The persistent allegations that Uchiha Madara would fall for a diminutive Senju heiress, with an annoyingly persistent moral compass and an inability to keep herself out of trouble, were as ridiculous as they were true. femNaruto x Madara, fem!Naruto, Time Travel, series of disordered one-shots

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The nine months that Naruto was pregnant with their first child were the most miserable and nerve-wracking months of Madara's life. In fact, the Uchiha would even go so far as to say that having a heir was one of the greatest trials that men had to endure, what with their wives' erratic mood swings and disgusting food cravings. Naruto may claim that she suffered the greater indignity due to the actual process of childbirth, but Madara would beg to differ.

A woman's body was specifically designed for bearing children, and they were born with a higher pain tolerance as well, so it couldn't possibly be as difficult as Naruto made it sound. Had she walked less, than perhaps her ankles wouldn't even be swollen and he wouldn't have had to massage-

At this point, the Uchiha had been unceremoniously thrown out of the room by his unamused wife, and her unerring aim with sharp, metallic instruments of death. Madara scowled, performed a rude gesture in an amused Tobirama's direction (bastard still couldn't accept that his sister was now Madara's wife), and stalked off to drink his pride away.

Fortunately, he could always find a sympathetic ear in his other brother-in-law.

"She has no respect for the proper order of things," Madara sulked, taking another elegant, if slightly tipsy, gulp of his sake. "A man's home is supposed to be his castle. Instead, she just throws me out without even a by-your-leave, and in front of that Senju bastard too!"

"That Senju bastard is my little brother," Hashirama reminded the other man, "And you knew that Aiko-chan was unconventional when you married her."

Madara snorted. "My wife's name is Naruto Uchiha. I don't know why you keep insisting on that silly birth name that she never answers to."

"If I do not falter in my course, then one day, she shall find the kindness and humility to accept the name our father gave her," Hashirama replied, with solemn dignity. Then he tossed back the rest of his drink, and choked down the burning liquid. Madara signaled the bartender over for another round.

"How is that witch of yours treating you?" Madara asked, conversationally. Despite heading rapidly into drunkenness, his friend had enough presence of mind to give him a dirty look for the insult directed at his cherished Uzumaki.

"My beloved grows ever more beautiful each day, with our child growing in her womb," Hashirama sighed, happily. Then, the man's shoulders slumped. "Her temper grows ever shorter as well."

Madara nodded wisely. "I told you that clan was crazy. Has she tried to skewer your manhood yet?"

Hashirama winced. "Tobirama made an insensitive comment, and I was the closest man on hand."

"With his utter lack of feeling and tact, that man is never going to get married," Madara said with relish. Then he paused and added grudgingly. "Though perhaps that is something to envy him for."

A smile tugged at the brunette's mouth. "There once was a time when I would have said that for you."

Madara waved the comment away. "A normal woman would not have married me. I can be… trying for those of the weaker sex. Naruto was an outlier."

"Both of our wives are outliers," Hashirama added, lifting a sake cup up for a toast. "To powerful, intelligent, and independent women… and their very lucky, very foolish husbands."

"I am not foolish," the Uchiha grumbled, but clinked his cup nonetheless. "Now let us drink to a happier thought. My son handily defeating yours in a spar."

"I think what you mean to say is my son defeating yours," Hashirama laughed, taking another drink. "Another toast… to excellent friends, fine sake, and Tobirama being the next target of a woman's ire!"

"I'll offer three toasts for the last," the dark-haired man cried, tipping his glass. The two continued on for some length, exchanging ever ridiculous toasts, until Hashirama was giggly praising the way their hair hung impeccably in battle and Madara was boasting for his excellent taste in the drawing room curtains.

By then, they had cut out the middle man, and simply ordered a bottle of sake to exchange between them. When the sake bottle was finished, they ordered a second, and finally a third. As that bottle's contents began to dwindle, and Madara started seeing a double mirage every time he blinked, he signaled the bartender over.

"Put it on his tab," Madara nodded to the brunette sitting next to him, softly singing Kumo's national anthem as he hugged the sake bottle to his chest. At the man's dubious look, the dark-haired Uchiha cheerfully added. "Lord Hokage wanted to cover the rounds as a celebration of his firstborn child."

The bartender nodded in understanding, and cleared the bottles away without a thought. The Shodaime was well-known for being a generous, and kind-hearted man, and his happiness at the thought of soon becoming a father was obvious. Besides, why would someone as wealthy and powerful as Madara Uchiha have to lie about a simple bar tab?

It wasn't like Madara was still holding a grudge over the lost political position. Sure, his wife had tossed all thoughts of violence out of his head with extreme prejudice, but he could still be allowed the occasional petty revenge. And with the baby coming along, Madara would have to be more fiscally responsible. He hadn't budgeted any money for a third replacement crib, after all.

The moral dilemma of taking advantage of his intoxicated friend absolved, Madara gracefully stumbled outside of the bar. His eyes squinted at the sudden light stinging his retina, as his face molded itself into his familiar, heavy scowl. The bright sun of the Land of Fire did absolutely nothing for his headache.

And neither, really, did his brother's exuberant shout.

"Aniki," Izuna called, bounding up to the taller man with an entirely inappropriate grin on his face. A person should not wear the uchiwa symbol, and have such a silly smile on their face at the same time. Unless, of course, it was Madara's wife, whose cheerfulness was boundless, genuine, and earned him no shortage of censure from the traditionalists in the Elder Council.

(As far as the Uchiha Clan was concerned, there were two opinions to be held about Naruto Uchiha. She was either the greatest thing to ever happen to the Clan in general, and Madara-sama in particular, or she was the personification of all that was absurd, evil, and Senju in the world).

