Abide with me; Fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.
- Henry Francis Lyte (1847)
Rey marches back to Kylo Ren's room faster than she thought possible, not bothering to greet anyone on her way there. She punches in his key code and watches the door slide open as she strides inside.
"What have you done?" the words are out of her mouth before she can stop herself.
He is in his room, sitting upon the bed with a holobook in his hand. He allows it to slide out of his grip and onto the bed as he turns to look at her. She can feel the surprise emanating from the bond, but he is happy to see her, he hadn't thought she would return the same day.
"What did I do?" His tone is quiet and controlled, but Rey isn't fooled by the false impassivity.
"Finn told me," she says bitterly.
"Finn. . ." he says the name with a growl. "And what did he say?"
The bond hums with unspoken thoughts and Rey is barely able to speak. The ghostly press of him against her mind coupled with the intense feeling of static in the air when he is physically present are almost too powerful. She feels like she is choking on air.
"You made a deal to get here." She says finally, gasping the words out between stifled breaths. He nods in affirmation. "A deal that says that at the end of it you will be executed?"
He's very still on the bed, his body half turned to look at her. The expression on his face is unreadable. But this time Rey knows better and she's trying to push herself into his mind but he's put up walls of durasteel in defense.
"What possessed you to make that kind of a deal? I knew you were stupid, but I didn't know how stupid!" She's yelling at him now and shaking with uncontrollable anger.
"Careful Rey," he says. "You're in very dangerous territory." His mind suddenly opens up to her and the consciousness rolls over her like water. He's flooding her with peace and calm and she can barely hold on to consciousness herself as she steadies herself against the wall.
"Stop!" She says, gritting her teeth with the mental force necessary to block him back out. "What're you trying to do?"
"Trying to calm you down," he replies flatly. "Your anger is starting to boil over and that's not good for either of us."
She takes several steadying breaths. "Is it true?"
He nods slowly. "It was the only way. They would've tried to kill me first if I hadn't."
She feels herself on the verge of tears she can't even begin to understand. "That's not true! You would've been given a trial at least!" Her throat suddenly feels tight and uncomfortable and her chest is heaving in a way that makes it difficult to breathe.
He shakes his head now. "After everything I've done? A trial? No, they would've sentenced me to death on the spot."
"But, your mother." Rey protests. "She would've tried to protect you!"
He smiles at that thought, a sad, longing smile. "You're probably right. But, just think Rey. Just think for a minute. I think you're missing something."
Rey can feel the calm he's trying to send her, it prods at the edges of her mind in that ghostly fashion that makes her shudder. "What am I missing?"
"Who is my grandfather Rey?" It's a question she wasn't expecting, and it makes her furrow her brow in confusion.
"What do you mean? Anakin Skywalker is your grandfather." She remembers from all her conversations with Master Luke, he explained about his father, and who his father became.
"No," he says. "Darth Vader is my grandfather." He says the name with deep reverence that makes Rey deeply uncomfortable. "Who is General Organa's father?"
Rey is silent. She finally understands where he is going with this line of logic.
"Everyone in the Resistance knows that Darth Vader is General Organa's father. They think you're just like him." She feels her chest heave with the last realization. "They think the General may also be a danger if she's pushed too far."
He rises off the bed and makes his way towards her, stopping an arm's reach from her. The static in the air is beginning to crackle, zinging through Rey like a lightning bolt.
"If they don't like how she's doing things," Ren says. "Then surely they will move to depose her. That's one reason why I couldn't let her know about the deal."
"She would've tried to stop it," Rey says. She knows that Leia Organa is a mother first, a general second. There is only one thing more important than the Resistance, and that is her son. She would do anything to protect him, especially now that he has come home to her.
"That's a nice sentiment," Ren replies. "But, I think you overestimate her affection for me. General Organa doesn't have the propensity for affection towards me after the things I've done." There is an air of unconcealed bitterness in his voice.
"That's not true," Rey breathes out. "She loves, she loves you so much it's hurting her!"
He looks up at her with wild eyes. "You can't possible know that."
"She does love you," Rey says, her eyes watery and her throat dry. "But all you know is how to hurt the people who care about you!"
He covers the distance between them and gripping her arm just above the shoulder her pulls her to him. The touch sends shockwaves through her, the tingles begin to subside as he wraps his arms around her shoulders and plants a soft kiss on the top of her head. The familiar scent is back, wafting over her. The smell brings peace and his body brings a calming warmth. She sinks into it, the feeling of her head pressed against his chest and his strong arms around her.
"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I told you, there's many things I should've done differently. I can't go back, so I must go forward."
He pulls his head away from her to look down, studying her chestnut hair and hazel eyes as she gazes back up at him. She looks so small compared to him, so fragile. But he knows the strength she possesses. If only she knew that she possesses him as well.
