Chapter 7
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or NCIS or any of their characters. I do however own this story, I wrote it and I do NOT give permission for anyone to post it anywhere else. If you want to share it post a link.
A/N: Words in Bold are direct quotes from the series.
-o0o-
Spencer moved into his new home once his knee was well enough to cope with the stairs. Tony had done an amazing job of organising the repair of the blood spatter. He'd had the floorboards re-sanded and polished and painted the walls a rich deep green, installing bookshelves in every room, as well as turning the largest bedroom into a library. Spencer's new California King bed was incredibly comfortable and fit nicely into the next largest bedroom and Tony had performed miracles, managing to provide the number of pillows Spencer would need for his lungs when he had a cold and decorate the room in tones of blue and Spencer's favourite purples while still giving it a masculine feel. With Spencer's enthusiastic permission, he had also bought Spencer a TV and media centre so some of their movie nights could happen at Spencer's instead of making him do all the commuting.
Spencer and Tony had had a housewarming party with pizza and a movie marathon. Spencer hadn't even thought about having a traditional housewarming dinner with his team. Spencer also enrolled in a new degree and started classes. Tony had been right his professors were so happy to have him it wouldn't matter is he only attended one class a month. He'd managed to get to about half the classes and had joined a couple of study groups, something he'd always avoided in the past. He found them a lot of fun and they found his contributions valuable enough that they were happy to catch him up on the classes he missed, though most of them were taped for him. He made some new friends and started socialising with them, going to concerts and public events.
He also made sure to spend time with Henry every week but often met with Henry and Will away from the house rather than visiting JJ. He and Henry spent time in every child friendly museum and playpark his knee could handle. After Haley's murder Jack and Hotch sometimes joined them. The two boys had remained close in spite of Jack's time away in witness protection and the age difference between them, and the two men found they had a lot in common once Hotch relaxed enough to let his inner geek out.
Professionally, things had settled down and Spencer was enjoying his work with the team. Spencer still didn't go out with the team socially, and kept relations quite formal between them, Hotch helped by making sure he shared with Reid on cases where individual rooms weren't available, and often paired him with local LEO's rather than the team. Then they went to Wyoming to investigate a series of seeming suicides. It had been a successful case, they'd caught the unsub and saved his son, no other children had died since they'd arrived. The mood on the jet was good, though something was clearly up with JJ who Hotch approached in the galley to offer support. Spencer was sitting opposite Emily and was beginning to relax around the rest of the team and not shut his emotions away and stopped restricting himself to purely professional interactions.
He asked Emily about the wooden puzzle she was playing with.
Emily answered by telling him a story about the puzzle.
Spencer was more interested in the puzzle than the story but he still felt obligated to point out that it didn't make sense. He corrected Emily without thinking about it when she called it a fable.
Emily sounded irritated, as she called it a love story and how the star puzzle was a metaphor for the story. "It's basically impossible to do because you need to take all of those pieces and fit them together exactly…" Emily began, stopping when Spencer put the completed puzzle on the table.
"There's a lot to hate about you, Dr Reid," Emily said
"Play poker with him sometime," Rossi contributed looking up.
"Try playing chess with him," Morgan teased.
"Or Go," Garcia added.
Spencer looked down incredibly hurt by his team's thoughtless comments. Prior to getting shot he probably would have brushed them away as teasing but now they echoed in his mind reminding him that nobody had cared enough to visit him in the hospital. It seemed their tolerance for him was waning again.
Things with the team had seemed to be getting better and he had decided not to apply for the sabbatical leave cover on Garrett's team but the deadline wasn't until Friday maybe he should reconsider. He spent the night looking at the 'pros and cons' of taking the temporary position. He didn't call Tony until he'd made his decision because he already knew the older man would tell him to go for it but once the decision was made he called for moral support before going into Quantico to talk to Garrett and Hotch. He decided to talk to Garrett first, no point upsetting Hotch unless the position was still available and Garrett was willing to hire him.
He met with Garrett that morning, glad that they were both in town to speak in person. Garrett was thrilled to have another experienced profiler on his team, the last thing he wanted was to have to hold the hand of a green agent while they freaked out over their first experience with the brutality some unsubs were capable of. And Reid who spoke half a dozen languages and read a dozen or so more would be a real asset. It would also be a relief to have a TAD who was not looking for a permanent spot on his team so Seger wouldn't need to worry about her position being stolen if she wanted a few extra months off. He agreed to the hiring immediately and they went to speak with the Assistant Director who already knew about Reid's issues with his current team and was happy to sign off on the secondment.
