.
"I had to, Cynthia."
"I need a cigarette." Cynthia looked at her purse.
"Oh, come on." said Elizabeth.
Cynthia sighed. "He's not going to come to my house, and start barking...scratch that...monotoning...monotinizing? At me, to stop talking to you, is he?"
"No, Cynthia." Elizabeth said. "I doubt he wants to see you all that much."
"Well, good." said Cynthia. "Because in the...frightening event that he ever did, I'd have to tell him that it was all your idea. I tried to get you to leave me alone, but you were hell-bent."
"That's not exactly how I remember it." said Elizabeth. "But in any case, I already told him that, pretty much."
"Damn. Too bad." said Cynthia. "I liked the thought of him not knowing...well, anything you can think of."
"Yeah, you would."
"Oh, give it a rest." She sighed. "I guess I understand your telling him. But admit it. You liked it. Having a secret from him. He likes to make you think he can see all, and knows all."
"Sure, I liked it." said Elizabeth. "For awhile, I felt like...Thelma and Louise."
"In that you're a giantess?"
"Excuse me?"
"Aren't you about six feet tall?" said Cynthia. "Like Geena Davis?"
"No, I'm a very moderate five nine, thank you very much." Elizabeth shook her head."You've got some nerve."
"Just an observation." Cynthia shrugged.
"I guess we all look like 'giantesses' to midgets."
"Oh, very mature." Cynthia said. "Can't take a joke, I see."
"Or as Stefan tells me, I should say, 'Little person'." said Elizabeth, looking at her. "I guess we all look like giants to little persons."
"You know, I didn't think that it was possible to be irritated on such a wide variety of levels, but somehow, you've managed it." said Cynthia. "Congratulations."
"Thanks." Elizabeth smiled.
"Nothing to smile about." said Cynthia. "But in all seriousness, I thought maybe you should be Geena Davis, because, well...wasn't she the one that had the...crazy husband?"
"Very funny." said Elizabeth.
"Actually, it's pretty damn sad." Cynthia said.
Later, on the way back from the coffee shop, Cynthia looked at Elizabeth, then hesitated.
"What?" Elizabeth said.
"Just...I..." She sighed. "I don't want to...cause you any...trouble, I guess, Elizabeth. You know, with...Stefan."
Elizabeth sighed, and shook her head, looking down. "Don't worry about that." she said.
"No, no...I want you to know that..." She trailed off. "We don't have to...I mean, I'll understand if you don't want to talk with me anymore. I won't be hurt if I don't hear from you. I mean, I know how he...you know."
Elizabeth sighed. "It's fine."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yes." Elizabeth said. "I'm sure."
"Because...if you want to...I don't want to jeopardize what you've got."
"No." said Elizabeth.
"Okay." Cynthia shrugged.
There was a moment's silence. "It's like this." Elizabeth said after a moment.
Cynthia glanced at her. "Yeah?"
"I know it's...odd, talking to someone Stefan used to be engaged to." she said. "And...I know...especially...that you two didn't part on good terms. That he really has a case that this is a disloyal thing to do. Talking to you."
"True."
"But I told him I was having coffee with someone yesterday." She swallowed. "And he didn't know it was you."
"Right."
"And...he reacted...not too much different than he would have if he had known it was you. I saw the look on his face. Always jealous. And he told me that if I wanted to have female friends, they should only be..." She patted her stomach. "Our daughters."
Cynthia shrugged. "Well...daughters can be great company." she said. "But yeah. I see where you're headed. He's a bit...clannish. To be sure."
Elizabeth shook her head. "He doesn't want to share me with anyone, for anything." she said. "And he never did. He's so...like a child in so many ways."
"You know what I have to say about that." said Cynthia. "And it begins with an 's', and ends with a 'd'."
"Shithead?" Elizabeth said. Cynthia smiled ruefully.
"That's one word, yeah."
"It's amazing he's able to practice law, being like he is." Elizabeth observed. "But he is."
"High functioning." said Cynthia. "You'd never know it with some of them, until you really sat down and had a talk with them. And then it would be so obvious, that you'd never be able to stop seeing the signs."
"Maybe so." Elizabeth said. "But I felt guilty, at first. About our talks. And now, I don't."
"Yeah."
"Because...it's no different...not really...than he would act from if you were anyone else." Elizabeth said. "And if you were anyone else, and we saw each other socially, then Stefan would just have to get over it."
"I guess that he would, yeah." There was a silence.
"And he will." said Elizabeth finally. "He'll get over it, if he loves me. And I know...I know with almost one hundred percent that he does love me."
"Well...I guess...I can't argue with that. In his way." said Cynthia.
"And maybe he's indeed...some of the things that you say." said Elizabeth. "But I have to just get over those things, as well. Because I love him."
"Okay." said Cynthia.
"So." said Elizabeth. "You can call me anytime you want. And I'll hold onto your number, and..keep you in mind. If I ever...if it's." She sniffled.
"Of course, of course." Cynthia said. She patted her shoulder. "You can call. Anytime he's..." She sighed, and shook her head. "You can call anytime. Okay?"
"I...appreciate it." said Elizabeth.
Cynthia sighed. "Well."
"Yeah."
"Call me anytime you want to rob a liquor store." said Cynthia.
"Or teach rapists a lesson."
"Yeah." said Cynthia.
"Well, at least Thelma was the one who slept with a really good-looking guy." said Elizabeth. "Right?"
"Uh huh. Yeah." said Cynthia. "The implication being that I'm the old one?"
"You're the one that said I was a giantess." said Elizabeth. "By default, that makes you Louise."
"I guess I did." said Cynthia. "But I have the feeling about you, that you relish the 'default'."
"I can't win no matter what I do, can I?" Elizabeth shook her head.
"When you're a catty bitch, you can't." said Cynthia. Elizabeth glared at her. "What? Start practicing that stuff with me, and I'll cut you off at your giant knees. Don't think I won't."
Elizabeth snorted, and shook her head. "Fine." she said.
"So Stefan's your Brad Pitt, huh?" Cynthia said.
"Uh huh."
"Great to know." Cynthia said. "But I'm guessing he doesn't have exactly...washboard abs like Brad Pitt did in that scene."
"Washboard?" said Elizabeth. She began to laugh. "Washboard?"
"Didn't think so."
"Washing machine, Cynthia." said Elizabeth.
"Yes." said Cynthia.
"But washing machines...are far more...useful." said Elizabeth. "Everyone would rather have a washing machine than a washboard."
"Not all of us." said Cynthia. "Not most of us, in fact."
"You know I was a waitress once." Cynthia mused on the phone to her a few days later. "Like Louise."
"Oh, really." Elizabeth said. "That's interesting. Where did you work?"
"Oh, one of those...trendy little diners." said Cynthia.
"When was this?"
"Not too long ago, actually." said Cynthia. "Maya was at school during the day, and my creative flow had slowed, so...I just thought it'd be something to do. Meet some people."
"Huh."
"Yep. Can't sit around watching soaps all day." said Cynthia. "Can we?"
"No. I'm not fond of soaps, anyway." said Elizabeth. "When Stefan married me, he made me quit my job-"
"Did he?"
"Well, not 'made' me." Elizabeth amended. "But I felt, on my own, that it was only right. Toby was there, after all. Stefan would absolutely burn with jealousy."
"Too bad that metaphor's not literal." Cynthia said. "Anyway, have you seen him since you married Stefan?"
"Once." said Elizabeth. "I ran into him on the street. He said he was glad to see me, hadn't seen me in awhile. Stuff like that."
"How did you feel?" Cynthia said. "Seeing him?"
"Indifferent, I guess." Elizabeth said. "No old stirrings of passion. Though to be sure, Stefan thought there might be, when I told him about it. Went into a complete panic."
"Naturally." said Cynthia.
"For no good reason, though." Elizabeth said, her voice faroff.
"Everything he does is for no good reason, Elizabeth." said Cynthia. "He didn't like my day job either, though, when I was with him. Working at a bar."
"Barmaid?"
"Bartender, thank you very much." said Cynthia. "Was worried about all the guys hitting on me."
"And here his friend was the one he-"
"Stow it." Cynthia said.
"Sorry." said Elizabeth.
"Aren't you always?"
"Did you like any of them?" said Elizabeth. "That hit on you?"
"Some of them were kind of cute."
"Aha."
"But..." said Cynthia. "I wasn't about to act on it. Not until-well, you know."
"Yeah." Elizabeth sighed. "Until you found out what-"
"A perfect bastard he can be."
"If that's how you want to put it."
"So." Cynthia said in the car on the way to Starbucks one afternoon. "I hope it's okay, my boyfriend decided to meet us. It's his lunch hour."
