Prisoner 08091940- Severus Snape
Cell 42D-High Risk Security
Azkaban Prison- Great Sea, North Atlantic
08/Februaray/1999
Professor Snape,
If you're reading this letter that means you know we've gained a small victory in a war I fully intend to win. If you have any objections, blame it on my Slytherin need to look after my own mixed with pure Gryffindor stubbornness.
It would seem that mixing Slytherin and Gryffindor tendencies creates a brilliant team wouldn't you say sir? I'm certain Draco and Hermione would wholeheartedly agree.
As I'm sure Draco explained to you, the three of us met with Minister Shacklebolt regarding your situation. Now before you start lambasting my Gryffindor heroism, this isn't just about you Professor Snape. You're not the only prisoner suffering from abuse and neglect. As much as you detested my godfather, Sirius was living proof of how subsisting under such brutal conditions can render a person upon release. After Sirius escaped from Azkaban, he may have been free of the fortress itself, but in reality he was still a kept prisoner in his own tormented mind. Not too long after he died, Remus admitted to me that falling into the Veil had ended much of the suffering and anguish which ravaged him daily. I'll never forget the way Remus cried, his face buried in his hands, when he told me it was almost a relief that his friend was finally at peace.
I don't ever want what happened to Sirius to happen to you Professor Snape. I won't allow it.
All people, regardless of their reasons for incarceration, deserve the fundamental rights to water, food, and sanitary living conditions. Essential rights and equality are what we're fighting for sir, you're simply the catalyst who started us on this road. I understand these changes are not going to occur overnight, but at least we've found a way to crack open a door that's been firmly shut for centuries regarding how the wizarding world treats its prisoners.
Take baby steps along the way, and eventually you will still reach your goal.
To be truthful sir, the beginning of our meeting didn't exactly go as planned. Actually, it's been a long-standing joke between Hermione and myself that our plans never seem to work out the way we want them to. We usually formulate a strategy, then all hell breaks loose when we try to implement it. This time was no exception of course, but at least Draco managed to turn the tables in our favour. I may not always agree with his methods, but I will admit the ferret definitely has talent in the art of vocal persuasion. After Shacklebolt felt sufficiently backed into a corner, he decided to throw us a bone by revealing a little known loophole which allows relatives or spouses of those incarcerated to apply for sponsorship. In this way, the prisoner can receive basic provisions by owl or through monthly visitations. Along with the benefit of being able to see you face to face, none of us trusted our packages to be delivered to you intact without the guards rummaging through them, so we all agreed that monthly visits were the answer. Draco immediately applied, and was instated as your sponsor.
I suppose it's no secret how disappointed I was that I couldn't apply for your sponsorship. Though I'm not stupid enough to believe you'd want to lay eyes on me, I still would've welcomed the opportunity to deliver your care packages in person. Even though I can pack them along with everyone else, it's not the same for me professor. I'm sure this sounds ridiculous, but being your sponsor would have made me feel as if I was doing something more than just putting quill to parchment.
Yes, I'm fully aware of what an emotional dunderhead I am, however I make no apologies for it. I am what I am, and that isn't going to change anytime soon, so you may as well get used to it.
Moving on, let me briefly explain the contents of the package and who packed what, because if don't, it's my head on a platter. (And I'm sure you'd have no problem visualizing that with great relish sir.)
Molly made all the food, which includes a variety of sandwiches, dried meats, and simple pasties that will keep well under the brief Stasis Charm we placed over them. It wears off over time, so each serving is tagged according to date that way you'll know which to eat first. Since there's a restriction on how much we can send at one time, we made sure to pack enough for one small meal each night.
Hermione gathered together the cheeses, fruits and nuts. Actually, she created charts for each of one us to make sure you'd be receiving a well-balanced and nutritional diet which would include every kind of nutrient you're probably missing, even factoring in the minimal amount of sunlight you receive and the salt content in the air. Please professor, no comments. I've known Hermione for almost nine years, and you're not going to say anything I don't already know, however she does mean well. I honestly don't know what we would do without her, charts and all.