"Aniki, you won't believe the news," Izuna shouted, clattering to a stop in front of him.

Madara noted the sudden uptake in interest from the civilians around them, and his scowl deepened a notch. "Get that stupid grin off your face, Izuna."

His brother ignored him, as he was wont to do. "Naruto went into labor!"

Those four words- Naruto. Went. Into. Labor- were enough to instantly sober him in a manner that no injury, potion, or medical jutsu had ever done in the past. Madara was fairly confident his neck had suffered whiplash, as he jerked it directly in front of an eerily similar, though less handsome, face.

"Naruto's having the baby?" Madara whispered hoarsely. He did not pale, because Uchiha's did not show outward signs of apprehension, though his skin did take on a faint grey tinge.

Izuna opened his mouth, presumably to correct his brother's assumption, and tell him that there was no present tense to be applied, and Naruto had already given birth to a healthy baby-

"Kami-damned Senju!" Madara swore, abandoning his brother to leap onto the building. His head was spinning, partially from the alcohol and vertigo, but mostly because his son and heir was about to come into the world, and Tobirama had taken no effort to alert him to the matter.

Yes, that decided it. Damn Hashirama and Naruto alike; Madara was going to kill their brother.

However, Madara was one of the most powerful ninja in the world, if not- as he would like to proclaim- the most powerful ninja, and his speed was one of his greatest assets. He managed to cross over half the village, and get into the Uchiha Clan Compounds in record time. A multitude of faces turned towards the dark blur rushing towards the clan head's home, several of the more astute ninja recognizing their leader, and Madara's mind absently recorded their reactions. Many of them had frowns on their faces, which caused the powerful man's fear to rise exponentially.

Why would they be unhappy on this joyous day of their clan heir's birth? Unless the birth was not going well, his Naruto was lying bloody and alone on her deathbed, his child had been stillborn…

For one brief, yet eternal, moment, Madara's mind paused and fiercely hoped that Naruto would survive. He did not care about this nameless, faceless, unborn child- not yet- and would gladly sacrifice any number of them to keep the girl with the ridiculous yellow hair and poison-blue eyes by his side. They could always try again, and if they could not, then it was time that Izuna pulled his fair share of the clan duties anyway.

With that decided, Madara burst into his wife's birthing room, coming to a stop just a few feet away from the bed. His heart beat rapidly, clearing the alcohol in his bloodstream, as he discovered her exhausted, but safe, and clean, and happy, as she cradled a bundle in her arms. Madara's Sharingan-active eyes flickered over each inch of her body, cataloguing the healthy flush of skin and steady heartbeat, before they rested on the determined gaze of his wife.

His mind registered a midwife as well, but he disregarded the elderly woman as a concern.

Naruto's chin raised in defiance. "Husband."

Madara's befuddled mind spun. Why did she greet him with a challenge? "Wife," he replied, carefully.

He walked closer to the bed, watching her tense at each of his steps. When he was standing less than an arm's length from her, Naruto tipped the bundle in his direction. Madara's breath caught at the porcelain skin under a head of downy black hair.

"Our daughter," Naruto told him, and he understood. For the entirety of her pregnancy, Madara had been adamant that he would have a son, an heir to impart his shinobi skills unto, to carry on his legacy, and to preserve his surname. He had not even tolerated the thought of a daughter, for what need would a man such as he, fill with a daughter?

But Naruto was alive, they both were alive…

"May I hold her?" Madara closed his eyes and deactivated his Sharingan, knowing that the crimson orbs unnerved his wife. With an exhale of relief, Naruto passed the bundle over to him. He placed one hand beneath the head, and curled the impossibly small, indescribably fragile being into his body.

The dark-haired shinobi traced the child's face with a finger. His pointed chin and slanted brow, so easily furrowed into an expression of derision or intimidation. Naruto's cupid bow lips, often upturned in a smile, and the button nose, that twitched seconds before she sneezed. The child opened her eyes, and Madara felt his throat tighten. Wide ash-black eyes that were a perfect mimicry of his own.

"She's beautiful," Madara declared softly, looking up with a genuinely grateful expression on his face, "Thank you."

Naruto's lips spread upward in a pleased smile. "We'll have more," she assured, "Maybe we'll have a son next time-"

Her husband raised a hand. "Let us discuss this tomorrow," the Uchiha Head decreed, "This day belongs to the little one. We shall have to name her first."

Madara had not considered the possibility of having a daughter, but that was no impediment for a man of his brilliance. He could easily think up an appropriate name for his daughter, something strong and beautiful, steeped in the tradition and power of the Uchiha Clan. Yes, he would find the most appropriate name for the firstborn of Uchiha Madara.

"Her name is Uchiha Kurama," his wife replied, regaining her usual optimism and cheer, and with it, her customary disregard for her husband's wishes.

"What? I didn't agree to that," Madara protested. "That's not an Uchiha name!"

"I looked over the Uchiha name list, and I didn't like any of the female options," Naruto answered, unrepentant, "Today, I had to go through over four hours of agonizing childbirth, while you got drunk at a local tavern on the opposite side of Konoha. Don't try to deny it; I know Tobirama-niisan wouldn't lie to me. You're lucky I'm even letting you hold Kurama-chan now."

Ignoring his impotent fury, Naruto turned and calmly spelled the name out for the amused midwife. And being one of those blasted Senju that Tobirama arranged for his sister's interment, she naturally wrote that deplorable name down.

Yes, Kurama Uchiha would be down one uncle by tomorrow night.

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