"Double D?"
There was a soft knocking on the door.
"Edd?"
Double D lay in his bed, covers up to his chin still saying nothing. He didn't want to see anybody. He buried his face deeper in the sheets, into his pillow trying to drown out Eddy's knocking.
There was a deep sigh. "I'm coming in." The doorknob jiggled, the key was inserted, and Eddy silently opened the door. He stepped inside, closing the door softly behind him. He grabbed the chair by the desk, carried it over to the side of the lump of sheets on the bed, sat it down, and waited.
Edd didn't move. He barely breathed. His back to Eddy, he shifted trying to make himself smaller.
"How are you?"
He didn't answer.
"It wasn't Kevin that put those things up, you know?"
There was a shift under the sheets.
"The school has probably already taken them down and -"
"I know. You can go now."
The voice was hollow, a void with nothing left. He wasn't sure it was the same man and if he hadn't been sure that nobody was in his room except the two of them, Eddy wouldn't have believed that voice belonged to his best friend.
"I'm not going, Double D."
"Please," the voice begged. Small. Broken. Smaller than the voice he'd heard by the lake. More terrified than he had ever seen Edd. "Just leave me alone. I can't handle this right now."
Eddy remained silent. "I'm sorry about what happened, Edd. That's shitty and it shouldn't happen to anybody."
"But it did. And now I'm the laughing stock of the school, who knows who else has seen it. It might influence my future and my parents - my poor parents. What are they going to think?" Double D gasped and tried to swallow the sob that threatened to come out of him.
Eddy frowned. "Think about what? The scumbag that did that? They'll hate him!"
"No!" Double D shouted in anger. "About me being gay! What are they going to say! They'll think something is wrong with me! That I need some therapy and -"
"Dude, they were going to find out sooner or later-"
"No, they weren't!" Edd roared, his usually soft voice taking on the strong and deep baritone of a man. It was the first time he'd ever heard such a voice from Double D. He was pale, sickly, exhausted with swollen and bloodshot eyes. His lip trembled and there was a confused rage that passed through his eyes.
Eddy felt his heart break.
"They were never going to find out because I was not going to let them! I was going to - to -" he stopped, not entirely sure what exactly he was going to say.
"What, Edd? Hide Kevin for the rest of your life? Tell them you're just friends?" Edd looked at him with pained loss. "Or were you planning on leaving Kevin later on?"
Tears streamed down his pale face and Edd glowered at his best friend. Eddy looked at him with serious, confronting eyes. These were questions that he would have had to answer sooner rather than later and it was better he did it now. Just wish it would have happened in a better way.
"They would not have found out," Edd hissed through clenched, trembling lips. He sniffled and behind the rage, there was pain and absolute turmoil. "They couldn't find out." His voice was pleading; begging for Eddy to somehow fix it and make it better. To make it all go away.
But he couldn't. Edd knew that. Eddy knew that. And as they both sat, looking at each other, Double D crumbled and collapsed, sobbing into Eddy's lap.
The usually germophobic young man knelt on the ground, a crumbled mess of demoralized chaos. He had no answers. He didn't even have questions. At that very moment, he was nothing but a vacuum of despair that just wanted everything to cease to exist.
Eddy put a hand on his head, petting him as Double D hugged his chest tightly. As he wept into his shirt that was not clean enough for Edd but today he didn't care. As he just tried to do anything to find solace in a time when all he saw was wretchedness.
"It's okay, Double D. I'm here. I'm here."
That was all Eddy said as he pet his head. Whispering and cooing to him like a frightened child.
Time seemed like a notion that didn't exist. They didn't know how long they'd sat together, but neither cared. Edd rest his head on his best friend's lap, eyes and nose swollen. Mucus oozed from his irritated nose and dripped onto Eddy's pants but neither cared. Eddy reached for a tissue and dabbed it away but Double D seemed hardly to notice.
"Your lip will get chapped. Your skin is sensitive," Eddy explained.
Double D said nothing and simply stared at his wall.
After a few more moments of silence, Double D said, "How did you know?"
It was a very vague and open ended question. How did he know what? Where he was? What to do? About Kevin?
Anybody else would have asked for clarification, but Eddy knew Double D like the back of his hand.
"You get there before most teachers do. I figured you saw them as soon as you got there and came home immediately after." Edd sniffled some more and Eddy wiped his nose again. "Climbed a few fences, took a bus and voila, I'm here."
Edd nodded to nothing.
"I've known about you and Kevin for a while now," Eddy said, resting his hand on Double D's head. "I haven't known how to feel about it for a long time now so I didn't ask you about it."
He looked down and saw tears were creeping down Double D's face again. "You think it's gross, too." It was less of a question and more of a forlorn statement.
Eddy sighed and shook his head, dabbing away his friend's tears. "No, I don't, Edd. I really don't. It's just - I was having a hard time dealing with the change."
They both paused. Double D waited.
"I was afraid of the change in you. You've always been true blue, steady. Ed's Ed, I'm unstable as fuck and don't know which way I'm actually fucking going most of the goddamn time . . ." he trailed off.
"Language, Eddy." It came as a hoarse whisper, but when he said that, Eddy knew the storm had passed.
"Yeah well, you were the one that always gave my life direction. I never know where the hell I'm going but you know. You always have all the answers Double D - to both our lives. And seeing you with Kevin and seeing that you didn't look for me anymore - for us - I felt like I was losing that direction and like everything was changing. And I was angry at the change."