Draco and Professor McGonagall created the self-refilling flask. It will never run out of fresh water, which means you can also use it to help with basic sanitary needs. We included a stack of flannels for such purposes. Just send them back with Draco when you exchange the package each month so we can replace them with fresh ones.
I'm sorry sir, but there was nothing we could do about the prison robes. Unfortunately, all outer wear must be issued by Azkaban.
Finally, there are the items I packed. The things I chose were not meant to feed the hunger of your body, but that of your mind. Mental stability is just as important, and perhaps in some ways even more important than physical stability. I can't even imagine the excruciating hours of isolation and darkness you have to endure daily. My goal was to make the long stretches of time more bearable in any way possible. Since you're not allowed to receive anything that has significant magical properties attributed it, I had to think very carefully before finally coming up with some items that would adhere to Azkaban's restrictions, while also being useful. I believe you'll be quite pleased with what I've come up with professor.
First is a small unbreakable lantern. Its illumination will not come from fire or magic, but by the power of the brightest star in the sky: the sun. It uses a Muggle technology called solar energy. If you put the lantern by your window all day, at night it should glow steadily with enough light for you to write or perhaps read for a few hours, which is why I included some books I thought you would enjoy. Feel free to send me a list of reading material you'd like sent in your next package. As long as the books don't contain magical properties, I reckon they'll pass through inspection without a problem.
Second, is a small leather-bound journal that I thought would be helpful for jotting down feelings or ideas, anything that comes to mind really. I find the writing process quite cathartic in helping me to cope with a lot of the stress or nightmares I deal with on a daily basis, so I considered it might help you as well. Since quill and ink are not allowed unless under strict supervision, you'll find a Muggle ballpoint pen tucked inside the binding. I can replace it as needed.
Last is the one item you were probably not expecting: a simple quilt, and yet not so simple in nature. Perhaps you'll recognise it Professor Snape, for it belonged to my mother.
Remus gifted the quilt to me during my third year at Hogwarts when he was teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts. He'd saved it for many years always wondering when would be the proper time to present it to me. As it turned out, he'd have his chance sooner than he anticipated, just not in the way he expected.
I was exceptionally sensitive to the Dementors that were stationed at the school that year due to Sirius' escape. No matter what I did, I couldn't block out the intense feelings of oppression and hopelessness that surrounded them. If they were anywhere near me, I usually felt like I was drowning in a sea of despair so thick, I couldn't pull myself out of it. There were times I could even hear a woman screaming as her life was taken from her. I have no way to prove this, but I know in my heart the woman I was hearing was probably my mother. Most of the time, it was too overwhelming, and I usually ended up slipping into unconsciousness. Remus saw the effects the Dementors had on me firsthand and knew I needed help to shield myself from them, so he decided to teach me the Patronus Charm. Trust me when I say that learning it was no easy matter for either of us.
One evening after a particularly difficult lesson on creating a corporeal Patronus, he left the room without a word only to return moments later with the thick quilt draped over his arm. We had been going at it for weeks by this point and I was feeling incredibly frustrated and depressed because I could not think of a single memory which contained enough joy for me to cast my Patronus. I was on the verge of giving up completely, when Remus sat next to me and presented the age worn quilt, which he laid in my hands with the utmost reverence.
It's difficult to express with words what receiving such a significant token meant to me. Holding mum's quilt was literally like having a piece of her within reach; a living memory if you will. As I wrapped the soft quilt around myself, Remus indicated that her mother, my grandmother, had made it for her as a child, and that it was always spread over her bed. Somehow the quilt was loaned to Remus during one of his visits to my parents' home in Godric's Hollow, but he never had the chance to return it before tragedy struck. I won't deny how extremely grateful I was that he'd saved the quilt all those years because if he hadn't, I would never have come into possession of it.