"Sure, sure." said Elizabeth. "He's not like...a mob lawyer or anything, though is he? I'm asking on Stefan's behalf, because that's exactly what he'd be worried about. Me associating with criminals."
Cynthia laughed. "No." she said. "No, he's more of an...ambulance chaser type, really."
Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "Really."
Cynthia shrugged. "He'd probably agree."
"So where did you meet this guy?" Elizabeth asked.
"I met him outside this bookstore." said Cynthia. "I had a flat, and...well. He helped me change it. Wildly exciting, I know."
Elizabeth shrugged. "Gentlemanly though."
"Yeah, well." said Cynthia. "Anyway, I had a Joan Baez CD in my car, and he mentioned that he liked Joan, and well, one thing led to another, and we kept talking to each other. I don't know why, he's certainly...not the usual type I'd go for. But he was...interesting."
"Well, good." said Elizabeth. "I'm glad. What's his name?"
"Frank." Cynthia said. "His name is Frank."
"Good name." Elizabeth said, opening the door of the coffee shop.
"I think so." Cynthia agreed.
"Frank Cox." said the man that Cynthia had approached in the coffee shop, a very thin, perhaps alarmingly so, man, with dark, slicked back hair. "How are you?"
"Great. I'm great." said Elizabeth, smiling. "What about you?"
"Good." They were silent for a minute. Frank glanced at her, frowning. Elizabeth continued smiling at him, puzzled.
"I...I know you. Elizabeth."
"You do?"
"Yeah, absolutely." Frank said. "You're...you're Elizabeth Dawes, right? Stephen's daughter?"
"Yes, that's my dad's n-" Elizabeth glanced at Frank, and placed him, recalling the parking lot of the church, and her time spent taking her father from place to place. "From the...meetings, right?"
"Yeah, yeah. AA." Frank said. "How is Stephen? I haven't seen him in forever."
"He's great." Elizabeth said. "He and my husband work together now. They're partners."
"Oh, that's great. That's great." said Frank. "Of course, you know, I'm a lawyer myself."
"I do." said Elizabeth. "Yeah. I remember that."
"Yeah, I..." Frank sighed, and trailed off, looking at her. "Well. Stephen still...going to the meetings?"
"He is." said Elizabeth. She looked at him. "What about...yourself? Do you still go?"
"No, I got too...busy. I mean, I'm doing good, don't get me wrong." Frank said. Elizabeth nodded. "Yeah. Just...don't see the point of meetings, much."
Cynthia cleared her throat. "So." she said. "You two are...acquainted, with each other, I take it?"
"We've talked a few times." said Elizabeth. "After my dad's meetings."
"Yeah. We...we did talk." Frank said.
"Small world." Cynthia said.
Frank smiled towards Cynthia. "Sometimes it is, yeah." He looked at Elizabeth's stomach. "Wow."
"Yeah." said Elizabeth.
"When's it due?"
"They're due in July." said Elizabeth. "Twins."
"No kidding. Should you even be out?" Frank looked at her with concern. "I mean, you're pretty...far along."
"Of course she should, Frank." Cynthia said, moderate irritation in her voice.
"Well, how do I know?" said Frank. "I mean...you can't be too, careful, right?"
"Well, you and her husband would be in agreement." said Cynthia. "About not letting her out of the house." Elizabeth shook her head at her.
"So how do you like being married?" Frank asked her, when they had gotten their coffee.
"Has it's moments." Elizabeth replied mildly.
"Well, I'm really happy." said Frank. "That you found someone special, I mean."
"Me too." Elizabeth smiled.
"It's important, finding someone special." Frank said, looking at Cynthia, who for her, had something of a non-sarcastic smile on her face.
Elizabeth smiled. "Cynthia tells me that you helped her when she was in distress one night."
"Well. It was just a flat." said Frank.
"Still." Elizabeth said. "Not everyone would. Help...without some...agenda."
"I'm not too sure he didn't have some agenda, Elizabeth." said Cynthia.
"Well, of course I did." said Frank. "Talking to you." Cynthia nodded.
"So you're fond of Joan Baez?" Elizabeth said. "I think she's great, too."
"Oh, yeah." Frank said. "I think...Latin types are really beautiful." Elizabeth noddded.
"You like the Italian ladies, then?" Elizabeth said.
"Yeah. Well, I'm Italian." said Frank. "So I could be a little biased."
"You are?" said Elizabeth.
"Yeah, on my mother's side." said Frank.
"Very interesting." said Elizabeth. "I wouldn't have guessed it, at first glance, but now that you told me, I see it a little."
"Yeah. Well, you know. I'm proud of my heritage, to be sure." said Frank. "Cynthia, not so much, though."
"I'm not proud or ashamed, Frank." Cynthia said, looking at her purse, giving a look that she usually had when she was itching for a cigarette.
"Because of her mother?" Elizabeth asked, though it wasn't really a question.
"Yeah." said Frank, looking down at the table. "Yeah, to be...to be sure."
Cynthia sighed, shaking her head at Elizabeth. "Oh, Elizabeth just wants to talk about my mother because it reminds her of her favorite thing in the world." She gave Elizabeth a look.
"That isn't true, Cynthia." said Elizabeth quietly. Cynthia raised her eyebrows, and shrugged.
"What favorite thing?" said Frank. Cynthia just shook her head.
"Carrie, she means." said Elizabeth. "I...I'm a pretty big Stephen King fan."
"Pretty big?" said Cynthia.
Elizabeth cleared her throat irritably. "But...of course...that most certainly isn't the only reason I want her to talk about her mother. Cynthia is a very poor judge of character."
"My association with you would probably be indicative of that." said Cynthia.
"Well." said Frank. "Of course, I'm sure...Elizabeth is sincere in wanting to help you. She's a very nice person."
"I'm relieved to see that you don't know her as well as I thought, then, Frank." Cynthia replied, looking at Elizabeth.
"Real funny." said Elizabeth.
"No, I mean...you don't even have any idea the things that come out of this one's mouth, Frank." Cynthia said. "I think she may be psychotic."
"No." said Frank. "I mean, she's pregnant, Cynthia. Women say a lot of things that sound off, then." He cleared his throat. "So I've heard, anyway. I've never...had any kids myself."
"Oh." said Elizabeth. "How come?"
"Well, I've just been...never lucky enough to...have someone I can really connect with that way." said Frank. He shrugged. "I don't know."
Elizabeth bit her lip. "I'm sorry to hear that." she said.
Frank shrugged. "Yeah, well...as your dad knows, because I said it in the meetings, I had a...sketchy youth, you know." He shrugged. "In and out jail a lot. For...petty crimes. Theft, booze...other things I'm not gonna...not gonna say in front of the ladies, but..."
Elizabeth nodded sympathetically. "But you pulled yourself up by your bootstraps." said Elizabeth. "Went to law school. Right?"
"Yeah, I guess so." said Frank.
"Of course." Elizabeth said decisively. "You did."
"Got it off the back of a matchbook, actually." said Frank.
"Hmmm." Elizabeth said.
"No, no...I guess you're right." said Frank.
"I think so." said Elizabeth.
"You know," Frank said, when the three of them were outside of the coffee shop. "I've always been something of a Stephen King fan myself."
"Oh, no." Cynthia muttered. "Frank, don't get her started, please."
"Really?" Elizabeth said, ignoring her. "What's your favorite book of his?"
"Uh, well..." Frank said. "Cynthia, what's that one with Tom Hanks?"
"Green Mile, Frank." Cynthia said, sounding more and more unhappy. Elizabeth bit her lip uncertainly.
"Yeah, yeah. The Green Mile." Frank said. "I like that one. Maybe the movie, a little more than book, though."
"Yes. It's a great movie." Elizabeth said. "It's so hard to watch when John gets executed, though. And when he starts to sing 'I'm In Heaven', I just...can't stop crying."
"Yeah, yeah. I know what you mean." said Frank. "I get emotional over those things, sometimes, too."
"And to think, he was trying to help those little girls." said Elizabeth fervently, as Cynthia gave her a very sour, but also smirking look. "Innocent the entire time. Wrongfully executed."
"Yep. Well, they're all 'innocent', criminals, but..." He shrugged. "It was a pretty heartbreaking scene, though."
"Yeah." Elizabeth tilted her head, looking at him reprovingly. "Did you ever read the actual book, though, Frank?"
"I did." said Frank. "Years ago, though."
"You should read it again." said Elizabeth.
Frank smiled. "Well, maybe I will." he said. "Yeah, I probably will."
"Good." Elizabeth said, but then swallowed, looking at the less than happy look on Cynthia's face. "Only if you want to, of course."
"Sure I want to." said Frank.
"I'm sure you've got to be going." said Cynthia. "Wouldn't want the named partners to get on you again, would you?"