His face is a mask of stone to her. She isn't sure what he wants from her any more than she is sure of what she wants from him. So she continues to stare into his dark eyes and drink in his stoic face till he leans in again. His lips mere inches away as he murmurs, "There is only one thing that gives me hope for a future."
Somewhere far off Rey feels the force tightening around her, around them. It whispers in her ear that this is right. The force has brought them together.
"And what is that?" She asks.
"You have to know," he says. "You have to. You cannot be so blind as to think that you are not the reason I am here."
"What?" She says, startled by his spoken admission.
"It's you," he replies. "It is always you. In my dreams, in my nightmares. Back at the academy. Before I even knew you. It was always you." The pulse of his sincerity and desperate hope mingle in the bond over her confusion and disbelief.
"Me? But, I'm only a scavenger. You said so yourself."
"Yes, but I'm at war," he says quietly.
She pulls away at this, "War? We are all at war."
"No, you don't understand."
"Then make me," she demands.
"I'm at war with myself," his tortured voice escaping in an anguished whisper. "I want you, I need you. We belong together. Don't you see?" His eyes boring into her as she is swept away in their watery depths.
"But, I don't understand. Why -"
He cuts her off, crushing his lips against hers in some desperate plea.
The feeling is so foreign to Rey she barely knows how to react. The soft brush of his skin against hers and the aching pleasure it brings are new. It is her first kiss, and it does not disappoint.
She sinks into him pressing back against his body as he grips her hips and pulls her up against him. She's forced to part her lips when he slips his tongue through and roughly glides it across the roof of her mouth, eliciting a soft moan from her. Taking the moan as a sign of assent he slides his hands down her back and under her thighs, pulling her up to him and forcing her to wrap her legs around his waist to steady herself.
The urgency of his lips on hers and the feeling of him pressed hard against her wash away all hesitation. He stumbles backwards and they land on the bed, Ren falling till he is flat on his back. Rey untangles her legs and straddles him, breaking their kiss for only the briefest moment as she repositions herself onto her side. She props herself up on one arm as he rolls to his side to meet her lips with his again. Her hand tangling in his mane of glossy black hair she pulls him down on top of her. She needs him there, flush against her, all firm muscle and hard angles. He lets out a slow groan when he lays over her, still fully clothed and arms encasing her in on either side.
"You don't know how long I've wanted this," he says, holding tightly to some semblance of control. He will go as slowly as possible, he will not scare her away, he tells himself. He finally has her in front of him, finally he has spent so much time dreaming about this, hoping for this, and he will not move too fast. He will not take it too far, he will go at her pace. His determination to please her bleeding into the bond and fueling her arousal.
She feels him then, even through the thick fabric of his tunic and trousers, pressing into her thigh. Rey knows very little about the mechanics of it, but she knows what she wants. And right now she wants desperately to feel everything, to have it right up against her. The deep warmth between her thighs that started the moment he touched her is now a blazing fire, she needs so badly to grind against him. So she does, pulling the full weight of him down onto her, she bucks her hips up and grinds against his length. He lets out a surprised gasp, then matches her rhythm. Bucking and grinding his hips to match her thrusts against him until he forces himself to still.
"Stop," he says holding still above her. "I can't go on like this for much longer. I'm already too close."
She looks up at him, puzzled. "Then what do we do? I'm not sure I know what I'm actually ready for."
"You've never?" He asks, his face turning a bright shade of crimson.
She shakes her head. "No, you?"
His ears are turning a lovely pink and he looks away from her, unable to meet her gaze. "I don't really want to talk about it."
"OH!? It's alright to ask me about mine, but I can't ask about yours?" She snaps, he always thinks he makes the rules.
"I'm just not ready to talk about my past yet," he replies, looking anywhere but at her.
"Well, maybe I'm not ready for any of this!" She says, wriggling beneath him in an attempt to move out from under him which causes her to brush up against his length once more.
He lets out a stifled groan, his arms shaking as he tries to pull himself up from her. The feel of him so ready between her thighs, makes her head swim and she bucks up once again while pulling him back down on top of her. She can feel it through the bond then, his bliss, the feeling of elation and the deep ache of lust running through him. He wants her clothes off and the cinch of her around him while he thrusts, but he is satisfied with even this brief contact, the feel of her underneath him.
His lips find hers and he glides his tongue against her teeth, she's seeing spots as she feels him grinding over the bundle of nerves between her legs. Even through the fabric it causes delicious tingles to spread out from her core.
The mounting pressure is building up to some glorious climax and she is determined to see it through. He lets out a strained gasp as he shudders against her, the feeling of him pulsing onto her and the dampness that follows are enough to bring her to the edge. His own ecstasy coming through the bond and causing waves of glorious spasms to pulse through her.
She feels her whole body enraptured by a titillating bliss that rocks through her from the inside out. She trembles, pulling him down next to her she lays there for some time, trying to hold on to the feeling of rapture as it slowly leaves her body.