"Come and meet the team. I expect you know most of them," Garrett said as they left the AD's office.
"I do and I'll come by and meet with them later this morning. I need to go and tell Hotch, he deserves to hear it from me," Spencer said.
"You didn't tell him before approaching me?" Garrett said frowning.
"No, he knows the problems I've been having with the team and that I was thinking of leaving. I think he'll be glad that this is only temporary, it will give me the space to decide how to work things out with the team. The BAU is my calling, I'd hate to leave it but I do need a break that doesn't involve hospitals."
Garrett chuckled, "I hear you," he said. "Speaking of hospitals though we need to talk later about your medical conditions and what restrictions they impose in the field.
"Not many so long as you're not expecting me to kick down doors, I can't run very far or fast, but then I couldn't very well before I hurt my knee. I need to be careful of my lungs and infections so I'll carry a mask with me and put it on as 'I need it," Spencer replied.
"How do your lungs cope with altitudes?" Garrett asked.
"Not too bad," Spencer replied.
Garrett made a mental note to catch up with Hotch after Spencer had told him, and ask for a second opinion on that.
-o0o-
"Hotch, you got a minute?" Spencer asked awkwardly.
"Sure Reid, what's on your mind?" Hotch looked up from his paperwork and looked his youngest agent, intrateam profiling was forbidden but he had noticed the change in atmosphere in the jet when he came back from talking with JJ, the others all seemed fine, but Spencer seemed to be trying a little too hard to seem unaffected by something.
"I've decided to take a secondment to the IRT for six months while Seger is on sabbatical leave,"
Spencer stated nervously. "I start at the end of the month."
This was the make or break moment, for Spencer to move to the IRT for six months and then come back to the BAU he needed Hotch to sign off on the secondment. If Hotch didn't then he would have to choose between resigning from the BAU, taking the risk that there would be a position he was interested in when Seger returned from her Sabbatical or staying at the BAU when he felt the need to leave.
"You're sure you want to do this?" Hotch asked.
"I do, I need a break from this team to get my head on straight again. I approached Garrett about the job, Hotch, he didn't approach me," Spencer admitted. "I've tried to ignore what happened when I was injured and keep things professional but I've spent my whole life not belonging anywhere and I thought that here I'd finally found a place to belong and it hurts to be wrong. Being here with them reminds me of it constantly. I don't expect to fit in any better with Garrett's team, but it won't hurt me if I don't. And maybe six months with them can give me the breathing space I need to come to terms with what happened. If I stay it will just keep eating at me until I start hesitating to trust them to have my back in the field."
Hotch nodded in understanding. "I will miss you, not just your insights and knowledge, I will miss you as a person, as a friend and colleague," he said wanting to be sure there was no understanding.
"I'll only be a phone call away Hotch," Spencer replied. "And I will still be making an effort to take Henry out on my days off. You and Jack are still welcome to join when you can."
Hotch walked around his desk to hug his friend. "That goes both ways, Spencer. I can't promise to always be here at Quantico, but I will always be there for you if you need me."
Spencer relaxed into the hug, glad that his friend understood.
"Can I ask why now Spencer? I expected this when you first came back to work," Hotch asked.
"I couldn't have left you while we were hunting Foyet. I needed to know you'd be safe first," Spencer replied.
"So now he's dead and you've decided that I'm recovered and coping well enough not to need you?" Hotch asked dryly. He was grateful that Spencer hadn't left them in the lurch while he was reeling against the attack on his person or after Haley's death but wondered what had made the younger man believe Hotch was ready for him to leave now.
"Not exactly, yesterday on the jet and I made the mistake of criticizing Emily's story about the star puzzle and solving it for her. She didn't react well, and the others joined in the conversation and made me regret trying to open up to them again. I need time to re-establish a professional distance. Hopefully six months will get me to the point where every other conversation that isn't strictly work related won't open up old wounds anymore," Spencer replied.
Hotch sighed and nodded, he could see that Spencer needed the break or they would lose him altogether, he only hoped that in six months' time he'd be ready to come back and stay.
"Do you want to tell the team, or shall I?" he asked.
"I was kind of hoping to keep it quiet until I left," Spencer said beseechingly.
"And leave me holding the bag when you've gone without warning, like Gideon? You remember how that felt?" Hotch asked scoldingly.
"You're right. That's not fair to any of you. I'll tell them before I go, just not right away I don't want to deal with their reactions," Spencer admitted.