Frank looked at her. "No, I...guess...I wouldn't want that." he said. He looked at Elizabeth, smiling ruefully. "Seems no matter where I'm working, I'm always getting in trouble with the boss."
Elizabeth smiled. "Little too...New York, maybe?" she asked. "Shooting that mouth off?"
"You know it." Frank replied. "Nah. Just bad luck."
"Sorry to hear it." Elizabeth replied, smiling.
"Yeah." said Frank. "Well. Anyway. This sure was...a surprise. Seeing you."
"For me too." said Elizabeth.
"A really nice surprise, though." said Frank. "Don't get me wrong."
"Oh, we won't get you wrong, Frank, believe me." said Cynthia, looking beyond irritated. "Now would you please get out of here?"
"Cynthia!" said Elizabeth.
"What's eating you?" Frank asked her.
"Oh, nothing at all, Frank." said Cynthia. "I wouldn't worry myself about it."
"She's an old friend." Frank said, looking at Cynthia like she was out of her mind. "Her dad and I know each other. Why would you think-"
"I don't 'think' anything Frank." said Cynthia. "And if I did, I damned well don't want to discuss it in this setting. So just drop the lost puppy act, okay? Because I just don't give a shit."
Frank looked at her, frowning. "Maybe you better take it easy on the caffeine."
"Don't tell me what to do." Cynthia said. "You're not going to turn into a controlling nutcase out of nowhere like my ex-fiance, are you."
"No, no." Frank said, looking nonplussed. "Well. Anyway, Elizabeth. Tell Stephen...one day at a time."
"Is Thursdays on Nick at Nite." Cynthia said. She rolled her eyes, but looked slightly less irritated than she had a moment before.
"That, too." said Frank.
"I'll tell him." Elizabeth replied. "I'll tell him I saw you. He'll..he'll be glad you're doing well."
After they said their goodbyes, Cynthia was silent for awhile in the car. Elizabeth swallowed nervously, looking at her.
"Cynthia?"
"Yeah?"
"I..." She sniffed.
"You're not gonna start crying again, because I don't think I can stand it." Cynthia said.
Elizabeth sniffled again, this time more angrily. "That's pretty damned inconsiderate when I'm pregnant."
"Yeah, well." Cynthia muttered. She shook her head.
"Why are you angry at me?" Elizabeth said.
"Who said I'm angry?"
"You don't have to." Elizabeth said. "It's Frank. Right? You think I'm...after him or something."
"No, I don't think you're after him." Cynthia said. "I'm not too sure about him, however."
"I'm sure that isn't true." She bit her lip. "I-"
"You two go out before?" Cynthia said.
"Cynthia, I told you, I didn't date anyone but Toby." Elizabeth said irritably. "I told you that."
"Well, excuse me, Miss Schizoid, for not being able to remember with full clarity every last detail of your life you told me."
"Don't call me that, Cynthia." said Elizabeth. "I most certainly am not schizoid."
"Well, you're certainly acting like a schizoid, just like Stefan would snap at me every time I didn't remember the exact name of the anorexic girl he went to summer camp with!" Cynthia said.
"A little different, don't you think, Cynthia?" Elizabeth said. "I mean, you and I talk about how I waited for Toby, quite a lot."
"Well, so fucking what, Elizabeth." Cynthia said. "I mean, I thought maybe you were exaggerating a little, I thought maybe there must have been at least one other guy in there."
"Well, there wasn't."
"Well, of course not. Why would there be." said Cynthia. "Stefan's little princess has to recite everything down to the last minute detail, doesn't she? Otherwise, she'd be a liar. And we know how much her master-"
"I'm going to get out and start walking." Elizabeth threatened.
"Way to endanger your master's children, then." said Cynthia. "I'm sure you wouldn't want to do that."
Elizabeth shook her head, angrily, looking out the window.
"About Frank." Cynthia said. "Did you..."
"I had a few conversations with him from time to time about inane things when I'd come to pick my dad up, Cynthia." said Elizabeth tiredly.
"Uh huh. What sort of things?"
"Like I said, mostly inane things. The weather. Traffic. What was on TV that night." said Elizabeth. "Occasionally, he would try to..impress me with...saying stuff he thought was deep, I guess. About...about the topics of their meetings."
"Uh huh." Cynthia said. "And...he was...was he...interested in you?"
Elizabeth sighed, looking at her lap. "I think so." she said. "Yes, I'm...pretty sure he was."
"Did he ask you to go on a date?" Cynthia said.
"No." said Elizabeth. "No, because I always ended the conversations before he got a chance to."
"I see." Cynthia said. "And you were...not at all interested in him."
"No, I wasn't then, because of Toby." said Elizabeth. "And I'm certainly not now, being a married woman, Cynthia."
"Mmmm. Well." said Cynthia. "He remembers you, that I have no doubt."
"Remembering things isn't a bad thing, Cynthia." Elizabeth said.
"What is that supposed to mean, Elizabeth?"
"Just what I said, Cynthia." said Elizabeth. "What is he supposed to do, just pretend he forgot who I was, so as not to appear unfaithful."
"I don't know, Elizabeth." Cynthia said tiredly.
"You should be glad he was honest." said Elizabeth. "Didn't try to pretend that he didn't remember me so as not to make you jealous."
"Frank's not honest." said Cynthia. "I mean, he can be honest, in his way, but...he's a con man."
"He is?"
"Hell, yeah, like most lawyers." said Cynthia. Elizabeth bit her lip. "Don't start. Frank's not averse to obfuscation, to be sure. But I think he was overcome. With...remembering you."
"Cynthia, don't be ridiculous." said Elizabeth. "Whatever Frank's feelings for me were...I'm sure he's gotten over them by now. He was just lonely before. Now he's found someone better. Better for him, that is."
"I guess." said Cynthia looking unconvinced.
"He was just being friendly." said Elizabeth. "From what I remember my father saying about him, he's a nice guy. Got along with everybody in the group."
"Yeah." Cynthia said.
"You know that about him, I'm sure." said Elizabeth. "Do you...think you have anything to worry about?"
"I don't know, Elizabeth." said Cynthia. "I...didn't think I did, but then I see him gazing at you, with some kind of...rapt puppy dog expression on his face, and...well, I just don't know about any of this."
"What do you mean?" Elizabeth asked, frowning.
"I mean...I'm forty-five years old, and not getting any younger." said Cynthia. "It's hard for me to find a decent guy, I haven't exactly had the most fantastic luck in particular."
"Uh huh. Well-"
"I mean I don't need the extraneous competition." said Cynthia. "Okay?"
"Extraneous?" Elizabeth said, frowning. "What do you mean?"
"Look, Elizabeth." said Cynthia. "I don't want to hurt your feelings. I really don't. But...well, maybe the two of us talking and seeing each other on a regular basis...isn't such a great thing, really."
"What?" Elizabeth said. "Cynthia...how could you say that? I didn't flirt with or have any intention of-"
"I know, Elizabeth." said Cynthia. "And I didn't say that it was your fault. But...maybe, for the sake of keeping things on good terms between Frank and myself...maybe it would be best if we...didn't go around each other for awhile."
"I don't have to be around Frank." Elizabeth said. "I don't have to eat lunch with you again when he's there. But Cynthia...are you saying we can't talk when he's not there?"
"I don't know, Elizabeth." Cynthia sighed. She looked at her. Elizabeth frowned in hurt and confusion. "I mean, isn't the main reason you want to talk to me because you're bored, and want to stir up some excitement in your life? Maybe you should think about how you might unintentionally affect mine."
Elizabeth looked at the floor uncertainly. "If that's...what you think is best, Cynthia." she said finally.
Cynthia sighed. "Maybe I do."
"I...I guess I won't, then." Elizabeth said. "If that's what you really want." She swallowed.
"You're going to make this really difficult, aren't you?" Cynthia shook her head.
"No, I...guess I don't want to make things harder for you, Cynthia." Elizabeth said, looking down at her lap.
Cynthia shook her head. "I..." She cleared her throat. "Think how this will help you with Stefan. I know how possessive he can be. I know, Elizabeth. You don't want some interfering outside force making trouble for you, do you?"
"Maybe." Elizabeth swallowed. They rode on in silence.
"Well." Cynthia said when they got to their apartment building. She looked at her. "I guess...this is it."
"Yeah." said Elizabeth disconsolately.
"Oh, come on." said Cynthia. "I'll still check on you from time to time."
"Oh, I don't need checking on, but thanks." said Elizabeth flatly.
"Of course I will." said Cynthia, patting her hand. "Check on that baby Antichrist."
"Hilarious." said Elizabeth.
"You can call me, when you're about to have them." said Cynthia. "I'll visit you. When they're born."
