I started out the window. The rain was falling hard against it. Only 8 am. We wouldn't be going outside today. Movie day in the basement, yes, that's what today called for. Wrapping my blanket tightly around my body, I hobbled down the stairs to the living room, dropping my blanket beside all the dogs.
"Why are there so many of you?" I questioned out loud to the dogs. None of them moved. Shrugging to myself I slid my feet towards the kitchen I saw Jeff and Shane sitting at the table.
"Morning sunshine!" Shane chirped.
"Yeah, sure" I mumbled as I walked past the two men to get coffee
"How'd you sleep?" Jeff questioned
I shrugged, still not wanting to talk to him. Everyone in the house- that I knew of- knew about Jeff and I. Our secret relationship. I sighed. Sunday mornings sucked. Pulling my body over to the table, I sat beside Shane, closer than normal, but not weird.
"Movies today?" I questioned hopeful "and where's my sister?"
"Yes and The two of them went to get movies." Shane said looking directly into my eyes.
"Good. Are they bringing food? There's none in Matt's house" I said looking at the cupboards.
"Yeah they are" Jeff said.
"Fuck, you two need to make up. Tension between y'all sucks." Shane said standing up and walking out. The silence that filled the air around Jeff and I was thick enough to suffocate you. Shane was right. There was tension beyond belief. But what could I do? Jeff was married and had Ruby. He wouldn't leave, he did it for Ruby. I was just something on the side. Probably nothing he really cared about for all I knew. I was almost sure he just wanted to see if he really felt what he did for Beth by cheating on her. But maybe he did really love me.
"Would you just talk to me Sky," Jeff pleaded "I love you. Do you not hear the sincerity in my voice?"
"Of course I do. It's you. I always will. It's your entire fault."
"What's my fault?"
"Letting it get to this." I said. I could feel my mind telling me to run. Run before you start to cry. Don't let him see that you're weak. That he won. But my heart fought stronger. Told me to stay, stand my ground. Let him see you break down, maybe he'll realize that he's really hurting you. The sighs came out strong and hard from the both of us.
"I know" Jeff finally whispered. It felt like an eternity had gone past. My eyes had drifted to the blue tiles in the floor. When I finally looked up at Jeff I could see tears, showers of tears pouring down his face. I felt the tears pull at my heart strings. Jeff didn't cry if he could help it. There was very few times I ever saw him cry. His mom, Ruby's birth, and now. I felt like I had torn Ruby and his mom away from him in the same instance. I could feel the pain that sat in his chest. I knew I was doing this to him. But did he know he was doing the same thing to me. A bolder always on my chest, tears always stinging my nose and eyes. Always feeling forgotten? I never went out with anyone back home. I was faithful, never straying from him. I always understood for him, planned my life with him.
"I love you and I want to marry you" was what finally pulled me away from my own self-pity thoughts "I just don't know what to do. What about Ruby? What about Beth? I just don't know what to do. I don't want you to hate me. That would kill me. Not talking to you kills me every minute. Hurting you kills me every second of every day. I'm just so confused" another burst of tears came from his eyes. He looked up at me. The tears spilling fast, his face, red and puffy. I felt my heart shatter and he whispered
"I'm sorry"