Edd still sat on the floor, but he rested his head on his hands now. He leaned against Eddy with a more solid weight and although he still looked lost, Eddy could see his mind finally coming back to this dimension trying to assess the situation.
"You were afraid I was leaving you behind?"
Eddy nodded, shutting his eyes tight. That was exactly it. He knew Edd like the back of his hand, but then Edd knew him even better.
"Yes."
The two friends sat in silence for a few moments longer. Neither moving. Neither speaking. Slowly, as if dusting himself of a long built rust, Edd moved his head and still on the floor looked up at Eddy.
"You'll always be my best friend, Eddy. I would never leave you behind."
It was Eddy's turn to feel unnerved. That response was so honest, so raw and naked - he felt as if the entire world had heard Double D and he was embarrassed at how much those words comforted him.
Edd pet his lap.
"You and I will always be best friends," Double D said again. "You, me and Ed, too. No matter what else changes that will not change."
Eddy felt his eyes begin to burn as tears threatened to form. He cleared his throat and blinked aggressively to push them back. Double D looked up at him - his face still pale, eyes still swollen, and nose still pink - but he smiled weakly at him and Eddy could have broken down sobbing.
He cleared his throat again, shoving the tissue into his pocket and grabbing Double D's shoulders. "Alright, man. You should get up now. You're getting all dirty and shit," he said dumbly.
Double D smiled and let his friend help him up and set him on the bed, putting his legs up and under the sheets. He took a deep breath as Eddy walked to the window to discreetly wipe his face. "You know. I'm probably filthy and I can't bring myself to care," he sighed, laying on his back and closing his eyes.
The world seemed so small all of a sudden and although he was still confused the desolation had passed. He was not alone. Eddy was with him. And so was Ed.
Double D looked over at Eddy as he stood by the window, still wiping his face and he smiled at his best friend.
"What now?" he asked to nobody in particular.
He waited for Eddy to resume his seat. "I don't know, Sockhead. It's your call. You wanna talk to Kevin?"
Double D laughed bitterly. "Kevin. He is probably trying to distance himself from me at this very moment." He frowned with a painful smile. "He's probably telling everyone he has no idea what that is. Trying to make sure that his future is secure."
His voice trailed off. Eddy sat silently.
"And I can't blame him," Edd sighed, laughing bitterly. "He needs to have a secure future. This is what he needs to do and I cannot hold it against him. I could never hold it against him."
He tucked the pillow under his head and curled up on the bed, facing Eddy, and small, fresh tears came to eyes again. He sniffled, smiling so sadly Eddy wanted to take him in his arms and beg him not to cry anymore.
"You really love him, huh?"
Edd closed his eyes tight, his smile wavering, and he nodded, burying his face into the pillow and letting out a long, painful sob.
"Yes. I do." He said through choked sobs.
"So, what were you going to do if you never wanted to leave him?"
Edd shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. "I don't know! I haven't the slightest idea!" he said into the pillow, his voice muffled. He looked back up at Eddy. "I didn't want to think about the time that he might not want my company anymore."
"You think he would have left ya?" Eddy asked.
"Yes," Double D said with that same painful smile of resignation. "Yes, he would have. And I would have accepted it and bid him a happy life," he wiped his nose with his blanket. "But I would have the most beautiful memories for the rest of my life."
He was still crying, but they were a different sort of tears that didn't break Eddy's heart just by looking at them.
Eddy nodded, taking another tissue and wiping his friend's nose again. "What if he didn't leave you? Then what?"
Double D looked at him as if that had never been a possibility he ever considered. As if Kevin choosing him as his life partner was as preposterous as a man breathing in space.
"I - I don't know," he said with delightful confusion. He smiled despite his lack of answers and simply laughed. "That was never a possibility to me so I have absolutely no idea."
He sighed and lay on his back looking up at the ceiling, arm across his forehead.
There was something different about the Edd he was seeing right now. There was a glow to him he had never seen before. He seemed less stressed, less tense to Eddy. As if a weight neither knew had been there the entire time was suddenly lifted and he could breathe and walk for the first time in his life.
"Are you afraid of what your parents are gonna say?"
Double D shrugged. "A bit. They're progressive individuals, Mother and Father. They might be a bit shocked," he said with a hesitant but amused face. "But I think overall they'll be very accepting and understanding."
Eddy nodded and his friend turned to look at him.
"I was more afraid of myself and coming to terms with my feelings and who I really was than what anybody else would have thought of me, to be quite honest with you." There was a look of peaceful resignation on his face.
"How do you feel right now?"
Double D paused and looked out the window with a deep breath. "Well, the world did not come to an end. My best friend still loves me. And I am still alive," he observed. "So I feel very at peace with myself and I accept that I love Kevin."
Eddy nodded. "Good," he smiled. "You know I would always be here for you, dude. I'm your best friend. Nothing will ever change that."
Double D smiled at him. "I'm sorry for ever doubting you."
They sat in a peaceful silence for a few more minutes before Eddy stood. He put the chair back at the clean desk and for the first time in his life, sat on the edge of Double D's bed.
"Let's go downstairs," Eddy said, rubbing his shin. "I'll make you some tea."
Double D laughed. "You spoil me, Eddy."
Eddy nodded in mock seriousness. "Yeah. Kind of a full time job, Sockhead. Especially when you decide to disappear without telling anybody."
Double D pouted. "Sorry."
"It's alright," Eddy shrugged. "Come on. I'll help ya up."
Hello, my friends! A lot has happened lately so I am a bit late but new chapter for the story! Please R&R! I would love to hear your thoughts! Thank you for your continuing support! Love, moon-bunny15