"I don't think dear old Dad would like that very much, Cynthia, so maybe that's not a good idea."
"Since when has what Stefan wants ever stopped you in the past?" Cynthia asked. Elizabeth shook her head. "Good to know you're finally referring to him as what he really is to you, by the way. Dad."
"Make me glad we won't be talking." said Elizabeth. "That's good. Great idea."
"Noble and self-sacrificing, that's me." said Cynthia. "Trying to make you think I'm insulting you to make it easier on you."
"Yeah, right."
"Well, actually, I'm not insulting you." said Cynthia. "I'm insulting your sicko husband. In my opinion, you need to get rid of him, ASAP."
"I guess it's a good thing that I care even less about what you think, then." said Elizabeth.
"I'd guessed you didn't." said Cynthia. "But in my opinion, Stefan needs to hear the rallying cry of 'Towanda!'."
"The Amazing Amazon?" said Elizabeth.
"None other."
"I love that movie." said Elizabeth. "I love anything Kathy Bates is in."
"I wonder why?" Cynthia said.
"Especially Misery, of course." said Elizabeth.
"I figured."
"Guess I won't be boring you with it anymore, the, will I?" said Elizabeth dejectedly.
"Silver lining to every dark cloud." said Cynthia. Elizabeth glared at her.
"Fine then." said Elizabeth. "I'll let you have stick boy all to yourself. I wouldn't want to stand in the way of your securing a prize like him."
"Stick boy?" Cynthia said. "You'd better watch it. Compared to yours, everyone is 'stick boy'."
"True." said Elizabeth.
"Stick boy." Cynthia mused.
"Just a joke." said Elizabeth.
"Well." said Cynthia. "In any case. They can be hard to...secure...fat or skinny. You know that."
"I guess I do."
"Unless of course, you want to get rid of them." said Cynthia, glancing at her. "Then they'll never leave. You'll have to...drop your earrings at your lover's house for them to find."
"You did that deliberately?"
"Well, that one was probably subconscious on my part." said Cynthia. "Nonetheless. I wasn't too upset when it went missing."
"Thought that seemed kind of sloppy." said Elizabeth. Cynthia shrugged. "For a liar, like you, especially."
"Well, now you're making it easy for me." said Cynthia. "Out."
Elizabeth shook her head at her. "Just a joke." she said.
"One that reminds me how I don't want him or those owned by him around me."
"Okay." said Elizabeth. "See you around, Lauren." She stepped out of the car.
"Lauren?"
"Hutton."
"Hutton?" said Cynthia. "Oh, I see. Catty as always."
"You got it."
"I don't like remarks about my teeth, Giganta." said Cynthia. "Be glad to be rid of me, or I'd really blast you for that one."
"Well, I..." Elizabeth sniffled. "I'm sorry, okay? I don't like being called Stefan's property."
"Then stop acting like it, if you don't."
"I don't."
"Well, we have a difference of opinion about that." said Cynthia. "But in any case. I'll see you around."
"No, you won't." said Elizabeth. "You've made that clear, that you don't want to."
"Not about what I want, Elizabeth." said Cynthia. "It's life, and it gets in the way. Of everything. Of friendship."
"Only if you let it." said Elizabeth. "Besides, who said we were friends?" But she looked at the ground sadly.
Cynthia shook her head. "I wish it could be different, Elizabeth." she said. "I really do."
"What the hell's so great about Frank, anyway?" said Elizabeth. "In my opinion, he's the saddest of sad sacks."
"Yeah, well, maybe he's also...humble." said Cynthia. "I'm sure you hate that in a man, but try to see it from another perspective, could you?"
"Whatever." said Elizabeth. She shook her head. "For somebody who claims to be a feminist, you sure are eager to hang on to a guy at the expense of our friendship."
Cynthia bit her lip, and looked down at the steering wheel for a moment. "Well, it isn't him, Elizabeth." she said finally. "It's just...if Frank has got the hots for someone fifteen years younger than me...I'd end up resenting you."
"Right."
"And...I don't want to resent you, Elizabeth." said Cynthia. "I like you."
"Oh." said Elizabeth.
"So it's best we go out on this note." said Cynthia. "This might seem cruel, but it's a lot less cruel this way in reality. Trust me."
Elizabeth felt a lump in her throat. She started to sniffle.
"Don't do this to me, Liz." said Cynthia.
" 'The old hooty owl hooty hoos to the-' " Elizabeth said. She began to cry.
"Oh, God."
She straightened up. "Cindy." she said. "Cindy's in love. With stick boy."
"Get out of here, would you?" Cynthia said. "Freak." But she smiled sadly.
Elizabeth sniffled. "Goodbye, Cynthia." she said.
"Oh, quit being so dramatic." said Cynthia. She shook her head.
"Goodbye, Liz." she said.
Elizabeth closed the car door, and looked at Cynthia, sniffling more, watching sadly as she drove away.
As she expected, Elizabeth was not in a very good mood by the time Stefan came home that evening, having crying fits all afternoon, not being able to get through a page of It, which she had just started re-reading, thinking all the way through about how things had wound up with Cynthia.
Stefan had kept stealing glances at her all throughout dinner. Elizabeth had been silent for the most part all throughout, giving mostly one-word responses to him.
"Lizzie, I notice that you seem quiet." said Stefan finally, when they were seated on the couch after dinner.
Elizabeth propped her book in her face. "I'm just absorbed in the story, Stefan." said Elizabeth.
"How can you read that garbage, Lizzie?" Stefan asked. "Especially in front of me."
"Just because you don't like it doesn't make it garbage, Stefan." Elizabeth replied calmly, but inside she felt a kind of disgusted contempt churning.
"Reading about serial killers, lighting flatluence, and-"
"Would you shut up?"
"I know what's in there." Stefan said. "You've told me about a hundred times, why wouldn't I?"
"Do you have to do this to me now, Stefan?" Elizabeth said.
"No time like the present." said Stefan. "Besides, even if it were great literature, which..." He snorted. Elizabeth felt her teeth grinding together.
"It would still be rather inconsiderate of you to wave that in front of me, wouldn't it?" said Stefan. "Since you know full well I have a phobia about clowns. Are you trying to do me in?"
"Afraid you might wet yourself, Stefan?" said Elizabeth. It was cruel, but she already heard the words being spoken out loud by herself almost involuntarily.
"Funny, Elizabeth." said Stefan. "Of course, I'm sure you'd love that, wouldn't you? It's just like Stephen King would have in his stories. I've gleaned that there's not a story of his that doesn't involve some kind of a bathroom reference."
"You bet your fern there's not, fat boy." said Elizabeth.
"That's enough, Elizabeth." said Stefan, looking at her with a look of outraged hurt. And rightfully so, she realized. She bit her lip.
"I didn't mean it." she said in a rush, feeling chastened.
"Sure you didn't." said Stefan.
"Well, I like fat boys." Elizabeth said. She stroked his arm. "You know that."
The next night, Elizabeth was looking at a photo album with pictures of Stefan's mother. She was a very attractive blonde woman with strong features, always in a glamorous outfit, and setting, in all the photographs.
"She was so beautiful." Elizabeth said. "Your mother."
Stefan glanced at the picture. "I suppose." he said shortly.
"She never gave you what you wanted, though, did she?" Elizabeth asked softly. She looked at him.
"No." Stefan said quietly. There was a silence. Stefan touched her shoulder, looking at her with tenderness in his eyes.
"But you do." he said to her.
"Touching?" said Elizabeth. She swallowed.
"Uh huh."
"You like to be touched, Stefan?" Elizabeth asked him.
"Yes. By you."
"But not by anyone else."
"Why would I?" said Stefan. "And shouldn't you be grateful that I don't?"
"Even non-sexually?" said Elizabeth. "I should be grateful for that?"
"Well, yes." said Stefan. "I know I don't want anyone else to touch you. Even...non-sexually, as you said."
Elizabeth shook her head. "Do you think she was prettier than me?" she said, looking at him.
"No." said Stefan.
"I thought of her," said Elizabeth. "When A Summer Place was on TCM last night."
"Really?" said Stefan. "Why?"
"Because she looks like the lady." said Elizabeth. "You know. The one who played Sandra Dee's mother."
"Oh." said Stefan. "Maybe a little."
"I think so." said Elizabeth.
"She was very beautiful, in the old-fashioned way, if that's what you mean." said Stefan. "Like the movie stars of the 1950s."
"Mmmm." said Elizabeth. "Not just speaking of her, are we?"
"Maybe not, Lizzie." said Stefan.
"Ann, that was her name?" said Elizabeth.
"Yes." said Stefan. "Ann Butterfield. That was her maiden name."