"Okay Spencer, so long as you tell them before you leave," Hotch said understandingly. "And for what it's worth, I'm proud of you for knowing what you need and having the courage to seek it out, I hope you find it."
"Thanks Hotch," Spencer said.
Jack has been talking about the aeronautics museum for weeks. Do you think you and Henry would enjoy meeting us there, next time we have a weekend off?" Aaron asked.
"I'm not sure he's really into planes and spaceships yet but if we include the ice-cream parlour afterwards I'm sure he'd enjoy spending time with Jack. I'll try to set it up with Will," Spencer said grinning.
"Still not talking to JJ? She wasn't part of what happened on the plane. You were starting to forgive her for what happened when you were shot, and she really could use your support at the moment, Don't blame her for the other's actions, or for not noticing that they'd upset you. I can't break her confidence but that case really shook her," Hotch said seriously.
"Okay I'll talk to JJ about borrowing Henry for the day," Spencer compromised, still not wanting to spend his day off with his former best friend.
-o0o-
"You're not enjoying this, are you?" Morgan asked incredulously as they were going through the boxes of paper Agent Russell Goldman had collected about the conman turned killer.
"I like a good paper trail I find it meditative," Spencer replied without stopping his work.
"Is it really that hard for you to be normal just one time?" Morgan asked.
Luckily for Morgan, Hotch walked in with new information before the pissed off Spencer could respond. Even in this situation where his gifts saved the team hours and hours of time going through the paperwork themselves he was being picked on for them. On the other hand looking at this paper trail made him see that with his reading speed he could have a job in white collar crimes anytime he wanted it though it didn't really interest him. He tamped down on his reactions, reminding himself he only had another couple of weeks with this team.
-o0o-
"Can you get Garcia on Skype, I have an announcement to make," Spencer said as they climbed on the jet after his final case.
"Hello my superheroes, what can I do for you this afternoon. Please tell me you are coming home?" Garcia said chirpily.
"Yes Baby Girl, we are. Spencer has an announcement that he wanted you to hear at the same time as we do," Morgan said.
"An announcement about what?" Garcia asked speculatively.
"Hold your horses Woman, we're all waiting to hear what Pretty Boy has to say," Morgan flirted.
Hotch looked at them to stop chatting and listen.
"I have been seconded to the IRT to work on UC Garrett's team, replacing SSA Seger for the next six months. This is my last case, I start with them on Monday," Spencer announced.
"That's not fair? Hotch, can't you do anything?" JJ asked.
"There's no need for Hotch to intervene. I'm looking forward to it," Spencer said firmly.
"Why you?" Morgan asked.
"I speak seven languages and read nineteen. I will be an asset to their team and it seemed like a good experience," Spencer said rolling his eyes.
"I could do a thing and block the transfer," Garcia offered.
"No Garcia" Hotch ordered, "Leave it alone."
"I asked for the transfer Garcia," Spencer said.
"What! Why?" there was a general outcry.
Spencer looked down for a minute surprised at their reaction. Then he got angry. "Because it's easier to feel that you don't belong when you're among people you don't know very well than it is among people you used to think of as family. I'd rather work with strangers than work with people who pretend to care for me and then let me down when I need them most. I decided to take the secondment to give me time to decide what I want to do next. Whether I can come back and work with you all professionally without becoming emotionally involved again."
"We are your friends Reid?" Emily said.
"It didn't feel like it when I spent 14 days alone in traction waiting to find out if I was going to ever walk again," Spencer replied. "I couldn't leave the team until Foyet was caught and Hotch had Jack back and then I stayed until Hotch had settled into juggling running the team and being a single dad. I didn't want to cause him more trouble than I had to. Then this opportunity came up and it seemed like a godsend."
"You can't let him go like this Hotch!" Morgan said angrily.
"I can't keep him here while he wants to leave, I'm just grateful he's chosen a temporary secondment instead of resigning outright," Hotch replied. "And he's right about one thing, Garrett's whole team are really excited to have Spencer on their team, having someone who can pretty much learn the culture and half the language overnight whatever country they go to will be an incredible boon to their team. They respect his gifts and will make the most of his skills."
"But we need him, he belongs here with us?" Garcia said.
"Garcia, you knew he was in the hospital, why didn't you let the rest of the team know?" Hotch asked. He'd asked before but never received a straight answer.
"You were too sick to do anything about it and the rest of the team were busy looking for Foyet so it would be safe for Jack to come home," Garcia replied. "We needed to find Foyet so you'd all be safe."
"Yet you all had enough time to visit me regularly. And don't you think the rest of the team had the right to make their own decisions whether or not they had time to visit Reid?" Hotch asked sternly.
