It's nearly impossible to understand the level of dedication and care that Santana holds for Brittany and its unfathomable to even attempt to expose her, but Brittany contains a care of the same force that seems to go unnoticed.
Brittany knows. Brittany has always known. She may not be the brightest bulb in the shed of terrible analogies but she wasn't blind and the way Santana pretends as if her feelings ceased to exist is both upsetting and heartbreaking.
She remembers that day at the lake despite what the doctor says about memory loss; it is the only memory that remained so vivid to her. She remembers the water as it rushed into her nose and mouth soon filling her lungs until she felt like she was floating into an abyss. She was the one who had let go first as her hands clutched to nothing. But she wasn't scared because she knew Santana would find her, she knew somehow Santana would bring her back.
It was peaceful but the sound of crying filled her ears as she felt the hard floor pressed against her back. She lay there motionless but fully aware of her surroundings. The way Santana's face was covered in tears, the way she tried desperately to shake the life back into her, it was endearing but useless. She felt cold and tired as if she could drift into a never ending sleep but her eyes remained on the Latina who seemed so broken and torn. She could never forget the complete and utter destruction that filled those brown eyes, it was haunting.
Brittany prayed that day too despite the fact it would have usually caused her to drift into a slumber. She prayed for Santana's tears to stop. She asked God to relieve her best friend of her sorrow and she would follow her forever to make sure nothing would ever cause her to cry like she did right there and then.
The next thing she remembers is a hospital bed and Santana's small body curled up beside her tangled in the wires that were connected to her fingers. She smiles not fully aware of how long she's been there or why but none of it seems to mater, all she can focus on is Santana whose eyes were clear of any tears. God had kept his promise and so in turn she would honor hers.
Santana has never been one to do nice things especially for anyone in Glee club but she finds herself consumed by the broken pieces that call themselves bodies that sit in the choir room each day completely unaware of how destructive they all are to one another. She wants Brittany to learn to face each day by herself, of course she would be there but this time they wouldn't be glued by the pinky like they usually were. The distance was needed to ease the pain.
They haven't spoken in three days. She isn't ignoring her she just wants a taste of what it will be like when she finally lets her go. Because ultimately to protect Brittany she will have to let her go completely. Brittany had already spread her wings seeing as she was just given the title of most fashionable teenager in America; Santana couldn't be more proud of her best friend. She was doing okay without her and a part of her was happy while the other part of her was secretly hoping Brittany would fall apart so that she could piece her back together.
They meet in the hallway regarding the last few days of avoidance as nothing. "Seriously Britt, you have become a fashion institute for both the style rejects like Rachel man hands Berry and a non-sundress chic inspiration for Quinn… it's amazing" Santana says always taking an extra moment to insult Rachel for her constant fashion monstrosities and Quinn's lack of variety in clothing. Brittany's smile overtakes her whole face as she scrunches her nose and blushes, "It's totally cool." Santana leans on the lockers beside her ready to talk about how pathetic Rachel was trying to take credit for Brittany's newfound style when Sam came walking down the hall turning to Santana and giving her a peck on the cheek, "See you in Glee, nga nin lor" (you look beautiful). Santana didn't even acknowledge his presence but rolled her eyes and nodded before pushing his shoulder and giving him a seductive smile as she licked her lips.
Brittany stood there unable to understand Santana and Sam's relationship. They were both nerds at heart and it was sweet how Sam spoke in Navi to her and how the Latina actually understood it seeing as Santana took her to watch Avatar three times though she would never tell anyone. Brittany suddenly felt like the outcast as if Santana had replaced her for another blonde who did adorable stupid things and took her unresponsive behavior as fuel to flame the embers of adoration.
"Anyways, Do you think Quinn will actually show up to Glee rehearsal today, I mean Sam completely humiliated her in front of a crowd of people, it was amazing." Santana said reveling in the very thought of Sam breaking Quinn's heart. Brittany should have been disturbed at this, at Santana's satisfaction at a ruined relationship but she wasn't, instead she laughed along with the Latina as they made their way to their next class.
People think that Santana hated Quinn because she took her head cheerleader position and for some reason coach Sylvester takes a liking to her, but that was far from her reasoning. She loathed the very thought of Quinn Fabray because she had the very thing she had forbidden herself of, she had love.
Everyone knew Sam adored Quinn, the way he was always whispering in her ear and holding her hand, even saying goofy things to make her laugh when they were together. Sometimes it reminds Santana of the way Brittany is with her but she disregards the very comparison because they aren't even a couple and she would never be Quinn Fabray. Quinn cheated on Sam and Santana's heart broke for him, it shouldn't have affected her this much but it did. Sam's love wasn't enough for Quinn and Quinn took it upon herself to go after Finn. It was sickening to even process how grotesque her actions were. Funny they used to call her the whore or the slut when purity ring Fabray was the one who should be wearing the scarlet letter.
That was the only reason Santana was with Sam after all, because she sympathized with him and she knew his heart break needed more than loneliness to be cured. It was actually an act of kindness and not just an attempt at another bitchy move. Well at least Brittany saw it as an act of kindness not that anyone else would, but she didn't expect them to anyways, they didn't know Santana the way she did.
Santana wasn't aware of how much it hurt Brittany when she held Sam's hand or kissed him in the hallways. Brittany felt the same way about Sam the way Santana felt about Artie, jealous. Still she continued to follow Santana into the spanish room, sitting next to her and playing with her dark hair giving no sign of the cracks that lined her heart. She would always be there right beside Santana no matter how much the Latina would cause her heart to ache. Brittany often wondered why Santana gave her these mixed signals, why she kissed her even though they both had boyfriends and why she would etch the word 'love' on her bear stomach after a day of homework but never dare say the words.
Brittany knows that Santana loves her, but she doesn't know why she won't admit it, was she ashamed? or was it something else entirely? Little did she know that Santana was only trying to do what was best for the blonde and love was a dangerous game that Santana just wasn't willing to play.