"Nice name." said Elizabeth. She swallowed, glancing at the pictures of Ann. She ran her hands down the photo album thoughtfully.
"Fields of butter?" Elizabeth said.
"What?" Stefan said.
"I had to have braces in sixth grade." said Elizabeth thoughtfully, glancing at the photo album.
"Did you, Lizzie?" said Stefan. "Bit of a non-sequitur, from 'fields of butter', isn't it?"
"Oh, I'm sorry." said Elizabeth. She closed her teeth, and spoke just shy of a whisper. " 'I had to have braces in the sixth grade.'"
Stefan looked at her incredulously, his tongue in one side of his mouth. "Really."
"Well, isn't that how I'm supposed to say it, if it's a non-sequitur?"
"Well, they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I guess." said Stefan.
"Exactly. Just trying to butter you up, Stefan." said Elizabeth. "I mean, I know you love fields of it, and all."
"I had the feeling." Stefan said, shaking his head. "I had the feeling."
"I just said you liked butter. I didn't say it had any particular result." said Elizabeth. "Anyway-"
"Lizzie..."
"Anyway, I had to have braces in the sixth grade." Elizabeth said. "Before I got them, everyone made fun of my overbite. Said I had teeth like a beaver."
"Or a chipmunk, of course."
"Uh huh." said Elizabeth. "Anyway. You have such straight white teeth."
"Why, thank you, Lizzie." said Stefan.
"No problem, Stefan." Elizabeth said. "But I bet you never had to have braces. Did you?"
"No, I didnt." said Stefan. "Why?"
"No." said Elizabeth, looking at him, a flat, humorless expression on her face. "No, of course you didn't."
"I'm sorry that that would...upset you so, Lizzie." said Stefan sarcastically. "Maybe I can realign them to be crooked for you, if that would make you happy."
Elizabeth shook her head. "I'll bet...she had pretty teeth, too." she said, pointing down to the picture of Ann.
"Who? My mother?" said Stefan. "Are you envious of my mother, Elizabeth?"
"Not at all." said Elizabeth. "But I bet she did. Have perfect teeth. Probably perfect skin, too."
"I wouldn't know." said Stefan bitterly. "I didn't really see her all that much during my childhood, Elizabeth. Mostly I was left with the nanny."
"Oooh, yes, and you were left alone with the nanny, who you loved like a mommy, but then she had her own children, and she brought them over one day, and you pitched a fit, and hated those children, because we all know what happens when 'Steff' gets jealous." Elizabeth glared at him. "But that's why you're a bleeding heart liberal today, and just love black people. A little too much, maybe. In fact, you told me, in one of your many...'fascinating' anecdotes, one of them even reminded you of your nanny, mommy figure. But boo hoo, she dumped you, too. What was her name again?"
"Vanessa." Stefan said quietly.
"Yep. Vanessa Walker." Elizabeth said. "But Vanessa wasn't a nanny, was she? She was a lawyer, and then she got a job in New York, and left you, which is why you decided it would be best to marry a loser like me. Not too likely I'd have any such prospects in the future."
"I've never had such a thought in my life, Elizabeth." said Stefan. "Envy and jealousy are ugly, ugly things."
"And that all goes to why you're so screwed up today." said Elizabeth. "Mommy didn't love you, and mommy figures left to live better lives."
"Which is why I had to be married to a bitch like you." said Stefan. "Seems my stepfather was right. He always said I'd get what I truly deserved one day."
Elizabeth was silent for a second, looking at him, biting his lip, looking at her with that mocking expression he always had in just these moments and then reached over, and gave him a resounding slap on the face. Stefan laughed, shaking his head at her.
"Hit me again, Lizzie. I like it." he said. Elizabeth glowered at him, seething with rage.
"Please." she said.
"That's what you want, isn't it, Lizzie?" said Stefan. "Goad me into saying something hateful, so you can slap me around?"
"No." Elizabeth protested.
"It is." said Stefan. "Little psycho."
"Well," said Elizabeth. "And your mother was busy. Having perfect teeth, and perfect skin. But you know what I discovered about people with even features, and nice teeth?"
"Do tell."
"There's a tradeoff, Stefan." said Elizabeth.
"Is there really?"
"They get fat." said Elizabeth. "That's the tradeoff."
"How clever an observation." said Stefan. "I wish I could have a pithy and enlightened mind like yours, Lizzie."
"She got fat." Elizabeth said, tapping the pictures.
"She was not fat." Stefan said, indignance creeping into his voice.
"She was plumping up, Stefan." said Elizabeth. "I mean, she might not have any...snub nose and chipmunk cheeks, but...the older she got, the plumper she got. Little too much...butter on that toast, huh?"
"You're cruel, and petty, Elizabeth." Stefan said. "Ugly, and eaten up with envy."
"I-"
"Ugly on the inside, I mean." said Stefan.
"Speaking of butter..." Elizabeth said. "Way I heard it...from your own mouth, incidentally...her bread got buttered pretty often. Didn't it?"
"I've been nothing but a good husband to you, Elizabeth." said Stefan. "Nothing but kind and generous."
"Yep. Like her son, she was screwed up." Elizabeth said. "Craved sex from multiple partners. And no, you haven't. You've been a jealous, controlling, capricious psychopath, so much so that I'm worried that you might hate our twins for taking my affection away."
Stefan looked at her, his mouth dropping open. Elizabeth shook her head.
"Oh, and isn't that why your stepfather finally disowned you, Steff?" said Elizabeth. "Because you had to go around buttering everybody's bread, including his girlfriend's? What was her name? Imogene or some pretentious name?"
"Ingrid." Stefan said quietly.
"Yeah, Ingrid. That was it." said Elizabeth. "Showed her a real good time, didn't you?" Elizabeth shook her head. "Yep." she said. "That's what happens to a certain kind of fucked up, self-destructive, spreading it around, good-looking people. They crave affection and attention, and soon, they start translating it into love of food, and they get really fat. Like mother, like son."
"You want to hurt me, Lizzie." said Stefan. He looked at her, and his eyes filled with tears. "That much is clear."
Elizabeth glowered, shaking her head.
"I don't have to ask why." said Stefan. "Because you never grew up. Because you're the jealous psychopath, not me."
"No."
"Envious, too." said Stefan. "You have this hangup about yourself, and you've projected it onto me, that you're not good enough for me. So you've grown resentful. Now you've made it your business to tell me every five minutes how fat you think I am, because for some reason, you feel inferior."
"That's not why-"
"Now, I never thought of myself as being a really great looking guy...I mean, I knew intellectually that I was one, but..well. It never mattered to me." He shook his head. "But it matters that you acknowledge it. But apparently, you realized it a little too much. So much so that you've grown to hate me for it."
"I don't hate you."
"Please." said Stefan, his tone filled with hurt. "You just spit hatred at me. It was stupid, and nonsensical, but it was hate-filled all the same."
"Because you're such a-"
"I don't want to hear your sorry excuse." Stefan said shortly. He looked at her. "Just know, that if you do have a hatred for me and because of something so petty and easily lost..." He looked at her meaningfully. "As looks, or something so irrelevant as how many women I was with, before I ever knew you existed, that would be tragic. Very tragic, Lizzie. Because you clearly must have missed out on the fact that the person you have such resentment towards truly loves you. I don't know how you could possibly have missed it, but if you did...I truly love you. For the cheap seats."
"A little too much." said Elizabeth.
"I've never heard of anyone so ungrateful." Stefan said incredulously. "Really and truly."
"You're glad to say 'They're all gonna laugh at you.'." said Elizabeth.
Stefan covered his eyes with one hand for a moment, sighing. "Elizabeth..."
" Oh, I'm sorry. That's much too crude for you. What I mean is, you're only too glad to say, 'They'll all mock and castigate you, Lizzie.'"
"Stephen King obsessed idiot." Stefan muttered.
"Oh, really?" said Elizabeth.
"Now Lizzie, you're really beginning to try my patience." said Stefan. "You've pushed me into saying things I hate to say."
"Isn't that the classic abuser's excuse."
"The only abuser here is you, Elizabeth." said Stefan. "But in any case. No, I'm not glad when people laugh at you. Just the opposite. Why? Has someone laughed at you? Is it that middle-aged whore you're hanging around with?"
"No, Stef-"
"She's responsible for this." said Stefan. "I knew it. Well."
"Stefan, she is not responsible for this." said Elizabeth in irritation. Once again, Elizabeth was non-plussed at what a seemingly uncanny intuition Stefan seemed to have at times. She shook her head. "You're the one who-"
"Now you've seen the folly of hanging around with someone like her, Elizabeth." said Stefan. Elizabeth felt her anger rising to a dangerous level at how quickly he'd leaped onto his conclusion, and also how fast he was working to tear Cynthia down. "I hate to say 'I told you so'...but...well. Best to stick with rabbits."
