Title: Behind These Words
Author: Tiffany
Summary: It's the final year for Lily Evans and James Potter. They must survive the pressure of school work, the quarrels with friends, but now as Head Boy and Girl…each other.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine!
Feedback to Reviews: and alertness. LoL.
Little Miss Elizabeth: DAMN!. i wished i made the boggart james! how much better would that be?! hopefully this will do…
lilfarie: anticipation? haha. do i quench it now? LoL. and yes, but if you refer to Little Miss Elizabeth's idea a corpse of james would've been better:(
t-man: argh! you caught me out! i realised later but hoped no-one remembered. so…
ATTENTION ALL READERS! I made an error in chapter 2 and possibly a few more that i put SEVERUS SNAPE sleeping in Gryffindor. ARGH!!! The horror! Let's say there's another slimy git in Sirius's sleeping quarters who remind them of Snape. And they call him Snape to repulse each other. OR BETTER YET please forget I made a boo-boo! ..cries..
Advanced Apology:: school. it leads us to our career. must attend. takes up time. which means it may take me awhile to update. i'm sorry for any inconvenience. :(
Chapter Seven:: It's About Time
James had no idea where Lily was. The good thing? He had the map with him. He had stuffed it in his pocket naturally forgetting that Lily might've needed it.
James checked his map. Lily was in the corner of the library not moving. James had a sinking feeling she was crying in there.
He quickly cleared the map and made his way to the library. He wanted to make Lily feel better but had no idea how.
When he reached her, he almost didn't make any more steps forward. Lily Evans – the bravest Gryffindor he knew – had her knees pulled up and was sobbing into them. The sight pulled his heart. How could he make her feel better?
He tentatively walked over and sat beside her. Lily continued crying and James had no idea whether she knew he was there or not.
"I'm here," he whispered uncertainly.
Lily stopped half-sob and sniffed. Her face was still covered and she wiped away her tears with one hand.
"Came to laugh at me?" she asked in a broken voice.
"No, never!" James said shocked. "Just to check how you're doing."
What a stupid thing to say. Obviously she was distressed.
Lily sniffed a bit more.
"I bet the whole class is laughing at me," she said, her voice growing steadier.
"No-one is laughing at you," James said fiercely. "Klump just wanted to ensure you're okay. He sent me."
Well, James happily offered but Lily didn't have to know that.
"Does he want me to go back?"
"I don't know," James admitted as he looked straight ahead. He was sitting so close to Lily that his shoulders almost brushed hers. If he glanced at her now, he would pull her into a hug as he'd do anything for her to stop her tears.
"I am such a weakling!" Lily cried out so suddenly that James jumped. She looked up and her red-eyes made James wince. He focussed his eyes on the wall behind her. It was too painful to see red rimming the green.
"You're not," James said, his voice scratchy. "And keep it down or we'll get kicked out."
"Let's go somewhere else," Lily said standing up. She seemed to have stop crying. James was glad.
"Right," James as he followed suit.
"Our common room?" Lily asked as she glanced at him.
"Yeah, sure," James said his head feeling dizzy. Was Lily Evans wagging class? But she had a reason. She was upset.
They walked in silence to their common room. The portrait lady seemed to want to say something but James silenced her with a look.
When they walked in Lily collapsed on the sofa. James's heart stopped. He had thought that she passed out but when he ran over, he realised she was shaking.
"How do you do it?" she asked in a wobbly voice, muffled by the sofa.
"Do what?" he asked sitting on the floor facing the face-down Lily.
"Be so happy when your family's at home!" Lily said slowly sitting up. Her eyes looked watery again and James swallowed. The portrait of un ugly, wrinkled man hanging on the wall suddenly seemed interesting.
"Well…I…uh, I remind myself that I'll still be going back," James said helplessly.
Lily nodded but there were tears streaking down her face again.
"My family hates me!" she said and buried her face in her hands.
"Hey!" James called taking the seat next to her. Uncertainly, he wrapped an arm around her shoulder. She stiffened but did not pull away. Instead, she lightly rested her head on his shoulder. "NO-ONE hates you."
"Tuney does," she sniffed.
"Who?" James asked in confusion. He was finding it hard to focus on her words when he was simply holding her. He wondered if she could hear his heart pounding miles per second.
"Petunia, my sister," Lily explained. "We were so close when we were young. Then when I came to Hogwarts, she hated me. She hardly talks to me."
"She's just jealous," James said but he could barely hear his voice. All he could hear was his heartbeats. Lily's sweet voice was just coming through. He could smell the exotic scent of Lily's hair. "And I'm sure she doesn't hate you."
"She ignores me unless it's some special day and she gives me presents out of polite courtesy," Lily sniffed once again.
"Have you tried talking to her?" James asked then repressed a sudden gasp when Lily moved her body to fully rest her head on his shoulder. Her right side was lightly touching his left side. From shoulder to toe, there was a part of Lily touching him.
"Yeah, always," Lily said with a sigh. "She would just ignore me or pretend she has to call Vernon, her boyfriend. I decided to stop trying as much this year."
"I've heard from Muggle-borns. Sometimes their relatives, normally siblings, are jealous of them. Siblings feel out-shadowed as parents favour the witch or wizard," James said.
"I can't control who I am!" Lily cried out. "I'm happy to be a witch but Petunia makes me feel guilty for being happy!"