Needless to say, I now had the memory I needed to cast my Patronus. I could imagine mum wrapping me in her childhood quilt as she rocked me to sleep, or perhaps whispered stories by the glow of candlelight as she fed me. I wasn't even sure if the memories were real or only in my head, but they was enough for me to Summon my first corporeal Patronus successfully.
Though I loved the quilt dearly, as I grew older I began to feel silly wrapping myself in it, especially as a teenage boy in our dorm, although I would always lay it across my bed so I could see it. It brought a warmth and comfort to my life that nothing else could provide.
I have no doubt professor, that you're one of the only people who could ever understand what that means to me.
Since the day Remus gave it to me all those years ago, I've never slept without it. Even when I was hunting Horcruxes, the quilt went with me, resting on the cot in our tent.
Now I am loaning it to you Professor Snape.
I have a feeling that mum would have wanted it this way as well. I don't have many things that remind me of her professor, but what I do have I'm willing to share with you, because I understand. I expect you to return it to me when you leave Azkaban, which means you can't give up fighting sir. The only time I want to see that quilt again, is when you're personally handing it to me as a free man, and not before.
I am holding you to this.
It's very hard for me to read how harshly you judge yourself, feeling that no matter what you do, you'll never be able to make up for your past mistakes. It's even worse to realise you really believe you're only as good as what you can offer people, and that your soul has little or no value.
You are wrong Professor Snape, and so was Dumbledore for telling you such rot! It saddens me greatly to think that even with as much brilliance and power as Professor Dumbledore once had, he could still be so completely blind at the most crucial times.
I have never met a more selfless, brave or loyal individual than you Severus Snape. Sneer and scoff all you want, but I know the truth, as do the friends who continue to fight for you. Don't you see sir? You've been conditioned to think this way, because that's exactly what you've been told your whole life, even by those you trusted like Dumbledore! I'm going to do everything in my power to change those views because if you continue thinking with that same frame of mind, then everything you did; everything you suffered and sacrificed, was all for nothing! Don't let those words, whether they came from my dad, Voldemort or even Dumbledore, taint all the good you've accomplished in your life. That goodness overshadows the darkness with the brilliant light which is inside you; the light that is your very soul. I see it clear as crystal, and one day Professor Snape, you will too, I swear it.
If you should fall, I will catch you. I meant what I said.
It's time to rise above those hateful words and prove them all wrong! I want to help you sir, but it will be an impossible task if you're already defeated from within. I believe in you Professor Snape, but nothing will change, until you start believing in yourself.
"To conquer oneself is the best and noblest victory; to be vanquished by one's own nature is the worst and most ignoble defeat." -Plato
Harry Potter
Severus sat on his ragged cot and reread the letter many times. He didn't stop until the sun dipped into the raging sea, and his cell was once again shrouded in darkness.
For a long time he sat in the stifling gloom unmoving, his emotions in complete turmoil. Anger, fear, self-loathing, confusion, even the foreign feeling of hope stormed inside of him, matching the crashing waves pounding against the stone walls. Finally too numb to feel anything else, welcome exhaustion won out.
Carefully, he reached inside his care package for the lantern that Harry had sent him. Standing up, he shuffled slowly to the solitary window in the room, and placed the lantern on the sill. Though it stood out as a dark silhouette against the bars, he knew by tomorrow night it would be glowing like a small beacon of hope.
Making his way back to the filthy cot, he took out the heavy quilt and wrapped himself shamelessly inside of it, curling into a tight ball so its softness would cover him completely. Yes, he remembered this quilt very well. He had seen it on Lily's bed many times when they had been friends, and was stunned that it still existed.
As a peaceful serenity he had not felt in decades began to wash over him, he inhaled deeply of the quilt bringing to mind thoughts of sunshine, spring rain and something else he could not quite place. It wrapped around his mind and embraced his heart warmly.
As Severus slowly drifted into sleep, Harry's letter still clutched in his hand, a small part of his brain realised that it had not been Lily he had been thinking of, but Harry; for the scent on the quilt was distinctly his.
For the first time since his arrival in Azkaban, Severus Snape slept peacefully throughout the night.