"You want another slap?" said Elizabeth.
"I'd love another slap, Lizzie." said Stefan. Elizabeth snorted. "I'll tell you, I'd rather be slapped in the face repeatedly, than have someone not care about me. I care, Lizzie."
"So you think it'd be okay to slap me?" said Elizabeth. "That's what I'm hearing."
"That's why you're a twit, then, Lizzie." said Stefan. "The temptation is great, don't get me wrong. But I've never once hit you, and you know it."
"Maybe not."
"There's no maybe." said Stefan. "Ungrateful. As I said."
"So you want a medal for basic decency?"
"No." said Stefan. "But I do want you to acknowledge what a fantastic husband I am. Unprecedentedly so."
Elizabeth looked down at the floor, grudgingly hard-pressed to disagree with him, but also not wanting to stop being combative. She looked at her hands sullenly.
"Yeah, well...like Thelma said about her husband, you could park a car in the shadow of your-"
"Maybe a scooter." said Stefan. "But what's the point of that crude, childish remark? That that cancels it?"
"Blocks it out a bit."
"Really?" said Stefan. "I knew you were shallow and immature, but-"
"No, of course it doesn't block it out, Stefan." said Elizabeth. "Not that. Other things block your treatment of me, though."
"Like what?"
"Your jealousy." said Elizabeth. "And it's not like you were just jealous of other men. You don't want other people to be friends with m-"
"Speaking of that, Elizabeth." Stefan said. "It happens that I was very disturbed by something you said earlier. That I would be without natural affection. For our children. I was quite torn up by that." He swallowed, looking at her. "How could you ever say that about me?"
"I was just-"
"I hate to break it to you, Lizzie, but soon you aren't going to be so special anymore." said Stefan. "When our children are born. Could that be wishful thinking on your part?"
"Are you saying that I'm jealous of our unborn children, Stefan?"
"Of course not." said Stefan. "I'd never say that about you. But you said it to me."
"I was just using exaggeration for the sake of magnification." said Elizabeth. She bit her lip. "I'm really sorry. Really."
"Aren't you always." said Stefan. "Now there's a wedge between us. I don't like having a wedge between us. I was feeling close to you of late. You ruined it."
"I was...feeling close to you of late, too, Stefan." said Elizabeth. She swallowed.
"Really." Stefan said, eying her. "Good, because I could have sworn you were maybe feeling closer to Cynthia, but..."
Elizabeth cleared her throat angrily, and counted to ten. "You really don't have a clue, do you?" she said.
"About what, Lizzie?" said Stefan.
"Never mind." said Elizabeth. Talking to Stefan in the last few minutes, Elizabeth truly became mindful of the fact that, despite how glad he would be to know that Cynthia and herself would no longer be associating, what had happened with Cynthia truly wasn't his fault. And that she could be irrational, especially at this time, when she was hormonal.
And she felt a creeping realization that she truly was being ungrateful, and felt a terrible dismay at how she would hate to not be close to Stefan, who, if Cynthia was right about some of the things she'd said about him, had done absolutely nothing to deserve such treatment. Well, not all that much, anyway.
"Stefan," Elizabeth said. "I know you're not who you were a long time ago."
"Uh huh." said Stefan. "It's true. I'm certainly not, Lizzie, and-"
"And you're...you're a loving person." Elizabeth said sadly. "You'll be a loving father."
"Did you ever once have a doubt about that, Lizzie?" said Stefan.
"No, I really didn't." said Elizabeth. "I just said that in anger."
"Because I'll still love you just as much." said Stefan. "More, even. But there will be more people to-"
"Stefan." Elizabeth said sadly. "I know that. I don't need to be told. Like I'm a child."
"I know you don't need to be told." said Stefan. "Maybe I just want to tell you."
"Well." said Elizabeth. "I'm sorry...I got so angry. I'm not ungrateful. I just...I unjustly blamed you."
"For what?" said Stefan, looking at her like she was crazy.
"For...for how...I feel about...the..." She looked at him, weighing if she should go ahead and tell him about Cynthia. He was looking at her with a mixture of worry and annoyance, the worry having an almost lugubrious quality to it, as, she had noticed, the longer they had been married, Stefan frequently had a look on his face that could be described as just that. Which made her heart ache a little, when she thought of how worried, and anxious he must be, all the time, going through life. Which didn't make her feel in the least unkindly towards him.
However, a look of gloating that would soon replace said look of worry, would be sure to push her far in the other direction, quite the opposite from kindness, if she told him about her parting of ways with Cynthia.
She sighed.
"Stefan..." she said, thinking of some of the things she'd said. And of the truth that he had had some true unhappiness in his life, from an early age, as well. "I...I sure am sorry."
"Well, I know you didn't mean any of your bile, Lizzie." said Stefan. "As usual."
"I meant about your mother." said Elizabeth softly. She squeezed his hand, caressing it gently.
"Oh." said Stefan. He looked down at the couch. "Well..."
Elizabeth swallowed. "I know she hurt you."
"Well...no...no, it was like you said before, Elizabeth." said Stefan quietly. "I mean...there was...some truth in what you said. She was...she was sad, Elizabeth."
"I'm sure she was." Elizabeth leaned against his shoulder.
"She...her car took a turn around a sharp curve in the road." Stefan said, in a voice Elizabeth had trouble hearing. She held onto him, a little tighter. "It was...ruled an accident. By the police."
"Uh huh." Elizabeth looked at him sympathetically.
"But I...I've always thought..." He looked at Elizabeth, tears in his eyes. "I've always thought...I always thought...differently. Differently." He swallowed, looking at her. Elizabeth looked at the ground sadly.
"I know, Stefan." she said, thinking of how Cynthia had made caustic remarks about Stefan's 'hovering'.
"I know." she said again, pressing her face against his.
Because, she knew that nobody, including Cynthia, truly did know.
The next morning, after Stefan had left for work, Elizabeth was reading her book on the couch, when the buzzer rang.
"Yes?" she said, frowning.
"Elizabeth?" Cynthia said from outside.
Elizabeth cleared her throat. "Cynthia?" she said shortly.
"Yeah." Cynthia said. "It's...it's me, Elizabeth. Are you you going to let me in, or what?"
"I guess." said Elizabeth sourly, shaking her head.
"Well, maybe I'll just leave, then." said Cynthia. "Believe me, when I tell you, I don't need your little dramas. You remind me of my twelve year old at times."
"Screw you." said Elizabeth.
"See?"
"I'll buzz you up." said Elizabeth haughtily.
A few minutes later, Elizabeth opened the door, to find Cynthia standing there. She let her in wordlessly.
"What happened?" Elizabeth said. "Did Frank screw the entire secretarial pool at his office?"
"No, he did not, thank you." Cynthia said.
"Well, what happened?" said Elizabeth.
"With Frank?" Cynthia said. "Nothing."
There was a silence. Cynthia sat down on the couch.
"He sit on here a lot? Stefan?" said Cynthia. Elizabeth nodded. Cynthia made a shuddering motion.
Elizabeth pursed her lips, and looked at Cynthia expectantly.
"Nothing happened with him. Nothing has to." Cynthia said.
"You broke up?"
"No, we didn't break up." said Cynthia. "And that's the thing. What the hell was I thinking? Giving you so much credit? As competition, I mean."
"Excuse me?"
"Seriously." said Cynthia. "I mean, I must have been feeling really insecure. It's not like I don't eclipse you on every front."
"Eclipse?"
"Yeah." Cynthia said. "I mean, when I was young, I made them so hot, they practically needed to be hosed down. Why should things be any different now?"
"Yeah...uh...why should they?" Elizabeth shook her head.
"I can't believe I sounded so weak the other day." Cynthia shook her head. "I don't know what I was thinking. I really and truly don't."
"That's it?" Elizabeth said.
Cynthia sighed. "No." she said. "No, that's not it." She looked at the floor. "I...I'm not good with this type of stuff, Liz."
"But..."
"But...he's just a guy." said Cynthia, looking at her. "And that's not easy for me to say, because...I like Frank. A lot, in fact."
"Okay."
"But...if he has a thing for you, and was planning to act on it, then...he's not worth it. I went through enough of that with my two marriages." said Cynthia. "I...confronted him about it, you know. Last night."
"And what did he say?"
"He said...he did have a crush on you, back when he was in AA." said Cynthia. "And he said that he had always thought that you'd have dated him, if he were able to work up the courage to ask you out." She shook her head. "But that was then. He said. He says...he says he was a different person then, and that he hadn't met me. And that he was never more attracted to anyone than he is...to me. Including you."
"Do you believe him?"