James racked his head for something useful to say but it was so hard when he was holding Lily. It was one step closer to his dream. James's mouth went dry when Lily started crying again. He was sure his heart was getting sliced at.
Simply holding her was not enough.
He brought up his right arm and wrapped it around Lily and pulled her into a hug. A hug. Another huge step that James never thought he'd do. He gently pressed her head into his shoulder before starting to stroke her soft, auburn hair.
He could hardly breathe. But he could stay here forever.
And it might've been forever. James didn't even know how long he sat there hugging Lily Evans. He felt like he found home.
Reality hit back when Lily slowly pulled away. She had stopped crying but her eyes were still the slightest red.
"Thank-you," she said sincerely. James had no idea what she was thanking him for but he was too scared to speak. He didn't even know if he could speak.
"Should be go back?" she asked uncertainly. James shook his head fiercely unsure if he could speak.
"Stay here?" Lily asked looking confused.
James decided to have a crack with his voice. He was looking stupid anyway for not talking like usual.
"People will stare," he said, voice slightly hoarse. "Might think we're– "
"I know," Lily said grimly. "I don't think we'll be missing out on anything though. A revision class."
"Yeah," James said.
But he knew he probably wouldn't be able to conquer a Boggart. He had a feeling it would be Lily Evans telling him he was useless and then he'd have to point a wand at what looked like her. It was too much.
"I still feel bad not going back to class though," Lily said after a thought. "I have an idea."
"Yeah?" James prompted. He didn't want to leave Lily too soon.
"We can go back in at separate times. You can say you couldn't find me," Lily said. She then frowned. "How did you find me?"
"Map," James said. He was surprised he could even say one word.
"Oh, right," Lily said. "Do you want to go back first or do you want me to?"
"You choose."
"I'll go back first," she said after a thought. "You okay with that?"
"Yeah," James said.
Lily gave a radiant smile. Heck, it looked like she never cried in the first place.
"You really are brilliant, James," Lily said the smile still not disappearing.
The second time she said his name. It was better than the first.
"Not as brilliant as you, Lily," he said softly.
Lily's smile widened to James's surprise.
"You don't have to lie to me," she said, eyes shining with amusement rather than tears. "Thank-you again."
She gave a little laugh and left. Leaving James confused and smitten like always.
…………………………………………………
Lily didn't want to go back. She really, really didn't. She knew everyone would be looking at her and thinking she was completely stupid for not conquering her fear.
But the Boggart was speaking of her fears. Something that she had always suspected and it was even worse from Petunia, her sister. She loved Tuney but it just seemed she hated her.
Lily took a deep breath when she reached the door. It was time to gather herself together. She shouldn't appear weak.
She opened the door and self-consciously walked in. She was aware every pair of eyes was on her and she flushed red.
"Ah, Evans," Professor Klump said briskly. "We're just finishing off our spells. Has Potter found you?"
"Uh…no," Lily lied and blushed even redder when she remembered what happened when James found her.
She didn't even want to imagine what James saw when he found her. She must've looked a mess while James always looked perfect. And she felt like a blubbering idiot telling him her problems when he wouldn't even care.
And then he held her. And she let him. And she liked it. She felt protected and that maybe he cared for her.
And soon after he hugged her. The protectiveness and care increased. She had thought she had fallen asleep and dreamt it but he felt so solid. So real. She didn't want to leave but she had to.
"What are you all looking at? Do I get paid to have a bunch of students not follow my instructions?" barked Klump. "Get back to it!"
Students hastily turned back to their partners and started screaming spells at each other. Lily noticed there were no pairs in front of the wardrobe.
"Would you like another try?" Klump asked gently.
Lily tried not to shudder. Petunia yelling at her again…Would she be able to face it?
She thought about James. And his hug. That was real. The Boggart wasn't real.
"Yes," Lily whispered.
She braced herself as Klump slowly opened the wardrobe. Petunia seemed to float out with a sneer on her face.
"You think you're so special, don't you? Offered a place at Hogwarts? Why don't you just stay there? Who wants you back in the real world?"
Lily almost broke down again. Couldn't the Boggart be telling the truth?
No.
Lily thought about James and his hug. Stroking her hair. Tracing delicate patterns on her back.
"RIDDIKULUS!" Lily shouted and the Boggart Petunia was wearing Slughorn's large robe and silly hat. The look did not suit Petunia.
The class roared with laughter and the Boggart Petunia blushed. It rounded onto Klump and turned into a huge werewolf. Klump immediately repelled it and sent it back into the wardrobe.
Klump was beaming at Lily along with the whole class (minus Slytherins, but who cared about them?), who was also applauding. Lily felt bashful and slightly proud.
At that moment, James opened the door. He looked confused to stumble into a room of people applauding. Applauding for someone who wasn't him.
Lily had wanted to walk in first so she could look at James when he entered (it was normal for someone to look at who entered the room). If she had entered later and looked at James the whole class would know she singled him out of the whole room to look at. It wasn't her fault her eyes always trailed to him when he was in looking-range.
She also didn't like locking gazes with James when there was so much tension between them. She didn't know where they stood and it just magnified when he looked at her. Thoughts that she thought she controlled were thrown into chaos.
Too bad he was looking at her right now though. It could also be because she was the only student who was not applauding (minus Slytherins, but who looked at them?).
"Are they applauding you, Evans?" James asked, cocking his head to the side with a frown on his handsome face. "It's about time."