"Yes Sir," Garcia said miserably, as the others glared at her.
"You had no right to keep that information from any of us. If you had told them how badly he was injured then he may not be feeling the need to leave now," Hotch said sternly. "But the rest of you can't all just totally blame Garcia. Unlike me, Spencer did have access to his phone and a phone charger. Any of you could have called him at any time, the way I did as soon as I got my phone privileges back. All of you were aware he had been shot. Morgan and JJ, you actually saw him before the ambulance arrived. There was no excuse for not checking on him yourselves."
"He said he was fine and sent us to contact Emily and see what was happening with you," JJ protested.
"Even when he'd just been shot he was more worried about you. How were we to know he was seriously hurt?" Morgan said defensively.
"And you left him to worry about me. Why did none of you even call to tell him I was okay, in fact when JJ did ring Reid to complain about his efforts to protect her family she hung up on him when he asked how I was," Hotch retorted.
"I didn't know he'd been admitted to hospital, I was angry with him for not coming to see you" JJ protested.
"I wouldn't expect him too even if he had been discharged directly from the emergency room that day. To catch a taxi all the way across town and struggle in and out of a second hospital when he's just been shot. In fact, I was barely capable of it the day after I was released and I could walk perfectly well," Hotch retorted, exasperated at the flimsy excuses the team were giving him to try to ease their guilt. "I am grateful for the effort you put into finding Foyet, but the fact that Reid was alone suffering because of your need to help me makes me deeply uncomfortable." Hotch left them and walked back into his office locking the door and closing the blinds to indicate he didn't want to be disturbed unless they had a case.
-o0o-
"We need Reid," Emily lamented looking at the mess they'd made of the geographical profile.
"Reid isn't available, his team is in Israel," Hotch replied.
"He should be here with us," Morgan said angrily.
"He needed a break from the team to gain perspective and decide whether he could forgive you all," Hotch replied.
"He needs to get over it," Emily said.
The others all seemed to feel similarly and Hotch lost his temper with them.
"You all treated him as if he was a brain with no feelings instead of being a real person, as if when we finished work for the day you could switch him off and leave him behind unless you wanted him around. Spencer was incredibly hurt by your abandonment while he was in the hospital. And yes, abandonment is the only word I can use to describe it. Spencer thought of you all as his family. The knowledge that none of you cared about him enough to visit nearly broke him in ways I'm not sure can ever be repaired, and the fact that none of you considered in your attempts to protect me from Foyet making a second attack I was in hospital, that Spencer needed protection as well, might have got him killed if he didn't have a friend outside the bureau with the resources to protect him. He's tried to get over it and move on but he feels that he will be better able to do that starting again with a new team and keeping a professional distance right from the start," Hotch said.
"What can we do?" JJ asked. "She had thought she was repairing bridges with Spencer until he suddenly announced he was leaving.
"I don't know JJ, I'm not sure this is fixable. Congratulations people, you all know how hard it is to maintain friendships with the hours we work and the IRT isn't any better. Spencer doesn't plan to even try to make friends with his new team. He just thinks it will be easier to work with strangers he doesn't know rather than strangers who he used to think of as family," Hotch said angrily. He walked into his office shutting the door and the blinds to indicate he was not available to talk to any of them.
The rest of the team looked at each other sadly. They had no idea that Spencer had felt things were bad enough to consider leaving the team. They had teased him a lot like they teased each other, not realising that after what had happened when he was shot Reid took their continued teasing as a form of bullying.
A/N: Thank you to ahowell1993, Locket1, Reader Ethiriel, julschristine975, Guest, Guest, Guest, Guest, Guest, Guest, Cokeheller, Astrahan, Rori Potter, Village-Mystic, DS2010, leahk80, Criminal Minds Queen, save the sharks, Guest, DanniiGirl, CharlotteDaBookworm, catlover123456789, Unknown at Your Service, bmelv1, Cyril Asa Moriarty, Dream and Hope, lovekakashiobito, sugaraddict99, Selkiesprite, cecy cantu, Isabella-Rose Snape, denimleigha, Narcissa1, lunarlaura, Eliatrope223, starfish56, tooker86, cawcrazy, fanfanfiction, ShadowsInDreams, casszim, Malicia88, bellaedwardgurl, lucy62, Evelle13, Calgal48, Wilson1713, Starlitmagic, , Malicia88, SnowSkyLine, Artbee02, deckman1234, Hedwig Edwiges, stefanialilly, Silver Fox 22000 and calileane for your support.