"I don't know." Cynthia said. "I mean, yes, I believe that he's emotionally mature enough to know that he doesn't have even a slight chance with you, but..." She shook her head. "The point is that it doesn't matter. I was being...incredibly...cold, and selfish, too. To end our friendship over it."
"Over a man." said Elizabeth.
"Exactly."
Elizabeth tossed her head in the air. "A mere man." she said disdainfully.
"Very mere."
Elizabeth glanced at her. Cynthia looked down at the ground, shaking her head.
"Don't start. Just don't." Cynthia said. Elizabeth smiled.
"But the point is..I behaved idiotically, and I'm...sorry." said Cynthia. "Okay?"
"I guess so." said Elizabeth. She shook her head. "But how do I know you won't up and change your mind, and decide to stop speaking to me?"
"I won't."
Elizabeth shook her head. "I was hurt, you know."
"I know." Cynthia said. "I...was too. That Frank...suddenly seemed to have stars in his eyes when you showed up. That I have yet to see on my behalf."
"That's not true, either." said Elizabeth. "There weren't stars in his eyes, Cynthia. I don't-"
"Well, he came pretty damn close." said Cynthia. "But never mind. They all have this fantasy about younger women, and, well, in some cases it comes true, like in the case of you-know-who. But the fantasy always turns into ugly reality. Like, for instance, a younger woman might go around laughing about how fat you are."
"I say it with affection." said Elizabeth.
"Well, maybe Stefan can take a few digs at his own expense, but Frank is much more, shall we say..thin-skinned. He's riddled with insecurities about himself." said Cynthia. "And I know, if he knew what you were...well. He could not take it." Cynthia shook her head. "You and I like to tease. But he could never take some of the things you say. It would destroy him."
"Like 'stick boy'?" said Elizabeth.
"He would be hurt. And affronted." said Cynthia. "Yes. He would not have liked you, if you two had gotten together, Elizabeth. I know that much."
"Well, good, because the thought of liking him that way never even crossed my mind, Cynthia." said Elizabeth.
"I know, I know." Cynthia said.
Elizabeth shook her head. "But...I...I'm glad you...still want to be friends."
"Yeah." said Cynthia. She cleared her throat. "Well. I started thinking about that horror you're married to, and-"
"Hey-"
"And I felt really guilty about leaving you alone with him." said Cynthia, "So, even though you're both really...scary people, I-"
"Scary people?" Elizabeth said indignantly.
"Well, not you so much as him." said Cynthia. "Though you are kind of scary in your own right."
Elizabeth shook her head.
"But..." Cynthia said. "Nonetheless, I..."
"Like me."
"Don't get too crazy." said Cynthia. "Let's just say, I might be willing to put up with you."
"Me too." said Elizabeth. "I mean, you're a vile whore, who hurt Stefan, but I sort of...am willing to look past that."
"Good for you."
"Of course you were just one of many in a series who did, so you're not special."
"Boo hoo for him." said Cynthia.
There was a silence for a moment. Elizabeth began to sniffle slightly. "Cynthia, I...I'm really glad that you..."
"Oh, no, not this again." Cynthia complained. "Do you have to cry every time something even slightly...sentimental happens?"
"It's...it's like when McVries slowed down to help Garaty, even though he got a ticket for it-"
"Damn it, I'd forgotten what you were really like." Cynthia muttered. "Could you at least wait until the coffee is poured, before you start in with the first Stephen King reference of the day?"
"Coffee?" said Elizabeth.
"Uh huh." said Cynthia. "It'd be nice if you'd make some. I am a guest, after all."
"Okay." Elizabeth sniffled, and stood up slowly, looking at Cynthia.
"Not to mention a good cup of coffee would help make you more tolerable."
"Oh, shut it." Elizabeth said, heading to the kitchen.
"So, what exactly makes you like him so much?" Cynthia said, at the kitchen table.
"Stefan?"
"Please." said Cynthia. "I meant Stephen King."
"Oh." said Elizabeth. She sipped her coffee. "Well. I guess he just reminds me of...a certain time and place. Growing up, I didn't have many friends, and Richie, and Bill, and Ben, and Beverly sort of became like...friends to me."
"From...It, right?" said Cynthia.
"Yes." said Elizabeth. "Growing up, my dad was always working, and my mom...she was never great at handling problems. Probably that was why she left my dad."
"Right."
"And...I was alone a whole lot." said Elizabeth. "Preferring my secret fantasy worlds, and my 'time traveling' to real people. Though I did get teased some, in grade school, so that might have had something to do with it."
"Did you ever have any friends at all, in school?" said Cynthia.
"Oh, some." said Elizabeth. "Sure. In fact...in sixth grade, my gym teacher was holding these auditions. For this dance group. And, even though I was painfully shy, I really liked the idea of dancing onstage. So I went out for it."
"And did you get in?" said Cynthia.
"Yeah." said Elizabeth. "I did get in, as a matter of fact."
"And what happened?" Cynthia said. "Did the other girls..make fun of you?"
"No." said Elizabeth. "No, they were great. In fact. I felt...included for the first time. And...dancing...I really liked it. I still have my silver leotards."
"Oh."
"I used to love the way they sparkled." said Elizabeth. "And I fell in love with dancing. We went to regionals in L.A., even. My mom was our chaperone."
"So I guess your parents approved your dancing?" said Cynthia.
"Oh, they loved it." said Elizabeth. "Finally, I was doing something normal, instead of outside in the yard with my dad's old alarm clock."
"Alarm clock?"
"Time machine." said Elizabeth. "I was pretending it was my time traveling vessel."
"I see." said Cynthia amusedly.
"I used to love that movie, Dirty Dancing." Elizabeth said, thoughtfully. "I went to the store and bought a VHS copy of it, and watched it over and over again. I was in love with the idea of being a dancer."
"Yeah, I like that movie." said Cynthia. "Even though it's cheesy."
"I don't think it's cheesy." Elizabeth said. "I think it's romantic. I also loved the relationship between Johnny and Baby."
"A little cliché, if you ask me, but yeah."
"There was even a guy, who I thought looked like Patrick Swayze." said Elizabeth. "This guy, this...motivational speaker. He often came to our school, and spoke."
"Really."
"Yeah, he had a whole series of tapes and everything." said Elizabeth. "My gym teacher, Mrs. Farmer, would make us watch them. I think she was in love with him. We all kind of...were."
"He was really good-looking?" said Elizabeth.
"Yeah, and charming." said Elizabeth. "Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. He was that kind of a guy."
"I know the type."
"He was a big supporter of Sparkle Motion, though." Elizabeth said, her eyes drifting down to her coffee for a minute, before looking at Cynthia.
"Was that the name of your dance group?"
"Yeah." said Elizabeth. "It was."
"Did you know him well?"
"Only somewhat." said Elizabeth. "But he'd come to all our recitals."
"Did he have a daughter that danced in the group, or something?"said Cynthia.
"No, he didn't...have a daughter." said Elizabeth. She cleared her throat. She looked at Cynthia. "I think...I think he and Mrs. Farmer were screwing. I think that's why he was always around."
"Oh." Cynthia said.
"I loved being in Sparkle Motion, though." said Elizabeth. "Nothing but fond memories. I remember we did a recital at the talent show to Duran Duran's 'Notorious'."
"Yeah."
"I love eighties music, don't you?" said Elizabeth.
"I'm more fond of...sixties and early seventies music myself." said Cynthia. "Joan Baez, and Joni Mitchell, and Bob Dylan."
"Those are great, too." said Elizabeth. "You know, I was a singer for this band, once, too."
"Oh." said Cynthia. "Really?"
"Yeah, they were...they were these guys that Toby knew." said Elizabeth. "Their lead singer had this huge drinking problem, and she had to go to rehab. So one night, they asked me if I'd like to sub for them. I love to sing...so...I agreed. Just for awhile."
"And what happened?"
"Nothing, really." Elizabeth shrugged. "I sang with them for awhile. We sang at weddings, Bar Mitzavahs, nightclubs...it was no big deal."
"Something you'll always have, though." said Cynthia. "I'd have done something like that, too, if I'd had the opportunity...but when I sing, it sounds like a rusty hinge." Elizabeth laughed.
"What did you sing?" said Cynthia.
"Well, one night we sang Billy Joel's 'Honesty'." said Elizabeth. Cynthia nodded. "And then one time we sang this song that they wrote. It was called 'How Lucky Am I'."
"Frank would be proud." Cynthia said.
"Frank?" Elizabeth said.
"You know. The Native American Frank?" said Cynthia. "Didn't you tell me he was in a garage band?"
"Oh, right. He was." Elizabeth said. "Maybe he would be. Anyway, one night, I sang this song, it was 'Eternal Flame'. You know, by the Bangles?" Cynthia nodded.
"And Toby was there." Elizabeth said. "I looked at him, when I was singing it. And he smiled. But his eyes weren't smiling. I saw the...nonplussed look in his eyes, Cynthia. And it hurt."
Cynthia sighed. "Yeah." she said. "Well, he was a jerk, I guess."
"He was always acting like he couldn't wait to get rid of me, so he could screw some other piece of ass." said Elizabeth. "He was so vain, you know. He thought I was singing to him."
"Were you?"
"I was." said Elizabeth. "But he acted like he was scared by it. Like I was obsessed with him, as always."
"He wasn't worth it, what you came up with after him, notwithstanding."
"Now, though." said Elizabeth, ignoring her. "Now, I don't care. Now I could care less."
"Now you've got a guy who prefers that the man do all the stalking." said Cynthia.
"Bitch."
Cynthia laughed. "Well, maybe not all."
"You know," Elizabeth mused. " One night, he'd been really annoying me, when we were still dating, we ate at my dad's sister's house for Thanksgiving. And, of course, Stefan starts talking politics. About 'systemic racism', and all this anti-war stuff, and...generally embarrassing me. I mean, everyone knows that you're not supposed to talk about religion or politics at Thanksgiving. But he did. Of course."
"No joke. Nothing accompanies sweet potatoes and stuffing like some good-old fashioned leftist raving." Cynthia shook her head. "Everything's a political forum."
"Right?" said Elizabeth. "Anyway, that night, I..later, I watched him sleeping, and...I forgot. Everything he'd done to set my teeth on edge a few hours earlier. I watch him sleeping a lot, in fact."
"You know, if you're planning to make me throw up, you're well on your way to succeeding."
"Of course, he later told me that he was not asleep at all, and knew I was watching." Elizabeth shook her head.
"Creepy bastard."
"Stuff it." Elizabeth said. "But I should have known that he wasn't asleep, because...well. He snores like these pigs I saw on a field trip to a farm in the third grade."
"Indeed."
"When we first slept together-"
"No." said Cynthia abruptly. "Please no."
"Please. Like I'd want to share details of our sex life with you?" Elizabeth said. "I was simply referring to the fact that when I first spent the night with him, I found it to be totally incongruous that a man who was so good-looking would snore so much."
"I didn't think of it in nearly such positive terms."
"And," Elizabeth said, looking at Cynthia with a devilish look in her eyes. "That's not the only time he makes noises like a pi-"
"No." said Cynthia.
Elizabeth shook her head. "Luckily," she said. "I find pig sounds to be very soothing."
"Why is it that I'm beginning to regret coming here?" said Cynthia.
"I still like to dance, you know." said Elizabeth. "In fact...sometimes, I...sometimes I do my Sparkle Motion routine for Stefan."
"I'm sure you did." said Cynthia.
"Only, I made it, you know." said Elizabeth. "Sexy."
"You really are trying to torture me, aren't you?" said Cynthia. "Sadist."
"Remember when I said I still have my silver leotards from when I was eleven?" said Elizabeth.
"Yeah, why?"
"Well," said Elizabeth. "Stefan also has clothes from when he was younger. He has this white linen suit that he wore back when he was in law school."
"So?"
"So." said Elizabeth. "Sometimes I have him wear it."
"Really." Cynthia cleared her throat. "Isn't there...um, a disparity? In uh...eighties, and...well, now?"
"Darn right." said Elizabeth. "The only thing that he can get into is the jacket, and not easily, it's had to be sewn up several times now."
"Uh huh." Cynthia said. "As expected. Why do you want to ruin it? Why not just sniff it, and rub your face against it, like the creepy bitch you are?" Elizabeth just looked at her.
"I don't get it." Cynthia said. "I mean, if you 'love the past' as much as you say you do, why not keep it preserved so that it'll be an uh, 'beautiful monument'. Why put his fat ass in it."
"Sometimes, I make him put on the pants, too." Elizabeth said conspiratorially to Cynthia, leaning forward. "Well, try. I make him try. And he always does. Try so hard."
There was a silence.
"He can't get his fat ass in those white pants, no matter how hard he tries, Cynthia." Elizabeth added, looking at her.
"I think...I think I get it now, Elizabeth." said Cynthia.
"Really."
"Elizabeth," Cynthia said,. "You're a nice, likable person. Really, you are."
"I am?"
"Yes." said Cynthia. "You have many great qualities, and many traits that make me glad we're friends. But...telling stories like that is not one of them. I mean, if you and Stefan want to...do whatever it is that makes you happy, go for it. I don't judge."
"All right, Cynthia." said Elizabeth. "Rather prudish, aren't we?"
"Prudish doesn't really enter into it, Elizabeth." said Cynthia. "I mean, my idea of a great time in the bedroom is not exactly...making my partner put on clothes he wore twenty years ago, to highlight that he's old, and fat, now. I don't think that sounds like a hot time to most people, in fact."
"He'll do it, though." said Cynthia. "If I tell him to do it. And it's the humiliation I crav-"
"Elizabeth." said Cynthia. "Please. Keep your kinky sex life to yourself, all right?"
"All right, Cynthia." Elizabeth shrugged. "Sometimes, though I'm the sub-"
"Elizabeth!" Cynthia said exasperatedly. "Didn't what I just said mean anything to you at all?"
"Sorry." she said.
Cynthia sighed. "Frank would really be put off by that, I know that much." she said. "That would be a foreign language to him. Because he's normal."
"Uh huh." Elizabeth said crossly. "So what attracts you to him? In my opinion, he's...well. Kind of a wimp."
"He is not a wimp." said Cynthia. "Frank is...a very sweet guy. And so charming."
"Oh." Elizabeth said. "Maybe."
"Not a really big ladies' man." said Cynthia. "I mean, he thinks he is. But he's not like...my other two relationships."
"Eliot."
"Yes, and John, of course." said Cynthia. "Don't forget John."
"I haven't, believe me."
"John was a creep, a really irritating, selfish bastard, when you got to know him." said Cynthia. "But Eliot...he was such a nice guy. So kind, and easy to get along with." Cynthia looked out the window sadly. "He's the one I...I guess you'd say I've always loved him the most of all my relationships. If only men didn't...well."
"Have dicks?" Elizabeth suggested.
Cynthia laughed. "Right."
"Stephen King said that men aren't so much blessed with penises as cursed with them." Elizabeth said. "Well, Jessie Burlingame did. In Gerald's Game."
"Mmmm."
"What about...Frank?" Cynthia said. "Do you feel that...kind of love for him?"
"Maybe."Cynthia said. "It's a little early in the relationship to tell."
"How long have you been dating?"
"Two months."
"I sure...hope it works out." Elizabeth said.
"Thanks." Cynthia said. There was a silence.
"Elizabeth." Cynthia said. "You really are...an unusual person."
Elizabeth shrugged. "Weird's a good thing. I think."
"Yes, but...that's not what I mean." said Cynthia. "I mean you're...unusually, sweet, and caring. Sensitive. I mean, you can be. Not to get girly or anything." Elizabeth smiled.
"But...you're also...full of...sarcasm. And mischief." said Cynthia. "You're also...a troublemaker. Of sorts."
"I definitely am." said Elizabeth.
"I've always been sort of a...troublemaker as well." said Cynthia. "I think that's...I mean...I think that's why we make a good team. That's all."
Elizabeth was silent for a minute. "Me, too." she said. "And I...I'm glad...that I...that I decided to talk to you that day."
"Me too, bizarre as it is."
"You never want to admit that you actually like me for too long, do you?"
"Not for too long, no." said Cynthia. Elizabeth shook her head.
"But I guess I'd..." Cynthia sighed, trailing off. "I would...I mean, I might be...sad. Kind of. If...if I had really done what I said I was going to do."
"Me too." Elizabeth said. "I would be sad. I was sad."
"Yeah." Cynthia said. "No crying, now."
"I'm not going to cry over you, you Scorsese-browed gutter skank." said Elizabeth.
"Hey, hey, hey!" Cynthia said angrily. "Well. I sure as hell am not going to cry over you, you child-voiced, giant whore."
"A woman should have a feminine voice, dear."
"As long as it doesn't sound like a six-year-old's."
Elizabeth cleared her throat. "See." she said after a moment. "I think...this is why we have a rapport."
"Uh huh." said Cynthia. She looked down at the table.
"Because we can laugh together." said Elizabeth. "Even at each other's expense."
"Oh, indubitably." said Cynthia. She cleared her rhroat.
"And, not to get, as you said, girly," said Elizabeth. "But I think the thing that really draws me to you is-"
"Elizabeth." said a voice behind her. Elizabeth jumped a mile. And ed around to see Stefan standing just a few feet from her chair.
